sugarvalves [1963573] —
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Torn's eldest citizens know all too well that the detonation of Dirty Bombs is a frequent occurrence, with close to forty dropped since the very first radioactive attack carried out by JamilB in 2008. But, with two such explosions coming in the space of four days, Torn's citizens must be wondering if they are about to see a return to a time where hazmat suits and six-armed mutants became the norm.
Before last week Torn hadn't seen a dirty bomb since the 13th of May 2016, yet with two now coming in quick succession, many are worried that we may be in the midst of another Mischi3vo-style terror campaign. Mischi3vo famously struck the city three times over two days in 2012, followed by a further four assaults between 28th and 29th November 2014, and it was incidents like this which prompted many to invest in Neumune and Rosary Beads.
Rumours abound as to who organised the October 1st detonation, with _Cynic_ looking the most likely culprit; and another strike seemingly imminent based on his forum comments. But as for the perpetrator of the blast on September 28th, there is no doubt regarding who was responsible, nor why they did it.
Big__Al, the sole member of hideyhoo, struck the faction of Gareth-Bale, of which he was also the only member, following a dispute between the two of them over poker tactics and insults. Big__Al immediately claimed responsibility for the act, and once the radioactive dust had settled there was speculation that Gareth-Bale had incurred losses of up to 150 billion stored in his now obliterated faction.
"The reason I started the thread is because I had nothing to hide, I wanted people to know it was me who dropped the bomb. I hoped it would be popular with the Torn citizens, and also I knew any speculation about who dropped it wouldn't include me, so selfishness I wanted my 15 mins of fame."
Over the next two hours thousands of citizens became hospitalised due to radiation sickness or being trampled as they tried to flee, and an official state of emergency was declared across Torn City. The stock markets tanked, flights were cancelled, and many first aid kits were sent sarcastically to Gareth-Bale, so what was Big__Al's motivation for such wanton destruction?
"Gareth has been a person I would like to inflict pain on for a long time. This all comes down to poker and his attitude towards players. For too long Gareth used to manage to beat me at poker and he would win with the worst hand. This came to a head around 2 months ago where I lost around 18b to him in a very short period of time."
"At this point his loud mouth and insults kicked in. Then he would always challenge me to game software poker that high he knew I couldn't afford to play. He was laughing at me. Until that is I accepted a challenge of his and I beat him for a good few b (billion). Over the course of the last 6 weeks I won around 35b from him, but he was still laughing at me saying how rich he was and challenging me to 100b games of RR. Now I've won a lot from poker lately and decided enough was enough."
In the immediate aftermath of the attack Gareth-Bale was unavailable for comment, but eventually, I managed to make contact with the Dirty Bomb's victim, and I found him in a state of disbelief. His overwhelming emotion was one of confusion, as he knew not why he'd been targeted; initially believing it was down to the large amount of cash he held.
"I don't know whywhen I go to sleep after get attack, so shit for me. I think coz I have too much cash. Damn all my money in faction bro. I just have some points n stocks. Anonymous send me some msgsorry you quit the game pal. Can I have you stuff? Seems like you messed with the wrong guy, better luck on your flamming (sic) targets next time buddy."
I informed Gareth-Bale of the reasons Big_Al offered, and he quickly realised that his poker tactics, albeit successful, had greatly annoyed Big_Al over time, with his folding in the face of raised stakes apparently a sign of homoerotic tendencies.
Plenty of disputes like this occur on a daily basis, yet rarely do minor card games turn into a full-blown nuclear assault. So how exactly did Big__Al go about getting his hands on a Dirty Bomb, when his one-man faction was nowhere near advanced enough to acquire one?
"I made enquiries and purchased a db, a goal of mine I've always wanted, by purchasing it with cold hard cash. Amount undisclosed but it was not cheap, all bought with my own personal money and seller wishes to remain anonymous. Now there was not two doubts in my mind who the target would be ...Gareth! I knew from his loud mouth he kept vast amounts of money in his faction and this also showed when he could insta rebuy at poker for 9b."
Having acquired the bomb next came the hard part. If Big__Al mistimed his attack on Gareth-Bale he'd have wasted an incredibly valuable asset, with the risk his assault would be remembered as one of the most inept uses of a Dirty Bomb in Torn's history. However, if he succeeded, it would surely go down as the single most hilarious act of revenge the city had ever seen.
