lickdapoo [1827223] —
Original article
Political Assassinations- The holy grail of organised crime?
Torn is a city plagued by crime and carnage. A place where burning warehouses and bomb flashes illuminate the evening sky; as if trying to compete with the fading light of the setting sun against the skyline of this forsaken settlement. This is a place where crime isn't so much a questionable career choice; it is the bread and butter of a whole population.
Hijackings, bombings and robberies are part and parcel of living in a big city according to our leader Chedburn, yet this is a situation no other place on Earth would tolerate. The countless murders committed here every day make Ciudad Juarez feel like a welcoming family resort. But even amongst all this carnage, there is one startling statistic which somehow manages to stand head and shoulders above all others.
In the past twelve months, there have been 2658 attempted Political Assassinations. 1959 were successful.
To investigate the grotesque phenomenon of rampant political slaughter, this humble reporter has risked life and limb to unveil the deepest secrets of Torn's crime syndicates. In this article, I aim to shed light upon Torn's warring factions, and how they are willing to commit unspeakable atrocities in their constant struggle for respect and money.
Be warned, though! By further reading this article, you will come into possession of information that might put you, the reader, in grave danger. I myself have been threatened with despicable things, such as being bombarded with cookies, should I fail to retract my article. However, from my new press bunker within the walls of the TCT headquarters, I promise to stick two fingers in the air to those who would hope to keep me quiet.
What is a Political Assassination?
Very little is publicly known about the abyss that is faction organised crimes; even less about Political Assassinations. The only written documentation this reporter could find was a wiki entry hidden deep in the city records. According to said entry, a successful Political Assassination, or "PA", requires four faction members and a total planning time of 192 hours.
The result? A haul of 200-300 respect for the faction, $100-300 million in cash and one more dead politician to add to the rest. The rewards alone explain why factions are content to shoot president after president - men have gone much further for far less. What I wasn't prepared for was the enormity of knowledge and experience factions have amassed in secret. These assassinations, far from being random, one-off acts, have become routine operations planned and executed with extreme precision.
On my frequent trips to the city's hospital and prison facilities (solely for newspaper business I assure you), I saw many "victims" of failed assassination attempts languishing in their beds and cells. Never before had I dared to speak to the criminal elite about why they were there, but even when I struck up the courage to do so, few of these underworld underlings were willing to spill the beans.
It came as no surprise that many PA leaders weren't too keen on being interviewed for the newspaper either. In the end, it took some convincing, the pulling of many strings and some intimate personal favours (the details of which I will take to my grave) to gain the cartel chiefs' trust. Some encounters led to nothing, but others were willing to talk. MightyGoober of IBB was one such loudmouth:
"I run the teams at IBB, We have 2 solid and 1 upcoming team for 3 total soon."
MightyGoober was incredibly forthcoming, and my notes soon filled binder after binder. Whether he mistook me for an errant priest and wanted to confess his sins, I do not know. Perhaps in his drug-addled mind, it seemed wise to spill trade secrets to the newspaper for fame and glory. Either way, I am deeply thankful for the assistance, and for the fact that no equine heads have found their way into my bed yet.
So what are the requirements for prospective PA team members? Can you, a lonely two-bit street hustler ever expect to get a slice of that Organised Crime action?
Not according to Mr. Goober:
"Newbs can expect to never have enough CE (editorial note:crime experience). Requirements were to be an old player with pre-nerf busts, or now 20K+ arsons and other safe crimes."
Such requirements were commonly referred to by many of the older citizens I spoke to, with some having long abandoned the assassination business due to its its sky-high prerequisites; as easye of IA explains:
"I'd be glad to help but we've had a huge struggle lately and quit doing them as we feel Ched has messed with them"
Easye is referring to a move by Torn leader Chedburn which made it harder for citizens to gain the nerve required for top-level organised crimes - a move you can hardly blame him for since most of his political staff end up being shot. Nevertheless, seeing Torn's veterans hard-pressed to meet organised crime requirements made me wonder: If these ancient fossils have trouble, how would a newspaper reporter slash random street criminal be able to tap into that river of money? Because according to S0ldierGurl of HYF, some of the best OC members are raking in millions "every 8 days for years."
