sugarvalves [1963573] —
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This year Torn's annual Easter Egg Competition saw more players take part than ever before, with Adamantium coming joint first alongside -asc3nt- after acquiring an astonishing 21 eggs. However, with the winner decided by a game of rock paper scissors - something Adamantium lost after being bludgeoned with the rock, stabbed with the scissors and given a series of paper-cuts to the groin - he had to settle for an eggscruciating second-place billing on the leader-board.
Not that he's upset, and nor should he be. Adamantium was also joint 2nd highest eggsplorer in 2015's competition, and has gained a reputation as something of an anti-Christ Easter Bunny amongst the egg-hunting community. In the latest in our series of interviews with our community's finest citizens, the Torn City Times sat down with Adamantium to hear his thoughts on what exactly makes him such a jolly good egg.
TCT: "Hello Adamantium, which was your favourite easter egg?"
A: "Defo the White one in terms of finding them, I only found one this year just like last year, so being able to find it was great."
TCT: "What tactics did you employ in order to win the Easter Egg hunt?"
A: "Just do my normal activities, I like Torn, so my activity is considerably high, in my own opinion at least LOL, but I do get active on mobile a lot during the comp."
TCT: "Has winning the easter egg hunt brought you a sense of accomplishment followed by pure elation, or are you not really that bothered?"
A: "Maybe it was one of the ways to measure my activity in Torn, so being amongst those who found the most amount of eggs tells me that my activity in Torn is OK, and that's about it."
TCT: "At any point did you steal an easter egg, perhaps from a small boy whose parents weren't looking?"
A: "Oh noes. That sounds criminal, wait...Torn is a crime game, so it's fine."
TCT: "How hard was it to resist the temptation to eat all of your Easter eggs as soon as you found them, as this reporter did with the paltry single egg he came across?"
A: "The happiness normal eggs give doesn't justify eating them, unless we have a large amount of 'em, except for the golden egg, that will come handy at one point I suspect."
TCT: "Which came first, the easter bunny or the egg?"
A: "In Torn? The Egg of course, the bunny is a myth here."
TCT: "If you could say one thing to the runners up of the easter egg competition, what would it be?"
A: "Their activities are amongst the top ones in Torn, that is something to be proud of."
TCT: "Some have suspected you of taking banned substances in order to hone your egg-hunting abilities. What do you have to say about this?"
A: "I like LSDs, I will not lie about it and in fact I'm proud of it."
TCT: "Egg is a funny word isn't it. Please tell me an even funnier one."
A: "hamster?"
TCT: "What advice would you give to any youngsters listening who one day dream of becoming Easter Egg champion?"
A: "Be active. Take banned substances. And be observant about the small boys in the street."
TCT: "Did you literally put all of your eggs in one basket or did you carry them all separately?"
A: "Every time I found one, I'll carefully carry them to the safest spot in my bazaar."
TCT: "And finally, what is your favourite kind of egg?"
A: "Not broken ones."
As the interview concluded I noticed a single tear roll down the cheek of Adamantium, and for the next few days I pondered its meaning repeatedly. Was he harbouring an internal agony over failing to achieve victory outright? Was his comment about broken eggs a metaphor for a failed relationship? And why was Adamantium really collecting these eggs? What missing part of his soul is he trying to replace with these brightly coloured objects? Whatever it is, I truly hope he finds it one day.
(Editor's Note: It was later discovered that aside from the reasons speculated by this reporter, Adamantium just really likes eggs.)
Not that he's upset, and nor should he be. Adamantium was also joint 2nd highest eggsplorer in 2015's competition, and has gained a reputation as something of an anti-Christ Easter Bunny amongst the egg-hunting community. In the latest in our series of interviews with our community's finest citizens, the Torn City Times sat down with Adamantium to hear his thoughts on what exactly makes him such a jolly good egg.
TCT: "Hello Adamantium, which was your favourite easter egg?"
A: "Defo the White one in terms of finding them, I only found one this year just like last year, so being able to find it was great."
TCT: "What tactics did you employ in order to win the Easter Egg hunt?"
A: "Just do my normal activities, I like Torn, so my activity is considerably high, in my own opinion at least LOL, but I do get active on mobile a lot during the comp."
TCT: "Has winning the easter egg hunt brought you a sense of accomplishment followed by pure elation, or are you not really that bothered?"
A: "Maybe it was one of the ways to measure my activity in Torn, so being amongst those who found the most amount of eggs tells me that my activity in Torn is OK, and that's about it."
TCT: "At any point did you steal an easter egg, perhaps from a small boy whose parents weren't looking?"
A: "Oh noes. That sounds criminal, wait...Torn is a crime game, so it's fine."
TCT: "How hard was it to resist the temptation to eat all of your Easter eggs as soon as you found them, as this reporter did with the paltry single egg he came across?"
A: "The happiness normal eggs give doesn't justify eating them, unless we have a large amount of 'em, except for the golden egg, that will come handy at one point I suspect."
TCT: "Which came first, the easter bunny or the egg?"
A: "In Torn? The Egg of course, the bunny is a myth here."
TCT: "If you could say one thing to the runners up of the easter egg competition, what would it be?"
A: "Their activities are amongst the top ones in Torn, that is something to be proud of."
TCT: "Some have suspected you of taking banned substances in order to hone your egg-hunting abilities. What do you have to say about this?"
A: "I like LSDs, I will not lie about it and in fact I'm proud of it."
TCT: "Egg is a funny word isn't it. Please tell me an even funnier one."
A: "hamster?"
TCT: "What advice would you give to any youngsters listening who one day dream of becoming Easter Egg champion?"
A: "Be active. Take banned substances. And be observant about the small boys in the street."
TCT: "Did you literally put all of your eggs in one basket or did you carry them all separately?"
A: "Every time I found one, I'll carefully carry them to the safest spot in my bazaar."
TCT: "And finally, what is your favourite kind of egg?"
A: "Not broken ones."
As the interview concluded I noticed a single tear roll down the cheek of Adamantium, and for the next few days I pondered its meaning repeatedly. Was he harbouring an internal agony over failing to achieve victory outright? Was his comment about broken eggs a metaphor for a failed relationship? And why was Adamantium really collecting these eggs? What missing part of his soul is he trying to replace with these brightly coloured objects? Whatever it is, I truly hope he finds it one day.
(Editor's Note: It was later discovered that aside from the reasons speculated by this reporter, Adamantium just really likes eggs.)
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