sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Kamical and Lucensa are your official Mr and Ms Torn 2017, bringing to an end the three weeks of backstabbing, perving and complaining which traditionally accompanies this pageant of beauty, creativity and unbridled nudity.
10,000 points and a crown item were awarded to the victors, with second-place Avacash and Bogie receiving 5,000 points, and third-placed Ruby and Frinzell taking 2,500. All those who participated have received the Allure honour plus a merit, but for those deemed too hideous, slovenly or forgettable to place highly, the following interviews may provide some hints as to how you can improve your efforts next year.
RUBY - 3rd place Ms Torn
Ruby's entry utilised a subtle splash of flesh to great effect, allowing focus to be drawn towards her delightful mush to score 6.22238 points with her boxing-themed composition. Her piece was inspired by her months working as a male stripper and the accomplishment of her defense goals, as well as the boxing classes she has taken in real life.
Ruby believes Lucensa beat her to the crown due to her use of professional lighting, and she laments the overall lack of effort found throughout the rest of the competition. While she admits there were a lot of creative submissions, Ruby seemed annoyed that some people couldn't be bothered to find a clean piece of paper to write their details on although she did appreciate what she called the inclusion of sneaky bum pics.
If you could give your entry a name, what would it be?
"Power puff girl! Maybe? What about RatedRuby?"
Would you say that many people rated you highly due to your massive pair? Those boxing gloves are huge. They had to have played a part surely? Although they are looking a little worn.
"Ha, I see what you did there. They are actually quite small, I have tiny hands."
What is the worst part about entering Ms Torn?
"Coming up with an idea for a picture that is feasible to be executed given one's resources. Creativity isn't my strongest point! However, I'm not entirely sure if that matters much. This is my fourth year participating in the competition and it's interesting that the submission in which I put the less effort performed the best, which is my 2016 picture that landed second place."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I wouldn't allow voting during the submission period, so there would be a submission only period and a voting only period. Furthermore, I'd give out tokens to the voters...my picture received about 5200 votes and that's because I posted it on the fourth day or so, that's about 1000 extra votes than Lucensa's entry and nearly 2000 more than Avacash got. Is it really a successful competition if only a 28.1% of your daily players showed up to vote SOME of the entries, over the duration of 20 days, with a much smaller percentage actually bothering to submit a picture?"
FRINZELL - 3rd place Mr Torn
Frinzell's entry consisted of him leering menacingly over a dead woman with a walking cane - something we've all dreamt about at one time or another. Curiously, Frinzell's victim seemed to be erupting into fits of laughter despite her predicament. What on Earth could this mean?
Thankfully, an explanation is but mere seconds away. Frinzell's image is entitled Happily Married, since the aforementioned laughing corpse was actually his real-life wife, Jollyjoli. Their entries were considered a joint effort, with JollyJoli's depiction of Frinzell bound to a post also placing highly in 15th place. Frinzell believes this entry to be the better of the two, and that it would've scored highly were it not for Ms Torn's obsession with youth, beauty and cleavage.
Nevertheless, he feels their entries both did well due to their sense of fun and character. And when I asked him if he had a message for his fellow participants, Frinzell magnanimously congratulated everyone who submitted to this year's competition.
What was the inspiration for your entry?
"Inspiration?...looked for available props...saw a bit of rope... was tied to a post in moments. Last year I did an angry geezer waving an umbrella. To some, I was brolly man for a year. Unfortunately, I waved the brolly so hard it broke! Had to make do with a walking stick this year. (Jolly was a hunter last year). We did decently last year as well."
What will your nickname be this year?
"3rd sexiest man in torn! Won't stick for long though."
The winners of Mr Torn tend to have more creativity, whereas the winners of Ms Torn are often half nude. Were you in any way tempted to take advantage of this by stripping down to your underpants like Sullengenie in sixth?
"Striptease? Don't want to come last."
You and JollyJoli are married in real life, but not in Torn. Is this a saucy way of spicing things up for you?
"Our son (Tokeloshe) got me into this game; he is my game spouse. He took me up to Andechs monastery; fed me beverages (profile picture), and suggested I join. JollyJoli joined after a bit for family fun."
