sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
The tempestuous madam that was the 2017 Elimination competition ended with a whimper this evening, as Pink Power romped home to victory by an astonishing margin of 4996 points.
Having stared elimination in the face and spat in its open gob, reduced an angry NPC with inflated stats to impotence, and battled against a tide of opinion so salty you could use it to season the world, only the most churlish would deny that the ladies and pseudo-femmes of Pink Power thoroughly deserve their title. We will congratulate PP and commiserate the Ninjas later in this article. But for now, let's summarise the rest of the week's action like we're some kind of proper paper, starting with the incredible fightback of eventual winners Pink Power.
After the introduction of Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese to proceedings, Pink Power immediately found themselves battling Original Gangsters for survival. Yet despite hovering perilously close to the exit door for several hours, this misgendered mob mustered up enough strength to fight back from the brink and send the Original Gangsters packing. While some of their members wasted their energies on polluting Torn with an endless guff of complaints, others were working tirelessly behind the scenes to formulate a plan of action.
(Pictured: How to make your own safe space)
Nova was the brains behind the initial mass transition of males to females, and it was he/she who was also behind Pink Power's impressive late revival. Having emerged as a force to be reckoned with early on in the competition, this naughty little minx plotted to use Murica as a shield while attempting to eliminate Pirates as quickly as possible. Sadly, this tactic failed harder than Ruby's goodbye essay, with Murica dispatched on day one of Elimination. Still, after ridding the competition of Pirates and Illuminati over the next two days, Nova felt confident his side could go on and win. But when Duke muscled his way onto the roster of the Pacifists, Nova knew Pink Power had to up their game.
"For the next 24 Hours before the next elimination, I studied Duke and his attack pattern, since I knew he was being run by a script, his movements became predictable. I learnt that he was attacking at the beginning of every minute anyone in 'the 204' who wasn't abroad or already in hospital. I also noticed some of the other teams were paying revivers to revive members of 'the 204' who didn't have revives turned off knowing Duke would keep hospitalising them, thus reducing our score further."
"I first set out by conducting a list of the 204 players and made sure they turned their revives off or travelled abroad. After this was achieved, the amount of points taken from us by Duke began to decrease, but the main problem was the other teams sitting on us due to our top players being immobilised. However, with the help of Thief and the rest of Mountain Men, we were able to drag Original Gangsters score back down to zero to join us at the bottom."
Nova wasn't the only one making lists and checking it twice. David of the Ninjas published a list of 124 of the 204 Pink Power members which he'd compiled himself. David - Dave to his friends - expected people would use this list as a monument to their glory, and that some dumbasses would take my bait. I just underestimated their numbers, and how easy it would be to round up trolls in one thread. David later apologised for creating his post, but even with this fully documented hit-list of their fake-female members and the attention of Duke, Pink Power still managed to hold out and see Original Gangsters slapped out of the competition.
OG's top-scorer Rorschach felt his side wasn't very organised, and that the gangsters suffered due to a lack of alliances. He considered Pink Power's actions as unfair play but not against the rules, unlike Duke's interference, which, and I'm paraphrasing here, he felt was as inappropriate as that white guy who played that Asian guy in Short Circuit.
Second-placed Cindyfury said much the same, stating that Chedburn had underestimated PP and overestimated the community's willingness to gang up on them. With regards to her own side's efforts, Cindyfury believed the team was in safe hands with its leadership but failed due to a lack of activity and hits. Third-placed Kyal thought OG went out far too early, but I have yet to decipher his thoughts on Duke and Pink Power.
Pictured: A message which still made more sense than 99% of Elimination forum posts.
Many people, myself included, believed Pink Power would surely be dispatched the following day. But it wasn't to be. Pink Power dealt well with Duke's musty presence by having finishing hitters sit on him for the full five minutes. During this time, the infamous 204 would make as many hits as possible, before rinsing and repeating and so on and so forth. Nova also sent many of the 204 abroad to make their hits away from Duke's greasy grasp, and having taken care of Calabrese, Nova turned Pink Power's attention towards the Ninjas.
