sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
For a city to survive indefinitely it must possess one of two things, either the ability to recruit new citizens via migration, or a population capable of sustaining a consistently high birth-rate. However, with Torn's men about as virile as a vasectomised Panda, and our women proving more barren than the harshest stretch of the Sahara, it is clear that attracting new blood to the city is our only hope of survival.
With that in mind, this article's initial aim was to interview Torn's most promising new citizens, in a bid to share the secrets of their success, whilst also exposing some of the difficulties new players encounter. So, having been pointed in the direction of Torn's highest stat and level gainers over the past month, I approached those who had made the biggest impact.
Sadly, much to my disappointment, I found that many of the city's most industrious new recruits were actually former citizens attempting to begin a new life for themselves under a fresh, and occasionally secret personal identity. Alas, my investigation into the exploits of newcomers must wait for another day, because I had stumbled upon a far more intriguing and salacious topic of investigation - restarts.
The following interviews were conducted with two citizens I mistook for newbies, but who were actually taking a second, third, or sometimes fourth shot at Torn City life. Their stories contain tales of success, failure, revenge, and mischief, and if you are a player who has been repeatedly targeted by the infamous Dekloren, then I implore you to read on.
Laightning
When I interviewed Laightning he was an employee of Venasaur's Vine's but has since moved on to New Amsterdam Cafe. He is a member of the PT-Ironhearts Faction, having also recently transferred from Mjolnir, and has been married to the delightful Carol-Ann for just under two months. At the time of writing, Laightning's level 22 status may seem impressive for a player who's been here only 58 days, but the city's 5th highest newbie stat-gainer actually joined Torn City eight years ago.
"I made my first Torn account in like 2008, when I was 8 years old. I was fascinated by how this game has no single objective, that you can do anything. And to this day, the vast number of varied achievements alone is more than enough to keep me going."
"As an 8 year old kid I actually learned a s**t ton from Torn lol. The stock market, bank interest, how the estate agent works (not sure if thats how it works irl tho), and what a lot of drugs do. I admit the theme of Torn, like robbers, guns, gangsters, was a bit violent for my age (my parents was not ok with it) so I would like close the tab anytime they came nearby haha"
At first, Laightning seemed enamoured with his new surroundings, and who can blame him. Torn City is an exciting place; a place where most adults would gladly gorge themselves on drugs, drink and death, so lord knows how the 8-year-old Laightning survived. But tragically, unbeknownst to him, Laightning's honeymoon period was about to come to a devastating end.
"People are really nice once you get to know them! Some people can be d*cks for no reason. Some noob keeps mugging me every 12 hours. I cry lol."
"The weirdest thing so far was my other account years ago getting max bountied repeatedly over around a month, just for disliking a forum post. Also, losing 200m in a bookie bet that had a 97% chance of winning triggered me."
Despite his current woes, Laightning remains passionate about life in Torn City, and even offers some advice to those who are thinking of restarting themselves.
"I 200% recommend Hanks training guide and getting that Facebook Torn bonuses. That alone will get you on the level of an average person 6 months in, in just a few days. For new players in general, rent a mansion or higher in the beginning, avoid factions til level 5 ish, definitely read up on the forums for every info imaginable, flower run for a consistent profit."
Like an overly-stimulated park flasher, Laightning was happy to be exposed as a restarted player via this article, despite the fact he has several on-going conflicts with major players in Torn City. I wondered why this was, so, using the eternal power of inquisitive thought, I asked him.
"Well I have nothing better to do so I thought why not go public. I like attention. Also I just wanted to see if anyone else shares the same viewpoint as me, I'm sure a lot do. After googling "reprisals", I can't say I fear them really. I mean the worst someone could do to you in this game is 10x bounty you, and it's a pain in the ass but ultimately I believe bounties are endurable and the bountier loses money for almost nothing. Just my 2 cents."
Our second restarted citizen joined us first in July 2014, and shall be referred to as Pepe The King Prawn, in order to protect their identity. Pepe first joined us first under a female alias but has now been forced to restart several times under a male identity, due to the aggression she faced throughout her first months in the city.
"I got targeted like crazy before due to my wealth. So I sell DPs to the loan shark, spend the cash on training, then take the maximum loan from Duke and either spend it again on training, chuck it at the church, or store it in my faction bank. My $500M loan with Duke helps to keep my net worth down. Frankly, I think net worth should be hidden. It is super-important to appear less rich than you are, or people like Dekloren will get you."
