sugarvalves [1963573] —
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Nath of Subversive Alliance scoops non-eggsistent prize with 25 egg haul. Over 100,000 eggs collected throughout the competition. Vegans left shocked, tired by news.
After three weeks of hunting the Easter Egg Competition is finally over, with Nath of Subversive Alliance crowned the victor having collected an impressive 25 eggs. I do not know what our champion plans to do with his ovarian haul, but if I were to guess, I'd say he's probably going to squat on them like a broody mother hen.
Pictured: Nath
Nath is a known high-achiever in Torn, having been the 98th person to take level 100 and the third-place finisher in last year's Winter PRC. Sadly, on each occasion, Nath has steadfastly refused to comment on his achievements, with his sole response consisting of a blunt request for prizes.
Pictured: The words of a man who has no time to talk in his relentless pursuit of victory.
On this occasion, however, Nath has been in touch. And as you'll see from his comments, our 2018 Easter Egg Champion was absolutely thrilled at the recognition he's received for his eggstra hard work.
"I put in so much effort to win and then people in 2000th place get 10 tokens for the same effort. What is the point of winning, don't get anything extra lol."
I fear that Nath's assertion that he was 'laughing out loud' was something of an overstatement, for our champ will receive nothing bar the joy of knowing he's a well good egg collecting guy. The Easter Egg Competition provides no awards for those finishing in the top three, and this will come as a disappointment to those who finished in second and third but will be welcomed by the ribbon-makers since there were five second-place finishers and a total of seventeen people in third.
1st - Nath[983221] - Score: 25
2nd - Momo[1888994] - Score: 24
2nd - golub[1971123] - Score: 24
2nd - Adamantium[1896181] - Score: 24
2nd - manyakimm[2101947] - Score: 24
2nd - mikk[1771931] - Score: 24
3rd - dracula007[1991299] - Score: 23
3rd - 2Two[1109901] - Score: 23
3rd - Xtreme1[341828] - Score: 23
3rd - Celica[1962961] - Score: 23
3rd - Tarun[1834945] - Score: 23
3rd - celina[2032116] - Score: 23
3rd - Flugkatze[1718691] - Score: 23
3rd - Ampheromine[2065865] - Score: 23
3rd - LuluCthulhu[2100706] - Score: 23
3rd - Sym[2075823] - Score: 23
3rd - Afterlife[1878832] - Score: 23
3rd - Rchkeir[1640904] - Score: 23
3rd - Td3h[1785428] - Score: 23
3rd - FidelCashflow[1993550] - Score: 23
3rd - decisive_fire[249471] - Score: 23
3rd - Hildegarde[2050558] - Score: 23
3rd - Cowpat[1504821] - Score: 23
There were 20,545 participants in the egg competition, and between them, they managed to find 100,820 eggs. This equates to just under five eggs each, which science guys say you could safely eat over the course of two days without soiling yourself profusely.
Sadly, 1,908 eggs rotted where they stood before they could be picked up, with their potential owners apparently too busy to bend down in time before decay set in. But these discarded hen corpses should not be used as evidence of the city's lack of enthusiasm for the competition. My set of hot wet shiny statistics show that during the first seven days an average of 4,132 eggs was collected every 24 hours, whereas an average of 5,135 was collected every day during the final two weeks of the event - a 24% increase.
Pictured: An unnecessary visual interpretation of an easily conceivable piece of data.
But what was the most common colour of egg collected during the competition I hear you scream at me from behind your mound of yolks? Well, I'll tell you if you'll f***ing calm down. With 12,580 collected, orange was by far the most popular egg - and by far, I mean by not that much. Yellow was only 156 eggs behind in second with 12,424, with red eggs rounding out the top three with 12,336. For those of you who like to make charts of such things, the full egg table can be seen below.
1st - Orange - 12,580
2nd - Yellow - 12,424
3rd - Red - 12,336
4th - Pink - 12,290
5th - Green - 12,218
6th - Blue - 10,927
7th - Brown - 10,448
8th - Black - 10,167
9th - White - 7,498
10th - Love - 0
And with that, the Easter Egg Competition is done for another year. We have plenty more competitions still to come in 2018 though, with the "Fastest Federal Jailing", "Erotic Froth Sculpture" and "Silliest Way You've Ever Racially Abused A Child" contests just some of the events we won't be running.
We hope you all enjoyed your Easter treats this April, and I shall leave you with a list of interesting egg facts which you can tell your friends the next time you visit the pub / civil court / sex dungeon.
Egg Fact #1: The thickness of an egg is determined by how emotional the hen was during excretion.
Egg Fact #2: Brain scans have recently proven that hens prefer to live in confined spaces, like cages, or microscopic black holes.
Egg Fact #3: Have you ever bought an egg with a little feather stuck to the top? Congratulations, you have six months to live.
Egg Fact #4: The reason Europeans prefer brown eggs and Americans eat white eggs is that Americans are racist.
Egg Fact #5: Eggs are the only breakfast food that can be seen from space.
Egg Fact #6: Egg facts are a source of Vitamin D. The more you read, the happier you'll be.
Egg Fact #7: The yellow part of the egg is known as the 'nice bit'.
Egg Fact #8: Paler yolks are less nutritious than darker yolks. This is also true of people.
Egg Fact #9: The Scottish Gaelic word for 'egg' is 'ugh', whereas their word for 'vegetable' is 'nothankyou'.
Egg Fact #10: Egg facts get progressively less funny towards the end, thus disproving egg fact #5.
Egg Fact #11: Blood can be used instead of eggs in baking, unless you're making an omelette.