To be part of an organised crime team, most factions will ask for a strong crime experience level alongside a natural nerve bar (nnb) of 60 - although some will go as low as 55nnb if needed, as Rosie of Dropbears indicates:
"Team members should have a 60nnb, although I have had successful results with players with 55nnb in #4 position. A leader with high CE is necessary, and it always helps if the #2 has high CE too"
To achieve such figures, citizens once had to perform thousands of jail bustings. Since this method of acquiring nerve was "nerfed", It is disputed whether this remains the best way. Ever since our leader Chedburn announced his draconian policy of making criminals stay in jail longer than two minutes, the legal system in Torn City has changed drastically.
Not only did busting once require energy instead of nerve, but the reinforced walls and real metal bars of today's prison make the old complex look as secure as a children's play area. Understandably, crime experience gains have dropped considerably since security was tightened, as Rosie goes on to explain:
"Since the busting nerf many players have stopped busting. The new busting mechanism is very strange and focuses more on the level of the player in jail rather than the amount of time they are jailed for. I'm still plodding along doing my 10 - 20 busts per day though."
David of JUX HQ predicted such an outcome several years ago, but unfortunately for his fellow busters, his pleas fell on deaf ears:
"The different stages of the busting nerf have been bad each on their own...Gonna be honest here. Back in 2014, before the nerf, I tried to encourage people to bust a bit more. Some did, but most scratched their butts, telling me 'but David, I wish to train my stats a bit more'. I was telling them 'busting will be screwed in the future, better bust now while you still can and train after the s**t hits the fan.' I still do a bit of busting nowadays, but I really don't care about it anymore."
For the uninformed, Rosie and David have almost 60,000 busts between them, with the latter holding the record for most busts in a day with 432. Both parties agree that such feats are impossible to achieve nowadays, or as David put it, they are now no more than "just nostalgia".
Naturally one can become jealous and weary when such records and rewards are no longer achievable. So are new citizens destined never to enjoy the sight of a President slumping down lifelessly through the scope of their sniper rifle? Rosie and David don't think so:
"It has recently been proven that pre-nerf bust monsters are not essential to lead. A player with 297 busts successfully lead a team, although she does have 30k+ Warehouse Arson crimes done." (Rosie)
"You don't have to be a buster to be part of a PA team (though it helps). My wife, Sky, is part of a PA team, which surprised me, considering her low bust count." (David)
Indicating that a woman has an unremarkable level of bust would garner you a slap most times, but Sky's ability to perform well as part of a PA team without having jailbroken many fellow players is a noteworthy achievement. So how else can ordinary folks like you and me ever hope to join a crack team of political assassins?
"Anyone with a 60nnb can be part of a PA team. It's possible to obtain a 60nnb in under a year if you do the maximum amount of crimes you possibly can every day. 10/10 Merits on CSR are very valuable to anyone who wants to be part of a team..." (Rosie)
Having cleared up the myth surrounding pre-nerf busts being a PA team requirement, we shall now look at crime experience and how new players can rack up enough. Crime Experience is generated by everyday crimes, organised crimes and jail busts. It is common knowledge among veterans that to have any chance of participating in Assassinations, one should stick to so-called "safe" crimes 100% of the time.
Just one step in the wrong direction, one poorly executed crime and your stay at Torn's correctional facilities will destroy months of hard work. Involvement in drug smuggling or hacking operations is a sure-fire way to be rejected from any serious Assassination team. In fact, it has come to this reporter's attention that several long-established PA crews have broken up over a single such attempt by one of their members.
It is therefore recommended that budding Lee Harvey Oswalds stick to the more cautious route of earning crime experience through warehouse arsons and mayoral kidnappings. Although laborious, stealing lots of jackets from Torn's clothing store will also do the trick. I myself hold an award given to those with 25,000 pilfered jackets; on each occasion using the old 'look-over-yonder' trick, which worked every time on the dimwit clerk.
You can also put on several jackets at the same time, one over the other, and walk out the store like a cheap knockoff of the marshmallow man. Should you attract suspicion, you may increase your chances of escape by mumbling something about having gotten fat over Christmas, which for some reason still works even in the middle of July.