AVACASH - 2nd place
A half-naked picture doesn't always tell the whole story of the person behind it. This is certainly true of Avacash, whose newly-acquired observers may be unaware that the woman they're ogling is a professional violinist, graduated college with two honors degrees and has won several awards in spite of the fact she has been diagnosed with Lupus.
Her ability to take a revealing photo of herself is also an achievement since Avacash has suffered a range of dermatological issues that she's only recently overcome.
"I'm both a really pathetic and really impressive person. It's always kind of funny to try to explain why I'm more proud of the fact that I can now walk up a flight of stairs than that I can play Shostakovich's Concerto 1 for Violin in my sleep."
Nevertheless, by her own admission, Avacash expected to get by purely on her looks. Wearing a minimal amount of makeup and clothes, her entry, Biker Chic involved no gimmicks or props, instead relying on the placement of her player number to draw attention to her chest.
This tactic worked, but not with entirely positive results, since it gained her a slew of unwanted offers alongside her 6.26 points. As well as second-place, Avacash has received insults, accusations, harassment and a request for foot pictures in exchange for money. Aren't human beings just lovely?
What do you think goes through the heads of those who message you inappropriate things? Do they genuinely believe you're going to respond positively and fall in love? Or are they doing it for a rise?
"I have no idea, I can't understand that sort of heterosexual man. They elude me entirely....When someone messages me things that I do not wish to repeat in polite company, I assume it's because they want a response. When they do it in a manner to which I cannot easily respond (i.e. anonymously sending me $1), I assume it's because they want to make me feel bad. In the end, it boils down to either idiotic horny-ness or angry jealousy. Either way, I can laugh it off."
Despite this unwanted attention, Avacash has promised to enter Ms Torn again next year in a bid to secure top spot. Although, based on her expertise as a masters student of Mathematics, she thinks the voting system could do with a few changes. Avacash shares Ruby's belief that the submission and voting periods should be separate, and although she respects Lucensa as a worthy winner, she believes that a fairer algorithm could easily be written in place of the current one.
Who should've won Mr Torn?
"If I had my way, the 8th place guy - the one with the baby on the way!- would have won. I mean, all he wants is to share the fact that he's expecting a new kid! That's incredibly sweet, and a nice break from all of the dark stuff that permeates this game.... there's a lot more competition on the male side of things, so it takes something extra for any guy to stand out."
"Since there are fewer women, there is a lot less competition, and as follows, a lot less pressure to do something gimmicky. I don't think it really says anything about the people of Torn, it's just a matter of numbers. That being said, I do wish that even the men were a bit more creative - guns just aren't my thing, I really appreciate the stuff that's outside the box."
BOGIE - 2nd place
If anyone in the Mr Torn competition was going to be slut shamed it was always likely to be Bogie. Flaunting himself in a provocative lab coat and space tie combination, he did nothing to deter the lustful gaze of Torn's most lascivious people.
"Being objectified is always an issue, I just hope I can instead be a role model for all aspiring karma scientists. I can't remember where I got the tie, had people asking for it the whole way through, I have about 50 different ties though so it's easy to lose track, I wanted a science themed one and it was either this or one I have with a CERN art Higgs particle... But I figured the solar system one would have more crowd appeal... Appealing to your audience is half the contest here."
Torn City's resident karma-hussy knows he has his popularity to thank for placing so highly in the competition and was happy to concede that Kamical's entry was superior to his own. He called his piece A Champion's Anguish.
What was the inspiration for your entry?
"Honestly, I just looked around for various things I had available in the house, picked a few bits that matched a theme and went with that...I never had any thoughts as to what I wanted to do until about 30 minutes before I sorted my photo. I had originally wanted to use a van der graaff generator to get a much cooler hairstyle which I also happen to have but it wasn't available at the time."
Who do you think had the worst entry this year?
"Definitely Rainbowsaurus for worst entry, I mean it has her beating me up in it!!! Terrible! And to think I married her..."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I'd love to change it to a gender bending theme, guys must be in drag and the girls must take boobs out of the equation entirely... Would encourage creativity at least."