"Most women just play as women. A lot of them quit, and we chalk it up to lack of interest. Some women get by. Men who do well treat women almost the same as men, but men who play poorly will target women, whom they see as a personal threat. The ones who are targeted are the high-achievers with a lot of money. It's important for new players not to appear too wealthy."
In the year 2016, a time of black presidents, wireless earphones and almost kinda not-really hover-boards, a female citizen of Torn City has been forced to mask her identity just to get by. Pepe The King Prawn assumed her fake gender over a year and a half ago, with only her close friends and faction leader knowing the true nature of her genitals. The most recent identity assumed by Pepe seems to be holding for now, but having restarted her life in Torn several times, Pepe The King Prawn has certainly learnt a thing or two about building yourself from the bottom up.
"I spent a lot of time Googling Torn help and learned a lot that way. Sad to say, the secret to rapid gains is to either have friends already established who provide training materials or to donate cash to the game. The average solo player doesn't stand a chance. Hank's guide for new players is still the best guide to use. However, following the guide requires a lot of money or items given to you by friends."
"One 'educational' experience has been seeing new player chat as a restart. The mistakes they make are incredible, and they have no idea how badly they'll be treated for begging and trolling once they leave NPC. The weirdest thing was running into a player who was addicted to new player chat (NPC). He would play for 30 days, get deactivated, wait 90 days and then restart just so he could "live" in NPC. That is weird."
This advice seems all well and good for the male citizenry, but what of those who have the unfortunate luck to have been born minus a penile appendage? Despite her outstanding stats, Pepe The King Prawn was initially rejected by several factions when she applied as a woman; their refusal to admit lady members apparently based on the belief that they dont work hard, dont fight and dont donate supplies. Having been beaten up on several occasions by Torn's fearsome women, I can attest personally to the false nature of this statement. Nevertheless, equality legislation and anti-sexism laws do not exist in Torn, but if they did, it seems most of the city would easily fall foul within minutes.
"Previously, I played as a woman. I am a woman. This time, I put on my best 'bloke' behaviour and played male. The difference is unbelievable! I'm accepted, have no real enemies. I say the same things I used to say as a woman, but now what I have to say is accepted. As a woman, I got flamed a lot. No one pulls that shit with a 'strong' manly player."
"I made some good friends. I made some minor enemies that were dealt with. And then there was Dekloren. He targeted my spouse and faction to get at me, then bountied me for months too. I noticed he targets people who appear too wealthy for their age. He tries to extort money from them. I've heard he keeps it up for months until he feels you've been properly 'punished' -- or until you pay his extortion."
Dekloren is but one of several Torn City inhabitants who seem to have taken it upon themselves to "school the newbies", and you'll find the names of the others quite easily. A cursory glance at the bounties list results in multiple hits for this so-called hard-man and his ilk, and this trend prompted me to consider a most serious question.
Are people like Dekloren the biggest problem in Torn?
Newcomers, women, this fair reporter - he and his fellow bounty-whores target them all with blithe abandon. What possible chance do new players have of learning the ropes, if the most successful of them are stopped dead in their tracks by a slew of paid-for hits? In a city where people are forced into hiding under assumed identities, why does nobody retaliate in their defence? Why don't these cowards fight themselves?
Dekloren has so far refused an interview request from the Torn City Times, no doubt fearing a verbal pummelling from this well-regarded reporter and his mighty thought-glands. So will these bullies ever answer for their crimes? Or are people like Dekloren content to hide like weasels in the shadows? On several occasions, I have received some intriguing knowledge regarding Dekloren's background, and his motivations for these repeated assaults on Torn newcomers. I wonder what his response would be if I should delve into my inbox and air them publically?
I hereby call out this infamous wretch once more, and I hope my request will be echoed by those who also wish to hear what Torn's most aggressive newbie basher has to say. If you want to know why Dekloren prevents city growth by attacking newcomers, make yourself known. Are you curious as to why Dekloren hates women so much, then make yourself known. Do you want to see an end to the inaction of Torn's most famous and powerful when it comes to dealing with this callous oaf, then make yourself known!