Where all the jackets end up is anyone's guess; I strongly suspect they are going back to the same store through black market channels, as you see few people wearing more than thirty at the same time - except 80-jacket Jim, who we all know is a bit of a freak.
The problem with this advice is who has the time to torch 10.000 warehouses, kidnap 10.000 mayors and steal 25.000 ugly jackets? Nobody! Such a campaign of criminality would take years to complete. Speeding up this process is, therefore, the name of the game; so how this can be accomplished?
From my intimate dealings with Torn's criminal elite I have deduced that the following steps will help you speed up the acquisition of crime experience:
1. Max out your nerve bar by assigning merits.
This is a no-brainer. You can only do so many crimes in a row if you have to go home every three warehouses to change your pants because you couldn't handle the pressure. Spend your hard-earned merits on something useful and increase your nerve bar passively.
2. Max your crime success rate by assigning merits and using crime enhancers.
Again, pretty straight-forward. You won't get any crime experience by failing crimes, so do everything in your power to improve your chances of finishing the crimes you're spending your valuable nerve on. And don't forget to bring your crime enhancers. It's pretty dumb bringing your gas can to start a warehouse fire only to realise you've forgotten your damn lighter.
3. Get the right job
Within Torn, many people have built their whole lives around crime. Most of them work jobs that increase your nerve, with the nerve-giving alcohol bottles available to pub workers being one of many useful examples. Or, for those who like to hear themselves talk fake Latin for hours, law firm positions also offer crime related perks. These companies increase your chances for a successful bust dramatically. An additional +20% organised crime skill is just the cherry on the sundae, right?!
4. Join people who know what they're doing and do your homework.
If you are appalled by the thought of enabling alcoholics or joining the leeches at the law firm, there are countless guides available on how to improve your nerve and skill in other ways. For example, many factions have used the improved skill trees to assist with OC's. Also, the public forums are full to bursting with advertisements for crime-gang vacancies. Find them, send your resume; go out and explore the endless possibilities of a more fulfilling criminal life!
5. Be the Blob!
The Blob was an amoeba-like organism which ate and dissolved anything in its path, even 80's people with their enormous, product-laden hairdos. Like The Blob, you too must consume whatever you can get your hands on. Drink as many bottles of beer as you can, throw in a punch or two and finish with a bucket-sized cocktail. Round it up with a carefully rolled cannabis cigarette, and you're ready to go. You'll suffer a hangover the next morning for sure, but that's just the morning ritual of our city's nerve-addicted crime lords.
6. Be a go getter
You want to sit outside your house and enjoy the warmth of all those warehouse fires you just set? Don't! Instead, head over to the points building and refill that nerve you lazy bum, then get back out there and burn more stuff. Or would you rather see those jackets being SOLD at the clothing store? This reporter sure does not.
7. Bone up on books
For truly committed felons there is a range of new books knocking around town that can give you the edge to really boost your criminal career. Mind you, reading skills and an attention span longer than a goldfish will be necessary to make use of them. The Torn City Newspaper has received information that some of these publications may be re-released one day as coloring books, or in an audio-book format read by Stephen Hawking. Hoorah!
Now at this point, having accumulated significant knowledge through a series of in-depth interviews, you may be wondering what I did next. Of course, you might not be wondering this at all, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
Around 1,000 days ago this reporter infiltrated the ranks of Dropbears; a faction now boasting one of the youngest PA teams in the history of Torn. I did this to see for myself what was necessary to accomplish this most difficult of organised crimes. If you are are wondering how I could've acquired all the above information before applying to the Dropbears 1,000 days ago, let me answer your query by quoting one man:
"Time is an illusion" (Albert Einstein, factionless)
Over the years I've been involved with them, Dropbears has worked steadily towards becoming a crime-oriented faction. This mantra included not only the personal betterment of faction members through 'safe' crimes, but also the timely use of nerve refills, as well as countless bottles of alcohol courtesy of a faction-run pub.
In my understanding, the disappearance of truckloads of bottles from this pub has something to do with tax-evasion. Also, it is rumoured that getting drunk in a pub increases your nerve more than drinking at home all sad and alone. Thus, it comes as no surprise that pub employees usually embark on crime sprees after their shifts, further increasing their experience.
