sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
In January of this year, the Torn City Times published its first-ever stocks report. This article proved to be one of the most popular articles in recent months, and with many of our predictions proving reasonable accurate we have decided to make this a regular feature. So without further ado, here is our rundown of the stock market activity of the past two months.
TCSE
2 Month Low: $12,964
2 Month High: $13,873
The TCSE's price is at its highest since August 15, with the market in good health and experiencing high demand overall - making it the exact opposite of that famous person who is dying who you really don't care for. All of this comes despite concerns aired in January regarding suspicious activity around some notable firms, concerns which were later swatted aside by an award-winning article in this very paper..
Mc Smoogle Corp
2 Month Low: $1,152
2 Month High: $1,420
This stock has been growing like a big boy full of milk over the past five months, but since Septembers $700 slump investors have been wary of putting all their eggs in this most unpredictable of baskets. Recent growth has levelled off somewhat, and if prior form is to be considered, a chonging great fall looks like it could be on the cards come May or June of this year.
Big Als Gun Shop
2 Month Low: $553
2 Month High: $1,018
In mid-February Big Als stock rose to a record height and hasn't looked back since, with its current $1,000+ price reflecting the city's collective desire to put holes in things and make them dead. Demand for this stock is understandably significant, and I personally witnessed two women fighting naked in the mud over a deal just this very morning. At least, thats what I assume was the cause of their fracas.
Crude & Co.
2 Month Low: $616
2 Month High: $960
Crude & Co. stock seemed to be heading towards 9/11-esque levels of oblivion this time last month, after a devastating fall of nearly $300 occurred over a period of two weeks. This fortnight happened to include both Valentines and Pancake day, and while the stock has since recovered, one can only wonder what will happen come April 1st the date of both Easter Sunday and April Fools Day. Notoriously choppy, if I had a five-year-old son I would not trust this stock to take care of it.
Wind Lines
2 Month Low: $558
2 Month High: $915
Wind Lines stock crashed so low on March 4th that its few remaining investors were forced to consume each others flesh and burn their own faeces for fuel. This stock has been erratic of late, hitting two peaks since November before stooping to record lows shortly after. Wind Lines is currently climbing to a safe altitude above the clouds, birds and wayward drones, and with demand high it seems many are keen to take a punt on this stock reaching stratospheric levels sometime soon.
Lucky Shots Casino
2 Month Low: $557
2 Month High: $676
Home of Gamblor and his mighty neon claws, Lucky Shots Casino spent much of 2017 struggling to raise its lizard-like head above the parapet. This time last year the stock was maintaining a steady $650+ price until a dirty great mess in late April saw $150 chewed off its price and spat out with impunity. A steady recovery has been in progress since November, though, and we would advise potential LSC investors to travel around the Earth at a speed sufficient enough to send you backwards through time in order to take advantage of this.
Torn City Health Service
2 Month Low: $492
2 Month High: $651
If the TCHS were some kind of tumour then the days of worrying about writing a will and saying goodbye to your loved ones are long gone. This stock will likely never see the $2000+ days of 2010 ever again, but after several years in remission, the past few months have seen a small lump form on the side of your right testicle. TCHS stock has nearly doubled in price since November, with $160 of this coming since mid-January. Id get this checked out if I were you.
International School TC
2 Month Low: $459
2 Month High: $625
ISTC stock gained a C grade through much of 2017, but its performance of late has been worthy of an A+ at least, with the schools stock gains mirroring that of the TCHS as $160 was added over the course of two months. The forecast for this stock is therefore considered good, but Im not so sure myself. I saw it eating crayons last week at the back of the cafeteria. ISTCs highest peaks are often short lived. If you touch this stock, you may end up on some sort of register.
Performance Ribaldry Network
2 Month Low: $599
2 Month High: $627
Just like an old mans turgid wanger, PRN stock hasnt done much of note in the past couple of months. But as a long-term investment, Performance Ribaldry seems as safe as a nuns tuppence. Steady growth has been achieved by this stock ever since its inception, mostly thanks to some weird purple pills purchased off a Korean Dark Web store. If you can afford to have investment blue balls for the next decade, PRN stock could result in a serious splurge come 2028.