"With the help of Mountain Men and Rebel Front, Ninjas score soon began to plummet, thus we also turned our attention to Green Army, who were targeting Mountain Men and causing their score to fall slightly. Green Army's score also began to fall and this cause the two teams Green Army and Ninjas to turn on each other in a fight for survival."
As you'd expect in a battle between trained assassins and people so high they think James Franco is a quality actor, it was Green Army who ended up as losers. GA's top beater-upperer Bullzeye hit out at his side's inactive members for hindering their chances of victory and hoped to see the competition change next year to accommodate these hammock-dwelling layabouts. Third top-scorer Len - short for Lentil Botherer - also noted this problem, but thought it wasn't all that bad since people's laziness made it easier for him to secure third.
The Nerdz were the next side to be eliminated on Thursday 21st, but as I was attending an all you can eat buffet at the time I'll leave it up to their three top whackers to fill you in on the details. First up, Arkar_Norris, who gorged himself on 984 attacks despite being only level 30. Isn't he a good boy?
Next up, second best boy Will_Alter; a mere pup of a lad at 267 days old. Will was sure his side could have scored higher if Pink Power's shock and awe tactics had not been in effect. He noted a large number of negative nancies had begun to populate his team when PP started to dominate, so he gave them a right good telling off and began contacting players who had made too few hits in a bid to get them going.
"I think it helped. I believe we picked up an additional 100 players becoming active in a short period. Once our leadership pole and votes turned in, we started to get more organized and worked together more as a team."
Third-placed -Raven- also noted this internal conflict within the Nerdz, but feels that their sixth-place finish was a great achievement considering the strength and activity levels of their rivals. As for her opinion of Pink Power, she felt the situation was controversial and entertaining, having almost signed up for PP herself courtesy of her natural, God-given lady parts.
"I was close to joining with no prior knowledge of the so called "204" having joined. Once I did hear about it, I decided to join Nerdz since i saw it as an underdog of sorts. As a woman, I wouldn't mind seeing random teams offered or assigned to players next year purely based on chance rather than gender."
On Friday it was the turn of the Mountain Men to feel Elimination's hot throbbing member slide deep inside their...sorry where was I? Oh yes. As an ally of Pink Power, Mountain Men were expected to do well, and Nova hoped to hand the hairy hillbillies of the hilltops second place as reward for their loyalty. However, that plan fell right into shit creek and flowed straight into Lake Excrement, as the Mountain Men turned on their allies and were eliminated as a result.
Rekker took the title of number one hitter for the Mountain Men, and his achievement was all the more incredible having bravely fought off a debilitating condition during the first two days of the competition - a devastating lack of internet connection. When we chatted in our super secret treehouse no-one knows about where no girls are allowed, Rekker said the competition was a success since it brought the community together, despite some people being triggered. He also revealed that his side did not fear the prospect of fake men entering his team, which, now I think about it, was a silly question on my part.
"As torn is 81% male anyway I think it would be quite rare to find a fake male amongst our team but it may have happened who knows. Was it a constant fear? Of course not I never even thought of it to be honest."
The second most virile of the Mountain Men was Rappinp, who felt his team had done well as one of the most dominant sub-1000 sides. He also believed one of their crowning glories was their help in retaining Pink Power when their Elimination seemed inevitable, but Rappinp was mostly grateful for the opportunity the competition gave him to meet new people.
Pictured: Yeah, me too.
Torn City Times reporter and occasional cat smuggler Harley came third in attacks for the Mountain Men. Harley Quim, as he is known within the newsroom, spent the whole competition striving to achieve the Supremacy Merit, and appeared to enjoy the competition more than a kiss on the cheek from his very own mother.
"I personally will remember this competition very fondly, it has really been one of the most fun events that I have participated in, in my entire Torn career. Having had an amazing team, both the people and the organisation we had, combined with hardly any drama in our chats."
