sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
The people of Torn City currently owe a combined total of $861,903,970,811 TC Dollars to loan shark Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese, a.k.a. The Duke, according to a leaked report from the city's financial authorities.
This figure, believed to be correct as of 25th June 2017, is comprised of $575,918,900,288 loans and $285,985,070,523 in unpaid fees. 16,215 citizens are currently under a loan contract with The Duke, with 14,696 having incurred penalty fees after failing to repay their loan under the agreed terms. This, therefore, equates to an average outstanding loan of $35,632,114, and an average fee debt of $19,469,487.
It should be noted that this average is not a true reflection of the figures in play, though, since its value has been skewed by hundreds of individuals with $1 loans. Nevertheless, it does show just how much is owed by so few, with only 2% of Torn's active citizens currently holding a loan agreement with The Duke. Much of this has been owed for some time now, and most will in all probability never be paid back. But if anyone thinks this mass debt is an indication that The Duke struggles to earn from this venture, you'd be wrong.
How wrong? $722,262,470,789 wrong. This is how much The Duke has collected in payments during his time as Torn City's solitary loan shark. In addition to this, he has also acquired $51,939,856,689 though muggings, so even with $575billion of his own money sat in our citizens' accounts he has still managed to make a profit of $198,283,427,190. Duke's income is four times that of the city's best mugger. If Duke's business were a bazaar, it would be good enough for 7th place on the market profits leaderboard. Duke's lifetime cashflow is the equivalent of 69% of all of the money ever spent on bounties, and two and a half times the money spent on bailing people from jail.
Duke foisted himself upon the city back in February 2015, with his arrival heralded by an announcement from Chedburn that he was to replace the previous loan shark Tim - whose disappearance was cryptically described as a "sudden and unfortunate incident."
This means that The Duke's fortune has been accumulated in just 28 months and that he makes approximately $7billion per month from his lending business alone. If current trends continue, experts have predicted that Torn City will collectively owe Mr Calabrese $1trillion TC Dollars by November at the latest. This figure would place Torn City in 17th position in the world debt table, sandwiched in between Belgium and Sweden.
So the question is, who owes all this money? And will Duke take any further steps to convince his customers to pay up? A recent forum post by Marlonbrando asked citizens how much they owed at present, with 23% of his 53 respondents owing over $10billion, and another 23% owing between $50-99million. The report I have witnessed does not include any statistics which either prove or disprove these figures, but what it does show is the names of those who owe Duke Calabrese the most.
Freedomofspeech is currently rotting in federal jail, and based on his debt it may be the best place for him. He is in arrears to the tune of $1,540,861,363 from an unpaid loan of $1,503,485,694. In second place is SP00F3R, a reporter at Marshmalllows Television Network who owes $1,522,667,272 from an initial loan of $1,504,800,000. Thedeadpoet, a clerk at Monster Energy, comes in at third place due to his debt of $1,505,772,223 from a loan of $1,500,000,000,
In total, Duke's ten biggest debtors owe $12,155,401,716 between them - a figure which comprises 1.4% of his total dues. Jerry, Cfgmikdni, Tie_dyed1, 5425435435254, MonehQuit, INTJ and XFabio are the remaining members of this debtors club, with many of these individuals either fedded or having made themselves scarce some time ago.
Not that this will stop Duke trying to collect. The loan shark's interactions with his customers have become ever more unhinged of late, with promises of violence towards their relatives, pets and internal organs peppering his correspondence. Some may wonder if some or indeed any of these threats are likely to come true. But one man who knows for certain is Mightymouse.
His debt is believed to be one of the oldest, resulting in him being mugged 34 times and hospitalised on 168 occasions. And he isn't alone. This reporter saw a further list of citizens whose hundred-million dollar debts also date back to Duke's first few weeks in Torn. One has to wonder how these people survive the attentions of Mr Calabrese. And if they do so without trouble, should they be allowed to wander the streets free of any other consequences?
A loan of several hundred million could easily purchase you the means to shorten your hospital stay each time Duke assaults you. And by keeping your cash stored in stocks, trades or points, you could feasibly eek out an existence under Duke debt for a while at least - albeit not a very fun one. Some people seem to have chosen this option, giving them a distinct advantage over their more scrupulous rivals. And while we are not yet at a point where this would prove problematic to Torn's economy, we should be prepared for the consequences should things change.
Would a debtors prison be suitable for those who renege on their financial agreements? Perhaps it would be wise for the authorities to coerce the Torn City Bank into offering an alternative loan arrangement? Or is it simply the case that Mr Calabrese needs extra muscle to help convince his customers to pay up promptly? Rumours abound that The Duke is in the process of hiring staff to this very end, but there are also mutterings that he is considering a Clean Slate function which can be accessed only by those who do him "favours."
What these favours consist of we can only imagine. And whether anything will change when Torn becomes beholden to Duke for $1trillion we also cannot know. Will he demand a mass repayment? Might he write off the lot in a drunken act of altruism? Stranger things have been known. But one thing is for certain; Calabrese has earned a pretty penny from Torn's citizens in the short time he's been here. And if things continue as they are, we may end up owing far more than mere money to the thin-skinned financial tyrant.
