sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Why doesn't he post much anymore? What do Stretch and Chedburn think of him? Who is his secret identity? Find out in this epic tale of the King of Karma: Champion.
"Just a troll I'd say" - Z_Junior
In April 2017 I received a complaint from JFK leader Z_Junior regarding his recently published Tornography, a piece which I had chosen to bookend with references to his long-term admirer, Champion. He felt this biographical account of his life and times was a good article about Champ but had little to do with him, and "Junia" accused the perpetual forum dweller of being nothing more than a troll.
This description may have been fair at the time, but is it still accurate? Is Champion even relevant anymore, or has he begun a long, painful slide into obscurity? A recent post by Honey-Badger polled the community on this very subject, and their opinion was as divided as an American migrant family and their children.
While a significant proportion of people are in love with him, it seems that over half the Torn community either dislikes or dismisses what Champion says. Is this a true reflection of Champ's popularity? His karma score says otherwise. However, Torn's very own giflord MarlonBrando has called out Champion for the reportedly fraudulent methods used to obtain his karma haul in a post which contained a surprisingly low number of poll options.
"Not interested actually and do not quote me, the connection is so very simple, JFK and JFA et al factions upvote ALL his posts...over and over..read my thread in GD on the subject and look at the JFK , JFA and JUX recruiting threads to see the actual approach and my post on the subject. best of luck but again do not quote me, danke." - Marlonbrando
So is Champion's popularity a falsehood propagated by the man himself? Is this a Tornography or an obituary? What kind of legacy will Champion leave when he finally sets the barrel of his Gold AK against the roof of his mouth? Is Champion a troll, or has he evolved into something more dangerous - a troll with a point?
I began writing this Tornography in October 2017, and since then I've had constant requests from Champion to send him previews or publish the piece. Champ's incessant pestering only made me want to delay its release even more. But with the literary equivalent of big blue balls throbbing under my garments, I have finally relented. The first thing I wanted to know about Champion was his background. After receiving various responses from Champ and his associates, I concluded that he was in fact an eleven year old Serbian boy who looked a lot like Drake.
This image was sent to me by Boo, a reported student and close associate of Champion. Boo claimed that the two had recently become friends on Facebook to prevent their chats being read byStretch staff, and that this was Champion's profile picture on the social networking site. Champion confirmed he was indeed tutoring Boo, and in doing so offered further clues as to his identity.
"She is my apprentice in a sense and will be one of my biggest legacies on here - I also taught her how to speak Serbian."
We will investigate Champion's mentoring program later in the article, but first, let us evaluate the legitimacy of this claim.
The image supplied by Boo has been analysed extensively by a team of experts who have concluded with certainty that it is not a picture of an eleven-year-old boy. The man's heritage cannot be discerned, though, so I'll leave it to the man himself to explain that part.
"Am I Serbian? To je povjerljivo. I'm just an average 11 year old that goes to school really...being 11 years old is pretty cool tbh, every birthday is lit and CindyFury buys me a bunch of Torn birthday cake. Not sure why Boo is sending you my RL picture but I'm sure that's RL harassment."
Torn City is a PG-13 game. Champion's admission of his age means his account will now be probed. While this investigation is carried out I have been able to ascertain is that Champion is more likely to be a British person who, for some reason, likes to roleplay online as a teenage boy.
Champion seems determined to troll through his own Tornography from the beginning - much like DUDE did in his own regrettable article. I am certain that Champion will not appreciate such a comparison, but there is no denying that the pair are known for their forum shenanigans rather than their play style. Nevertheless, there are a few notable differences between Champ and other forum botherers.
For a start, Champion's Tornography exists, whereas DUDE's will soon be deleted. Also, unlike most trolls, Champion seems to be well liked, despite the aforementioned poll showing otherwise. Earlier this year Champion finally overtook Bogie to claim top spot in the Karma rankings, and at the time of writing, he leads his rival by over 2,000 updoots.
"I think I achieved the feat of top karma by being witty and having a general knowledge of what people find funny in Torn. Believe it or not, it takes intelligence to get a substantial amount of karma... which makes me wonder how bogie got his, probably RMT'd it cos his jokes in the celeb forum are sub-par at best."