"For Torn as a whole I also think this was a success rather than a failure, sure some people were / are unhappy, but the forums haven't seen this kind of activity in years, there were also so many twists and turns that caused more and more people to gain interest in the event. I think it really was an amazing competition!"
Saturday saw the dream team of Duke, Chedburn and myself saturated with the hot wet stink of defeat, as Pacifists were eliminated along with the last credible threat to Pink Power's dominance. My own total of thirty attacks paled in comparison to Duke's 7744, but the true top dog was Doinyamom who scored 1100 legitimate, non-scripted whacks.
"How did I achieve these hits? Bitch please I do this on the daily. Man I just wake up and the Ting go Skrrrrrrrrrrrrah pap pap ka ka ka skidiki pap pap and a Pu Pu brrrrrrrr boom skyaaaaaaa du du ku ku TUN TUN Poom Poom. Pacifists were a peaceful bunch before Duke and I teamed up...preaching the virtues of Gandhi before Duke. And then Duke said Gandhi appeared in a dream to him one day and said we needed to take an eye for an eye or something like that."
I asked second-placed Pacifist Master3z about the competition too. His opinion was that Duke's presence extended Pacifists' stay in the competition longer than they should have. Master3z also said and I'm paraphrasing again here - that the event as a whole was as unbalanced as TheLamia's weird transgender rant.
Pictured: I don't even know what this is.
Sunday, the day of the lord, saw Rebel Front depart the competition. Two-time dog-tag champion Kniv took first place in attacks for the Rebels, but was too tired and full of tinned peaches to make much of a comment.
"Hi. I was just a "soldier" didn't contribute much other then that. I'll wait until the next dog tag, I'll give you lots of comments after winning it again."
Second-placed Cogo responded to my request for a quote with the following message:
Pictured: The last words of a man we can only presume to be dead.
And so that brings us on to today, Monday, when the Ninjas were soundly defeated by the pretend princesses of Pink Power. PP would have hoped to have achieved a perfect score of 5000 - 0, but Ninjas avoided a whitewash through the attainment of one solitary attack. I reached out to the top three Ninjas for comment before their defeat, but they were all too busy purchasing rosary beads in anticipation of their forthcoming annihilation.
And so, onto the victors.
Head honcho Nova seemed to think it was a job well done when I spoke to him the night before the finale, and it turned out he was more accurate than a really precise thing that hit its target or something.
"We went into the day on 5,000 points and simply told our team to keep them on zero points. No real thought went into that plan, but Ninjas aren't putting up much of a fight so we should win comfortably."
Chocopie took second-place in the Pink Power rankings, having initially hoped for first, which is one above second and two above third. Choco and I-Love-You both struck 1,300 attacks, but for reasons I am too lazy to investigate Choco has been given second. The deliciously-named people-pounder was shocked and depressed when Duke assaulted his/her team, but admitted that in the end, he didn't make that much of a difference.
Chocopie also agreed with third-placed Alexstrasza's assessment that the Ninjas stood no chance of victory since PP's hitting power was capable of more damage than Caitlyn Jenner's front bumper. Furthermore, Alexstrasza felt that due to the intervention of Duke, PP's inevitable victory would not be sweet, like candy, but sour, like a lemon or some really old peas.
"Deflating, yes, a little. There were far better solutions than the terminator Duke. Especially since he was put on a team and actually scored and took away points. In a strange way, Ched's point caps hurt his Duke tactic more than it hurt Pink Power, as no team was out of 'range' of dropping into the elimination slot within the last couple of hours."
I also spoke to Pink Power spokeswoman Sky, who seemed slightly miffed at being blamed by some for Duke's involvement due to her presence on the committee. As a committee member myself, I can confirm that the whole thing was her idea - she even had t-shirts made - and that Sky is also a firm believer in that thing you really don't like, whatever it is.
As one of Pink Power's non-204 members, Sky says she and her fellow femmes felt defeated when Duke came along. Eventually, they rallied their troops and were able to fight back, but some players have chosen to quit in protest like great big jerks. Sky was forthright when I asked her what she thought of these filthy Torn-abandoners.
