sugarvalves [1963573] —
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More half a trillion Torn City Dollars in funds was seized last week from a total of twenty individuals caught up in the WSSB stock scandal, according to a bulletin board post from Torn's Governor, Committee Leader and benevolent dictator Lord Chedburn.
The exact total of the monies confiscated currently stands at $573,348,570,794 TCD, and while many will undoubtedly be looking to the Torn City Times to pass comment on the perceived guilt or innocence of the parties involved, the fact is we simply cannot be bothered.
The Torn City Times is well aware of the issues which surround the WSSB case, with some believing Chedburn's actions to have overstepped the boundaries of reason, and others feeling justice has been done. But this you already know.
Chedburn himself has admitted that some innocent people may have been caught up in this sting, but he has made it abundantly clear that these individuals comprise an acceptable level of casualties. This is also something you already know.
Frankly, the staff of the TCT has neither the time nor inclination to trawl through your 50+ page forum musings once more in order to find this issue's "hot take". Every angle has been explored, the decisions have been made, and to ponder the possibility of anyone's innocence would only further muddy the waters when it comes to the inevitable appeals which lie ahead.
It is the position of this paper that Chedburn's actions are no more or less unfair than those of Bodybagger, Collete, Z_Junior, Dekloren, Sharkeyfive et al, when they choose to mug, persuade or otherwise strong arm their fellow players using their acquired abilities. An influential person has chosen to wield their power, and whatever you think of Chedburn's decision, it cannot be argued that he has not earned the right to make that choice.
However, what we would like to comment on are those who no longer have such power. Those at the bottom of the pile who have nothing, not even the shirts on their filthy, gash-riddled backs. Their numbers have swollen recently thanks to the punitive damages awarded to the city in light of the Real Money Trading and WSSB scandals, but you may not be aware of the plight they face.
I am of course talking about the poor.
These are our city's most indebted citizens. Take a look at their names, remember their faces, for they may not be around much longer.
Many of these people have only recently joined the ranks of the financially damned, with some names conspicuously absent from the bottom of this list despite the equally heinous nature of their crimes.
Even in the face of a large fine, the likes of Bodybagger, Nash and Bravekath clearly have nothing to worry about when it comes to cashflow. Their recent billion-dollar penalties are less a drop in the ocean, and more an amoeba's ejaculate spurted into all the water the known universe is capable of holding.
In fact, thanks to his Oil Rig profits and accumulated wealth, Bodybagger still retains a net worth of nearly $300 billion - comfortably enough to sit inside the top 20 - with Duke's back pocket always open for business should he need a little walking around money.
Image provided without permission from Mat-Senpai
He and the rest of the gilded elite should be fine; for, considering their wealth, these financial retractions barely register. But what of those who cannot afford to bear such brutal financial penalties? What lies ahead for poor bastards like Hank, Brenno and the now unfortunately named im2slick4u?
Hank - the illustrator of the Torn City Power Levelling Guide - currently finds himself bottom of Torn's net worth rankings, with his wealth (or incredible lack of) standing at negative $110,350,766,629. This is obviously a tragic turn of events for a man who has given so much help to Torn's newcomers, so it seems only fair that the city now in turn helps him.
With that in mind, over the past week the TCT has sought quotes from some of Torn's poorest citizens to compile this; The TC Times Guide to Going Broke.
Tip #1 - Look on the bright side
-TheDarkKnight- has incurred several billion dollars' worth of debt due to a combination of Real Money Trading and a weakness blackjack. However, far from proving a hindrance, -TheDarkKnight-'s debt has actually cured him of his addiction, as well as helping him avoid the attentions of Duke and reduce his dependence on drugs.
"I have erased 2 bill as thats what i had when they gave me negitive 9.3 bill as i lost 7 bill in blackjack . about 1 month and iam thinking 3-5 years maybe to pay it back. i was cought for rmt. yeah it works very well would been better if they just removed all items and you could build up networth again but they left the 2 bill worth of stuff and added 9.3 bill total debt. they treat me great i help them when i can. i never ask for help as i figure ill get it paid in time. yeah being a addicted gambler this does work alot better iam no longer buying as meny real life scartch tickets i haveint bought even one since negitive money i think duke the loan shark where my addection started worse. the mugging is very postive not really meny good things as rehab is importan and being in debt you cant rehab and cant take drugs at all just train and chain with refills."