Torn City and Shanghai Banking Corporation
2 Month Low: $499
2 Month High: $548
TCSBC has risen like a disappointing cake since our previous stock watch article, gaining a modest $45 since January 12th. This is about the best you can expect from the market equivalent of Coldplay, as while it did have some wild times between 2011 and 2015, those days are well behind it now. TCSBC is in high demand and may grow by a few dollars more, but youll rarely see it drinking anything stronger than a glass of warm milk for the foreseeable future.
TC Music Industries
2 Month Low: $282
2 Month High: $547
For many years, TC Music stock was like a landmine buried in the desert. Then in late 2017, a small child stepped foot on it and kablamo, the stock exploded like so many dismembered limbs. Things were looking rosy for TMI back in January, but nobody could have predicted the stock pushing a 100% increase in the space of two short months. I would put my right arm and the least diseased of my kidneys on this stock continuing to perform well for at least another couple of months yet.
Torn City Investment Banking
2 Month Low: $479
2 Month High: $535
TCIB has flatlined since November, you know, like that movie Flatliners. But investors have seen this as a sign of impending growth, you know, like that movie Signs. Slow progress has been made with $52 being added to the TCIBs price since mid-January, but many are hopeful that this is the precursor to a return to late 2017s form, you know, like that movie The Human Centipede.
Torn City Motors
2 Month Low: $424
2 Month High: $512
Torn City Motors has enjoyed a consistent, upwards trajectory since November 2017. The past two months continued this trend, although there was a small pothole towards the end of February which made everyone on board think wed just run over a badger. This minor slump hasn't deterred investors though, and demand for TCM continues to be proper dead good.
Symbiotic Ltd.
2 Month Low: $354
2 Month High: $682
Symbiotics high of $682 came exactly two months ago and preceded a huge downturn that only the corrupt Torn Committee could've possibly foreseen. SYM has patched itself up and returned to action since then with an average price of about $490, but despite high demand, I see this stock taking a long time to enjoy another growth spurt which is also what happens when you consistently underfeed your elderly relatives.
Syscore MFG
2 Month Low: $424
2 Month High: $481
SYS stocks are at a pretty low ebb right now, whatever the f**k an ebb is. A consistent decline since August has only been curtailed on a few brief occasions, and even then the price rose by no more than the equivalent of half an hour with a cheap hooker. If a boon period does arrive then trends indicate it will likely be short lived, but then again what do I know, Ive spent the morning drinking paint and hitting seagulls.
Torn City Clothing
2 Month Low: $401
2 Month High: $524
Since January Torn City Clothing has seen its 2017 progress arrested quicker than a school janitor found naked in the locker rooms. SYS had enjoyed a $215 boost up until Valentines Day, but as the trousers of loved-up couples were pulled up and sewn back on for another year, the TCC responded by dropping over $100 in the following two weeks. A slight upturn in the past few days has given investors something to smile about, but this stock's growth periods tend to level off relatively quickly and remain that way for some time. I'd rather put my money inside a live pig than the coffers of the TCC.
Eaglewood Mercenary
2 Month Low: $290
2 Month High: $390
EWM was coming out of a minor slump when last we met, but today its hair is lustrous and full of life, with nearly $80 slapped on the price since January 29th. Eaglewood is close to reaching its 2017 peak of $403, but don't expect too much from this stock, as it's done the sum total of sod all since 2011. Just like my grandmother, who leaves unopened envelopes piled up on her front porch. What a lazy cow.
Torn City Times
2 Month Low: $365
2 Month High: $509
With news that this newspaper is to undergo a radical overhaul in the coming months, the Torn City Times stock has begun a downwards slump seemingly indicative of the public antipathy towards our printed output. On the 23rd of January TCT was at a seven-year high of $509, but since then over $120 has been brutally sliced off the price. Demand for this stock remains high despite a poor forecast, leading many to question whether anyone pays attention to such details at all. Let's find out, shall we? TCT stocks will double in price within the next two months. I guarantee it.
