sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Chedburn has threatened to unleash fire and fury upon those holding multiple identities in Torn City, with our Lord, saviour and sovereign seeking to assuage citizens' fears in light of the recent outbreaks of vigilante justice.
Massively Underhand Loser Turdface Identity Simulators, or multis as they are commonly known, create several false personas in an attempt to circumvent the rules and acquire financial or karmic gains. These people threaten the very fabric of Torn society by undermining both our economic and societal structures, and as a result, they are hated with a passion equal to that of scammers, spammers and members of the AOW faction.
Chedburn praise be unto him told the Torn City Times that a new multi detection system is imminent. He hopes that this new procedure for identifying multis will be ready within the next week and should eliminate around 10,000 multiple identities in one fell swoop. Any monies earned by these fraudulent personas will also be recovered, with unconfirmed reports claiming that this cash will be distributed evenly among everyone who has never used the word Chedded in the forums.
This move comes off the back of a recent one-man crusade by long-time player DuckTaccoo; a citizen for 4502 days who has been active for approximately four of them. Mr Taccoo exposed several so-called multi accounts two weeks ago in a popular forum post entitled "The multi guide book that staff need to know about". His investigation sought to identify multis who worked as grocers or within the adult novelty industry, with these identities supposedly a front for single individuals who stand to benefit from the acquisition and sale of cans and erotic DVDs.
DuckTaccoo's efforts were considerable and commendable. A number of those he identified were later placed in federal jail, and in a recent interview, our city's semi-silent protector availed me of the methods he used to spot these immoral fraudsters.
"It was when I did an advanced user search and found all these sweet shops with people logging in at identical times, I then had seen people login as grocers, who all were inactives but on their stats they had trades of 1+ which gave me an indication that cans were getting sent to mains- or sold and sent to main accounts. I have found several in the groceries who were inactive and were banned, and some members of sweet companies have been also banned."
"Idk how many multis get banned weekly but I've uncovered loads. I just found common traits while I have been here, so players need to be punished, as someone who actually tries earning cash its annoying to see those who can just slide by and be multis, exploit the game."
DuckTaccoo's approach seems reasonable enough; identify a pattern, report his findings, await sweet justice. And oh how delicious it has been. Several companies and a number of fraudulent operators have been caught and jailed as a result of DuckTaccoo's work, and with the public always keen to apportion blame towards the authorities, Torn's loyal staff have borne the brunt of this for their apparent lack of effort in comparison.
Despite requiring their services to bring his suspects to book, DuckTaccoo was far from complimentary about the role staff play in the apprehension of multis.
"All bulls**t multis get away with this because staff are too blind to see it or don't want to ban them in case they get accused of something."
DuckTaccoo's post on the matter gained him 148 likes and 5 dislikes. However, as we've seen from the examples set by Ed Sheeran, fidget spinners and National Socialism, not everything popular is necessarily good. There is a problem with DuckTaccoo's methods which many overlooked as they eagerly scrambled towards the upvote button some of these people were innocent.
Vigilante justice is not a solution to the problem of multis. Since DuckTaccoo's post, many blameless people have been metaphorically fingered as a result. Elsewhere, we've seen schizophrenics attacked in the street for the possession of multiple personalities, the multiplication symbol has been banned from calculators throughout the city, and at the Torn superstore vandals tore open every single item of multipack cereal they could get their ferocious mitts on.
I spoke to Chedburn about this incident - the vigilantes, not the cereal thing - and he was of the opinion that these witch hunts are not the right way to deal with cheating.
"It's very hard for players to determine [a multi account] - a lot of the time they're just players with a different playstyle, who are not feeding any other accounts."
"They can report them to staff, and staff will check. I don't think we need to necessarily encourage it, and players certainly shouldn't feel the need to go and seek them out. This system will handle anyone gaining an unfair advantage by using multiple accounts for monetary gain. Although it won't ban them immediately, only if profit is realised by the main account holder."
DuckTaccoo rejected the possibility of any of his suspects being innocent and doubled down on his accusations.
