sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Torn City Times undergoes major overhaul. Public submissions of unfounded gossip now encouraged. Pretty colours added to front page. Complaints anticipated from 'usual crowd of miserable ****holes'.
Hello and welcome to the new and improved Torn City Times. Due to an increase in the newspaper's activity and readership over recent years, it has been decided that the Times' content and appearance should be amended to reflect modern tastes and viewing habits. So, to account for your ever-decreasing attention spans and increasing lust for bright, pretty colours, we've made a few changes.
But aside from a snazzy redesign which more closely resembles / plagiarises popular online news portals, what else does the new Torn City Times have to offer? Well, for a start, you can look forward to a raft of new articles which don't take you twelve thousand hours to read. Our streamlined and dolphin-friendly format means that we can choose which story to make our headline, meaning short guffs of news can be sent straight to the secondary headline panel underneath the leading story.
We're also looking to introduce all manner of easy-to-read features to the paper as well as traditional articles, including horoscopes, advice columns, erotic recipe guides and even more crosswords and puzzles. And to help you keep track of what you've read, the front page now be colour coded, allowing readers to recognise which articles they've clicked on instantly. Articles highlighted by a blue box have not yet had the pleasure of your acquaintance, whereas a grey surround indicates you've had a peep already.
This system also applies to articles found in our new archive section. Old pieces of journalistic wonder can be accessed with ease via a link at the top of the newspaper, and once an article is pushed off the front page it will be stored here for reference purposes until the inevitable death of our parent star. Another important addition is the "Tell Your Story" feature which appears above the newspaper next to the Tutorial link.
Through this portal we would like to encourage you, our handsome readers, to submit all manner of gossip, rumour, information and story ideas to our dedicated reporting team. If you know of a new scam doing the rounds, a faction leader with a secret horse fetish or a company that's about to go bust, please let us know as soon as this knowledge penetrates your brain. Should we find your submissions of interest, we may probe you for further information, offer you a writing assignment for the newspaper, or send you a dismissive meme depending on how useful your suggestions are.
So that's about it! We hope you like what we've done with the place, and in anticipation of those who would decry our efforts as causing other, more important projects to be delayed, we'd like to assuage your concerns by stating for the record that this is not how things work behind the scenes; so be forever shushed you snivelling oafs. One or two slight amendments may be made to the newspaper in the coming months in response to bug reports and player feedback, so we would encourage you to be forthright in voicing your opinions as to what you think of the new layout. In the meantime, feel free to browse our old content and try out our Tell Your Story form.
But aside from a snazzy redesign which more closely resembles / plagiarises popular online news portals, what else does the new Torn City Times have to offer? Well, for a start, you can look forward to a raft of new articles which don't take you twelve thousand hours to read. Our streamlined and dolphin-friendly format means that we can choose which story to make our headline, meaning short guffs of news can be sent straight to the secondary headline panel underneath the leading story.
We're also looking to introduce all manner of easy-to-read features to the paper as well as traditional articles, including horoscopes, advice columns, erotic recipe guides and even more crosswords and puzzles. And to help you keep track of what you've read, the front page now be colour coded, allowing readers to recognise which articles they've clicked on instantly. Articles highlighted by a blue box have not yet had the pleasure of your acquaintance, whereas a grey surround indicates you've had a peep already.
This system also applies to articles found in our new archive section. Old pieces of journalistic wonder can be accessed with ease via a link at the top of the newspaper, and once an article is pushed off the front page it will be stored here for reference purposes until the inevitable death of our parent star. Another important addition is the "Tell Your Story" feature which appears above the newspaper next to the Tutorial link.
Through this portal we would like to encourage you, our handsome readers, to submit all manner of gossip, rumour, information and story ideas to our dedicated reporting team. If you know of a new scam doing the rounds, a faction leader with a secret horse fetish or a company that's about to go bust, please let us know as soon as this knowledge penetrates your brain. Should we find your submissions of interest, we may probe you for further information, offer you a writing assignment for the newspaper, or send you a dismissive meme depending on how useful your suggestions are.
So that's about it! We hope you like what we've done with the place, and in anticipation of those who would decry our efforts as causing other, more important projects to be delayed, we'd like to assuage your concerns by stating for the record that this is not how things work behind the scenes; so be forever shushed you snivelling oafs. One or two slight amendments may be made to the newspaper in the coming months in response to bug reports and player feedback, so we would encourage you to be forthright in voicing your opinions as to what you think of the new layout. In the meantime, feel free to browse our old content and try out our Tell Your Story form.
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