Home Retail Group
2 Month Low: $301
2 Month High: $401
HRG had an unspectacular 2017 before enduring the financial equivalent of an epileptic fit in October, and the stock has continued to enjoy violent seizures ever since. Such dramatic behaviour was par for the course until last years calm, with eighteen months having passed since the previous sleepy period. We could, therefore, be in for at least another year of turbulence with this stock, and those who do manage to make any money will do so through luck rather than judgement.
Feathery Hotels Group
2 Month Low: $331
2 Month High: $379
FHC hasn't done much of note since 2011, and the recent growth of just $48 illustrates this more clearly than a thousand crayons ever could. Early January did see the Feathery Group drop to its lowest point since May 12 though, and this should prove cause for concern for anyone whose destiny is intimately intertwined with the fate of this stock. I do not foresee any major losses coming the way of the FHC, but I also failed to predict my impending divorce despite the writing being literally daubed on the wall in permanent marker.
Insured On Us
2 Month Low: $250
2 Month High: $330
Insured On Us was climbing in January and it is still climbing today. Years of inactivity burst into life in July of 2017, and since then $170 has been added to the IOU price, with $80 of that tacked on over the past two months alone. Like the cat I have hooked up to a hosepipe in my garage, expect the IOU price to continue inflating for some time yet. I'd guess until about July, at which point it will explode into a soggy mess of crumpled bone goop.
The Empty Lunchbox Building Traders
2 Month Low: $281
2 Month High: $509
Since our last article, the ELBT has had an absolute whale of a time, before a reversal of fortunes saw it enjoy a porpoise of a time porpoises being notoriously awful creatures. The highest price in Empty Lunchbox's history was hit on 3rd February a figure of $509 per share, but over half of the gains from its average price of $150 have now been consumed by a small mouse with a big appetite, and its current valuation of £304 looks vulnerable to further cuts. Despite this, demand is high, meaning some people are going to be eating dog food this time next month.
Messaging Inc.
2 Month Low: $252
2 Month High: $321
October 2017s growth has been continued well into 2018, as the past two months have seen $63 added to MSGs valuation despite a short levelling off period towards the end of January. This stock seems to build on peaks like malls build on Indian burial grounds, and if the ghosts of the Navajo can be appeased, Messaging Inc may use this current spurt to go on to even further glories unlike the American Indians, many of whom now spend their days haunting old fairgrounds for kicks.
Grain
2 Month Low: $261
2 Month High: $305
Grain has been slowly recovering from a December trench where many of its soldiers died of gangrene. $70 has been added since that fateful day near Christmas, but I would expect another major death toll before this stock will rise again. So while GRNs forecast is good, wait until this mare droops below $200 before investing, and then put everything you've got on it.
Torn City Media Productions
2 Month Low: $250
2 Month High: $457
TCP has returned to its old self since we last looked at the stocks, with the gains of late 2017 having been entirely eroded by Valentines Day. This peak was the only one of significance since the same time last year, and with a poor forecast combined with high demand, it could be some time before we see Torn City Media rise again. Invest in scrambled eggs in the meantime, then pull your cash out around November in preparation for another TCP peak.
Tell Group PLC.
2 Month Low: $119
2 Month High: $197
Tell Groups rise in late-December / early January gave us a record seven-year price for the stock with its high of $194. All of this was discarded like a sandwich with a hair in by the 24th of January, but the stock has since rallied back to an even higher price of $197 at the time of writing. Demand is high for TGP due to this swift recovery, but if I had six apples and my friend had four apples, I'd steal his and invest them rather than risk my own precious fruits.
Evil Ducks Candy Corp.
