sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
In the wake of his embarrassing attempt to manipulate the course of the Elimination competition, you may have thought The Duke would be keen to avoid the limelight while his considerable ego recovers from the thrashing inflicted upon it by Pink Power's legions of ladies and ladyboys. But to expect such an act of self-chastisement from someone like Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese is a forlorn hope indeed.
Pictured: In the left hand, a small quantity of hope. In the right, an abundance of excrement.
On the 29th of September The Duke posted a thread announcing the start of the 'Dead Guy Lottery', the aim of which was to call in unpaid loans with the help of Torn's perpetually greedy and ever-feral general public. Duke started by directing people's attention towards Egypt and tie_dyed1; both of whom are known clients of his. Then, Duke instructed his army of loyal sycophants to attack these indebted individuals without mercy until their fees have been repaid.
An attack upon these scoundrels reportedly gains you entry into The Dead Guy Lottery, with each additional attack gaining you one further entry on top of your current total. For example, if you assaulted tie_dyed1 three times, having already attacked him six times, you would have a total of nine entries into the lottery. Isn't maths fun?
Calabrese's staff has informed me that your attack does not need to be victorious, but runaways on your part will not be counted when judging your ticket allocation. Eventually, when tie_dyed1 has paid his loans back, the draw will be made and the winner announced. Further debtors will be added to the lottery as and when it is deemed appropriate. And with the Duke offering 50% of fees recovered to one lucky attacker picked at random, the prizes of $1.3billion and $825million have so far proved rather tempting for Torn's trigger-happy inhabitants.
"Yeh Sky was raining attacks and I'm still suffering." - Egypt
Morally, there can be no objection to the concept of the Dead Guy Lottery. Should you take out a loan from Mr Calabrese, you accept that subsequent non-payment will lead to the eventual forfeiture of your safety through bounties and encounters with the Duke himself. The DGL simply takes this idea a little further, since it attempts to rake in long-term, high-value debts through the outsourcing of violence and the application of competition to proceedings.
Nevertheless, Egypt feels he should have been forewarned of such an eventuality, having cacked his ruddy pants when found out he'd been targeted.
"I was surprised by the continual mail spam, some of them included warnings then mugs then that thread that caused a lot of attacks, I sometimes get loans when my money is in stocks or casino and I return them later not bec[ause] of bankruptcy and I return money with interest. The game doesn't say anything about time limit bec[ause] interest accumulates over time anyway."
"I thought Duke was actually part of the system not a real person anyway and his mails thought them to be notifications for the accumulated interest which I always pay , but he never said anything about launching attacks or mugs or even creating a thread, I paid the loan way bef[ore] he created the thread anyway."
Egypt's complaint holds as much water as a fruit fly's bladder. Even if Duke's behaviour were not already apparent through his activity on the forums, the city's Wiki guide explains in plain English the dire consequences of non-payment.
The Dead Guy Lottery seems like a worthwhile way for Torn's follicly-challenged loan shark to recover his considerable losses at the hands of Torn citizens. As I revealed back in June, the city is in debt by over $800billion to The Duke, with much of this comprised of long-term debt held by otherwise wealthy citizens - Duke is reportedly targeting only those with a positive networth who he feels able to recover funds from.
Writing off 50% of these debts as prize money is better than taking a 100% hit by doing nothing, so in this respect, the Dead Guy Lottery could be seen as a win-win for everyone but the victim. Unfortunately, there was one little problem with Duke Calabrese's clever little scheme. Whereas tie_dyed1 legitimately owes The Duke a sum of $2,600,643,666 as confirmed by my research, Egypt conversely owns a grand total of the square root of **** all.
Pictured: Unnecessary cruelty
To his credit, when this error was pointed out to him Duke seems to have stepped in immediately to rectify the situation. Ordinarily, one who had suffered unfair treatment at Calabrese's hands would be lucky to receive an apology shanking or a punch in the ovaries, let alone compensation. Yet Egypt seems happy enough that the attacks have subsided, his hospital stay is over and that his spotless reputation has been fully restored.