LUCENSA - 1st place
Lucensa secured the Ms Torn title with a gap of 0.20932 points over her nearest rival Avacash. Her entry, "The Irony of the Internet" proved most popular among voters despite being less risqué than rival efforts. Does this mean that Torn's community has matured, or have they finally discovered the existence of pornography elsewhere? It is hard to know.
This image was meant to reflect Lucensa's early Torn life which consisted of busting and being jailed. According to the backboard, Lucensa's height is given as 69 inches - whether this mildly entertaining figure was a deliberate ruse or a biological coincidence is uncertain. Lucensa's biggest fear is that the crown will go to her head, although she does readily admit that the timing of her entry played a key role in attaining victory.
Are you ready for the burden of being Ms Torn?
"As long as the burden doesn't involve humoring the sexual fantasies of a surprising number of our beloved community who seem to be devoid of a sex life, I am happy to take them on!"
The requirements for victory in Ms Torn are often a) attractiveness and b) nudity. You've eschewed the latter and gone for creativity instead. Was this a risk?
"While it is true that both attractiveness and nudity seem to be key ingredients for success in this particular competition, I wouldn't say that it was a "risk" for me to avoid the latter. Avoiding nudity being "a risk" kind of implies that my only intention of entering was to win, and while I'm both surprised and extremely pleased that I won, I also participated because I love the game and it was a cool opportunity to connect my real life self to my in game self."
As the levels of nudity increase year on year, how long before someone removes their skin in a bid to win this competition?
"I certainly hope that the skin-fest never escalates to the point of skin removal; I would hate for bogie to take to the razor in a bid for next year's first place."
What are the weirdest messages you've received so far since entering the competition?
"While it's hard to tell you which was the weirdest (for there are plenty from which to choose), a strange one I just recently received was an anonymous message that read: 'Have you ever pooped?' So, there's that."
How can we achieve world peace?
"World peace will only ever be achieved when every man, woman, boy and girl love their enemy as much as they love their own self. So, you tell me; when are people going to start showing champion with love?"
KAMICAL - 1st place
Kamical took the Mr Torn title with an elaborately staged piece he calls The Ultimatum. In the image, Kamical sits in front of a world map covered in targets, flanked by two armed henchmen as if he were some rogue colonel.
There is also a copy of The Lucifer Principle on display; a book which asserts that competition between groups and individuals makes human beings genetically predisposed towards violent behaviour. I do not know whether this claim is accurate, and nor do I know what this theory would say about Torn City. What I do know is that the book's cover as a little dangly mouse on it. Isn't that nice?
Kamical says that Torn itself inspired the themes of his tableaux and that it took him three days to set up this particular scene. This is a lie; it took three hours. But still, that is quite a long time.
"Trying to get privates to take a good photo is like trying to put toothpaste back a tube. Especially when one of them leaves his beer can in frame for half of the shots, (Ronin). After my submission was removed, by someone who I suspect was trying to give my competition a helping hand, it took around an hour to set back up."
"I won because my photo was able to capture the hearts and minds of the target audience. The guns and drugs played a significant part in that."
At any point during the creation of your image did you have a moment of reflection and wonder why you needed the validation of the Torn community? Or did you just think, **** it, guns are cool.
"I did it for the glory and quite frankly to raise the bar on this competition, before I made my submission I looked through the past winners and found them to be lacking in creativity and flair."
What would your score have been if the soldiers in your image were nude women?
"That depends on the quality of the women."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I think that Mr And Ms Torn is heading in a different direction than it has in past years and I like the path that it's on. With the winner of this year's Ms side being fully clothed most of the females should take this as a sign that simply having their tits on display won't be enough to win."
Do you feel the pressure of the Mr Torn crown? What duties do you expect you'll have to fulfil now you've been crowned?
"One thing I want to assure everyone, if they think I'm gonna change or compromise my attitude and my way of life, or in my expression and in my goals towards Torn, they are simply making me stronger. With that being said I'm looking to follow IceBlueFire's steps to profit. Minus the JFK section, they already have enough winners over there."
N.B. In the interests of transparency, the Torn City Times wishes to make clear that the article you have just read was written by a sultry individual who displayed a tasteful amount of sideboob at all times.
