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The Torn City Transport Authority has urged citizens to stay away from the docklands area following an accidental spillage of potentially hazardous chemicals. In the early hours of Wednesday morning, a shipment of 'Love Juice' bound for the Performance Ribaldry Network was manhandled by customs officers upon its departure from a cargo ship. The resulting 'love puddle' was deemed a threat to public safety by those who tasted it, and the area was duly cordoned off.
Unfortunately, this 'accident' only served to distract the officials from the real crime, as several 'crates' of the chemical were stolen under cover of darkness. Doses of Love Juice have been found scattered across the docks as a result, with the police and health authorities issuing a joint plea to any citizens who happen to find said items.
"The effects of 'Love Juice' are not fully known, although initial tests on a detection dog showed that the chemical generated an increase in stamina, ferocity and sexual arousal. As a result, one of our canine handlers suffered extreme physical and mental trauma, and our thoughts are with him and his family in this trying time."
The Torn City Times has acquired a dose of 'Love Juice' in order to investigate its effects for entirely professional reasons. According to its packaging, the chemical is derived from the secretions of the Patagonian Filth Weasel and is intended to work as an aphrodisiac which lasts for approximately six hours. Again, for research purposes, I imbibed a small measure of the drug in a secluded office and found it to produce no noticeable effects. Until that is, I visited an erotic soiree some hours later.
The product's label indicates that activation of the chemical occurs only when the user is simultaneously exposed to a sufficient quantity of human reproductive pheromones. In the presence of a small gaggle of stimulated strangers, I experienced a mild rush accompanied by a niggling desire to stove in someone's face with a marital aid. Thankfully, I was able to resist temptation, and my conduct was described as exemplary by the evening's host.
However, one can only wonder what the effects of this 'Love Juice' would be if I or anyone was exposed to a greater quantity of pheromones. It is somewhat fortuitous that humans do not engage in mating seasons like moose or giraffe; otherwise, the use of this chemical could cause widespread violence and lust across the city - although how this would differ from any other day, I do not know.
Then again, there are a few notable occasions on which humans are known to mate en masse, including on warm summer days, after major sporting events, and today; Valentines Day. Worryingly, a 2017 survey revealed that 32% of all Americans expect to partake of intercourse at some point today. If this figure is applicable to Torn citizens, there is a chance that our city may become smothered in a cloud of human love smog, causing the 'Love Juice' to be triggered in the hours surrounding this annual romantic occasion. A horrifying prospect indeed.
Although, given the perpetually unspoiled nature of Torn's mostly male citizenry, this reporter suspects our people will remain deflowered for some time yet, therefore keeping the city safe from any outbursts of frenzied violence. Nevertheless, the Torn City Times wishes to make it clear that under no circumstances should you visit the docks and sample the Love Juice.
Unfortunately, this 'accident' only served to distract the officials from the real crime, as several 'crates' of the chemical were stolen under cover of darkness. Doses of Love Juice have been found scattered across the docks as a result, with the police and health authorities issuing a joint plea to any citizens who happen to find said items.
"The effects of 'Love Juice' are not fully known, although initial tests on a detection dog showed that the chemical generated an increase in stamina, ferocity and sexual arousal. As a result, one of our canine handlers suffered extreme physical and mental trauma, and our thoughts are with him and his family in this trying time."
The Torn City Times has acquired a dose of 'Love Juice' in order to investigate its effects for entirely professional reasons. According to its packaging, the chemical is derived from the secretions of the Patagonian Filth Weasel and is intended to work as an aphrodisiac which lasts for approximately six hours. Again, for research purposes, I imbibed a small measure of the drug in a secluded office and found it to produce no noticeable effects. Until that is, I visited an erotic soiree some hours later.
The product's label indicates that activation of the chemical occurs only when the user is simultaneously exposed to a sufficient quantity of human reproductive pheromones. In the presence of a small gaggle of stimulated strangers, I experienced a mild rush accompanied by a niggling desire to stove in someone's face with a marital aid. Thankfully, I was able to resist temptation, and my conduct was described as exemplary by the evening's host.
However, one can only wonder what the effects of this 'Love Juice' would be if I or anyone was exposed to a greater quantity of pheromones. It is somewhat fortuitous that humans do not engage in mating seasons like moose or giraffe; otherwise, the use of this chemical could cause widespread violence and lust across the city - although how this would differ from any other day, I do not know.
Then again, there are a few notable occasions on which humans are known to mate en masse, including on warm summer days, after major sporting events, and today; Valentines Day. Worryingly, a 2017 survey revealed that 32% of all Americans expect to partake of intercourse at some point today. If this figure is applicable to Torn citizens, there is a chance that our city may become smothered in a cloud of human love smog, causing the 'Love Juice' to be triggered in the hours surrounding this annual romantic occasion. A horrifying prospect indeed.
Although, given the perpetually unspoiled nature of Torn's mostly male citizenry, this reporter suspects our people will remain deflowered for some time yet, therefore keeping the city safe from any outbursts of frenzied violence. Nevertheless, the Torn City Times wishes to make it clear that under no circumstances should you visit the docks and sample the Love Juice.
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