"We all know they guilty, they might not interact but they improve company ratings and grocers trade and send cans, and I think staff are too lazy to confirm my theory, #DuckTacoo for staff."
I asked DuckTaccoo to show evidence for his claim that staff are lazy, and he responded with the following iron-clad proof.
"Well look how many people I have found who have been banned... I have found 10s of players who are now banned- all done without ched's system."
I also asked DuckTaccoo to provide material which proved that all of the people he exposed were indeed guilty. Once more, the evidence was insurmountable.
"Days of monitoring lol."
Now, at this point, you may consider this reporter a vile cynic who has attacked a good, decent man trying to do the right thing for the sake of writing a newspaper article. And you would be correct in that assessment for the most part. However, while some good has come of DuckTaccoo's efforts, he displays a willful ignorance for the plight of innocents caught up in this matter.
If you were trapped alongside your family in a room full of poisonous spiders and kittens, going on a stamping frenzy would undoubtedly save you from peril. But at what cost? Is the crushing of felines worth the lives of your family? Obviously yes. But if you could have shifted the kittens out of the way using a laser-pointer and some catnip, wouldn't this have been a better way?
And furthermore, if someone was literally herding the cats out of the room just as you began stamping, is it their fault you had your eyes closed and didn't know what they were doing? No, it is yours. And refusing to admit responsibility for the death of a thousand kittens (it was a big room) when your own errors are pointed out only provides further evidence for your unabashed ignorance.
I asked DuckTaccoo if there was a risk that his post and my article could undermine the efforts of staff in identifying multis. He responded thusly like this in this particular way with his words:
"It might or might not, but very little is being done now and I along with the other users on the forum are finding as many multis as possible to get caught, staff just need to be thorough with their logs."
During the same interview I asked DuckTaccoo if it was fair that, since the fedding of multis and staff tactics are secret, the public should assume that staff are doing nothing.
"Staff do have a hard job, but we never know who is in fed till we go on their profile, so we assume very little is done."
As the old saying goes, to assume makes an ass out of u and me. In one sentence DuckTaccoo admits that people believe nothing is being done because they aren't informed. In the next, DuckTaccoo reasserts his belief that nothing is being done, despite having only just explained why this assumption is flawed. If DuckTaccoo applies so little rigour to his own arguments, you must now understand why some of us have worries and contempt for his methods of identifying multis.
Bogie is a fellow sceptic, and while like me he isn't entirely averse to vigilante justice - especially if it involves a growling man in a cape - he also feels that DuckTaccoo has wrongly assumed that he is the only one who sees these patterns.
"I'm not opposed to it, I just think it's ridiculous that people seem to assume that they're the only ones capable of seeing it. I was a secretary (officer now) for several years, and we'd get it all the time where people are all 'why isn't this person deleted?!?!' Can't just delete people on a hunch, need actual physical evidence. It's just like, dude, if it seems obvious to you then imagine how obvious it is to us. And as a result how frustrating it is that we can't pin something on it to delete!"
"Just makes staff out to be doing nothing when it's quite the opposite. Being a vigilante is easy as they aren't the ones having to deal with any repercussions of an incorrect accusation. The people accusing staff of doing nothing are the same people who would be first in line with their pitch forks and repurposed 'Free Midknight' signs in hand."
So what in the name of ruddy crikey can we do about this then? Are rewards appropriate for those who hunt down and identify multi scammers? If so, must we punish any false accusations with equal fervour? Perhaps DuckTaccoo should be patted on the back and whipped in the face once for every guilty and innocent person he has identified.
Alternatively, might the good work of the staff be best served by being promoted and heralded out in the open? Of course, we cannot explain their methods lest we make them as redundant as a blue collar worker under the looming threat of an all-conquering artificially intelligent automated workforce consisting of multifunctional machines capable of performing each and every human endeavour with greater energy and fewer complaints than their meat and bone-based counterparts.
However, we could at least publish the names of fedded players on Torn City's forthcoming News Ticker, which I can't remember if I'm supposed to announce or not.