10,000 points and a crown item were awarded to the victors, with second-place Avacash and Bogie receiving 5,000 points, and third-placed Ruby and Frinzell taking 2,500. All those who participated have received the Allure honour plus a merit, but for those deemed too hideous, slovenly or forgettable to place highly, the following interviews may provide some hints as to how you can improve your efforts next year.
RUBY - 3rd place Ms Torn
Ruby's entry utilised a subtle splash of flesh to great effect, allowing focus to be drawn towards her delightful mush to score 6.22238 points with her boxing-themed composition. Her piece was inspired by her months working as a male stripper and the accomplishment of her defense goals, as well as the boxing classes she has taken in real life.
Ruby believes Lucensa beat her to the crown due to her use of professional lighting, and she laments the overall lack of effort found throughout the rest of the competition. While she admits there were a lot of creative submissions, Ruby seemed annoyed that some people couldn't be bothered to find a clean piece of paper to write their details on although she did appreciate what she called the inclusion of sneaky bum pics.
If you could give your entry a name, what would it be?
"Power puff girl! Maybe? What about RatedRuby?"
Would you say that many people rated you highly due to your massive pair? Those boxing gloves are huge. They had to have played a part surely? Although they are looking a little worn.
"Ha, I see what you did there. They are actually quite small, I have tiny hands."
What is the worst part about entering Ms Torn?
"Coming up with an idea for a picture that is feasible to be executed given one's resources. Creativity isn't my strongest point! However, I'm not entirely sure if that matters much. This is my fourth year participating in the competition and it's interesting that the submission in which I put the less effort performed the best, which is my 2016 picture that landed second place."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I wouldn't allow voting during the submission period, so there would be a submission only period and a voting only period. Furthermore, I'd give out tokens to the voters...my picture received about 5200 votes and that's because I posted it on the fourth day or so, that's about 1000 extra votes than Lucensa's entry and nearly 2000 more than Avacash got. Is it really a successful competition if only a 28.1% of your daily players showed up to vote SOME of the entries, over the duration of 20 days, with a much smaller percentage actually bothering to submit a picture?"
FRINZELL - 3rd place Mr Torn
Frinzell's entry consisted of him leering menacingly over a dead woman with a walking cane - something we've all dreamt about at one time or another. Curiously, Frinzell's victim seemed to be erupting into fits of laughter despite her predicament. What on Earth could this mean?
Thankfully, an explanation is but mere seconds away. Frinzell's image is entitled Happily Married, since the aforementioned laughing corpse was actually his real-life wife, Jollyjoli. Their entries were considered a joint effort, with JollyJoli's depiction of Frinzell bound to a post also placing highly in 15th place. Frinzell believes this entry to be the better of the two, and that it would've scored highly were it not for Ms Torn's obsession with youth, beauty and cleavage.
Nevertheless, he feels their entries both did well due to their sense of fun and character. And when I asked him if he had a message for his fellow participants, Frinzell magnanimously congratulated everyone who submitted to this year's competition.
What was the inspiration for your entry?
"Inspiration?...looked for available props...saw a bit of rope... was tied to a post in moments. Last year I did an angry geezer waving an umbrella. To some, I was brolly man for a year. Unfortunately, I waved the brolly so hard it broke! Had to make do with a walking stick this year. (Jolly was a hunter last year). We did decently last year as well."
What will your nickname be this year?
"3rd sexiest man in torn! Won't stick for long though."
The winners of Mr Torn tend to have more creativity, whereas the winners of Ms Torn are often half nude. Were you in any way tempted to take advantage of this by stripping down to your underpants like Sullengenie in sixth?
"Striptease? Don't want to come last."
You and JollyJoli are married in real life, but not in Torn. Is this a saucy way of spicing things up for you?
"Our son (Tokeloshe) got me into this game; he is my game spouse. He took me up to Andechs monastery; fed me beverages (profile picture), and suggested I join. JollyJoli joined after a bit for family fun."