Over time, after witnessing all these alcohol-fueled arsons and thefts, I talked to some people about starting a law firm. With hordes of faction members pillaging the city on a daily basis, it seemed wise to try and chip into our massive legal bills (and earn myself a few dollars on the side). Also, the perks that come with working in a law firm are legendary among PA members:
"In a law company.....+20 % OC success, faction has one ofc." (SoldierGurl)
With regards to the changes to faction setups mentioned above, the goalposts have shifted even further for crime oriented factions. Crime success rates and nerve bars are optionally extendable, and it seems the conditions are now ripe for a new generation of political assassins to emerge.
There can be no doubt that the senior citizens of Torn had a unique array of options to increase their crime experience and earn big from organised crimes. However, most of the people I have interviewed for this article agree that recent changes to companies, factions and nerve bars make qualifying for an organised crime team even easier today than it ever was.
In a nutshell, the OC changes have shaken up the hegemony of Torn's criminal elite, while simultaneously offering an opportunity for new citizens to forge ahead in the world of contract killings. Although, if you are to make a name for yourself as a deadly assassin, David believes there's one trait you'll need above all others.
"One word: DEDICATION!"
It takes a lot of work and dedication to stick to your organised criminal plans. It might not result in 'less than 5h of sleep' as it did for David during his busting record. And nor will it likely require the 'ritual sacrifice of medium-sized animals' which Rosie conducted before every PA. Nonetheless, it certainly does take a lot of nerve and experience to cope with the psychological strain of murdering an innocent President in cold blood. And if you are to succeed in repeating such a heinous crime, you must dedicate yourself entirely towards the life of the criminal assassin.
With a stationary target in his sights, Lickdapoo steadies the rifle and lines the crosshair up with the Senator's head.
BANG! One shot is fired, the bullet pierces the front window and enters the Senator's head. His body slumps lifelessly.
By following the advice doled out to him by professional contract killers, this reporter acquired enough nerve and experience during his undercover operation within Dropbears to complete a Presidential Assassination. The only questions which remain are: Where do all the murdered presidents come from, and what were they Presidents of?
Disclaimer: Some presidents may have been harmed during the writing of this article!
Torn is a city plagued by crime and carnage. A place where burning warehouses and bomb flashes illuminate the evening sky; as if trying to compete with the fading light of the setting sun against the skyline of this forsaken settlement. This is a place where crime isn't so much a questionable career choice; it is the bread and butter of a whole population.
Hijackings, bombings and robberies are part and parcel of living in a big city according to our leader Chedburn, yet this is a situation no other place on Earth would tolerate. The countless murders committed here every day make Ciudad Juarez feel like a welcoming family resort. But even amongst all this carnage, there is one startling statistic which somehow manages to stand head and shoulders above all others.
In the past twelve months, there have been 2658 attempted Political Assassinations. 1959 were successful.
To investigate the grotesque phenomenon of rampant political slaughter, this humble reporter has risked life and limb to unveil the deepest secrets of Torn's crime syndicates. In this article, I aim to shed light upon Torn's warring factions, and how they are willing to commit unspeakable atrocities in their constant struggle for respect and money.
Be warned, though! By further reading this article, you will come into possession of information that might put you, the reader, in grave danger. I myself have been threatened with despicable things, such as being bombarded with cookies, should I fail to retract my article. However, from my new press bunker within the walls of the TCT headquarters, I promise to stick two fingers in the air to those who would hope to keep me quiet.
What is a Political Assassination?
Very little is publicly known about the abyss that is faction organised crimes; even less about Political Assassinations. The only written documentation this reporter could find was a wiki entry hidden deep in the city records. According to said entry, a successful Political Assassination, or "PA", requires four faction members and a total planning time of 192 hours.
The result? A haul of 200-300 respect for the faction, $100-300 million in cash and one more dead politician to add to the rest. The rewards alone explain why factions are content to shoot president after president - men have gone much further for far less. What I wasn't prepared for was the enormity of knowledge and experience factions have amassed in secret. These assassinations, far from being random, one-off acts, have become routine operations planned and executed with extreme precision.
