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Elimination 2017 Begins 5pm Today

sugarvalves [1963573]
Registration for the 2017 edition of the Elimination competition will open at 17:00 TCT today, Tuesday 5th September 2017, the Chinese year of the rooster. This will be Torn City's second Elimination after last year's integral event which replaced the World War competition from ye olden times of lore. But for those who have just woken from a coma or have recently returned to Torn after reevaluating your life choices, what the heckin heck is Elimination, and how can you avoid being bamboozled by it?

Elimination is basically like regular Torn if everyone's diet consisted of nothing more than food additives and ADHD medication. For a period of approximately two weeks and some more days, citizens are whipped up into a spree of maiming and complaining as twelve predetermined teams battle for the title of most bestest fighting guys. Each team may consist of no more than 1,000 people, and the names of these groups will be chosen from a long-list of seventeen titles to be revealed later this afternoon.

From the 5th to the 10th participants will be asked to choose one of these teams to represent. Just like picking a school, you will be given a limited number of options to choose from (four), you will probably not get the ones you want and your choices will determine how and when you will die. The war starts as soon as entry closes, and from the 10th to the 15th members of the twelve teams are encouraged to murder the **** out of each other to score points.

On the 15th of September a 24 hour timer to elimination will start, and when it ends the team with the lowest score will have their personal information uploaded to Interpol's sex trafficking database be removed from the competition. Should the two bottom teams have the same score then the number of attacks performed by each side will be used to break the tie. If this figure is also identical, progression will be awarded to the most attractive team as judged by a panel of bawdy old women with nothing better to do.

One team will be eliminated each day at the same time until the 26th of September when the final two will do battle to determine the victor. Four specific prizes are made available to entrants of the competition, with achievements in attacks and placement recognised with the allocation of the following awards:

Domination - Finish the competition with your team in 1st place

Supremacy - Finish the competition within the top 5% of attacks in your team

Mission Accomplished - Finish the competition with your team in 1st, 2nd or 3rd

Purple Heart - Achieve 50 attacks against enemy team members

Local entrepreneur Hopslam has helpfully compiled a guide to the competition in this here forum contribution, which also contains links to some of last year's angriest forum posts too. Replies to this thread offer a wealth of helpful hints for first-time combatants and former participants alike. But if you're too lazy to click that link, then read on to hear how you, yes you, can make the most of the 2017 Elimination competition.

Firstly, those taking part should consider their choice of team wisely. Yes, we all want to join the side with the funniest name or the strongest players, but the former often attracts simpletons, and the latter may come under assault from an alliance of jealous others. Last year's winners, Mountain Men, were considered favourites before the competition but were almost eliminated on several occasions as their rivals joined forces to subdue them. The men of the mountain eventually won the title with some margin to spare, but this year the competition's most hench may not be so fortuitous.

Once you have picked a team, you must make yourself familiar with its private chat room and forum, for it is here that secret alliances will be discussed and arrogant know-it-alls will attempt to gain leadership of your group. Alliances and tactics profoundly influenced the early rounds of last year's competition, and by paying attention to your teammates' posts, you stand a better chance of personal and collective victory. Also, be wary of any team with a known s**tposter among their ranks. If Marlonbrando is on your side, be prepared to wade through an infinite swamp of irrelevant guff to find your team orders.

If you are leading or capable of influencing a team, remember that groups whose members keep their heads down and make slow, steady progress often make it to the later rounds. If you are a member of a sub-1000 team, conserve energy for the latter stages of each round and avoid making yourselves a target. You cannot compete versus fully-stocked groups, so your best bet is to hope they ignore you until other, better teams have been minced into a fine paste.

If you find yourself losing too many attacks for your team as an individual, you may wish to consider a new career at a company which offers passive bonuses to your stats. Conversely, should you find yourself mowing down opponents like a total boss, perhaps take advantage of this by joining a sweet shop or farm to acquire the extra energy provided by their various perks. Those in possession of certain stat-boosting books should also do well during the competition, as will any non-participant vendors selling Vicodin and Xanax at jacked-up prices.

Timing is another key factor in Elimination, and this year the authorities are considering a change to the deadline in a bid to even things up. Last year, anyone living in Europe, Russia, Asia or a timeless dimension beyond human comprehension benefitted greatly from the 2 pm daily deadline. For the 2017 edition, Chedburn has moved the elimination time to 5 pm as this will be fairer to Americans, as well as those with actual jobs and responsibilities.

"I think 17:00 is the most inclusive. Although I do feel like this year there will be more emphasis outside of elimination time. Don't wait until the last second to attack, results may be unpredictable during the final minutes of elimination - especially the first few rounds"

The only other significant change to the competition format involves a slight tweak to the scoring mechanism, whereby hospitalising an opponent is no longer beneficial to your team's progress, as Chedburn explains:

"There was a lot of discussion but in the end we decided on just one minor change. Removing the positive +1 score gain from hospitalisations. So hosps only reduce another teams score by -3 now, not increasing your team's score."

To clarify, the scoring system allocates two points for a successful attack on an opponent who is left lying in the street, with this action also removing one point from your rival. Mugging your victim gains just one point, but still removes just one point from the other team. Hospitalising any member of a team adds no points to your own side's tally but will reduce theirs by three points in total. Chedburn believes these changes will ultimately benefit the competition, making the final moments dramatic, unpredictable and perhaps a little naughty too.

"I think the changes will make 'Leave' more preferable, so I'm hoping we're not going to see loads of teams at 0 points scrambling to stay alive."

Drama is an inevitable consequence of the Elimination competition, with rival faction members forced to unite temporarily, secret alliances forged and betrayed, and malnourished children left to fend for themselves as their mothers and fathers invest themselves fully in the hot wet chaos. In 2016, events took an even more dramatic turn as Torn was subjected to an attack which caused lag issues across the board. Players were defeated and teams eliminated under a cloud of controversy, and while such an attack is not predicted to happen again, Chedburn has admitted that high-traffic will likely cause lag at certain points of the competition.

Not that he disapproves, mind. Chedburn was quoted in the super-secret Committee forums as saying that lag simply adds to the drama. However, when I went round to his house and injected him with enough Ketamine to tranquilise a planet, he seemed less enthusiastic about the slow passage of time than he had been previously.

Either way, whether we suffer lag or not, the 2017 Elimination competition should be one to remember. 2016's event was highly praised by almost everyone except Pirates, who went out in the first round due to shady forces behind the scenes their own failure and no-one else's. You can read my reports on last year's competition here and here if you want. I won't force you. And with subtle changes helping to alleviate the few problems we had last year, the 2017 Elimination competition should certainly be one to remember.

Oh, I already said that. Sorry.


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