AVACASH - 2nd place
A half-naked picture doesn't always tell the whole story of the person behind it. This is certainly true of Avacash, whose newly-acquired observers may be unaware that the woman they're ogling is a professional violinist, graduated college with two honors degrees and has won several awards in spite of the fact she has been diagnosed with Lupus.
Her ability to take a revealing photo of herself is also an achievement since Avacash has suffered a range of dermatological issues that she's only recently overcome.
"I'm both a really pathetic and really impressive person. It's always kind of funny to try to explain why I'm more proud of the fact that I can now walk up a flight of stairs than that I can play Shostakovich's Concerto 1 for Violin in my sleep."
Nevertheless, by her own admission, Avacash expected to get by purely on her looks. Wearing a minimal amount of makeup and clothes, her entry, Biker Chic involved no gimmicks or props, instead relying on the placement of her player number to draw attention to her chest.
This tactic worked, but not with entirely positive results, since it gained her a slew of unwanted offers alongside her 6.26 points. As well as second-place, Avacash has received insults, accusations, harassment and a request for foot pictures in exchange for money. Aren't human beings just lovely?
What do you think goes through the heads of those who message you inappropriate things? Do they genuinely believe you're going to respond positively and fall in love? Or are they doing it for a rise?
"I have no idea, I can't understand that sort of heterosexual man. They elude me entirely....When someone messages me things that I do not wish to repeat in polite company, I assume it's because they want a response. When they do it in a manner to which I cannot easily respond (i.e. anonymously sending me $1), I assume it's because they want to make me feel bad. In the end, it boils down to either idiotic horny-ness or angry jealousy. Either way, I can laugh it off."
Despite this unwanted attention, Avacash has promised to enter Ms Torn again next year in a bid to secure top spot. Although, based on her expertise as a masters student of Mathematics, she thinks the voting system could do with a few changes. Avacash shares Ruby's belief that the submission and voting periods should be separate, and although she respects Lucensa as a worthy winner, she believes that a fairer algorithm could easily be written in place of the current one.
Who should've won Mr Torn?
"If I had my way, the 8th place guy - the one with the baby on the way!- would have won. I mean, all he wants is to share the fact that he's expecting a new kid! That's incredibly sweet, and a nice break from all of the dark stuff that permeates this game.... there's a lot more competition on the male side of things, so it takes something extra for any guy to stand out."
"Since there are fewer women, there is a lot less competition, and as follows, a lot less pressure to do something gimmicky. I don't think it really says anything about the people of Torn, it's just a matter of numbers. That being said, I do wish that even the men were a bit more creative - guns just aren't my thing, I really appreciate the stuff that's outside the box."
BOGIE - 2nd place
If anyone in the Mr Torn competition was going to be slut shamed it was always likely to be Bogie. Flaunting himself in a provocative lab coat and space tie combination, he did nothing to deter the lustful gaze of Torn's most lascivious people.
"Being objectified is always an issue, I just hope I can instead be a role model for all aspiring karma scientists. I can't remember where I got the tie, had people asking for it the whole way through, I have about 50 different ties though so it's easy to lose track, I wanted a science themed one and it was either this or one I have with a CERN art Higgs particle... But I figured the solar system one would have more crowd appeal... Appealing to your audience is half the contest here."
Torn City's resident karma-hussy knows he has his popularity to thank for placing so highly in the competition and was happy to concede that Kamical's entry was superior to his own. He called his piece A Champion's Anguish.
What was the inspiration for your entry?
"Honestly, I just looked around for various things I had available in the house, picked a few bits that matched a theme and went with that...I never had any thoughts as to what I wanted to do until about 30 minutes before I sorted my photo. I had originally wanted to use a van der graaff generator to get a much cooler hairstyle which I also happen to have but it wasn't available at the time."
Who do you think had the worst entry this year?
"Definitely Rainbowsaurus for worst entry, I mean it has her beating me up in it!!! Terrible! And to think I married her..."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I'd love to change it to a gender bending theme, guys must be in drag and the girls must take boobs out of the equation entirely... Would encourage creativity at least."