On my frequent trips to the city's hospital and prison facilities (solely for newspaper business I assure you), I saw many "victims" of failed assassination attempts languishing in their beds and cells. Never before had I dared to speak to the criminal elite about why they were there, but even when I struck up the courage to do so, few of these underworld underlings were willing to spill the beans.
It came as no surprise that many PA leaders weren't too keen on being interviewed for the newspaper either. In the end, it took some convincing, the pulling of many strings and some intimate personal favours (the details of which I will take to my grave) to gain the cartel chiefs' trust. Some encounters led to nothing, but others were willing to talk. MightyGoober of IBB was one such loudmouth:
"I run the teams at IBB, We have 2 solid and 1 upcoming team for 3 total soon."
MightyGoober was incredibly forthcoming, and my notes soon filled binder after binder. Whether he mistook me for an errant priest and wanted to confess his sins, I do not know. Perhaps in his drug-addled mind, it seemed wise to spill trade secrets to the newspaper for fame and glory. Either way, I am deeply thankful for the assistance, and for the fact that no equine heads have found their way into my bed yet.
So what are the requirements for prospective PA team members? Can you, a lonely two-bit street hustler ever expect to get a slice of that Organised Crime action?
Not according to Mr. Goober:
"Newbs can expect to never have enough CE (editorial note:crime experience). Requirements were to be an old player with pre-nerf busts, or now 20K+ arsons and other safe crimes."
Such requirements were commonly referred to by many of the older citizens I spoke to, with some having long abandoned the assassination business due to its its sky-high prerequisites; as easye of IA explains:
"I'd be glad to help but we've had a huge struggle lately and quit doing them as we feel Ched has messed with them"
Easye is referring to a move by Torn leader Chedburn which made it harder for citizens to gain the nerve required for top-level organised crimes - a move you can hardly blame him for since most of his political staff end up being shot. Nevertheless, seeing Torn's veterans hard-pressed to meet organised crime requirements made me wonder: If these ancient fossils have trouble, how would a newspaper reporter slash random street criminal be able to tap into that river of money? Because according to S0ldierGurl of HYF, some of the best OC members are raking in millions "every 8 days for years."
To be part of an organised crime team, most factions will ask for a strong crime experience level alongside a natural nerve bar (nnb) of 60 - although some will go as low as 55nnb if needed, as Rosie of Dropbears indicates:
"Team members should have a 60nnb, although I have had successful results with players with 55nnb in #4 position. A leader with high CE is necessary, and it always helps if the #2 has high CE too"
To achieve such figures, citizens once had to perform thousands of jail bustings. Since this method of acquiring nerve was "nerfed", It is disputed whether this remains the best way. Ever since our leader Chedburn announced his draconian policy of making criminals stay in jail longer than two minutes, the legal system in Torn City has changed drastically.
Not only did busting once require energy instead of nerve, but the reinforced walls and real metal bars of today's prison make the old complex look as secure as a children's play area. Understandably, crime experience gains have dropped considerably since security was tightened, as Rosie goes on to explain:
"Since the busting nerf many players have stopped busting. The new busting mechanism is very strange and focuses more on the level of the player in jail rather than the amount of time they are jailed for. I'm still plodding along doing my 10 - 20 busts per day though."
David of JUX HQ predicted such an outcome several years ago, but unfortunately for his fellow busters, his pleas fell on deaf ears:
"The different stages of the busting nerf have been bad each on their own...Gonna be honest here. Back in 2014, before the nerf, I tried to encourage people to bust a bit more. Some did, but most scratched their butts, telling me 'but David, I wish to train my stats a bit more'. I was telling them 'busting will be screwed in the future, better bust now while you still can and train after the s**t hits the fan.' I still do a bit of busting nowadays, but I really don't care about it anymore."
For the uninformed, Rosie and David have almost 60,000 busts between them, with the latter holding the record for most busts in a day with 432. Both parties agree that such feats are impossible to achieve nowadays, or as David put it, they are now no more than "just nostalgia".