If you're wondering what kind of witty comment tipped Champion beyond Bogie's total, it was this remark posted in response to a request for downtime compensation:
Pictured: The kind of wit that would make Oscar Wilde shit himself deaf.
In the past, Champion's posts seemed to please more people than they annoyed. Whether he can keep this up in future is another question entirely. Will his passion for posting dwindle now that he's achieved a total karma victory? Time will tell. But if I was to force myself to form a definitive answer, I would say "I don't care."
However, if Champion is to continue his forum dominance he may have to shake things up. The two traits which have become a well-known part of Champion's schtick are, in ascending order of frequency, his obsession with Z_Junior and that f**king Gold AK.
"I knew Z_junior from when he wasn't just a junior by name...I only have 18 posters of him in my room now - I used to have a lot more but I had to throw them away as they got a little um... sticky. Let's just say Z_junior and I have a mutual interest in the game Quake 2...hoi polloi will have to wait for the actual story of why I praise Junia so much (it's a great story, 10/10, your jaw will drop when you find out)"
"However, I'm sure everyone (with a brain) can agree on Junia being the best player that this game has ever seen or ever will see. Not sure why people think that BodyGrabber (or w/e his name is) is the best. Z_junior is definitely a submissive but he dominates BodyGrabber in every aspect of the game."
These quotes read like a horny housewife's John Cena fanfiction. I now see why Z was so offended by my pollution of his Tornography with references to Champion. His homoerotic overtures must've worn thin after the second attempt, but Champion is clearly in lust with Z_Junior's masculine presence. The Gold AK obsesses Champ in a different way altogether, though, with this gilded firearm acting as an emotional crutch; like heroin, or that really nice jacket you wear on nights out which you think makes you look dead sexy.
"Well ever since the greatest player in Torn, Z_junior, gave me the gold ak and told me 'with great power comes great responsibility'. I vowed to use that power only for the good of Torn. Some people say I'm a superhero but what many people don't know is that the gold ak has made a lot of Torn hoes become attracted to me, it's an amazing feeling and I couldn't have done it without Z (or Junia as his closest friends call him)... I just wish he stopped denying that he knows me in public cos it really breaks my heart."
There is more to Champion than Z_Junior and a Gold AK, though, as a number of high-profile exploits have helped garner him support from the drama-hungry Torn community. One group who may disagree with this statement are Torn City's traders, for on the 31st of December 2016 - a time when most people would be out celebrating the coming new year - Champion rung in 2017 by attempting to steal top spot in the Bazaar Profit record through underhanded means.
"It's not rigged but if I hypothetically rigged it ages ago then it would be to be #1 at something, being #1 karma seemed a lil far fetched at that point... hypothetically anyway."
Pictured: Perfectly legitimate business growth.
Champion's claim that he performed this trick to achieve number one status is only half the story, for it represents just one of many crowd-pleasing activities Champion has undertaken. In recent years he's also wasted stat enhancers, twice, fired an employee in brutal fashion, and he's been continuously trolling people who hit level 100 by cut and pasting the same post in the Achievements forum for the past three years.
One of Champion's most notorious schemes consisted of an act of revenge against Titan, a player who had consistently downvoted his posts for no apparent reason. On January 30th 2017, Titan posted with glee in the achievements section about how he'd just used the Ignorance is Bliss book to achieve 99,999 happy. Champion decided he'd like to post an achievement of his very own in response.
"I saw his post and was like this bitch just f**ked up. So I rushed to find someone with an oil rig that had enough points to do it. Basically just went to the jfk page since they own 500 oil rigs or whatever and picked a guy that was online to message. He got it graved when he realise I was getting a ton of karma haha."
Despite all the trolling and the shenanigans, Champion has never been permabanned. Ten temporary bans have come his way in Torn City, with just one occurring since Chedburn took control of moderation. This particular punishment came in response to his trolling of Bugs & Issues, and during his absence Champ leaked false information that his 30-day ban was actually 90, leading to a number of complaints when he appeared to be released early. His previous bans were for minor issues, and in the opinion of this reporter, some of them were downright draconian.