LUCENSA - 1st place
Lucensa secured the Ms Torn title with a gap of 0.20932 points over her nearest rival Avacash. Her entry, "The Irony of the Internet" proved most popular among voters despite being less risqué than rival efforts. Does this mean that Torn's community has matured, or have they finally discovered the existence of pornography elsewhere? It is hard to know.
This image was meant to reflect Lucensa's early Torn life which consisted of busting and being jailed. According to the backboard, Lucensa's height is given as 69 inches - whether this mildly entertaining figure was a deliberate ruse or a biological coincidence is uncertain. Lucensa's biggest fear is that the crown will go to her head, although she does readily admit that the timing of her entry played a key role in attaining victory.
Are you ready for the burden of being Ms Torn?
"As long as the burden doesn't involve humoring the sexual fantasies of a surprising number of our beloved community who seem to be devoid of a sex life, I am happy to take them on!"
The requirements for victory in Ms Torn are often a) attractiveness and b) nudity. You've eschewed the latter and gone for creativity instead. Was this a risk?
"While it is true that both attractiveness and nudity seem to be key ingredients for success in this particular competition, I wouldn't say that it was a "risk" for me to avoid the latter. Avoiding nudity being "a risk" kind of implies that my only intention of entering was to win, and while I'm both surprised and extremely pleased that I won, I also participated because I love the game and it was a cool opportunity to connect my real life self to my in game self."
As the levels of nudity increase year on year, how long before someone removes their skin in a bid to win this competition?
"I certainly hope that the skin-fest never escalates to the point of skin removal; I would hate for bogie to take to the razor in a bid for next year's first place."
What are the weirdest messages you've received so far since entering the competition?
"While it's hard to tell you which was the weirdest (for there are plenty from which to choose), a strange one I just recently received was an anonymous message that read: 'Have you ever pooped?' So, there's that."
How can we achieve world peace?
"World peace will only ever be achieved when every man, woman, boy and girl love their enemy as much as they love their own self. So, you tell me; when are people going to start showing champion with love?"
KAMICAL - 1st place
Kamical took the Mr Torn title with an elaborately staged piece he calls The Ultimatum. In the image, Kamical sits in front of a world map covered in targets, flanked by two armed henchmen as if he were some rogue colonel.
There is also a copy of The Lucifer Principle on display; a book which asserts that competition between groups and individuals makes human beings genetically predisposed towards violent behaviour. I do not know whether this claim is accurate, and nor do I know what this theory would say about Torn City. What I do know is that the book's cover as a little dangly mouse on it. Isn't that nice?
Kamical says that Torn itself inspired the themes of his tableaux and that it took him three days to set up this particular scene. This is a lie; it took three hours. But still, that is quite a long time.
"Trying to get privates to take a good photo is like trying to put toothpaste back a tube. Especially when one of them leaves his beer can in frame for half of the shots, (Ronin). After my submission was removed, by someone who I suspect was trying to give my competition a helping hand, it took around an hour to set back up."
"I won because my photo was able to capture the hearts and minds of the target audience. The guns and drugs played a significant part in that."
At any point during the creation of your image did you have a moment of reflection and wonder why you needed the validation of the Torn community? Or did you just think, **** it, guns are cool.
"I did it for the glory and quite frankly to raise the bar on this competition, before I made my submission I looked through the past winners and found them to be lacking in creativity and flair."
What would your score have been if the soldiers in your image were nude women?
"That depends on the quality of the women."
What would you change about Mr and Ms Torn if you could?
"I think that Mr And Ms Torn is heading in a different direction than it has in past years and I like the path that it's on. With the winner of this year's Ms side being fully clothed most of the females should take this as a sign that simply having their tits on display won't be enough to win."
Do you feel the pressure of the Mr Torn crown? What duties do you expect you'll have to fulfil now you've been crowned?
"One thing I want to assure everyone, if they think I'm gonna change or compromise my attitude and my way of life, or in my expression and in my goals towards Torn, they are simply making me stronger. With that being said I'm looking to follow IceBlueFire's steps to profit. Minus the JFK section, they already have enough winners over there."
N.B. In the interests of transparency, the Torn City Times wishes to make clear that the article you have just read was written by a sultry individual who displayed a tasteful amount of sideboob at all times.
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