Naturally one can become jealous and weary when such records and rewards are no longer achievable. So are new citizens destined never to enjoy the sight of a President slumping down lifelessly through the scope of their sniper rifle? Rosie and David don't think so:
"It has recently been proven that pre-nerf bust monsters are not essential to lead. A player with 297 busts successfully lead a team, although she does have 30k+ Warehouse Arson crimes done." (Rosie)
"You don't have to be a buster to be part of a PA team (though it helps). My wife, Sky, is part of a PA team, which surprised me, considering her low bust count." (David)
Indicating that a woman has an unremarkable level of bust would garner you a slap most times, but Sky's ability to perform well as part of a PA team without having jailbroken many fellow players is a noteworthy achievement. So how else can ordinary folks like you and me ever hope to join a crack team of political assassins?
"Anyone with a 60nnb can be part of a PA team. It's possible to obtain a 60nnb in under a year if you do the maximum amount of crimes you possibly can every day. 10/10 Merits on CSR are very valuable to anyone who wants to be part of a team..." (Rosie)
Having cleared up the myth surrounding pre-nerf busts being a PA team requirement, we shall now look at crime experience and how new players can rack up enough. Crime Experience is generated by everyday crimes, organised crimes and jail busts. It is common knowledge among veterans that to have any chance of participating in Assassinations, one should stick to so-called "safe" crimes 100% of the time.
Just one step in the wrong direction, one poorly executed crime and your stay at Torn's correctional facilities will destroy months of hard work. Involvement in drug smuggling or hacking operations is a sure-fire way to be rejected from any serious Assassination team. In fact, it has come to this reporter's attention that several long-established PA crews have broken up over a single such attempt by one of their members.
It is therefore recommended that budding Lee Harvey Oswalds stick to the more cautious route of earning crime experience through warehouse arsons and mayoral kidnappings. Although laborious, stealing lots of jackets from Torn's clothing store will also do the trick. I myself hold an award given to those with 25,000 pilfered jackets; on each occasion using the old 'look-over-yonder' trick, which worked every time on the dimwit clerk.
You can also put on several jackets at the same time, one over the other, and walk out the store like a cheap knockoff of the marshmallow man. Should you attract suspicion, you may increase your chances of escape by mumbling something about having gotten fat over Christmas, which for some reason still works even in the middle of July.
Where all the jackets end up is anyone's guess; I strongly suspect they are going back to the same store through black market channels, as you see few people wearing more than thirty at the same time - except 80-jacket Jim, who we all know is a bit of a freak.
The problem with this advice is who has the time to torch 10.000 warehouses, kidnap 10.000 mayors and steal 25.000 ugly jackets? Nobody! Such a campaign of criminality would take years to complete. Speeding up this process is, therefore, the name of the game; so how this can be accomplished?
From my intimate dealings with Torn's criminal elite I have deduced that the following steps will help you speed up the acquisition of crime experience:
1. Max out your nerve bar by assigning merits.
This is a no-brainer. You can only do so many crimes in a row if you have to go home every three warehouses to change your pants because you couldn't handle the pressure. Spend your hard-earned merits on something useful and increase your nerve bar passively.
2. Max your crime success rate by assigning merits and using crime enhancers.
Again, pretty straight-forward. You won't get any crime experience by failing crimes, so do everything in your power to improve your chances of finishing the crimes you're spending your valuable nerve on. And don't forget to bring your crime enhancers. It's pretty dumb bringing your gas can to start a warehouse fire only to realise you've forgotten your damn lighter.
3. Get the right job
Within Torn, many people have built their whole lives around crime. Most of them work jobs that increase your nerve, with the nerve-giving alcohol bottles available to pub workers being one of many useful examples. Or, for those who like to hear themselves talk fake Latin for hours, law firm positions also offer crime related perks. These companies increase your chances for a successful bust dramatically. An additional +20% organised crime skill is just the cherry on the sundae, right?!
4. Join people who know what they're doing and do your homework.
If you are appalled by the thought of enabling alcoholics or joining the leeches at the law firm, there are countless guides available on how to improve your nerve and skill in other ways. For example, many factions have used the improved skill trees to assist with OC's. Also, the public forums are full to bursting with advertisements for crime-gang vacancies. Find them, send your resume; go out and explore the endless possibilities of a more fulfilling criminal life!