2 Month Low: $195
2 Month High: $380
Despite witnessing three peaks since November, the price of EVL hadn't dropped below $281 until recent events caused it to plummet to a sub-$200 valuation for the first time in six months. This slump has been attributed to the vast quantity of children's teeth found in Evil Duck products of late, but I predict this stock will recover entirely by June as people get used to the flavour and texture of candied infant enamel.
Society and Legal Authorities Group
2 Month Low: $188
2 Month High: $286
There is a high demand for SLAG right now, despite the stock being uncharacteristically unpredictable during recent months. Since November 16 this stock has been the opposite of the Duke of York, barely going up nor down until a massive drop in November 17. Society and Legal recovered and rallied further to a yearly high of $286 on January 19th, but the stock has failed to build upon this and now looks flatter than a side of steamrollered A4. Put your money on this if you want, but don't come crying to me when you have to sell all your organs to a Chinese restaurant.
I Industries Ltd.
2 Month Low: $101
2 Month High: $135
Since tanking in March 16 I Industries has shown few signs of recovery, with the small period of growth since July having been firmly stamped out by a horde of baby lambs which arrived on February 8th. Not since October 16 had a price of $135 been achieved, but with IILs valuation currently at $102 and falling, Id wait until it hits rock bottom again before tapping it which incidentally is also my strategy for hitting up romantic partners. However, since demand for this stock is currently low, you may be able to buy more now than when the price his sub $100. The ball is in your court people; do as you wish.
West Side South Bank University
2 Month Low $82
2 Month High $126
WSSB is considered a dormant stock due to its incredibly low value and high demand right now. The price of WSSB has been falling slowly ever since August 17s cliff edge, and if this stock were a human Id say it will continue to crawl in agony for at least another three or four months before finally reaching safety.
Yazoo
2 Month Low: $72
2 Month High: $163
Yazoo is thought unlikely to recover to its 2015 peak of $1,699 anytime in the near future, but demand is currently high for YAZ stock after an unexpected surge put $80 back on its price towards the arse end of last year. Sadly, activity in the last two months has seen those gains wiped out and then some, and the stock hit its lowest point since March 2014 on March 1st, 2018 with a price of just $72. If this stock were a dog, you'd kick its face clean off and bury it in the woods.
TCSE
2 Month Low: $12,964
2 Month High: $13,873
The TCSE's price is at its highest since August 15, with the market in good health and experiencing high demand overall - making it the exact opposite of that famous person who is dying who you really don't care for. All of this comes despite concerns aired in January regarding suspicious activity around some notable firms, concerns which were later swatted aside by an award-winning article in this very paper..
Mc Smoogle Corp
2 Month Low: $1,152
2 Month High: $1,420
This stock has been growing like a big boy full of milk over the past five months, but since Septembers $700 slump investors have been wary of putting all their eggs in this most unpredictable of baskets. Recent growth has levelled off somewhat, and if prior form is to be considered, a chonging great fall looks like it could be on the cards come May or June of this year.
Big Als Gun Shop
2 Month Low: $553
2 Month High: $1,018
In mid-February Big Als stock rose to a record height and hasn't looked back since, with its current $1,000+ price reflecting the city's collective desire to put holes in things and make them dead. Demand for this stock is understandably significant, and I personally witnessed two women fighting naked in the mud over a deal just this very morning. At least, thats what I assume was the cause of their fracas.
Crude & Co.
2 Month Low: $616
2 Month High: $960
Crude & Co. stock seemed to be heading towards 9/11-esque levels of oblivion this time last month, after a devastating fall of nearly $300 occurred over a period of two weeks. This fortnight happened to include both Valentines and Pancake day, and while the stock has since recovered, one can only wonder what will happen come April 1st the date of both Easter Sunday and April Fools Day. Notoriously choppy, if I had a five-year-old son I would not trust this stock to take care of it.
Wind Lines
2 Month Low: $558
2 Month High: $915
Wind Lines stock crashed so low on March 4th that its few remaining investors were forced to consume each others flesh and burn their own faeces for fuel. This stock has been erratic of late, hitting two peaks since November before stooping to record lows shortly after. Wind Lines is currently climbing to a safe altitude above the clouds, birds and wayward drones, and with demand high it seems many are keen to take a punt on this stock reaching stratospheric levels sometime soon.