But in performing all of these stunts has Champion inspired others to follow in his footsteps? Is the king of karma responsible for the fetid pool of rancid effluence we once called General Discussion? I would say yes just to make him question his life choices, and yet it seems even Champion would not be too upset to see these trolls punished.
"Eh, when people see dude, NotSoSharpKid and that Jed dumbass... suddenly I don't look so bad - since they came outta the woodwork, more people have started to appreciate my posts more so i don't really mind their shitposting. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if Ched accidentally fedded jed's shit account tho."
"I'm not sure why dude feels like he is king of the forums or whatever, maybe it's cos i've let him ride my forum wave for so long that he's become accustomed to it or some shit. Who knows...everyone knows already that dude takes all the L's...I just find it funny how at least half of his threads that got a positive rating were actually threads that I gave him."
Champion wasn't the first Torn troll, but he is the only one to gain mainstream success. It would be unfair to blame the entire state of the forums on Champion, but there is no denying that each day sees yet another tribute act attempt to smear us all with their latest offerings - and weirdly, each makes us appreciate Champion that little bit more.
Does this mean we need even worse people to come out of the woodwork for us to admire the likes of Sharpmid and DUDE? Perhaps need is too strong a word. That'd be like saying I need my balls twisted off to appreciate how little a hangnail hurts. -BC-M16-, in particular, has proven a particularly frequent source of testicular torsion, helping facilitate our forum's inevitable slide towards the gutter and into the sewers where our collective discourse now forms a ball of hate, misery and grease so rancid it rivals the 130-tonne fatberg found in London's sewer last year.
Pictured: If you look closely, you can see TheLuvlillypink making a steaming great contribution.
"They need to be smart in their threads tbh, I know it may not seem like I do but I actually think things through when I make a thread. If they think of some good jokes or things that are funny then people would like them more."
This comment is illuminating. Champion clearly takes his work seriously. He gets a lot of joy out of what he does, and he confided in me that Chedburn's lenient approach to moderation has made the forums much more fun for him and others. But aside from their entertainment value, Champion's posts also occasionally stray into serious territory, and this was no more evident than when he took staff member Stretch to task for spying on people's messages.
"I don't think that the relaxed forum rules have any correlation to the kind of abuse that happened in Stretch's case - he just saw that he could read logs and did it just because he could... I'd bet it wasn't the first time he did that either. Staff should ofc be held to a higher standard... I will also make threads on ANY staff member I feel is doing some dodgy shit."
"Unless that staff member is in JFK cos I'm too scared to go after Ched's members like that."
I asked Champion what Torn would be like if he was in charge for one month. He immediately said that Stretch would be destaffed, he'd reward those who expose staff corruption in the forums, a Gold AK would be added to the Torn logo and a red name would be awarded to his beloved Z_Junior.
"I'll be serious when I feel the real need to be serious but it's not something I would have as much fun doing tbh... I'm much more comfortable when I'm cracking jokes about recent shit that has happened in the game such as MaxHeadRoom's ugly ass nudes getting leaked."
"Ya, (unfortunately) someone sent it to me on discord... I haven't showed them to anyone but trust me, you don't want to see them - I feel a little sick just talking about it tbh so many freaks on this game."
Hearing Champion switch between serious and silly was somewhat unsettling as this is a side of him the forums rarely if ever get to see. The only thing more startling would be if PopadaPill wrote a post which was pro-Israel and in any way historically accurate. I wondered if Champion was suffering from some kind of split personality disorder. You know, the kind you'd get if you had a multi-account setup to hide your serious gameplay profile.
"Many people don't know this but I actually have two accounts. On this account I just play for the fun of it, try to make friends and basically takeover any sort of public platform with my intelligent views while making my points funny at the same time. My other account, Huzaifah [1407331], is my serious gameplay account where I work to build my stats and play the game in the way that Ched probably intended it to be played."
"I keep them separate cos I want two dif play styles, if Ched decides to fed me for it then please get him to delete my Huzaifah account and let this one walk free."
"I said Huz was my multi because when I got my gold ak, some dumbass (critch) from fake SA said huz gave it to me and that he's probably my multi - we've been running with that joke ever since."