5. Be the Blob!
The Blob was an amoeba-like organism which ate and dissolved anything in its path, even 80's people with their enormous, product-laden hairdos. Like The Blob, you too must consume whatever you can get your hands on. Drink as many bottles of beer as you can, throw in a punch or two and finish with a bucket-sized cocktail. Round it up with a carefully rolled cannabis cigarette, and you're ready to go. You'll suffer a hangover the next morning for sure, but that's just the morning ritual of our city's nerve-addicted crime lords.
6. Be a go getter
You want to sit outside your house and enjoy the warmth of all those warehouse fires you just set? Don't! Instead, head over to the points building and refill that nerve you lazy bum, then get back out there and burn more stuff. Or would you rather see those jackets being SOLD at the clothing store? This reporter sure does not.
7. Bone up on books
For truly committed felons there is a range of new books knocking around town that can give you the edge to really boost your criminal career. Mind you, reading skills and an attention span longer than a goldfish will be necessary to make use of them. The Torn City Newspaper has received information that some of these publications may be re-released one day as coloring books, or in an audio-book format read by Stephen Hawking. Hoorah!
Now at this point, having accumulated significant knowledge through a series of in-depth interviews, you may be wondering what I did next. Of course, you might not be wondering this at all, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
Around 1,000 days ago this reporter infiltrated the ranks of Dropbears; a faction now boasting one of the youngest PA teams in the history of Torn. I did this to see for myself what was necessary to accomplish this most difficult of organised crimes. If you are are wondering how I could've acquired all the above information before applying to the Dropbears 1,000 days ago, let me answer your query by quoting one man:
"Time is an illusion" (Albert Einstein, factionless)
Over the years I've been involved with them, Dropbears has worked steadily towards becoming a crime-oriented faction. This mantra included not only the personal betterment of faction members through 'safe' crimes, but also the timely use of nerve refills, as well as countless bottles of alcohol courtesy of a faction-run pub.
In my understanding, the disappearance of truckloads of bottles from this pub has something to do with tax-evasion. Also, it is rumoured that getting drunk in a pub increases your nerve more than drinking at home all sad and alone. Thus, it comes as no surprise that pub employees usually embark on crime sprees after their shifts, further increasing their experience.
Over time, after witnessing all these alcohol-fueled arsons and thefts, I talked to some people about starting a law firm. With hordes of faction members pillaging the city on a daily basis, it seemed wise to try and chip into our massive legal bills (and earn myself a few dollars on the side). Also, the perks that come with working in a law firm are legendary among PA members:
"In a law company.....+20 % OC success, faction has one ofc." (SoldierGurl)
With regards to the changes to faction setups mentioned above, the goalposts have shifted even further for crime oriented factions. Crime success rates and nerve bars are optionally extendable, and it seems the conditions are now ripe for a new generation of political assassins to emerge.
There can be no doubt that the senior citizens of Torn had a unique array of options to increase their crime experience and earn big from organised crimes. However, most of the people I have interviewed for this article agree that recent changes to companies, factions and nerve bars make qualifying for an organised crime team even easier today than it ever was.
In a nutshell, the OC changes have shaken up the hegemony of Torn's criminal elite, while simultaneously offering an opportunity for new citizens to forge ahead in the world of contract killings. Although, if you are to make a name for yourself as a deadly assassin, David believes there's one trait you'll need above all others.
"One word: DEDICATION!"
It takes a lot of work and dedication to stick to your organised criminal plans. It might not result in 'less than 5h of sleep' as it did for David during his busting record. And nor will it likely require the 'ritual sacrifice of medium-sized animals' which Rosie conducted before every PA. Nonetheless, it certainly does take a lot of nerve and experience to cope with the psychological strain of murdering an innocent President in cold blood. And if you are to succeed in repeating such a heinous crime, you must dedicate yourself entirely towards the life of the criminal assassin.
With a stationary target in his sights, Lickdapoo steadies the rifle and lines the crosshair up with the Senator's head.
BANG! One shot is fired, the bullet pierces the front window and enters the Senator's head. His body slumps lifelessly.
By following the advice doled out to him by professional contract killers, this reporter acquired enough nerve and experience during his undercover operation within Dropbears to complete a Presidential Assassination. The only questions which remain are: Where do all the murdered presidents come from, and what were they Presidents of?
Disclaimer: Some presidents may have been harmed during the writing of this article!
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