"With the help of a friend we tracked Gareth's movements over a few days. Found out his location in the world and worked out when he logged in and out of Torn. Insight for the plan was basically to track his activated over a number of days to see when he sleeps then drop it simple as that. The plan couldn't of went better."
Big__Al's dastardly scheme was executed to perfection, and Gareth-Bale admitted to me the attack came as a complete shock.
"I did not expect anyone do that".
Gareth-Bale had made the mistake of storing every last cent of his personal fortune inside his faction account, and the even bigger mistake of boasting about it, with the sum comprising nearly six years of accumulated poker winnings. So exactly how much was in there? Big__Al had his own thoughts.
"He lost billions but I don't know the exact amount best estimate is 100 -150b. He has previously offered me games of RR for 50b and 100b and he was serious with them so that money definitely stored somewhere."
I can now exclusively reveal that thanks to Big__Al, Gareth-Bale lost a total of 56 billion dollars in cash assets. He now plans to leave the city, seeing no reason to stay without money to play his beloved poker.
However, despite the attack, Gareth-Bale retains a net worth of 46 billion dollars at the time of writing, which he claims is mostly tied up in stocks and points. But with few liquid assets to speak of, Gareth-Bale says revenge is simply not an option for him at the moment, and his departure from Torn seems inevitable. And far from being regretful, Big__Al says he'd gladly repeat the assault given the chance.
"Would I spend another 26b and do it all again? Of course I would that's why I play torn for the fun it brings. Too many people fascinate over the pixels they have and won't spend them. I enjoyed the 3 hours in total it took. The plan worked. It was money well spent. To you Gareth I say...haha."
"I expect some retaliation but not concerned about losing my faction took measures in case that happens. Let him give me his best shot won't be as good as mine against him."
So how would Gareth-Bale respond? Well, at first, he was hardly magnanimous in defeat, as this transcript provided by Big__Al shows.
Gareth-Bale:is u child dead ? Lol lol lol
Big__Al:wow enjoy the 150b loss
Gareth-Bale:np just game
Gareth-Bale:not real life
Big__Al:exactly thats what people dont understand its just a game and why not play it the way its ment to be played
Big__Al:so 10b poker ? 75m pre?
Shocking stuff indeed. It is interesting that, despite being the kind of man who thought nothing of wreaking radioactive havoc upon men, women and children, Big__Al clearly draws the line at bringing family into the equation.
"That was sick. He knows I had a new baby daughter 16 days ago and he was inferring she had died. Shows u the kind of person he is and makes me even more happy I made him lose all that cash. However I don't take offence he's obviously not in his right mind after losing all that money."
The two men exchanged brief comments over the next day or so, with Big__Al even offering Gareth-Bale a 10 billion poker game, a game which he knew his vanquished opponent couldnt afford, adding one final insult to the most horrific of injuries. I asked Gareth-Bale if he'd consider engaging in another game of poker with his nemesis to try to win his money back, but the now visibly luminescent Gareth was despondent, seeing no prospect of success through such endeavours.
"After destroyed my faction? No. Cos this game no money n nothing can be done."
When pressed on his comments regarding Big__Al's baby, Gareth-Bale responded defensively, insisting he was humiliated first and referred to being sent a single apology dollar as yet another humiliating act. But eventually, he conceded the remarks about Big__Al's child may have been a little off colour. Gareth-Bale was in no condition to play cards, and such was his state of delusion, that he even believed this reporter to be one of his siblings, referring to me as "bro" on multiple occasions.
So with that, the story of these two warring poker pals seemingly ends. Big__Al has his victory and will go down in Torn history for possibly the most ridiculous use of a dirty bomb ever. His faction has been strengthened with the addition of seven new members, and retaliation seems unlikely, as Gareth-Bale walks off into the sunset, glowing like a Fukushima night light.
Torn's small humanitarian element may ask what we can do to help Gareth-Bale. Should we set up a pauper's fund for this poor wretch, or did he get what he deserved? Was the city adequately prepared for a radioactive assault, or could it have done more? And how many other dirty bombs are out there, and who will the next one strike?