Despite Huzaifah not being Champion's multi, he does seem to have a genuine second life as the trainer of n00bs. Champ told me how one of his students, Boo, was nothing before they became friends. He claimed to have taught his young protegé how to run a faction, play the stocks and get rich. Champion implied that Boo was just one of many such students whom he refused to name to protect their reputation. Boo confirmed this story with the following quote, amended for brevity.
"Yes."
Ok here's a bit more.
"I first met Champion 4 years ago when he was leader of 39th because he was good mates with rapid_riser, I heard they knew each other IRL & used to play other games together. I felt especially privileged when he shared his stock algorithm with me that he got from his mate in Calculating as I felt like he really trusted me then."
"Champion has been the biggest inspiration to my torn career and has helped me out in a lot of sticky situations with his vast influence over some very powerful people. My stats and networth are better than him only because he restarted, he's definitely the most knowledgeable person in torn about the game and will always be my role model. I'm proud that I've known him for 1/3 of his life."
Despite Boo's claims to the contrary, Champ has never been "good mates" with anyone. What he does have, however, is an incredible network of spies and informants spread across every faction and company in Torn City. In this way, Champion is like our very own version of Varys, except somehow more neutered.
"I have a lot of sources in Torn, i've made a lot of friends here and when they get some juicy info they'll let me know and of course in return I promise to keep them anonymous, unless something drastic happens such as stretch looking into my chat logs. Normally when I get info about a certain faction from someone inside the faction, I blame someone I dislike for leaking me the info."
"For example when Ali was around and something leaked from JFA then I would publicise that Ali leaked the info - it was quite funny when everyone in JFA joined in on the joke and started blaming Ali for everything that ever got leaked to me after that. Fun fact: I've never revealed any of my sources :) except Ali but she deserves it for using Torn like it's Tinder and falling for someone then getting stood up at the airport half way across the world smh."
Champion seems to know everyone and everything happening in Torn. When I needed to compile a list of hidden messages referencing players to be placed around Christmas Town it was Champion who I turned to for help. He has also offered me small snippets of gossip related to various stories from time to time too. The man's reputation clearly precedes him, and Champion has now become a conduit for those who wish to break news in the city.
"He was fed all the information, most of what he does is filtered information from others, pretty common if you want something out there, you give it to champ. Was none too happy but had little doubt that it would get out there, torn is not a game of secrets."
That last comment was provided to me by Stretch, whose exposure by Champion has left him burdened with a permanent reputation as a snooper. Champion's ability to source information like this has led to several approaches from me with regards to a role as a reporter. Unfortunately, it seems Champ's need for forum gains outweigh his desire to join the staff of the Torn City Times.
"Honestly, the next time I get a good story then i'll try to write up an article about it but I would probably make a thread about it right after it gets published in the newspaper as I like to get the public opinion on stories that I find."
Most of our forum's most popular names would never admit to caring what other people think. Champion is different in this respect, and perhaps that is why his comments are often so well received. When I asked him why he thought many people upvoted his posts, his response was surprisingly heartfelt.
"I've actually no idea why many people like me, if i was someone else then i would think Champion is just a prick that deserves to be perma bountied and made to quit for showing off so much and making me feel like a broke bitch when he shows off with that notorious gold draco."
Karma and gold-plated weaponry aside, Champion's influence upon the Torn public is his true legacy, as before any scandal reaches the public eye, it is often first filtered through the mind of this gold AK wielding Z-juniorphile. His ability to control the leaking of information means there are also a few things about Champion which may not be known to the wider public. For a start, Champion was not always Champion; he was once known as RPG.
"Was just an old account before i restarted. I was known but not really well known. I restarted to become hidden and to actually play in the conventional way. I had really good stats for my age at like 30 days on my champ account but then shit got so boring."
"You were sent $150,000,000 from Z_junior with the message: my treat 2014/09/259:05:32 PM."
"Was in an irc channel broke as shit and complaining about a faction war that was gonna happen between TuS and MnC, my rehab was like 10m. He sent 150m. Went to thank him in pm and he gave me a ton of advice on how i should use that money to make more money etc."
