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Last week the Torn City Times announced the imminent introduction of a news ticker as a means of delivering delicious nuggets of news directly to your brain. Today, we're offering you a glimpse of this future with our very first bulletin column - The Weak in News.
TWIN contains a selection of short bulletins which will eventually be linked via the news feed and form the majority of the paper's output, although longer features and player articles will still be published where appropriate. The content of these bulletins will be dictated by the rumours our reporting team has heard alongside snippets sent in by you, the unwashed public. If you've got a shady secret up your sleeve or a repugnant rumour stuffed down your trousers, tell the TCT team, and it may just appear in these very pages.
So without further ado, let's find out who's been battering who to death in Torn City lately: This is The Weak in News.
A DEHT Paid in Blood
Following Champion's recent revelation that Jaiden stole $3,28billion from DEHT 2.0 after being handed interim leadership, I spoke to the parties involved to find out what the future holds. Jaiden was entirely unapologetic, boasting that his haul was valued at $3.8billion if stolen items were included. He claims the idea to scam his own faction came just days after HT-Dirtydog put him in charge, and that he sees his actions as less of a scam and more a lesson.
"I'm a teacher not a scammer, the tears taste great, and the fact people talk about me is wonderful. I taught HT-DD to not trust someone with over 4b worth of money and items after a number of weeks. That being said, I have also in the past been scammed, on 2 occasions for 2b each, I didn't cry, I didn't pay people to blacklist them, I didn't bounty them, it was part of the game and I got bitten, get over it, learn from the lesson!"
This excuse doesn't work in real life. Last week I faced the local judge on charges of interfering with a horse. My argument was that I was simply teaching said horse how to avoid being fiddled with in future. Anyway, Jaiden says he still hasn't decided what he'll use his ill-gotten gains to purchase, but one thing he hasn't had to buy is protection or meds. He claims that the bounties and attacks he has received as a result of his actions have barely affected him so far, but this may be because his old faction mates are biding their time.
(Pictured: A member of DEHT getting ready to prepare Jaiden a 'No Hard Feelings' dinner)
Desert HeaT leader Dr34dn0u9ht told me his priority was to "settle everyone that kept money in that faction bank" but that once this had been done, they would "look at other things like Jaiden bragging about it in Global." Still, Dr43dn0u9ht played down the effects of Jaiden's efforts, responding to my inquiry with a withering assessment of Jaiden and his actions.
"I don't care about Jaiden at this time, I have important things to sort out. However, I feel the others will do something about him eventually if it's not already being done...I never even heard his name until it happened."
Regardless of whether or not direct punishment befalls him, it seems Jaiden's actions will have repercussions for a long time to come. HT-Supermikk echoed the thoughts of many when he questioned the point of Jaiden's heist, saying "He made a choice when he did this, and he is now done as a serious player forever. Nobody will trust him again, so what is the point with the cash, when you now longer can play the game."
The man who placed his faith in Jaiden, HT-Dirtydog, says he initially did well in pushing players to achieve things, hence why he was given a position of authority. But having deceived him in such a publically humiliating manner, HT-DD now feels that Jaiden and the game will suffer more than he has.
"He is an Example of Why People don't Show Favors to other People on this Game, Because people like him has Destroyed the Opportunity for it to happen to those who even are Actually Good. My thought on Jaiden is he is unreasonable And Has the mind of a Baby."
Time will tell whether Jaiden manages to shake off this scammer reputation or not, or whether HT-Dirtydog's love of Random capital Letters one Day Proves His Undoing. But that's for those guys to worry about. In the meantime, the leaders of DEHT must brace themselves for a second major theft, if Jaiden's final revelation is anything to go by.
"I even had one member ask me how he could do the same, he will stay anon as he is still in DEHT 2.0."
54 Dirty Bombs Ready to Blow
On Thursday we learned via Franky's article, How Not to Build a Dirty Bomb, that a total of 54 such devices were currently in circulation ready to blow our fair city into luminescent cack. Franky admitted his ownership of a Dirty Bomb via his article, Z_Junior has also been outed, and L4suicide has even gone so far as to ask the public to vote on who to target with their bomb once such actions are enabled.