Tip #2 - Learning is earning
Another positive benefit of being billions of dollars in debt - as Hank and Brenno now find themselves in - is that it gives you much more opportunity to grow yourself both intellectually and criminally. If Hank can find time to step away from the forum for a moment, perhaps this is a path he and his fellow paupers may consider, as it seems to have worked well for -TheDarkKnight-.
"Well being in negative cash you can still train and do crimes with the stock that gives free edu courses...you can still do education courses"
Tip #3 - Barter your way back
-TheDarkKnight- knows that however much you learn and however crimes you commit, you'll never have any actual cash to put Xanax on the table. So if you really do need a hit of the Zees to keep you going through the day, why not try bartering with your fellow Torn players for the items you can't live without but you just can't afford.
"I bought stocks so i get items every now and then that i have to barter to get the supply i need sometimes have to buy donator packs to trade for supplys and with my subscription i always have donator stats also your mug free. heres what it prevents you from you lose out on flower running and rehab and investments and gambling but being a addicted gambler which the loan shark fueled it worse. i see my self still playing and trying to climb out of debt slowly and keep donating to torn as its a wonderful game. when your high in debt you'll never escape it fast as they add the negative you gambled away and all items you lost from when you was caught i ended up with 2-3 bill worth of stuff but with 9 bill debt it only brings it to 7 bill."
Tip #4 - Enjoy your freedom
As you can see from -TheDarkKnight-'s quote above, muggings are no longer a problem when you're completely and utterly broke, as Hank and Brenno now find themselves after incurring several billion dollars of debt. This not only means you'll feel safe walking the streets at night, but you'll also never have to buy a new wallet ever again. Which is good, as you can't afford one anyway.
Pictured: an artist's impression of Hank's wallet...if he could afford one
Tip #5 - Grow a pair
While the unfortunate Hank (-$110,350,766,629) and the tragic Brenno (-$20,419,389,074) wallow in self-pity via the forums, some players have taken this situation on the chin like men. Not only does the admirable im2slick4u see this debt as fair and just, it seems he is actually relishing the challenge of trying to overcome it.
"I'm dealing with it just fine. As any smart player should do, I stocked up on any meaningful items of the game that I will need to help my character progress as I work off the debt. Myself and chedburn had a conversation with each other and he explained his actions and I explained my side of things as well. People will accuse me of wrong doing all they like but they don't know my conversation with chedburn to clear my name. I don't really care how people view me through out the game as that doesn't effect my game play at this point. It won't be over turned and the reasoning was explained why and I agreed to that as it wouldn't be fair and cause an uproar. I've stayed quiet for the most part and would never ask for anyones help. Wouldn't be a fun game if it wasn't a challenge and I will conquer this challenge just like any other challenge this game has given me. I've never done any wrong in this game in the past and I won't be doing so now."
Tip #6 - Leave
If the challenge of hauling yourselves up by the bootstraps seems like too much hard work, then you could take the easy way out by throwing yourself onto the tracks of Torn City's rail network. But since trains haven't run in Torn for nigh on 40 years you may have to wait some time for death to arrive, so instead it seems that leaving the city has become a viable option for Brenno, who is considering this option even though his minus networth of $20,419,389,074 equates to only 18.5% of Hank's colossal debt.
"I won't be playing the game, I didn't do anything wrong. I received money of a player who was selling money illegally. I was wondering why he kept sending me money and later learned he was using me to cover up his tracks."
All jokes aside, at the TCT we wish those who are struggling with debt nothing but the best, and it is our sincere hope that by hook or by crook, these earnest fellows somehow manage to scramble their way out of the sewer. Or, if not, we hope they at least manage to position themselves in such a way so they may occasionally breathe something other than stinking human effluence.
And for those who are worried that they might one day fall into the trap of never-ending debt, we have one final piece of advice courtesy of Brenno. Let his naïve actions stand as a Torn City cautionary tale, because here it is foolish to not look a gift horse in the mouth. In fact, not only should you look, I'd recommend a thorough inspection of that equine's tongue, gums and teeth.
Just to be sure.
"It just makes it hard to want to try knowing you are being punished and you actually didn't break a rule. I know how it looks and I actually understand why I've been punished. It's just shit knowing I didn't break any rules and was just caught up with the wrong people. My advice to anyone is, if you ask for money and someone starts sending you large amounts, contact staff and don't spend a cent, or just send it. Back. I expected a few million maybe a hundred million. When I received a few bill here and a few bill there I was in shock, I just started to gamble as I didn't even expect someone to send me such large amounts."