Torn's resident stat-fancier Proxima confirmed to me that Champion was indeed once known as RPG. He also expressed the opinion that this was not Champ's first restart, while also admitting it took him longer than he's proud of to work out Champion's former identity.
"He had a profile img of a literal RPG launcher for like a year....All I remember is that RPG was just a bit less funny and a bit more of a d**k. Champ is entertaining at least."
Another revelation I was unaware of is that Champion owns at least one company by proxy, with RPG TV run by Mug on his behalf.
"It's actually Champion's company, I've run a few for him because I have the educations done. If I had to compare Champion to anyone, hands down it would be chef ramsey, example below:"
Grefal: So we heard you are going to give us a raise
Grefal: In celebration of your comeback
Grefal: Very nice of you :)
Champion: if he wanted his come back then he would just scrape it off your mums teeth
Champion: don't ever let me catch you asking for a raise again Champion: piece of shit
So what is it like to work for the king of the forums? Well, a quick look at the staff list tells you the answer; f**king awful. RPG TV counts among its employees the likes of Kapten_Klitoris, -BC-M16-, DUDE and Sharpsharkey5. Their official staff uniform is the collective spit and urine of the rest of the Torn community. But why has Champion chosen to stuff his proxy company with so many simpletons?
"This current company is filled with hated people cos I thought it would be funny to make mug get spammed by people that follow trolls want them out of every company they join - champ."
Finally, the one thing Champion would most like to keep from you is that he does, in fact, have a conscience. While trying to figure out an ending for this article, I received a meme from Champ regarding CindyFury quitting which he said I should publish. He later asked me to avoid using this content, claiming that he had been paid to take it out. Is this the truth, or is Champ softening as much as we all did picturing MaxHeadRoom's nudes?
The most appropriate way to finish this article is obvious; something something Z_Junior. I proposed this to Champion in chat, and his response was surprisingly generous.
"Spoke to him last night on fortnite but yeah I should probably publicly apologise for trolling the guy so much. He's helped me out a lot through my time here, I know he's not actually personally offended by what I say but it could come off the wrong way to outsiders. He's actually a good guy, takes his job as owner of the game a bit too seriously but that's just how he is. Mr. Serious."
As with everything Champion says, his words here must be taken with a pinch of salt so large you could use it to desiccate a horse. His fleeting bouts of seriousness are too few and far between to allow me to lower my guard and believe him, and lately, this also describes the frequency of his posts.
Champion doesn't seem to have as much time for the forums as he used to, so maybe I'm right in assuming his lustre has all but deserted him. Much like the stat-beasts who reach level 100 and lose their motivation, I wonder if there's anything about the forums or Torn in general which continues to excite Champion now that he's the king of karma.
"Last year I would have said having a child, but I'm going to have a baby boy in September with Nena. We got dude to make a thread about it as a joke a few months ago and thought people wouldn't believe it. But people actually did believe it so we decided to tell them the truth that it was real after April 1st because everyone kept messaging us with questions and stuff."
Champion seems to need something new to motivate him now, as when I asked him why he doesn't post as much, he told me he thought the forums were dying.
"Shit is definitely more fun when you're grinding to beat people. Very rarely I get excited to make a thread like I used to."
Some may contend that reduced forum moderation is the reason behind its seemingly imminent demise, but Champion believes that a lack of actual game-related drama is the real reason. He also told me he feels scared to post certain things nowadays, as he recently received a warning for calling a fellow player a creep.
Of course, the one place Champion would be safe to express his thoughts is the Torn City Times, and I can exclusively reveal that Champ is currently working on an article which promises to expose the ungallant behaviour of a famous Torn citizen. Yet it would be a crying shame if Champion's efforts were limited to this newspaper alone. I for one hope that Torn's people rediscover their penchant for drama and thus inspire Champion to continue posting. For when he departs - and one day he will - the forums will truly be a lesser place.
In April 2017 I received a complaint from JFK leader Z_Junior regarding his recently published Tornography, a piece which I had chosen to bookend with references to his long-term admirer, Champion. He felt this biographical account of his life and times was a good article about Champ but had little to do with him, and "Junia" accused the perpetual forum dweller of being nothing more than a troll.
