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Cannabis Effects Set To Triple

ArttiIsGod [1954421]
Bizarre weather event will boost effects of drug say science gits. Productivity estimated to drop by 420%. Overdoses and chip shortages predicted.
Cannabis is one of the cheapest and most popular drugs in Torn City, with its usage being especially high among career criminals who don't plan to engage in any violence or mild physical exertion for the next few hours. Known on the street as 'Weed', 'Mary Jane', 'Reefer' and 'Clarky Cat', this smokeable substance can be found for sale in the Torn item market for around $10,000, or it can be purchased abroad from any boz boz on the streets for around half that price.



Pictured: A drug user whose arms feel like a couple of fortnights in a bad balloon. Stay safe.

When taken, Cannabis can increase the success of criminal activity while also providing a small nerve boost. However, this intoxicating lung-guff is known to do so at the expense of your strength, defence and speed, rendering you all agape should a violent assassin mark your card. Thankfully, overdosing on the 'Jolly Green Giant' is notoriously difficult, making Cannabis one of the safest drugs in Torn.

Until tomorrow.

In an incredible and unforeseen coincidence, the potency of Torn's cannabis is set to increase threefold for the duration of the 20th of April. Climatologists have predicted that a warm gust of hot air will soon arrive from South America due to a recent spate of fires which devastated tropical fruit plantations across the region. This fast-moving warm front, nicknamed 'The Pineapple Express', is expected to turn the Torn climate temporarily arid, which in turn will affect the potency of our city's cannabis stocks. 

Cannabis is known to become stronger when dried as the removal of moisture from the plant increases the amount of trichomes present. Trichomes are the small outgrowths found on the surface of a plant, and the higher the number of trichomes, the more powerful cannabis becomes. It has been calculated that the temperatures predicted for April 20th may triple the effects of cannabis, but this increased nerve will come at a severe cost. 

Experts predict that the city's blase attitude towards drug use makes it likely that overdoses will become more common on 4-20 - some have even forecast a five-fold increase. While most people would use this as an opportunity to ingest a smaller amount of Cannabis for the same effect, Tornfolk are a different breed, with many planning to take advantage of the situation in an attempt to trip "absolute balls".

Overdosing on cannabis is notoriously hard, but on 420 it will become a whole lot easier, and this will prove a boon to those chasing certain merits. Taking 50 cannabis hits will land you with the honor 'Who's Frank?' which can be achieved in 48 hours. But the most prized Cannabis honor is the elusive 'Spaced Out', which one receives when one has overdosed on the drug. 

Achieving the 'Spaced Out' honor can literally take years, so 420's temporary increase in the potency of Cannabis will undoubtedly be welcomed by those who have nothing better to do. People like Olympique, for example, who is the number one Cannabis user in the city.

"Yes, I have the merit. I have overdosed 3 times. But first time very hard, because 10000 times I had to take cannabis to achieve the merit." 

Olympique has taken 16,710 individual hits of cannabis, which means he has consumed 6.7 joints a day. These are rookie numbers though, as a dedicated herb hound could feasibly consume up to 16 blunts a day - if they were dedicated enough. 



Pictured: Your chances of overdose may be lessened should you smoke your drugs through a drug dog.

When run through a magical calculating device, Olympique's experiences lead us to believe that there is a 0.018% chance of overdosing from Cannabis with each individual hit.  But if the boffins are correct, this will increase to 0.092% for the duration of 4-20. And when these numbers are applied to Olympique's tally, we estimate he would've overdosed fifteen times by now, with the average person requiring 1,078 hits to overdose just once.

Hopefully, the 4-20 potency boost will help many of our city's hash whores achieve their long-sought Spaced Out honor, since many feel aggrieved at having not acquired it sooner. Thundem, who has taken 1.893 cannabis, sounded annoyed when I asked him how annoyed he was at not having obtained this merit so far.

"Annoyed"

Andyman, with 1708 taken, also seems perturbed, but even before the news broke of the 4-20 potency boost, he was already planning to spend the day baking himself dry.

"I still don't have that pesky merit. I've been consistently taking cannabis between my afternoon and before-bed xanax for about 4 years in an effort to get the merit without any luck. Along with the slot jackpot, I figure it'll happen when it happens and don't worry much about it because it's largely out of my control. When I finally get the merit, I'll definitely be taking a few screenshots and will send everyone on my friends list a cannabis to celebrate! I'm planning to take a break from xanax and use only cannabis all day on 4/20."

We interviewed several other Cannabis users with varying degrees of dependency to see how they felt about their lack of overdoses thus far. Would you like to hear their thoughts? I sure hope so, because that's what's about to happen.

Destroys: 238 Cannabis taken:

"Haven't really focused on it yet, I'll get it eventually on a good day, I can take 3 xanax and 2 cannabis, so it's just a matter of time really, don't even have to miss out on my xanax."

Munnu: 4508 Cannabis taken:

"I haven't got space out merit, yet. Currently pushin 4.5k cannabis and counting. This is a game and the merit will come when it comes. I think doing other drug merits first has pushed the limit far from me."

Incitatus: 8112 Cannabis taken:

"Well I am 4th in torn at the time we are speaking when it comes to cannabis taken (according to torn stats). It's pretty frustrating but its also sort of challenge now. I haven't got it yet but I hope I will one day :) Lot of people suggest I simply waste time on cannabis - it's partially true, if I take Xanax I guess I would have much better battle stats, on other hand I feel kind of 'special' - I've taken so much and still no OD. On some days I think there was a spell put on me so that I won't get OD."

Big_Rico: 1321 Cannabis taken:

"I don't have it. It sucks."

LimitBreakr: 757 Cannabis taken:

"I still do not have the merit, but my count is lower than many who spent months or years actively grinding it. I hope to get it eventually with my approach of taking cannabis between xanax to make drug cooldown fit better with my rl schedule. At 350+ awards it stands out as one of the few honor bars I don't have, but it also falls into same category as Slots Jackpot and Stock Analyst: I'll get it eventually, if I'm lucky, or not."

Some people must have believed that the weed overdose merit was an impossible award that would remain permanently out of their reach; a random and far away merit that only the luckiest bastards achieve on only their fifth toke. I personally overdosed on my 751st try, having taken Cannabis every day just before bed along with my Xanax - because consistency leads to results.  

Others, like Liam, are less fortunate than I, since he was forced to take 9,000 cannabis before he overdosed. But for those who are still chasing the elusive embrace of the Green Goddess, Mother Nature seems to have intervened at last. 4-20 will see more overdoses than ever before. Thank you dear mother, you truly are our rainy day woman. 


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