Chedburn disagreed, and slapped me right in the chops for such an idiotic suggestion:
"We could add such a thing to the news ticker, but really multiple accounts aren't that big of a deal. The people doing it that I've found are almost always newer players who haven't learnt that they can't win from it yet."
"I'll make a post when this system is live, and announce the details of the first 'catch up' run. But after that, players shouldn't worry - there's no advantages to be gained from multiple accounts - only losses. For example, there's one guy who's set up over 900 grocer farming accounts, he's been doing it for over a year spending days and days manually creating and running all of these accounts - we can see all the timestamps, it's taken them months to achieve. They have received profit, and that profit has gone to several other players during that time - but what's the point if all the profit will be taken away and the accounts deleted?"
I for one am looking forward to finding out who this 900-grocer person is so I may mock them relentlessly. For what could be worse than wasting a year of your life trying to achieve something that isn't really an achievement? It'd be like winning Best Act at the Country Music Awards or spending your whole life unknowingly raising someone else's child who isn't even attractive enough to sleep with when you find out.
I actually feel sorry for this person and the other multis in Torn City. Because when Chedburn's clever robot program comes for them, as they will for us all one day, these people are going to lose everything they've worked hard for. And when all their assets are stripped, their accounts deleted and their memory is nothing but a faded queef in the elevator of Torn lore, what of them then? What will their legacy be?
I'll tell you. The legacy of the multis will be nothing more than the evocation of the following sentiment from Torn's ever-reasonable forum-dwellers.
"Omg staff aint doin nuffin they r wel sh*t #sugervalves4staff"
And this is nothing special, for I imagine such thoughts will echo through our bones long after the machines have stripped them of their flesh.
Are you a multi? How to check
Do you have an abundance of cans and erotic DVDS? Unsure
Has DuckTaccoo personally fingered you for a crime? Unsure
Do you hear other people's voices in your head? - Unsure
Do you have trouble passing stool? - Not a Multi
Have you spent months of your life trying to cheat at a game using multiple accounts when really you could've been outside frolicking with lambs and achieved the very same end result? - You Are A Multi
Massively Underhand Loser Turdface Identity Simulators, or multis as they are commonly known, create several false personas in an attempt to circumvent the rules and acquire financial or karmic gains. These people threaten the very fabric of Torn society by undermining both our economic and societal structures, and as a result, they are hated with a passion equal to that of scammers, spammers and members of the AOW faction.
Chedburn praise be unto him told the Torn City Times that a new multi detection system is imminent. He hopes that this new procedure for identifying multis will be ready within the next week and should eliminate around 10,000 multiple identities in one fell swoop. Any monies earned by these fraudulent personas will also be recovered, with unconfirmed reports claiming that this cash will be distributed evenly among everyone who has never used the word Chedded in the forums.
This move comes off the back of a recent one-man crusade by long-time player DuckTaccoo; a citizen for 4502 days who has been active for approximately four of them. Mr Taccoo exposed several so-called multi accounts two weeks ago in a popular forum post entitled "The multi guide book that staff need to know about". His investigation sought to identify multis who worked as grocers or within the adult novelty industry, with these identities supposedly a front for single individuals who stand to benefit from the acquisition and sale of cans and erotic DVDs.
DuckTaccoo's efforts were considerable and commendable. A number of those he identified were later placed in federal jail, and in a recent interview, our city's semi-silent protector availed me of the methods he used to spot these immoral fraudsters.
"It was when I did an advanced user search and found all these sweet shops with people logging in at identical times, I then had seen people login as grocers, who all were inactives but on their stats they had trades of 1+ which gave me an indication that cans were getting sent to mains- or sold and sent to main accounts. I have found several in the groceries who were inactive and were banned, and some members of sweet companies have been also banned."
"Idk how many multis get banned weekly but I've uncovered loads. I just found common traits while I have been here, so players need to be punished, as someone who actually tries earning cash its annoying to see those who can just slide by and be multis, exploit the game."