"He paid for the revives during that 2 days, I don't care about money, I wanted more the thread to be edited to stop the attacks which he did. Duke edited the thread by removing my name and clear it to players that he mistook to stop any further misunderstandings and stop attacks."
Pictured: Egypt's Spotless Reputation
Duke's swift action in remedying this error - blamed on "some pencil pushin nark" - could be seen as an attempt to assuage fears that this competition is yet another one of Calabrese's infamous scams. Having previously relieved the city of over two billion dollars courtesy of his anonymous message swindle and a loan swindle slash charity drive, it is fair to say most people trust The Duke as far as they can throw his considerable, sausage-enhanced frame.
However, with Egypt's situation now resolved amicably, we perhaps have evidence that The Duke is running a legitimate lottery after all. This assessment was backed up by a conversation I had with the authorities earlier this afternoon, with my sources in the city indicating they are backing the competition in a bid to eradicate Torn's considerable debts to Calabrese. Should the competition continue to be as warmly received as it has been, the Dead Guy Lottery might help to loosen Duke's financial grip on the city. If it doesn't, and all $800billion in city arrears were called in at once, we could be looking at the worst financial crisis Torn has experienced since last Tuesday.
With this in mind, I have been told that the authorities will provide Calabrese with all the information he needs to confirm a winner in this month's Dead Guy Lottery, having meticulously logged all the attacks that have made so far. Furthermore, it is believed the city will ensure payments to the winners are made, since Calabrese's plan to make this a monthly occurrence should absolve the city of most of its debt within the space of a few years. Of course, one man not helped by this situation is tie_dyed1, who, despite holding a networth of $4.84billion at the time of writing, has pled poverty in the face of this city-wide shakedown.
"I have always been a guy to stay under the radar. Obviously, this light shined on me is a bummer. The nurses at the hospital are cute, they give a good spongebath. It's all good. Some guys drink too much, some guys blow their wad on cocaine. Me, I got a gambling problem. I'm addicted to the high I get when playing blackjack. I've tried to get the money, been on some awesome streaks, but I always end up giving it back to the house. I can't pay Duke what I don't got....
"I wasted merits on bank... so I'm holding 3bn of other people's money. I have offered Duke the Stock. He has never replied. I look good on paper. I'm broke. And, gotta run.... Dead guy lottery player is knocking on my door."
Pictured: In the left hand, a small quantity of hope. In the right, an abundance of excrement.
On the 29th of September The Duke posted a thread announcing the start of the 'Dead Guy Lottery', the aim of which was to call in unpaid loans with the help of Torn's perpetually greedy and ever-feral general public. Duke started by directing people's attention towards Egypt and tie_dyed1; both of whom are known clients of his. Then, Duke instructed his army of loyal sycophants to attack these indebted individuals without mercy until their fees have been repaid.
An attack upon these scoundrels reportedly gains you entry into The Dead Guy Lottery, with each additional attack gaining you one further entry on top of your current total. For example, if you assaulted tie_dyed1 three times, having already attacked him six times, you would have a total of nine entries into the lottery. Isn't maths fun?
Calabrese's staff has informed me that your attack does not need to be victorious, but runaways on your part will not be counted when judging your ticket allocation. Eventually, when tie_dyed1 has paid his loans back, the draw will be made and the winner announced. Further debtors will be added to the lottery as and when it is deemed appropriate. And with the Duke offering 50% of fees recovered to one lucky attacker picked at random, the prizes of $1.3billion and $825million have so far proved rather tempting for Torn's trigger-happy inhabitants.
"Yeh Sky was raining attacks and I'm still suffering." - Egypt
Morally, there can be no objection to the concept of the Dead Guy Lottery. Should you take out a loan from Mr Calabrese, you accept that subsequent non-payment will lead to the eventual forfeiture of your safety through bounties and encounters with the Duke himself. The DGL simply takes this idea a little further, since it attempts to rake in long-term, high-value debts through the outsourcing of violence and the application of competition to proceedings.
Nevertheless, Egypt feels he should have been forewarned of such an eventuality, having cacked his ruddy pants when found out he'd been targeted.