If Dekloren is willing, I will probe him deeply, minus the use of any soothing lubricants. And in return, this reporter shall also reveal his secret identity.
For I, Sugarvalves, am also a restart.
Let the games begin.
With that in mind, this article's initial aim was to interview Torn's most promising new citizens, in a bid to share the secrets of their success, whilst also exposing some of the difficulties new players encounter. So, having been pointed in the direction of Torn's highest stat and level gainers over the past month, I approached those who had made the biggest impact.
Sadly, much to my disappointment, I found that many of the city's most industrious new recruits were actually former citizens attempting to begin a new life for themselves under a fresh, and occasionally secret personal identity. Alas, my investigation into the exploits of newcomers must wait for another day, because I had stumbled upon a far more intriguing and salacious topic of investigation - restarts.
The following interviews were conducted with two citizens I mistook for newbies, but who were actually taking a second, third, or sometimes fourth shot at Torn City life. Their stories contain tales of success, failure, revenge, and mischief, and if you are a player who has been repeatedly targeted by the infamous Dekloren, then I implore you to read on.
Laightning
When I interviewed Laightning he was an employee of Venasaur's Vine's but has since moved on to New Amsterdam Cafe. He is a member of the PT-Ironhearts Faction, having also recently transferred from Mjolnir, and has been married to the delightful Carol-Ann for just under two months. At the time of writing, Laightning's level 22 status may seem impressive for a player who's been here only 58 days, but the city's 5th highest newbie stat-gainer actually joined Torn City eight years ago.
"I made my first Torn account in like 2008, when I was 8 years old. I was fascinated by how this game has no single objective, that you can do anything. And to this day, the vast number of varied achievements alone is more than enough to keep me going."
"As an 8 year old kid I actually learned a s**t ton from Torn lol. The stock market, bank interest, how the estate agent works (not sure if thats how it works irl tho), and what a lot of drugs do. I admit the theme of Torn, like robbers, guns, gangsters, was a bit violent for my age (my parents was not ok with it) so I would like close the tab anytime they came nearby haha"
At first, Laightning seemed enamoured with his new surroundings, and who can blame him. Torn City is an exciting place; a place where most adults would gladly gorge themselves on drugs, drink and death, so lord knows how the 8-year-old Laightning survived. But tragically, unbeknownst to him, Laightning's honeymoon period was about to come to a devastating end.
"People are really nice once you get to know them! Some people can be d*cks for no reason. Some noob keeps mugging me every 12 hours. I cry lol."
"The weirdest thing so far was my other account years ago getting max bountied repeatedly over around a month, just for disliking a forum post. Also, losing 200m in a bookie bet that had a 97% chance of winning triggered me."
Despite his current woes, Laightning remains passionate about life in Torn City, and even offers some advice to those who are thinking of restarting themselves.
"I 200% recommend Hanks training guide and getting that Facebook Torn bonuses. That alone will get you on the level of an average person 6 months in, in just a few days. For new players in general, rent a mansion or higher in the beginning, avoid factions til level 5 ish, definitely read up on the forums for every info imaginable, flower run for a consistent profit."
Like an overly-stimulated park flasher, Laightning was happy to be exposed as a restarted player via this article, despite the fact he has several on-going conflicts with major players in Torn City. I wondered why this was, so, using the eternal power of inquisitive thought, I asked him.
"Well I have nothing better to do so I thought why not go public. I like attention. Also I just wanted to see if anyone else shares the same viewpoint as me, I'm sure a lot do. After googling "reprisals", I can't say I fear them really. I mean the worst someone could do to you in this game is 10x bounty you, and it's a pain in the ass but ultimately I believe bounties are endurable and the bountier loses money for almost nothing. Just my 2 cents."
Our second restarted citizen joined us first in July 2014, and shall be referred to as Pepe The King Prawn, in order to protect their identity. Pepe first joined us first under a female alias but has now been forced to restart several times under a male identity, due to the aggression she faced throughout her first months in the city.
"I got targeted like crazy before due to my wealth. So I sell DPs to the loan shark, spend the cash on training, then take the maximum loan from Duke and either spend it again on training, chuck it at the church, or store it in my faction bank. My $500M loan with Duke helps to keep my net worth down. Frankly, I think net worth should be hidden. It is super-important to appear less rich than you are, or people like Dekloren will get you."