Lucky Shots Casino
2 Month Low: $557
2 Month High: $676
Home of Gamblor and his mighty neon claws, Lucky Shots Casino spent much of 2017 struggling to raise its lizard-like head above the parapet. This time last year the stock was maintaining a steady $650+ price until a dirty great mess in late April saw $150 chewed off its price and spat out with impunity. A steady recovery has been in progress since November, though, and we would advise potential LSC investors to travel around the Earth at a speed sufficient enough to send you backwards through time in order to take advantage of this.
Torn City Health Service
2 Month Low: $492
2 Month High: $651
If the TCHS were some kind of tumour then the days of worrying about writing a will and saying goodbye to your loved ones are long gone. This stock will likely never see the $2000+ days of 2010 ever again, but after several years in remission, the past few months have seen a small lump form on the side of your right testicle. TCHS stock has nearly doubled in price since November, with $160 of this coming since mid-January. Id get this checked out if I were you.
International School TC
2 Month Low: $459
2 Month High: $625
ISTC stock gained a C grade through much of 2017, but its performance of late has been worthy of an A+ at least, with the schools stock gains mirroring that of the TCHS as $160 was added over the course of two months. The forecast for this stock is therefore considered good, but Im not so sure myself. I saw it eating crayons last week at the back of the cafeteria. ISTCs highest peaks are often short lived. If you touch this stock, you may end up on some sort of register.
Performance Ribaldry Network
2 Month Low: $599
2 Month High: $627
Just like an old mans turgid wanger, PRN stock hasnt done much of note in the past couple of months. But as a long-term investment, Performance Ribaldry seems as safe as a nuns tuppence. Steady growth has been achieved by this stock ever since its inception, mostly thanks to some weird purple pills purchased off a Korean Dark Web store. If you can afford to have investment blue balls for the next decade, PRN stock could result in a serious splurge come 2028.
Torn City and Shanghai Banking Corporation
2 Month Low: $499
2 Month High: $548
TCSBC has risen like a disappointing cake since our previous stock watch article, gaining a modest $45 since January 12th. This is about the best you can expect from the market equivalent of Coldplay, as while it did have some wild times between 2011 and 2015, those days are well behind it now. TCSBC is in high demand and may grow by a few dollars more, but youll rarely see it drinking anything stronger than a glass of warm milk for the foreseeable future.
TC Music Industries
2 Month Low: $282
2 Month High: $547
For many years, TC Music stock was like a landmine buried in the desert. Then in late 2017, a small child stepped foot on it and kablamo, the stock exploded like so many dismembered limbs. Things were looking rosy for TMI back in January, but nobody could have predicted the stock pushing a 100% increase in the space of two short months. I would put my right arm and the least diseased of my kidneys on this stock continuing to perform well for at least another couple of months yet.
Torn City Investment Banking
2 Month Low: $479
2 Month High: $535
TCIB has flatlined since November, you know, like that movie Flatliners. But investors have seen this as a sign of impending growth, you know, like that movie Signs. Slow progress has been made with $52 being added to the TCIBs price since mid-January, but many are hopeful that this is the precursor to a return to late 2017s form, you know, like that movie The Human Centipede.
Torn City Motors
2 Month Low: $424
2 Month High: $512
Torn City Motors has enjoyed a consistent, upwards trajectory since November 2017. The past two months continued this trend, although there was a small pothole towards the end of February which made everyone on board think wed just run over a badger. This minor slump hasn't deterred investors though, and demand for TCM continues to be proper dead good.
Symbiotic Ltd.
2 Month Low: $354
2 Month High: $682
Symbiotics high of $682 came exactly two months ago and preceded a huge downturn that only the corrupt Torn Committee could've possibly foreseen. SYM has patched itself up and returned to action since then with an average price of about $490, but despite high demand, I see this stock taking a long time to enjoy another growth spurt which is also what happens when you consistently underfeed your elderly relatives.