DuckTaccoo's approach seems reasonable enough; identify a pattern, report his findings, await sweet justice. And oh how delicious it has been. Several companies and a number of fraudulent operators have been caught and jailed as a result of DuckTaccoo's work, and with the public always keen to apportion blame towards the authorities, Torn's loyal staff have borne the brunt of this for their apparent lack of effort in comparison.
Despite requiring their services to bring his suspects to book, DuckTaccoo was far from complimentary about the role staff play in the apprehension of multis.
"All bulls**t multis get away with this because staff are too blind to see it or don't want to ban them in case they get accused of something."
DuckTaccoo's post on the matter gained him 148 likes and 5 dislikes. However, as we've seen from the examples set by Ed Sheeran, fidget spinners and National Socialism, not everything popular is necessarily good. There is a problem with DuckTaccoo's methods which many overlooked as they eagerly scrambled towards the upvote button some of these people were innocent.
Vigilante justice is not a solution to the problem of multis. Since DuckTaccoo's post, many blameless people have been metaphorically fingered as a result. Elsewhere, we've seen schizophrenics attacked in the street for the possession of multiple personalities, the multiplication symbol has been banned from calculators throughout the city, and at the Torn superstore vandals tore open every single item of multipack cereal they could get their ferocious mitts on.
I spoke to Chedburn about this incident - the vigilantes, not the cereal thing - and he was of the opinion that these witch hunts are not the right way to deal with cheating.
"It's very hard for players to determine [a multi account] - a lot of the time they're just players with a different playstyle, who are not feeding any other accounts."
"They can report them to staff, and staff will check. I don't think we need to necessarily encourage it, and players certainly shouldn't feel the need to go and seek them out. This system will handle anyone gaining an unfair advantage by using multiple accounts for monetary gain. Although it won't ban them immediately, only if profit is realised by the main account holder."
DuckTaccoo rejected the possibility of any of his suspects being innocent and doubled down on his accusations.
"We all know they guilty, they might not interact but they improve company ratings and grocers trade and send cans, and I think staff are too lazy to confirm my theory, #DuckTacoo for staff."
I asked DuckTaccoo to show evidence for his claim that staff are lazy, and he responded with the following iron-clad proof.
"Well look how many people I have found who have been banned... I have found 10s of players who are now banned- all done without ched's system."
I also asked DuckTaccoo to provide material which proved that all of the people he exposed were indeed guilty. Once more, the evidence was insurmountable.
"Days of monitoring lol."
Now, at this point, you may consider this reporter a vile cynic who has attacked a good, decent man trying to do the right thing for the sake of writing a newspaper article. And you would be correct in that assessment for the most part. However, while some good has come of DuckTaccoo's efforts, he displays a willful ignorance for the plight of innocents caught up in this matter.
If you were trapped alongside your family in a room full of poisonous spiders and kittens, going on a stamping frenzy would undoubtedly save you from peril. But at what cost? Is the crushing of felines worth the lives of your family? Obviously yes. But if you could have shifted the kittens out of the way using a laser-pointer and some catnip, wouldn't this have been a better way?
And furthermore, if someone was literally herding the cats out of the room just as you began stamping, is it their fault you had your eyes closed and didn't know what they were doing? No, it is yours. And refusing to admit responsibility for the death of a thousand kittens (it was a big room) when your own errors are pointed out only provides further evidence for your unabashed ignorance.
I asked DuckTaccoo if there was a risk that his post and my article could undermine the efforts of staff in identifying multis. He responded thusly like this in this particular way with his words:
"It might or might not, but very little is being done now and I along with the other users on the forum are finding as many multis as possible to get caught, staff just need to be thorough with their logs."
During the same interview I asked DuckTaccoo if it was fair that, since the fedding of multis and staff tactics are secret, the public should assume that staff are doing nothing.
"Staff do have a hard job, but we never know who is in fed till we go on their profile, so we assume very little is done."