Egg Fact #12: The tale of Humpty Dumpty was based on the real-life adventures of professional wrestler Owen 'The Blue Blazer' Hart.
Egg Fact #13: Eggs which contain the foetuses of stillborn chicks are considered unclucky by some.
Pictured: NathNath is a known high-achiever in Torn, having been the 98th person to take level 100 and the third-place finisher in last year's Winter PRC. Sadly, on each occasion, Nath has steadfastly refused to comment on his achievements, with his sole response consisting of a blunt request for prizes.
Pictured: The words of a man who has no time to talk in his relentless pursuit of victory.
On this occasion, however, Nath has been in touch. And as you'll see from his comments, our 2018 Easter Egg Champion was absolutely thrilled at the recognition he's received for his eggstra hard work.
"I put in so much effort to win and then people in 2000th place get 10 tokens for the same effort. What is the point of winning, don't get anything extra lol."
I fear that Nath's assertion that he was 'laughing out loud' was something of an overstatement, for our champ will receive nothing bar the joy of knowing he's a well good egg collecting guy. The Easter Egg Competition provides no awards for those finishing in the top three, and this will come as a disappointment to those who finished in second and third but will be welcomed by the ribbon-makers since there were five second-place finishers and a total of seventeen people in third.
1st - Nath[983221] - Score: 25
2nd - Momo[1888994] - Score: 24
2nd - golub[1971123] - Score: 24
2nd - Adamantium[1896181] - Score: 24
2nd - manyakimm[2101947] - Score: 24
2nd - mikk[1771931] - Score: 24
3rd - dracula007[1991299] - Score: 23
3rd - 2Two[1109901] - Score: 23
3rd - Xtreme1[341828] - Score: 23
3rd - Celica[1962961] - Score: 23
3rd - Tarun[1834945] - Score: 23
3rd - celina[2032116] - Score: 23
3rd - Flugkatze[1718691] - Score: 23
3rd - Ampheromine[2065865] - Score: 23
3rd - LuluCthulhu[2100706] - Score: 23
3rd - Sym[2075823] - Score: 23
3rd - Afterlife[1878832] - Score: 23
3rd - Rchkeir[1640904] - Score: 23
3rd - Td3h[1785428] - Score: 23
3rd - FidelCashflow[1993550] - Score: 23
3rd - decisive_fire[249471] - Score: 23
3rd - Hildegarde[2050558] - Score: 23
3rd - Cowpat[1504821] - Score: 23
There were 20,545 participants in the egg competition, and between them, they managed to find 100,820 eggs. This equates to just under five eggs each, which science guys say you could safely eat over the course of two days without soiling yourself profusely.
Sadly, 1,908 eggs rotted where they stood before they could be picked up, with their potential owners apparently too busy to bend down in time before decay set in. But these discarded hen corpses should not be used as evidence of the city's lack of enthusiasm for the competition. My set of hot wet shiny statistics show that during the first seven days an average of 4,132 eggs was collected every 24 hours, whereas an average of 5,135 was collected every day during the final two weeks of the event - a 24% increase.
Pictured: An unnecessary visual interpretation of an easily conceivable piece of data.
But what was the most common colour of egg collected during the competition I hear you scream at me from behind your mound of yolks? Well, I'll tell you if you'll f***ing calm down. With 12,580 collected, orange was by far the most popular egg - and by far, I mean by not that much. Yellow was only 156 eggs behind in second with 12,424, with red eggs rounding out the top three with 12,336. For those of you who like to make charts of such things, the full egg table can be seen below.
1st - Orange - 12,580
2nd - Yellow - 12,424
3rd - Red - 12,336
4th - Pink - 12,290
5th - Green - 12,218
6th - Blue - 10,927
7th - Brown - 10,448
8th - Black - 10,167
9th - White - 7,498
10th - Love - 0
And with that, the Easter Egg Competition is done for another year. We have plenty more competitions still to come in 2018 though, with the "Fastest Federal Jailing", "Erotic Froth Sculpture" and "Silliest Way You've Ever Racially Abused A Child" contests just some of the events we won't be running.
We hope you all enjoyed your Easter treats this April, and I shall leave you with a list of interesting egg facts which you can tell your friends the next time you visit the pub / civil court / sex dungeon.
Egg Fact #1: The thickness of an egg is determined by how emotional the hen was during excretion.
Egg Fact #2: Brain scans have recently proven that hens prefer to live in confined spaces, like cages, or microscopic black holes.
Egg Fact #3: Have you ever bought an egg with a little feather stuck to the top? Congratulations, you have six months to live.
Egg Fact #4: The reason Europeans prefer brown eggs and Americans eat white eggs is that Americans are racist.
Egg Fact #5: Eggs are the only breakfast food that can be seen from space.
Egg Fact #6: Egg facts are a source of Vitamin D. The more you read, the happier you'll be.
Egg Fact #7: The yellow part of the egg is known as the 'nice bit'.
Egg Fact #8: Paler yolks are less nutritious than darker yolks. This is also true of people.
Egg Fact #9: The Scottish Gaelic word for 'egg' is 'ugh', whereas their word for 'vegetable' is 'nothankyou'.
Egg Fact #10: Egg facts get progressively less funny towards the end, thus disproving egg fact #5.
Egg Fact #11: Blood can be used instead of eggs in baking, unless you're making an omelette.
Egg Fact #12: The tale of Humpty Dumpty was based on the real-life adventures of professional wrestler Owen 'The Blue Blazer' Hart.
Egg Fact #13: Eggs which contain the foetuses of stillborn chicks are considered unclucky by some.
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