"I was surprised by the continual mail spam, some of them included warnings then mugs then that thread that caused a lot of attacks, I sometimes get loans when my money is in stocks or casino and I return them later not bec[ause] of bankruptcy and I return money with interest. The game doesn't say anything about time limit bec[ause] interest accumulates over time anyway."
"I thought Duke was actually part of the system not a real person anyway and his mails thought them to be notifications for the accumulated interest which I always pay , but he never said anything about launching attacks or mugs or even creating a thread, I paid the loan way bef[ore] he created the thread anyway."
Egypt's complaint holds as much water as a fruit fly's bladder. Even if Duke's behaviour were not already apparent through his activity on the forums, the city's Wiki guide explains in plain English the dire consequences of non-payment.
The Dead Guy Lottery seems like a worthwhile way for Torn's follicly-challenged loan shark to recover his considerable losses at the hands of Torn citizens. As I revealed back in June, the city is in debt by over $800billion to The Duke, with much of this comprised of long-term debt held by otherwise wealthy citizens - Duke is reportedly targeting only those with a positive networth who he feels able to recover funds from.
Writing off 50% of these debts as prize money is better than taking a 100% hit by doing nothing, so in this respect, the Dead Guy Lottery could be seen as a win-win for everyone but the victim. Unfortunately, there was one little problem with Duke Calabrese's clever little scheme. Whereas tie_dyed1 legitimately owes The Duke a sum of $2,600,643,666 as confirmed by my research, Egypt conversely owns a grand total of the square root of **** all.
Pictured: Unnecessary cruelty
To his credit, when this error was pointed out to him Duke seems to have stepped in immediately to rectify the situation. Ordinarily, one who had suffered unfair treatment at Calabrese's hands would be lucky to receive an apology shanking or a punch in the ovaries, let alone compensation. Yet Egypt seems happy enough that the attacks have subsided, his hospital stay is over and that his spotless reputation has been fully restored.
"He paid for the revives during that 2 days, I don't care about money, I wanted more the thread to be edited to stop the attacks which he did. Duke edited the thread by removing my name and clear it to players that he mistook to stop any further misunderstandings and stop attacks."
Pictured: Egypt's Spotless Reputation
Duke's swift action in remedying this error - blamed on "some pencil pushin nark" - could be seen as an attempt to assuage fears that this competition is yet another one of Calabrese's infamous scams. Having previously relieved the city of over two billion dollars courtesy of his anonymous message swindle and a loan swindle slash charity drive, it is fair to say most people trust The Duke as far as they can throw his considerable, sausage-enhanced frame.
However, with Egypt's situation now resolved amicably, we perhaps have evidence that The Duke is running a legitimate lottery after all. This assessment was backed up by a conversation I had with the authorities earlier this afternoon, with my sources in the city indicating they are backing the competition in a bid to eradicate Torn's considerable debts to Calabrese. Should the competition continue to be as warmly received as it has been, the Dead Guy Lottery might help to loosen Duke's financial grip on the city. If it doesn't, and all $800billion in city arrears were called in at once, we could be looking at the worst financial crisis Torn has experienced since last Tuesday.
With this in mind, I have been told that the authorities will provide Calabrese with all the information he needs to confirm a winner in this month's Dead Guy Lottery, having meticulously logged all the attacks that have made so far. Furthermore, it is believed the city will ensure payments to the winners are made, since Calabrese's plan to make this a monthly occurrence should absolve the city of most of its debt within the space of a few years. Of course, one man not helped by this situation is tie_dyed1, who, despite holding a networth of $4.84billion at the time of writing, has pled poverty in the face of this city-wide shakedown.
"I have always been a guy to stay under the radar. Obviously, this light shined on me is a bummer. The nurses at the hospital are cute, they give a good spongebath. It's all good. Some guys drink too much, some guys blow their wad on cocaine. Me, I got a gambling problem. I'm addicted to the high I get when playing blackjack. I've tried to get the money, been on some awesome streaks, but I always end up giving it back to the house. I can't pay Duke what I don't got....
"I wasted merits on bank... so I'm holding 3bn of other people's money. I have offered Duke the Stock. He has never replied. I look good on paper. I'm broke. And, gotta run.... Dead guy lottery player is knocking on my door."
Original article
Comments
Post a Comment