The exact total of the monies confiscated currently stands at $573,348,570,794 TCD, and while many will undoubtedly be looking to the Torn City Times to pass comment on the perceived guilt or innocence of the parties involved, the fact is we simply cannot be bothered.
The Torn City Times is well aware of the issues which surround the WSSB case, with some believing Chedburn's actions to have overstepped the boundaries of reason, and others feeling justice has been done. But this you already know.
Chedburn himself has admitted that some innocent people may have been caught up in this sting, but he has made it abundantly clear that these individuals comprise an acceptable level of casualties. This is also something you already know.
Frankly, the staff of the TCT has neither the time nor inclination to trawl through your 50+ page forum musings once more in order to find this issue's "hot take". Every angle has been explored, the decisions have been made, and to ponder the possibility of anyone's innocence would only further muddy the waters when it comes to the inevitable appeals which lie ahead.
It is the position of this paper that Chedburn's actions are no more or less unfair than those of Bodybagger, Collete, Z_Junior, Dekloren, Sharkeyfive et al, when they choose to mug, persuade or otherwise strong arm their fellow players using their acquired abilities. An influential person has chosen to wield their power, and whatever you think of Chedburn's decision, it cannot be argued that he has not earned the right to make that choice.
However, what we would like to comment on are those who no longer have such power. Those at the bottom of the pile who have nothing, not even the shirts on their filthy, gash-riddled backs. Their numbers have swollen recently thanks to the punitive damages awarded to the city in light of the Real Money Trading and WSSB scandals, but you may not be aware of the plight they face.
I am of course talking about the poor.
These are our city's most indebted citizens. Take a look at their names, remember their faces, for they may not be around much longer.
Many of these people have only recently joined the ranks of the financially damned, with some names conspicuously absent from the bottom of this list despite the equally heinous nature of their crimes.
Even in the face of a large fine, the likes of Bodybagger, Nash and Bravekath clearly have nothing to worry about when it comes to cashflow. Their recent billion-dollar penalties are less a drop in the ocean, and more an amoeba's ejaculate spurted into all the water the known universe is capable of holding.
In fact, thanks to his Oil Rig profits and accumulated wealth, Bodybagger still retains a net worth of nearly $300 billion - comfortably enough to sit inside the top 20 - with Duke's back pocket always open for business should he need a little walking around money.
Image provided without permission from Mat-Senpai
He and the rest of the gilded elite should be fine; for, considering their wealth, these financial retractions barely register. But what of those who cannot afford to bear such brutal financial penalties? What lies ahead for poor bastards like Hank, Brenno and the now unfortunately named im2slick4u?
Hank - the illustrator of the Torn City Power Levelling Guide - currently finds himself bottom of Torn's net worth rankings, with his wealth (or incredible lack of) standing at negative $110,350,766,629. This is obviously a tragic turn of events for a man who has given so much help to Torn's newcomers, so it seems only fair that the city now in turn helps him.
With that in mind, over the past week the TCT has sought quotes from some of Torn's poorest citizens to compile this; The TC Times Guide to Going Broke.
Tip #1 - Look on the bright side
-TheDarkKnight- has incurred several billion dollars' worth of debt due to a combination of Real Money Trading and a weakness blackjack. However, far from proving a hindrance, -TheDarkKnight-'s debt has actually cured him of his addiction, as well as helping him avoid the attentions of Duke and reduce his dependence on drugs.
"I have erased 2 bill as thats what i had when they gave me negitive 9.3 bill as i lost 7 bill in blackjack . about 1 month and iam thinking 3-5 years maybe to pay it back. i was cought for rmt. yeah it works very well would been better if they just removed all items and you could build up networth again but they left the 2 bill worth of stuff and added 9.3 bill total debt. they treat me great i help them when i can. i never ask for help as i figure ill get it paid in time. yeah being a addicted gambler this does work alot better iam no longer buying as meny real life scartch tickets i haveint bought even one since negitive money i think duke the loan shark where my addection started worse. the mugging is very postive not really meny good things as rehab is importan and being in debt you cant rehab and cant take drugs at all just train and chain with refills."