As I have not heard from Gareth-Bale since our interview concluded, the final words on this conflict must be left to Big__Al who, in summing up the spirit of this conflict, echoed the immortal words of sports-man, philosopher and alcopop enthusiast Jamie Richard Vardy.
"chat s**t, get banged."
Before last week Torn hadn't seen a dirty bomb since the 13th of May 2016, yet with two now coming in quick succession, many are worried that we may be in the midst of another Mischi3vo-style terror campaign. Mischi3vo famously struck the city three times over two days in 2012, followed by a further four assaults between 28th and 29th November 2014, and it was incidents like this which prompted many to invest in Neumune and Rosary Beads.
Rumours abound as to who organised the October 1st detonation, with _Cynic_ looking the most likely culprit; and another strike seemingly imminent based on his forum comments. But as for the perpetrator of the blast on September 28th, there is no doubt regarding who was responsible, nor why they did it.
Big__Al, the sole member of hideyhoo, struck the faction of Gareth-Bale, of which he was also the only member, following a dispute between the two of them over poker tactics and insults. Big__Al immediately claimed responsibility for the act, and once the radioactive dust had settled there was speculation that Gareth-Bale had incurred losses of up to 150 billion stored in his now obliterated faction.
"The reason I started the thread is because I had nothing to hide, I wanted people to know it was me who dropped the bomb. I hoped it would be popular with the Torn citizens, and also I knew any speculation about who dropped it wouldn't include me, so selfishness I wanted my 15 mins of fame."
Over the next two hours thousands of citizens became hospitalised due to radiation sickness or being trampled as they tried to flee, and an official state of emergency was declared across Torn City. The stock markets tanked, flights were cancelled, and many first aid kits were sent sarcastically to Gareth-Bale, so what was Big__Al's motivation for such wanton destruction?
"Gareth has been a person I would like to inflict pain on for a long time. This all comes down to poker and his attitude towards players. For too long Gareth used to manage to beat me at poker and he would win with the worst hand. This came to a head around 2 months ago where I lost around 18b to him in a very short period of time."
"At this point his loud mouth and insults kicked in. Then he would always challenge me to game software poker that high he knew I couldn't afford to play. He was laughing at me. Until that is I accepted a challenge of his and I beat him for a good few b (billion). Over the course of the last 6 weeks I won around 35b from him, but he was still laughing at me saying how rich he was and challenging me to 100b games of RR. Now I've won a lot from poker lately and decided enough was enough."
In the immediate aftermath of the attack Gareth-Bale was unavailable for comment, but eventually, I managed to make contact with the Dirty Bomb's victim, and I found him in a state of disbelief. His overwhelming emotion was one of confusion, as he knew not why he'd been targeted; initially believing it was down to the large amount of cash he held.
"I don't know whywhen I go to sleep after get attack, so shit for me. I think coz I have too much cash. Damn all my money in faction bro. I just have some points n stocks. Anonymous send me some msgsorry you quit the game pal. Can I have you stuff? Seems like you messed with the wrong guy, better luck on your flamming (sic) targets next time buddy."
I informed Gareth-Bale of the reasons Big_Al offered, and he quickly realised that his poker tactics, albeit successful, had greatly annoyed Big_Al over time, with his folding in the face of raised stakes apparently a sign of homoerotic tendencies.
Plenty of disputes like this occur on a daily basis, yet rarely do minor card games turn into a full-blown nuclear assault. So how exactly did Big__Al go about getting his hands on a Dirty Bomb, when his one-man faction was nowhere near advanced enough to acquire one?
"I made enquiries and purchased a db, a goal of mine I've always wanted, by purchasing it with cold hard cash. Amount undisclosed but it was not cheap, all bought with my own personal money and seller wishes to remain anonymous. Now there was not two doubts in my mind who the target would be ...Gareth! I knew from his loud mouth he kept vast amounts of money in his faction and this also showed when he could insta rebuy at poker for 9b."
Having acquired the bomb next came the hard part. If Big__Al mistimed his attack on Gareth-Bale he'd have wasted an incredibly valuable asset, with the risk his assault would be remembered as one of the most inept uses of a Dirty Bomb in Torn's history. However, if he succeeded, it would surely go down as the single most hilarious act of revenge the city had ever seen.