"I hate when people react to single moments to make very big decisions. Those people claim this is the straw that broke the camels back, that they had already considered it for a while. I personally like Ruby and Leboem a lot. I'm very sad to see them go. Our JFK family will surely miss them."
"Ched introduced something no one expected. There was a strong emotional response to Duke initially. Pink Power's leadership slowly developed a plan to try to manage Duke. It was really only the first 3 days of Duke that our backs were against the wall. After that point, we knew we could still win elimination."
Sky was of the opinion that this year's competition will go down as one of the biggest scandals in Torn history, but that the drama will give our community a high for some time yet - like that nice feeling you get after several hours of being sick. Chedburn has issued an apology for the Pink Power / Duke situation in a bulletin post made on the 22nd, in which he took full responsibility and offered up his first born son as compensation for the woes his neglectful ways have caused.
The post by our dearly beloved leader has been well received by many of those I've interviewed, but some are still not happy. In times like this, it is natural that citizens will look to the voice of the people, me, for guidance as to how they should feel. I accept this responsibility with every inch of my nubile, young body, and to conclude my coverage of Elimination 2017 I offer you this handy guide as to how you should feel about stuff, junk and things.
Was Elimination 2017 a lot of fun? - Yes, unless you were an actual woman in Pink Power
Was it also good drama? - Yes, especially all those funny open letters
Were Pink Power worthy winners? - Absolutely, they destroyed the opposition, defiled competition etiquette and beat the ruler of Torn. This deserves respect
Was the introduction of Duke better than doing nothing? - Yes, because otherwise, the competition would've been boring like a sandwich with bread for filling
What about all those people in the forums who said Ched should have done x, y and z? - Opinions are like children; everyone thinks theirs is the best but I hate your children and I wish your children were dead and would shut up
Should things like this happen every year? - Probably not, because it sucked for some people
Were Pink Power the victims of sexism? - You are an idiot
Will we remember this competition for all time, partly thanks to the crazy decisions and mistakes made during its run? - Yes, until the onset of a degenerative brain disease wipes them out entirely
Having stared elimination in the face and spat in its open gob, reduced an angry NPC with inflated stats to impotence, and battled against a tide of opinion so salty you could use it to season the world, only the most churlish would deny that the ladies and pseudo-femmes of Pink Power thoroughly deserve their title. We will congratulate PP and commiserate the Ninjas later in this article. But for now, let's summarise the rest of the week's action like we're some kind of proper paper, starting with the incredible fightback of eventual winners Pink Power.
After the introduction of Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese to proceedings, Pink Power immediately found themselves battling Original Gangsters for survival. Yet despite hovering perilously close to the exit door for several hours, this misgendered mob mustered up enough strength to fight back from the brink and send the Original Gangsters packing. While some of their members wasted their energies on polluting Torn with an endless guff of complaints, others were working tirelessly behind the scenes to formulate a plan of action.
(Pictured: How to make your own safe space)
Nova was the brains behind the initial mass transition of males to females, and it was he/she who was also behind Pink Power's impressive late revival. Having emerged as a force to be reckoned with early on in the competition, this naughty little minx plotted to use Murica as a shield while attempting to eliminate Pirates as quickly as possible. Sadly, this tactic failed harder than Ruby's goodbye essay, with Murica dispatched on day one of Elimination. Still, after ridding the competition of Pirates and Illuminati over the next two days, Nova felt confident his side could go on and win. But when Duke muscled his way onto the roster of the Pacifists, Nova knew Pink Power had to up their game.
"For the next 24 Hours before the next elimination, I studied Duke and his attack pattern, since I knew he was being run by a script, his movements became predictable. I learnt that he was attacking at the beginning of every minute anyone in 'the 204' who wasn't abroad or already in hospital. I also noticed some of the other teams were paying revivers to revive members of 'the 204' who didn't have revives turned off knowing Duke would keep hospitalising them, thus reducing our score further."