This morning I was presented with a list of players who currently own Dirty Bombs. Despite being bound to secrecy regarding the identities of these people, what I can do is hint heavily as to who is in possession of such a deadly, dirty secret. Of the 54 bombs circulating, only one is owned by an NPC. To the relief of everyone, said NPC is the elusive Anonymous, not Duke. Another Dirty Bomb is owned by a test account, with one more held by an admin. The remaining 51 devices are owned by just 42 players, with four held openly by Z_Junior, and three apiece wielded by a Store Manager and a Motor Hand - the latter also being married to the owner of another device.
If any of these individuals should be interested in revealing their plans for their Dirty Bombs, I would be open to receiving your irradiated correspondence.
Buy Mugging Ring Exposed?
Jaiden's trustworthiness is understandably in question given his recent activities; however, according to him, the only thing dirtier than L4suicide's bomb is his soul, with the 39th Street leader accused of partaking in buy mugging by-proxy. As one of 39th's former members, Jaiden spilled the following beans of intrigue:
"I was once a dedicated member of 39th Street Killers, and can shed some light on a matter, upon reading what was said about L4Suicide, I can CONFIRM that he did/does indeed work in cahootz with other weaker members to Buy/Mug players, the person he works with mostly is Loveu2, another 39th member. I was a member who would ask l4 to mug players...I can also speak about the fraud around L4 where he doesn't 'payout' on promised prizes to those he doesn't like."
These allegations also surfaced in L4suicide's Tornography several months back, and they make worrying reading for anyone in charge of a bazaar. If one of our oldest and most respected factions is involved in such a lurid practice, how many others are doing the same? Is it high time we accepted buy mugging as a legitimate part of Torn society, or should we castrate L4suicide with a blunt chisel to serve as a warning?
A Valid Point
The points market suffered a brief crash last Wednesday when 16% of the value was wiped off the market over 24 hours. Points were pegged at $52,310 on Tuesday the 24th, but this was down to $44,236 come the 25th, before recovering to $52,445 the following day.
Prices have remained stable since, but this still represents the most significant drop in points prices since February 2012's historic low of $40,947. Points are traditionally one of the safest ways to store cash temporarily, and while their valuation has dropped considerably over the years, this trend has been gradual enough to allow all but the laziest investors to liquidate their assets.
But with nearly $8,000 of value shaven off and restored within one single day, perhaps points can no longer be trusted. The Torn City Times is aware of several players currently manipulating prices in the item market, with one individual doing so for the purposes of an article in this very paper. Yet so far nobody has come forward to claim responsibility for this sudden drop on the points market. Or if they have, our cursory search of the forums failed to uncover their identity.
Duke's Dead Guy Lottery
Whittlinman has become the first winner of Duke's Dead Guy Lottery, taking home $695,000,00 for an attack made on Headpower. The winning assault was performed on the 26th of October at 02:52:13 TC time, with the payout coming several days later when Headpower relented and repaid his loan to Duke - although not before a considerable period of whining beforehand.
$1.3billion and $1.5billion prizes are still available for those who attack _CharlesManson_ and tie_dyed1 respectively, if either of those two men pays up of course. A further target is expected to be added to the lottery this week, with rumours swirling that Duke's attention is focused on a grocer living in a villa who owes him over three billion dollars. If this sounds like you, the Torn City Times suggests you act with haste, lest Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese turn you into paste.
Christmas Town is Coming
A release date for 2017 Christmas Town has not yet been finalised, but the TCT can confirm that two major changes have been made to the event compared to the 2016 edition. First, there will no longer be a restriction on the number of steps players can make, allowing users to wander around aimlessly in the snow until they either fall under ice or their energy runs out. At least, that would be the case if energy were required to play.
Despite rumours to the contrary, players will be able to participate without expending a single slither of that precious green bar, leaving you free to enjoy Christmas Town without worrying about gym gains. Oh, and you can also spend your energy searching the dump for high-value items, with Duke's annual garbage-based giveaway expected to return Mid-December.
A Dedication to the Dedicated
It has come to the attention of the TCT that there is a player among us who has remained active within Torn City despite the best efforts of a category five hurricane. This person, who wishes to remain anonymous, believes that their continued presence is nothing to shout about, even though they've carried on training and fighting having gone for long periods of time without electricity, internet and clean underwear (I'm assuming the last part).
It is the opinion of the Torn City Times that this dedication deserves recognition, even anonymously. We hope to reward said player in our own way in due course. In the meantime, if any other Torn citizens have remained active in the face of peril from war, volcanoes or swarms of sentient nanobots, please make yourselves known so we may shower you with something. Praise, probably.