Tip #2 - Learning is earning
Another positive benefit of being billions of dollars in debt - as Hank and Brenno now find themselves in - is that it gives you much more opportunity to grow yourself both intellectually and criminally. If Hank can find time to step away from the forum for a moment, perhaps this is a path he and his fellow paupers may consider, as it seems to have worked well for -TheDarkKnight-.
"Well being in negative cash you can still train and do crimes with the stock that gives free edu courses...you can still do education courses"
Tip #3 - Barter your way back
-TheDarkKnight- knows that however much you learn and however crimes you commit, you'll never have any actual cash to put Xanax on the table. So if you really do need a hit of the Zees to keep you going through the day, why not try bartering with your fellow Torn players for the items you can't live without but you just can't afford.
"I bought stocks so i get items every now and then that i have to barter to get the supply i need sometimes have to buy donator packs to trade for supplys and with my subscription i always have donator stats also your mug free. heres what it prevents you from you lose out on flower running and rehab and investments and gambling but being a addicted gambler which the loan shark fueled it worse. i see my self still playing and trying to climb out of debt slowly and keep donating to torn as its a wonderful game. when your high in debt you'll never escape it fast as they add the negative you gambled away and all items you lost from when you was caught i ended up with 2-3 bill worth of stuff but with 9 bill debt it only brings it to 7 bill."
Tip #4 - Enjoy your freedom
As you can see from -TheDarkKnight-'s quote above, muggings are no longer a problem when you're completely and utterly broke, as Hank and Brenno now find themselves after incurring several billion dollars of debt. This not only means you'll feel safe walking the streets at night, but you'll also never have to buy a new wallet ever again. Which is good, as you can't afford one anyway.
Pictured: an artist's impression of Hank's wallet...if he could afford one
Tip #5 - Grow a pair
While the unfortunate Hank (-$110,350,766,629) and the tragic Brenno (-$20,419,389,074) wallow in self-pity via the forums, some players have taken this situation on the chin like men. Not only does the admirable im2slick4u see this debt as fair and just, it seems he is actually relishing the challenge of trying to overcome it.
"I'm dealing with it just fine. As any smart player should do, I stocked up on any meaningful items of the game that I will need to help my character progress as I work off the debt. Myself and chedburn had a conversation with each other and he explained his actions and I explained my side of things as well. People will accuse me of wrong doing all they like but they don't know my conversation with chedburn to clear my name. I don't really care how people view me through out the game as that doesn't effect my game play at this point. It won't be over turned and the reasoning was explained why and I agreed to that as it wouldn't be fair and cause an uproar. I've stayed quiet for the most part and would never ask for anyones help. Wouldn't be a fun game if it wasn't a challenge and I will conquer this challenge just like any other challenge this game has given me. I've never done any wrong in this game in the past and I won't be doing so now."
Tip #6 - Leave
If the challenge of hauling yourselves up by the bootstraps seems like too much hard work, then you could take the easy way out by throwing yourself onto the tracks of Torn City's rail network. But since trains haven't run in Torn for nigh on 40 years you may have to wait some time for death to arrive, so instead it seems that leaving the city has become a viable option for Brenno, who is considering this option even though his minus networth of $20,419,389,074 equates to only 18.5% of Hank's colossal debt.
"I won't be playing the game, I didn't do anything wrong. I received money of a player who was selling money illegally. I was wondering why he kept sending me money and later learned he was using me to cover up his tracks."
All jokes aside, at the TCT we wish those who are struggling with debt nothing but the best, and it is our sincere hope that by hook or by crook, these earnest fellows somehow manage to scramble their way out of the sewer. Or, if not, we hope they at least manage to position themselves in such a way so they may occasionally breathe something other than stinking human effluence.
And for those who are worried that they might one day fall into the trap of never-ending debt, we have one final piece of advice courtesy of Brenno. Let his naïve actions stand as a Torn City cautionary tale, because here it is foolish to not look a gift horse in the mouth. In fact, not only should you look, I'd recommend a thorough inspection of that equine's tongue, gums and teeth.
Just to be sure.
"It just makes it hard to want to try knowing you are being punished and you actually didn't break a rule. I know how it looks and I actually understand why I've been punished. It's just shit knowing I didn't break any rules and was just caught up with the wrong people. My advice to anyone is, if you ask for money and someone starts sending you large amounts, contact staff and don't spend a cent, or just send it. Back. I expected a few million maybe a hundred million. When I received a few bill here and a few bill there I was in shock, I just started to gamble as I didn't even expect someone to send me such large amounts."
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