"I first set out by conducting a list of the 204 players and made sure they turned their revives off or travelled abroad. After this was achieved, the amount of points taken from us by Duke began to decrease, but the main problem was the other teams sitting on us due to our top players being immobilised. However, with the help of Thief and the rest of Mountain Men, we were able to drag Original Gangsters score back down to zero to join us at the bottom."
Nova wasn't the only one making lists and checking it twice. David of the Ninjas published a list of 124 of the 204 Pink Power members which he'd compiled himself. David - Dave to his friends - expected people would use this list as a monument to their glory, and that some dumbasses would take my bait. I just underestimated their numbers, and how easy it would be to round up trolls in one thread. David later apologised for creating his post, but even with this fully documented hit-list of their fake-female members and the attention of Duke, Pink Power still managed to hold out and see Original Gangsters slapped out of the competition.
OG's top-scorer Rorschach felt his side wasn't very organised, and that the gangsters suffered due to a lack of alliances. He considered Pink Power's actions as unfair play but not against the rules, unlike Duke's interference, which, and I'm paraphrasing here, he felt was as inappropriate as that white guy who played that Asian guy in Short Circuit.
Second-placed Cindyfury said much the same, stating that Chedburn had underestimated PP and overestimated the community's willingness to gang up on them. With regards to her own side's efforts, Cindyfury believed the team was in safe hands with its leadership but failed due to a lack of activity and hits. Third-placed Kyal thought OG went out far too early, but I have yet to decipher his thoughts on Duke and Pink Power.
Pictured: A message which still made more sense than 99% of Elimination forum posts.
Many people, myself included, believed Pink Power would surely be dispatched the following day. But it wasn't to be. Pink Power dealt well with Duke's musty presence by having finishing hitters sit on him for the full five minutes. During this time, the infamous 204 would make as many hits as possible, before rinsing and repeating and so on and so forth. Nova also sent many of the 204 abroad to make their hits away from Duke's greasy grasp, and having taken care of Calabrese, Nova turned Pink Power's attention towards the Ninjas.
"With the help of Mountain Men and Rebel Front, Ninjas score soon began to plummet, thus we also turned our attention to Green Army, who were targeting Mountain Men and causing their score to fall slightly. Green Army's score also began to fall and this cause the two teams Green Army and Ninjas to turn on each other in a fight for survival."
As you'd expect in a battle between trained assassins and people so high they think James Franco is a quality actor, it was Green Army who ended up as losers. GA's top beater-upperer Bullzeye hit out at his side's inactive members for hindering their chances of victory and hoped to see the competition change next year to accommodate these hammock-dwelling layabouts. Third top-scorer Len - short for Lentil Botherer - also noted this problem, but thought it wasn't all that bad since people's laziness made it easier for him to secure third.
The Nerdz were the next side to be eliminated on Thursday 21st, but as I was attending an all you can eat buffet at the time I'll leave it up to their three top whackers to fill you in on the details. First up, Arkar_Norris, who gorged himself on 984 attacks despite being only level 30. Isn't he a good boy?
Next up, second best boy Will_Alter; a mere pup of a lad at 267 days old. Will was sure his side could have scored higher if Pink Power's shock and awe tactics had not been in effect. He noted a large number of negative nancies had begun to populate his team when PP started to dominate, so he gave them a right good telling off and began contacting players who had made too few hits in a bid to get them going.
"I think it helped. I believe we picked up an additional 100 players becoming active in a short period. Once our leadership pole and votes turned in, we started to get more organized and worked together more as a team."
Third-placed -Raven- also noted this internal conflict within the Nerdz, but feels that their sixth-place finish was a great achievement considering the strength and activity levels of their rivals. As for her opinion of Pink Power, she felt the situation was controversial and entertaining, having almost signed up for PP herself courtesy of her natural, God-given lady parts.
"I was close to joining with no prior knowledge of the so called "204" having joined. Once I did hear about it, I decided to join Nerdz since i saw it as an underdog of sorts. As a woman, I wouldn't mind seeing random teams offered or assigned to players next year purely based on chance rather than gender."