TWIN contains a selection of short bulletins which will eventually be linked via the news feed and form the majority of the paper's output, although longer features and player articles will still be published where appropriate. The content of these bulletins will be dictated by the rumours our reporting team has heard alongside snippets sent in by you, the unwashed public. If you've got a shady secret up your sleeve or a repugnant rumour stuffed down your trousers, tell the TCT team, and it may just appear in these very pages.
So without further ado, let's find out who's been battering who to death in Torn City lately: This is The Weak in News.
A DEHT Paid in Blood
Following Champion's recent revelation that Jaiden stole $3,28billion from DEHT 2.0 after being handed interim leadership, I spoke to the parties involved to find out what the future holds. Jaiden was entirely unapologetic, boasting that his haul was valued at $3.8billion if stolen items were included. He claims the idea to scam his own faction came just days after HT-Dirtydog put him in charge, and that he sees his actions as less of a scam and more a lesson.
"I'm a teacher not a scammer, the tears taste great, and the fact people talk about me is wonderful. I taught HT-DD to not trust someone with over 4b worth of money and items after a number of weeks. That being said, I have also in the past been scammed, on 2 occasions for 2b each, I didn't cry, I didn't pay people to blacklist them, I didn't bounty them, it was part of the game and I got bitten, get over it, learn from the lesson!"
This excuse doesn't work in real life. Last week I faced the local judge on charges of interfering with a horse. My argument was that I was simply teaching said horse how to avoid being fiddled with in future. Anyway, Jaiden says he still hasn't decided what he'll use his ill-gotten gains to purchase, but one thing he hasn't had to buy is protection or meds. He claims that the bounties and attacks he has received as a result of his actions have barely affected him so far, but this may be because his old faction mates are biding their time.
(Pictured: A member of DEHT getting ready to prepare Jaiden a 'No Hard Feelings' dinner)
Desert HeaT leader Dr34dn0u9ht told me his priority was to "settle everyone that kept money in that faction bank" but that once this had been done, they would "look at other things like Jaiden bragging about it in Global." Still, Dr43dn0u9ht played down the effects of Jaiden's efforts, responding to my inquiry with a withering assessment of Jaiden and his actions.
"I don't care about Jaiden at this time, I have important things to sort out. However, I feel the others will do something about him eventually if it's not already being done...I never even heard his name until it happened."
Regardless of whether or not direct punishment befalls him, it seems Jaiden's actions will have repercussions for a long time to come. HT-Supermikk echoed the thoughts of many when he questioned the point of Jaiden's heist, saying "He made a choice when he did this, and he is now done as a serious player forever. Nobody will trust him again, so what is the point with the cash, when you now longer can play the game."
The man who placed his faith in Jaiden, HT-Dirtydog, says he initially did well in pushing players to achieve things, hence why he was given a position of authority. But having deceived him in such a publically humiliating manner, HT-DD now feels that Jaiden and the game will suffer more than he has.
"He is an Example of Why People don't Show Favors to other People on this Game, Because people like him has Destroyed the Opportunity for it to happen to those who even are Actually Good. My thought on Jaiden is he is unreasonable And Has the mind of a Baby."
Time will tell whether Jaiden manages to shake off this scammer reputation or not, or whether HT-Dirtydog's love of Random capital Letters one Day Proves His Undoing. But that's for those guys to worry about. In the meantime, the leaders of DEHT must brace themselves for a second major theft, if Jaiden's final revelation is anything to go by.
"I even had one member ask me how he could do the same, he will stay anon as he is still in DEHT 2.0."
54 Dirty Bombs Ready to Blow
On Thursday we learned via Franky's article, How Not to Build a Dirty Bomb, that a total of 54 such devices were currently in circulation ready to blow our fair city into luminescent cack. Franky admitted his ownership of a Dirty Bomb via his article, Z_Junior has also been outed, and L4suicide has even gone so far as to ask the public to vote on who to target with their bomb once such actions are enabled.
This morning I was presented with a list of players who currently own Dirty Bombs. Despite being bound to secrecy regarding the identities of these people, what I can do is hint heavily as to who is in possession of such a deadly, dirty secret. Of the 54 bombs circulating, only one is owned by an NPC. To the relief of everyone, said NPC is the elusive Anonymous, not Duke. Another Dirty Bomb is owned by a test account, with one more held by an admin. The remaining 51 devices are owned by just 42 players, with four held openly by Z_Junior, and three apiece wielded by a Store Manager and a Motor Hand - the latter also being married to the owner of another device.