Syscore MFG
2 Month Low: $424
2 Month High: $481
SYS stocks are at a pretty low ebb right now, whatever the f**k an ebb is. A consistent decline since August has only been curtailed on a few brief occasions, and even then the price rose by no more than the equivalent of half an hour with a cheap hooker. If a boon period does arrive then trends indicate it will likely be short lived, but then again what do I know, Ive spent the morning drinking paint and hitting seagulls.
Torn City Clothing
2 Month Low: $401
2 Month High: $524
Since January Torn City Clothing has seen its 2017 progress arrested quicker than a school janitor found naked in the locker rooms. SYS had enjoyed a $215 boost up until Valentines Day, but as the trousers of loved-up couples were pulled up and sewn back on for another year, the TCC responded by dropping over $100 in the following two weeks. A slight upturn in the past few days has given investors something to smile about, but this stock's growth periods tend to level off relatively quickly and remain that way for some time. I'd rather put my money inside a live pig than the coffers of the TCC.
Eaglewood Mercenary
2 Month Low: $290
2 Month High: $390
EWM was coming out of a minor slump when last we met, but today its hair is lustrous and full of life, with nearly $80 slapped on the price since January 29th. Eaglewood is close to reaching its 2017 peak of $403, but don't expect too much from this stock, as it's done the sum total of sod all since 2011. Just like my grandmother, who leaves unopened envelopes piled up on her front porch. What a lazy cow.
Torn City Times
2 Month Low: $365
2 Month High: $509
With news that this newspaper is to undergo a radical overhaul in the coming months, the Torn City Times stock has begun a downwards slump seemingly indicative of the public antipathy towards our printed output. On the 23rd of January TCT was at a seven-year high of $509, but since then over $120 has been brutally sliced off the price. Demand for this stock remains high despite a poor forecast, leading many to question whether anyone pays attention to such details at all. Let's find out, shall we? TCT stocks will double in price within the next two months. I guarantee it.
Home Retail Group
2 Month Low: $301
2 Month High: $401
HRG had an unspectacular 2017 before enduring the financial equivalent of an epileptic fit in October, and the stock has continued to enjoy violent seizures ever since. Such dramatic behaviour was par for the course until last years calm, with eighteen months having passed since the previous sleepy period. We could, therefore, be in for at least another year of turbulence with this stock, and those who do manage to make any money will do so through luck rather than judgement.
Feathery Hotels Group
2 Month Low: $331
2 Month High: $379
FHC hasn't done much of note since 2011, and the recent growth of just $48 illustrates this more clearly than a thousand crayons ever could. Early January did see the Feathery Group drop to its lowest point since May 12 though, and this should prove cause for concern for anyone whose destiny is intimately intertwined with the fate of this stock. I do not foresee any major losses coming the way of the FHC, but I also failed to predict my impending divorce despite the writing being literally daubed on the wall in permanent marker.
Insured On Us
2 Month Low: $250
2 Month High: $330
Insured On Us was climbing in January and it is still climbing today. Years of inactivity burst into life in July of 2017, and since then $170 has been added to the IOU price, with $80 of that tacked on over the past two months alone. Like the cat I have hooked up to a hosepipe in my garage, expect the IOU price to continue inflating for some time yet. I'd guess until about July, at which point it will explode into a soggy mess of crumpled bone goop.
The Empty Lunchbox Building Traders
2 Month Low: $281
2 Month High: $509
Since our last article, the ELBT has had an absolute whale of a time, before a reversal of fortunes saw it enjoy a porpoise of a time porpoises being notoriously awful creatures. The highest price in Empty Lunchbox's history was hit on 3rd February a figure of $509 per share, but over half of the gains from its average price of $150 have now been consumed by a small mouse with a big appetite, and its current valuation of £304 looks vulnerable to further cuts. Despite this, demand is high, meaning some people are going to be eating dog food this time next month.