On Friday it was the turn of the Mountain Men to feel Elimination's hot throbbing member slide deep inside their...sorry where was I? Oh yes. As an ally of Pink Power, Mountain Men were expected to do well, and Nova hoped to hand the hairy hillbillies of the hilltops second place as reward for their loyalty. However, that plan fell right into shit creek and flowed straight into Lake Excrement, as the Mountain Men turned on their allies and were eliminated as a result.
Rekker took the title of number one hitter for the Mountain Men, and his achievement was all the more incredible having bravely fought off a debilitating condition during the first two days of the competition - a devastating lack of internet connection. When we chatted in our super secret treehouse no-one knows about where no girls are allowed, Rekker said the competition was a success since it brought the community together, despite some people being triggered. He also revealed that his side did not fear the prospect of fake men entering his team, which, now I think about it, was a silly question on my part.
"As torn is 81% male anyway I think it would be quite rare to find a fake male amongst our team but it may have happened who knows. Was it a constant fear? Of course not I never even thought of it to be honest."
The second most virile of the Mountain Men was Rappinp, who felt his team had done well as one of the most dominant sub-1000 sides. He also believed one of their crowning glories was their help in retaining Pink Power when their Elimination seemed inevitable, but Rappinp was mostly grateful for the opportunity the competition gave him to meet new people.
Pictured: Yeah, me too.
Torn City Times reporter and occasional cat smuggler Harley came third in attacks for the Mountain Men. Harley Quim, as he is known within the newsroom, spent the whole competition striving to achieve the Supremacy Merit, and appeared to enjoy the competition more than a kiss on the cheek from his very own mother.
"I personally will remember this competition very fondly, it has really been one of the most fun events that I have participated in, in my entire Torn career. Having had an amazing team, both the people and the organisation we had, combined with hardly any drama in our chats."
"For Torn as a whole I also think this was a success rather than a failure, sure some people were / are unhappy, but the forums haven't seen this kind of activity in years, there were also so many twists and turns that caused more and more people to gain interest in the event. I think it really was an amazing competition!"
Saturday saw the dream team of Duke, Chedburn and myself saturated with the hot wet stink of defeat, as Pacifists were eliminated along with the last credible threat to Pink Power's dominance. My own total of thirty attacks paled in comparison to Duke's 7744, but the true top dog was Doinyamom who scored 1100 legitimate, non-scripted whacks.
"How did I achieve these hits? Bitch please I do this on the daily. Man I just wake up and the Ting go Skrrrrrrrrrrrrah pap pap ka ka ka skidiki pap pap and a Pu Pu brrrrrrrr boom skyaaaaaaa du du ku ku TUN TUN Poom Poom. Pacifists were a peaceful bunch before Duke and I teamed up...preaching the virtues of Gandhi before Duke. And then Duke said Gandhi appeared in a dream to him one day and said we needed to take an eye for an eye or something like that."
I asked second-placed Pacifist Master3z about the competition too. His opinion was that Duke's presence extended Pacifists' stay in the competition longer than they should have. Master3z also said and I'm paraphrasing again here - that the event as a whole was as unbalanced as TheLamia's weird transgender rant.
Pictured: I don't even know what this is.
Sunday, the day of the lord, saw Rebel Front depart the competition. Two-time dog-tag champion Kniv took first place in attacks for the Rebels, but was too tired and full of tinned peaches to make much of a comment.
"Hi. I was just a "soldier" didn't contribute much other then that. I'll wait until the next dog tag, I'll give you lots of comments after winning it again."
Second-placed Cogo responded to my request for a quote with the following message:
Pictured: The last words of a man we can only presume to be dead.
And so that brings us on to today, Monday, when the Ninjas were soundly defeated by the pretend princesses of Pink Power. PP would have hoped to have achieved a perfect score of 5000 - 0, but Ninjas avoided a whitewash through the attainment of one solitary attack. I reached out to the top three Ninjas for comment before their defeat, but they were all too busy purchasing rosary beads in anticipation of their forthcoming annihilation.