This figure, believed to be correct as of 25th June 2017, is comprised of $575,918,900,288 loans and $285,985,070,523 in unpaid fees. 16,215 citizens are currently under a loan contract with The Duke, with 14,696 having incurred penalty fees after failing to repay their loan under the agreed terms. This, therefore, equates to an average outstanding loan of $35,632,114, and an average fee debt of $19,469,487.
It should be noted that this average is not a true reflection of the figures in play, though, since its value has been skewed by hundreds of individuals with $1 loans. Nevertheless, it does show just how much is owed by so few, with only 2% of Torn's active citizens currently holding a loan agreement with The Duke. Much of this has been owed for some time now, and most will in all probability never be paid back. But if anyone thinks this mass debt is an indication that The Duke struggles to earn from this venture, you'd be wrong.
How wrong? $722,262,470,789 wrong. This is how much The Duke has collected in payments during his time as Torn City's solitary loan shark. In addition to this, he has also acquired $51,939,856,689 though muggings, so even with $575billion of his own money sat in our citizens' accounts he has still managed to make a profit of $198,283,427,190. Duke's income is four times that of the city's best mugger. If Duke's business were a bazaar, it would be good enough for 7th place on the market profits leaderboard. Duke's lifetime cashflow is the equivalent of 69% of all of the money ever spent on bounties, and two and a half times the money spent on bailing people from jail.
Duke foisted himself upon the city back in February 2015, with his arrival heralded by an announcement from Chedburn that he was to replace the previous loan shark Tim - whose disappearance was cryptically described as a "sudden and unfortunate incident."
This means that The Duke's fortune has been accumulated in just 28 months and that he makes approximately $7billion per month from his lending business alone. If current trends continue, experts have predicted that Torn City will collectively owe Mr Calabrese $1trillion TC Dollars by November at the latest. This figure would place Torn City in 17th position in the world debt table, sandwiched in between Belgium and Sweden.
So the question is, who owes all this money? And will Duke take any further steps to convince his customers to pay up? A recent forum post by Marlonbrando asked citizens how much they owed at present, with 23% of his 53 respondents owing over $10billion, and another 23% owing between $50-99million. The report I have witnessed does not include any statistics which either prove or disprove these figures, but what it does show is the names of those who owe Duke Calabrese the most.
Freedomofspeech is currently rotting in federal jail, and based on his debt it may be the best place for him. He is in arrears to the tune of $1,540,861,363 from an unpaid loan of $1,503,485,694. In second place is SP00F3R, a reporter at Marshmalllows Television Network who owes $1,522,667,272 from an initial loan of $1,504,800,000. Thedeadpoet, a clerk at Monster Energy, comes in at third place due to his debt of $1,505,772,223 from a loan of $1,500,000,000,
In total, Duke's ten biggest debtors owe $12,155,401,716 between them - a figure which comprises 1.4% of his total dues. Jerry, Cfgmikdni, Tie_dyed1, 5425435435254, MonehQuit, INTJ and XFabio are the remaining members of this debtors club, with many of these individuals either fedded or having made themselves scarce some time ago.
Not that this will stop Duke trying to collect. The loan shark's interactions with his customers have become ever more unhinged of late, with promises of violence towards their relatives, pets and internal organs peppering his correspondence. Some may wonder if some or indeed any of these threats are likely to come true. But one man who knows for certain is Mightymouse.
His debt is believed to be one of the oldest, resulting in him being mugged 34 times and hospitalised on 168 occasions. And he isn't alone. This reporter saw a further list of citizens whose hundred-million dollar debts also date back to Duke's first few weeks in Torn. One has to wonder how these people survive the attentions of Mr Calabrese. And if they do so without trouble, should they be allowed to wander the streets free of any other consequences?
A loan of several hundred million could easily purchase you the means to shorten your hospital stay each time Duke assaults you. And by keeping your cash stored in stocks, trades or points, you could feasibly eek out an existence under Duke debt for a while at least - albeit not a very fun one. Some people seem to have chosen this option, giving them a distinct advantage over their more scrupulous rivals. And while we are not yet at a point where this would prove problematic to Torn's economy, we should be prepared for the consequences should things change.
Would a debtors prison be suitable for those who renege on their financial agreements? Perhaps it would be wise for the authorities to coerce the Torn City Bank into offering an alternative loan arrangement? Or is it simply the case that Mr Calabrese needs extra muscle to help convince his customers to pay up promptly? Rumours abound that The Duke is in the process of hiring staff to this very end, but there are also mutterings that he is considering a Clean Slate function which can be accessed only by those who do him "favours."
What these favours consist of we can only imagine. And whether anything will change when Torn becomes beholden to Duke for $1trillion we also cannot know. Will he demand a mass repayment? Might he write off the lot in a drunken act of altruism? Stranger things have been known. But one thing is for certain; Calabrese has earned a pretty penny from Torn's citizens in the short time he's been here. And if things continue as they are, we may end up owing far more than mere money to the thin-skinned financial tyrant.
Original article
Comments
Post a Comment