"Most women just play as women. A lot of them quit, and we chalk it up to lack of interest. Some women get by. Men who do well treat women almost the same as men, but men who play poorly will target women, whom they see as a personal threat. The ones who are targeted are the high-achievers with a lot of money. It's important for new players not to appear too wealthy."
In the year 2016, a time of black presidents, wireless earphones and almost kinda not-really hover-boards, a female citizen of Torn City has been forced to mask her identity just to get by. Pepe The King Prawn assumed her fake gender over a year and a half ago, with only her close friends and faction leader knowing the true nature of her genitals. The most recent identity assumed by Pepe seems to be holding for now, but having restarted her life in Torn several times, Pepe The King Prawn has certainly learnt a thing or two about building yourself from the bottom up.
"I spent a lot of time Googling Torn help and learned a lot that way. Sad to say, the secret to rapid gains is to either have friends already established who provide training materials or to donate cash to the game. The average solo player doesn't stand a chance. Hank's guide for new players is still the best guide to use. However, following the guide requires a lot of money or items given to you by friends."
"One 'educational' experience has been seeing new player chat as a restart. The mistakes they make are incredible, and they have no idea how badly they'll be treated for begging and trolling once they leave NPC. The weirdest thing was running into a player who was addicted to new player chat (NPC). He would play for 30 days, get deactivated, wait 90 days and then restart just so he could "live" in NPC. That is weird."
This advice seems all well and good for the male citizenry, but what of those who have the unfortunate luck to have been born minus a penile appendage? Despite her outstanding stats, Pepe The King Prawn was initially rejected by several factions when she applied as a woman; their refusal to admit lady members apparently based on the belief that they dont work hard, dont fight and dont donate supplies. Having been beaten up on several occasions by Torn's fearsome women, I can attest personally to the false nature of this statement. Nevertheless, equality legislation and anti-sexism laws do not exist in Torn, but if they did, it seems most of the city would easily fall foul within minutes.
"Previously, I played as a woman. I am a woman. This time, I put on my best 'bloke' behaviour and played male. The difference is unbelievable! I'm accepted, have no real enemies. I say the same things I used to say as a woman, but now what I have to say is accepted. As a woman, I got flamed a lot. No one pulls that shit with a 'strong' manly player."
"I made some good friends. I made some minor enemies that were dealt with. And then there was Dekloren. He targeted my spouse and faction to get at me, then bountied me for months too. I noticed he targets people who appear too wealthy for their age. He tries to extort money from them. I've heard he keeps it up for months until he feels you've been properly 'punished' -- or until you pay his extortion."
Dekloren is but one of several Torn City inhabitants who seem to have taken it upon themselves to "school the newbies", and you'll find the names of the others quite easily. A cursory glance at the bounties list results in multiple hits for this so-called hard-man and his ilk, and this trend prompted me to consider a most serious question.
Are people like Dekloren the biggest problem in Torn?
Newcomers, women, this fair reporter - he and his fellow bounty-whores target them all with blithe abandon. What possible chance do new players have of learning the ropes, if the most successful of them are stopped dead in their tracks by a slew of paid-for hits? In a city where people are forced into hiding under assumed identities, why does nobody retaliate in their defence? Why don't these cowards fight themselves?
Dekloren has so far refused an interview request from the Torn City Times, no doubt fearing a verbal pummelling from this well-regarded reporter and his mighty thought-glands. So will these bullies ever answer for their crimes? Or are people like Dekloren content to hide like weasels in the shadows? On several occasions, I have received some intriguing knowledge regarding Dekloren's background, and his motivations for these repeated assaults on Torn newcomers. I wonder what his response would be if I should delve into my inbox and air them publically?
I hereby call out this infamous wretch once more, and I hope my request will be echoed by those who also wish to hear what Torn's most aggressive newbie basher has to say. If you want to know why Dekloren prevents city growth by attacking newcomers, make yourself known. Are you curious as to why Dekloren hates women so much, then make yourself known. Do you want to see an end to the inaction of Torn's most famous and powerful when it comes to dealing with this callous oaf, then make yourself known!
If Dekloren is willing, I will probe him deeply, minus the use of any soothing lubricants. And in return, this reporter shall also reveal his secret identity.
For I, Sugarvalves, am also a restart.
Let the games begin.
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