And so, onto the victors.
Head honcho Nova seemed to think it was a job well done when I spoke to him the night before the finale, and it turned out he was more accurate than a really precise thing that hit its target or something.
"We went into the day on 5,000 points and simply told our team to keep them on zero points. No real thought went into that plan, but Ninjas aren't putting up much of a fight so we should win comfortably."
Chocopie took second-place in the Pink Power rankings, having initially hoped for first, which is one above second and two above third. Choco and I-Love-You both struck 1,300 attacks, but for reasons I am too lazy to investigate Choco has been given second. The deliciously-named people-pounder was shocked and depressed when Duke assaulted his/her team, but admitted that in the end, he didn't make that much of a difference.
Chocopie also agreed with third-placed Alexstrasza's assessment that the Ninjas stood no chance of victory since PP's hitting power was capable of more damage than Caitlyn Jenner's front bumper. Furthermore, Alexstrasza felt that due to the intervention of Duke, PP's inevitable victory would not be sweet, like candy, but sour, like a lemon or some really old peas.
"Deflating, yes, a little. There were far better solutions than the terminator Duke. Especially since he was put on a team and actually scored and took away points. In a strange way, Ched's point caps hurt his Duke tactic more than it hurt Pink Power, as no team was out of 'range' of dropping into the elimination slot within the last couple of hours."
I also spoke to Pink Power spokeswoman Sky, who seemed slightly miffed at being blamed by some for Duke's involvement due to her presence on the committee. As a committee member myself, I can confirm that the whole thing was her idea - she even had t-shirts made - and that Sky is also a firm believer in that thing you really don't like, whatever it is.
As one of Pink Power's non-204 members, Sky says she and her fellow femmes felt defeated when Duke came along. Eventually, they rallied their troops and were able to fight back, but some players have chosen to quit in protest like great big jerks. Sky was forthright when I asked her what she thought of these filthy Torn-abandoners.
"I hate when people react to single moments to make very big decisions. Those people claim this is the straw that broke the camels back, that they had already considered it for a while. I personally like Ruby and Leboem a lot. I'm very sad to see them go. Our JFK family will surely miss them."
"Ched introduced something no one expected. There was a strong emotional response to Duke initially. Pink Power's leadership slowly developed a plan to try to manage Duke. It was really only the first 3 days of Duke that our backs were against the wall. After that point, we knew we could still win elimination."
Sky was of the opinion that this year's competition will go down as one of the biggest scandals in Torn history, but that the drama will give our community a high for some time yet - like that nice feeling you get after several hours of being sick. Chedburn has issued an apology for the Pink Power / Duke situation in a bulletin post made on the 22nd, in which he took full responsibility and offered up his first born son as compensation for the woes his neglectful ways have caused.
The post by our dearly beloved leader has been well received by many of those I've interviewed, but some are still not happy. In times like this, it is natural that citizens will look to the voice of the people, me, for guidance as to how they should feel. I accept this responsibility with every inch of my nubile, young body, and to conclude my coverage of Elimination 2017 I offer you this handy guide as to how you should feel about stuff, junk and things.
Was Elimination 2017 a lot of fun? - Yes, unless you were an actual woman in Pink Power
Was it also good drama? - Yes, especially all those funny open letters
Were Pink Power worthy winners? - Absolutely, they destroyed the opposition, defiled competition etiquette and beat the ruler of Torn. This deserves respect
Was the introduction of Duke better than doing nothing? - Yes, because otherwise, the competition would've been boring like a sandwich with bread for filling
What about all those people in the forums who said Ched should have done x, y and z? - Opinions are like children; everyone thinks theirs is the best but I hate your children and I wish your children were dead and would shut up
Should things like this happen every year? - Probably not, because it sucked for some people
Were Pink Power the victims of sexism? - You are an idiot
Will we remember this competition for all time, partly thanks to the crazy decisions and mistakes made during its run? - Yes, until the onset of a degenerative brain disease wipes them out entirely
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