If any of these individuals should be interested in revealing their plans for their Dirty Bombs, I would be open to receiving your irradiated correspondence.
Buy Mugging Ring Exposed?
Jaiden's trustworthiness is understandably in question given his recent activities; however, according to him, the only thing dirtier than L4suicide's bomb is his soul, with the 39th Street leader accused of partaking in buy mugging by-proxy. As one of 39th's former members, Jaiden spilled the following beans of intrigue:
"I was once a dedicated member of 39th Street Killers, and can shed some light on a matter, upon reading what was said about L4Suicide, I can CONFIRM that he did/does indeed work in cahootz with other weaker members to Buy/Mug players, the person he works with mostly is Loveu2, another 39th member. I was a member who would ask l4 to mug players...I can also speak about the fraud around L4 where he doesn't 'payout' on promised prizes to those he doesn't like."
These allegations also surfaced in L4suicide's Tornography several months back, and they make worrying reading for anyone in charge of a bazaar. If one of our oldest and most respected factions is involved in such a lurid practice, how many others are doing the same? Is it high time we accepted buy mugging as a legitimate part of Torn society, or should we castrate L4suicide with a blunt chisel to serve as a warning?
A Valid Point
The points market suffered a brief crash last Wednesday when 16% of the value was wiped off the market over 24 hours. Points were pegged at $52,310 on Tuesday the 24th, but this was down to $44,236 come the 25th, before recovering to $52,445 the following day.
Prices have remained stable since, but this still represents the most significant drop in points prices since February 2012's historic low of $40,947. Points are traditionally one of the safest ways to store cash temporarily, and while their valuation has dropped considerably over the years, this trend has been gradual enough to allow all but the laziest investors to liquidate their assets.
But with nearly $8,000 of value shaven off and restored within one single day, perhaps points can no longer be trusted. The Torn City Times is aware of several players currently manipulating prices in the item market, with one individual doing so for the purposes of an article in this very paper. Yet so far nobody has come forward to claim responsibility for this sudden drop on the points market. Or if they have, our cursory search of the forums failed to uncover their identity.
Duke's Dead Guy Lottery
Whittlinman has become the first winner of Duke's Dead Guy Lottery, taking home $695,000,00 for an attack made on Headpower. The winning assault was performed on the 26th of October at 02:52:13 TC time, with the payout coming several days later when Headpower relented and repaid his loan to Duke - although not before a considerable period of whining beforehand.
$1.3billion and $1.5billion prizes are still available for those who attack _CharlesManson_ and tie_dyed1 respectively, if either of those two men pays up of course. A further target is expected to be added to the lottery this week, with rumours swirling that Duke's attention is focused on a grocer living in a villa who owes him over three billion dollars. If this sounds like you, the Torn City Times suggests you act with haste, lest Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese turn you into paste.
Christmas Town is Coming
A release date for 2017 Christmas Town has not yet been finalised, but the TCT can confirm that two major changes have been made to the event compared to the 2016 edition. First, there will no longer be a restriction on the number of steps players can make, allowing users to wander around aimlessly in the snow until they either fall under ice or their energy runs out. At least, that would be the case if energy were required to play.
Despite rumours to the contrary, players will be able to participate without expending a single slither of that precious green bar, leaving you free to enjoy Christmas Town without worrying about gym gains. Oh, and you can also spend your energy searching the dump for high-value items, with Duke's annual garbage-based giveaway expected to return Mid-December.
A Dedication to the Dedicated
It has come to the attention of the TCT that there is a player among us who has remained active within Torn City despite the best efforts of a category five hurricane. This person, who wishes to remain anonymous, believes that their continued presence is nothing to shout about, even though they've carried on training and fighting having gone for long periods of time without electricity, internet and clean underwear (I'm assuming the last part).
It is the opinion of the Torn City Times that this dedication deserves recognition, even anonymously. We hope to reward said player in our own way in due course. In the meantime, if any other Torn citizens have remained active in the face of peril from war, volcanoes or swarms of sentient nanobots, please make yourselves known so we may shower you with something. Praise, probably.
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