"With the help of a friend we tracked Gareth's movements over a few days. Found out his location in the world and worked out when he logged in and out of Torn. Insight for the plan was basically to track his activated over a number of days to see when he sleeps then drop it simple as that. The plan couldn't of went better."
Big__Al's dastardly scheme was executed to perfection, and Gareth-Bale admitted to me the attack came as a complete shock.
"I did not expect anyone do that".
Gareth-Bale had made the mistake of storing every last cent of his personal fortune inside his faction account, and the even bigger mistake of boasting about it, with the sum comprising nearly six years of accumulated poker winnings. So exactly how much was in there? Big__Al had his own thoughts.
"He lost billions but I don't know the exact amount best estimate is 100 -150b. He has previously offered me games of RR for 50b and 100b and he was serious with them so that money definitely stored somewhere."
I can now exclusively reveal that thanks to Big__Al, Gareth-Bale lost a total of 56 billion dollars in cash assets. He now plans to leave the city, seeing no reason to stay without money to play his beloved poker.
However, despite the attack, Gareth-Bale retains a net worth of 46 billion dollars at the time of writing, which he claims is mostly tied up in stocks and points. But with few liquid assets to speak of, Gareth-Bale says revenge is simply not an option for him at the moment, and his departure from Torn seems inevitable. And far from being regretful, Big__Al says he'd gladly repeat the assault given the chance.
"Would I spend another 26b and do it all again? Of course I would that's why I play torn for the fun it brings. Too many people fascinate over the pixels they have and won't spend them. I enjoyed the 3 hours in total it took. The plan worked. It was money well spent. To you Gareth I say...haha."
"I expect some retaliation but not concerned about losing my faction took measures in case that happens. Let him give me his best shot won't be as good as mine against him."
So how would Gareth-Bale respond? Well, at first, he was hardly magnanimous in defeat, as this transcript provided by Big__Al shows.
Gareth-Bale:is u child dead ? Lol lol lol
Big__Al:wow enjoy the 150b loss
Gareth-Bale:np just game
Gareth-Bale:not real life
Big__Al:exactly thats what people dont understand its just a game and why not play it the way its ment to be played
Big__Al:so 10b poker ? 75m pre?
Shocking stuff indeed. It is interesting that, despite being the kind of man who thought nothing of wreaking radioactive havoc upon men, women and children, Big__Al clearly draws the line at bringing family into the equation.
"That was sick. He knows I had a new baby daughter 16 days ago and he was inferring she had died. Shows u the kind of person he is and makes me even more happy I made him lose all that cash. However I don't take offence he's obviously not in his right mind after losing all that money."
The two men exchanged brief comments over the next day or so, with Big__Al even offering Gareth-Bale a 10 billion poker game, a game which he knew his vanquished opponent couldnt afford, adding one final insult to the most horrific of injuries. I asked Gareth-Bale if he'd consider engaging in another game of poker with his nemesis to try to win his money back, but the now visibly luminescent Gareth was despondent, seeing no prospect of success through such endeavours.
"After destroyed my faction? No. Cos this game no money n nothing can be done."
When pressed on his comments regarding Big__Al's baby, Gareth-Bale responded defensively, insisting he was humiliated first and referred to being sent a single apology dollar as yet another humiliating act. But eventually, he conceded the remarks about Big__Al's child may have been a little off colour. Gareth-Bale was in no condition to play cards, and such was his state of delusion, that he even believed this reporter to be one of his siblings, referring to me as "bro" on multiple occasions.
So with that, the story of these two warring poker pals seemingly ends. Big__Al has his victory and will go down in Torn history for possibly the most ridiculous use of a dirty bomb ever. His faction has been strengthened with the addition of seven new members, and retaliation seems unlikely, as Gareth-Bale walks off into the sunset, glowing like a Fukushima night light.
Torn's small humanitarian element may ask what we can do to help Gareth-Bale. Should we set up a pauper's fund for this poor wretch, or did he get what he deserved? Was the city adequately prepared for a radioactive assault, or could it have done more? And how many other dirty bombs are out there, and who will the next one strike?
As I have not heard from Gareth-Bale since our interview concluded, the final words on this conflict must be left to Big__Al who, in summing up the spirit of this conflict, echoed the immortal words of sports-man, philosopher and alcopop enthusiast Jamie Richard Vardy.
"chat s**t, get banged."
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