As the old saying goes, to assume makes an ass out of u and me. In one sentence DuckTaccoo admits that people believe nothing is being done because they aren't informed. In the next, DuckTaccoo reasserts his belief that nothing is being done, despite having only just explained why this assumption is flawed. If DuckTaccoo applies so little rigour to his own arguments, you must now understand why some of us have worries and contempt for his methods of identifying multis.
Bogie is a fellow sceptic, and while like me he isn't entirely averse to vigilante justice - especially if it involves a growling man in a cape - he also feels that DuckTaccoo has wrongly assumed that he is the only one who sees these patterns.
"I'm not opposed to it, I just think it's ridiculous that people seem to assume that they're the only ones capable of seeing it. I was a secretary (officer now) for several years, and we'd get it all the time where people are all 'why isn't this person deleted?!?!' Can't just delete people on a hunch, need actual physical evidence. It's just like, dude, if it seems obvious to you then imagine how obvious it is to us. And as a result how frustrating it is that we can't pin something on it to delete!"
"Just makes staff out to be doing nothing when it's quite the opposite. Being a vigilante is easy as they aren't the ones having to deal with any repercussions of an incorrect accusation. The people accusing staff of doing nothing are the same people who would be first in line with their pitch forks and repurposed 'Free Midknight' signs in hand."
So what in the name of ruddy crikey can we do about this then? Are rewards appropriate for those who hunt down and identify multi scammers? If so, must we punish any false accusations with equal fervour? Perhaps DuckTaccoo should be patted on the back and whipped in the face once for every guilty and innocent person he has identified.
Alternatively, might the good work of the staff be best served by being promoted and heralded out in the open? Of course, we cannot explain their methods lest we make them as redundant as a blue collar worker under the looming threat of an all-conquering artificially intelligent automated workforce consisting of multifunctional machines capable of performing each and every human endeavour with greater energy and fewer complaints than their meat and bone-based counterparts.
However, we could at least publish the names of fedded players on Torn City's forthcoming News Ticker, which I can't remember if I'm supposed to announce or not.
Chedburn disagreed, and slapped me right in the chops for such an idiotic suggestion:
"We could add such a thing to the news ticker, but really multiple accounts aren't that big of a deal. The people doing it that I've found are almost always newer players who haven't learnt that they can't win from it yet."
"I'll make a post when this system is live, and announce the details of the first 'catch up' run. But after that, players shouldn't worry - there's no advantages to be gained from multiple accounts - only losses. For example, there's one guy who's set up over 900 grocer farming accounts, he's been doing it for over a year spending days and days manually creating and running all of these accounts - we can see all the timestamps, it's taken them months to achieve. They have received profit, and that profit has gone to several other players during that time - but what's the point if all the profit will be taken away and the accounts deleted?"
I for one am looking forward to finding out who this 900-grocer person is so I may mock them relentlessly. For what could be worse than wasting a year of your life trying to achieve something that isn't really an achievement? It'd be like winning Best Act at the Country Music Awards or spending your whole life unknowingly raising someone else's child who isn't even attractive enough to sleep with when you find out.
I actually feel sorry for this person and the other multis in Torn City. Because when Chedburn's clever robot program comes for them, as they will for us all one day, these people are going to lose everything they've worked hard for. And when all their assets are stripped, their accounts deleted and their memory is nothing but a faded queef in the elevator of Torn lore, what of them then? What will their legacy be?
I'll tell you. The legacy of the multis will be nothing more than the evocation of the following sentiment from Torn's ever-reasonable forum-dwellers.
"Omg staff aint doin nuffin they r wel sh*t #sugervalves4staff"
And this is nothing special, for I imagine such thoughts will echo through our bones long after the machines have stripped them of their flesh.
Are you a multi? How to check
Do you have an abundance of cans and erotic DVDS? Unsure
Has DuckTaccoo personally fingered you for a crime? Unsure
Do you hear other people's voices in your head? - Unsure
Do you have trouble passing stool? - Not a Multi
Have you spent months of your life trying to cheat at a game using multiple accounts when really you could've been outside frolicking with lambs and achieved the very same end result? - You Are A Multi
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