Messaging Inc.
2 Month Low: $252
2 Month High: $321
October 2017s growth has been continued well into 2018, as the past two months have seen $63 added to MSGs valuation despite a short levelling off period towards the end of January. This stock seems to build on peaks like malls build on Indian burial grounds, and if the ghosts of the Navajo can be appeased, Messaging Inc may use this current spurt to go on to even further glories unlike the American Indians, many of whom now spend their days haunting old fairgrounds for kicks.
Grain
2 Month Low: $261
2 Month High: $305
Grain has been slowly recovering from a December trench where many of its soldiers died of gangrene. $70 has been added since that fateful day near Christmas, but I would expect another major death toll before this stock will rise again. So while GRNs forecast is good, wait until this mare droops below $200 before investing, and then put everything you've got on it.
Torn City Media Productions
2 Month Low: $250
2 Month High: $457
TCP has returned to its old self since we last looked at the stocks, with the gains of late 2017 having been entirely eroded by Valentines Day. This peak was the only one of significance since the same time last year, and with a poor forecast combined with high demand, it could be some time before we see Torn City Media rise again. Invest in scrambled eggs in the meantime, then pull your cash out around November in preparation for another TCP peak.
Tell Group PLC.
2 Month Low: $119
2 Month High: $197
Tell Groups rise in late-December / early January gave us a record seven-year price for the stock with its high of $194. All of this was discarded like a sandwich with a hair in by the 24th of January, but the stock has since rallied back to an even higher price of $197 at the time of writing. Demand is high for TGP due to this swift recovery, but if I had six apples and my friend had four apples, I'd steal his and invest them rather than risk my own precious fruits.
Evil Ducks Candy Corp.
2 Month Low: $195
2 Month High: $380
Despite witnessing three peaks since November, the price of EVL hadn't dropped below $281 until recent events caused it to plummet to a sub-$200 valuation for the first time in six months. This slump has been attributed to the vast quantity of children's teeth found in Evil Duck products of late, but I predict this stock will recover entirely by June as people get used to the flavour and texture of candied infant enamel.
Society and Legal Authorities Group
2 Month Low: $188
2 Month High: $286
There is a high demand for SLAG right now, despite the stock being uncharacteristically unpredictable during recent months. Since November 16 this stock has been the opposite of the Duke of York, barely going up nor down until a massive drop in November 17. Society and Legal recovered and rallied further to a yearly high of $286 on January 19th, but the stock has failed to build upon this and now looks flatter than a side of steamrollered A4. Put your money on this if you want, but don't come crying to me when you have to sell all your organs to a Chinese restaurant.
I Industries Ltd.
2 Month Low: $101
2 Month High: $135
Since tanking in March 16 I Industries has shown few signs of recovery, with the small period of growth since July having been firmly stamped out by a horde of baby lambs which arrived on February 8th. Not since October 16 had a price of $135 been achieved, but with IILs valuation currently at $102 and falling, Id wait until it hits rock bottom again before tapping it which incidentally is also my strategy for hitting up romantic partners. However, since demand for this stock is currently low, you may be able to buy more now than when the price his sub $100. The ball is in your court people; do as you wish.
West Side South Bank University
2 Month Low $82
2 Month High $126
WSSB is considered a dormant stock due to its incredibly low value and high demand right now. The price of WSSB has been falling slowly ever since August 17s cliff edge, and if this stock were a human Id say it will continue to crawl in agony for at least another three or four months before finally reaching safety.
Yazoo
2 Month Low: $72
2 Month High: $163
Yazoo is thought unlikely to recover to its 2015 peak of $1,699 anytime in the near future, but demand is currently high for YAZ stock after an unexpected surge put $80 back on its price towards the arse end of last year. Sadly, activity in the last two months has seen those gains wiped out and then some, and the stock hit its lowest point since March 2014 on March 1st, 2018 with a price of just $72. If this stock were a dog, you'd kick its face clean off and bury it in the woods.
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