This description may have been fair at the time, but is it still accurate? Is Champion even relevant anymore, or has he begun a long, painful slide into obscurity? A recent post by Honey-Badger polled the community on this very subject, and their opinion was as divided as an American migrant family and their children.
While a significant proportion of people are in love with him, it seems that over half the Torn community either dislikes or dismisses what Champion says. Is this a true reflection of Champ's popularity? His karma score says otherwise. However, Torn's very own giflord MarlonBrando has called out Champion for the reportedly fraudulent methods used to obtain his karma haul in a post which contained a surprisingly low number of poll options.
"Not interested actually and do not quote me, the connection is so very simple, JFK and JFA et al factions upvote ALL his posts...over and over..read my thread in GD on the subject and look at the JFK , JFA and JUX recruiting threads to see the actual approach and my post on the subject. best of luck but again do not quote me, danke." - Marlonbrando
So is Champion's popularity a falsehood propagated by the man himself? Is this a Tornography or an obituary? What kind of legacy will Champion leave when he finally sets the barrel of his Gold AK against the roof of his mouth? Is Champion a troll, or has he evolved into something more dangerous - a troll with a point?
I began writing this Tornography in October 2017, and since then I've had constant requests from Champion to send him previews or publish the piece. Champ's incessant pestering only made me want to delay its release even more. But with the literary equivalent of big blue balls throbbing under my garments, I have finally relented. The first thing I wanted to know about Champion was his background. After receiving various responses from Champ and his associates, I concluded that he was in fact an eleven year old Serbian boy who looked a lot like Drake.
This image was sent to me by Boo, a reported student and close associate of Champion. Boo claimed that the two had recently become friends on Facebook to prevent their chats being read by
"She is my apprentice in a sense and will be one of my biggest legacies on here - I also taught her how to speak Serbian."
We will investigate Champion's mentoring program later in the article, but first, let us evaluate the legitimacy of this claim.
The image supplied by Boo has been analysed extensively by a team of experts who have concluded with certainty that it is not a picture of an eleven-year-old boy. The man's heritage cannot be discerned, though, so I'll leave it to the man himself to explain that part.
"Am I Serbian? To je povjerljivo. I'm just an average 11 year old that goes to school really...being 11 years old is pretty cool tbh, every birthday is lit and CindyFury buys me a bunch of Torn birthday cake. Not sure why Boo is sending you my RL picture but I'm sure that's RL harassment."
Torn City is a PG-13 game. Champion's admission of his age means his account will now be probed. While this investigation is carried out I have been able to ascertain is that Champion is more likely to be a British person who, for some reason, likes to roleplay online as a teenage boy.
Champion seems determined to troll through his own Tornography from the beginning - much like DUDE did in his own regrettable article. I am certain that Champion will not appreciate such a comparison, but there is no denying that the pair are known for their forum shenanigans rather than their play style. Nevertheless, there are a few notable differences between Champ and other forum botherers.
For a start, Champion's Tornography exists, whereas DUDE's will soon be deleted. Also, unlike most trolls, Champion seems to be well liked, despite the aforementioned poll showing otherwise. Earlier this year Champion finally overtook Bogie to claim top spot in the Karma rankings, and at the time of writing, he leads his rival by over 2,000 updoots.
"I think I achieved the feat of top karma by being witty and having a general knowledge of what people find funny in Torn. Believe it or not, it takes intelligence to get a substantial amount of karma... which makes me wonder how bogie got his, probably RMT'd it cos his jokes in the celeb forum are sub-par at best."
If you're wondering what kind of witty comment tipped Champion beyond Bogie's total, it was this remark posted in response to a request for downtime compensation:
Pictured: The kind of wit that would make Oscar Wilde shit himself deaf.
In the past, Champion's posts seemed to please more people than they annoyed. Whether he can keep this up in future is another question entirely. Will his passion for posting dwindle now that he's achieved a total karma victory? Time will tell. But if I was to force myself to form a definitive answer, I would say "I don't care."
However, if Champion is to continue his forum dominance he may have to shake things up. The two traits which have become a well-known part of Champion's schtick are, in ascending order of frequency, his obsession with Z_Junior and that f**king Gold AK.
"I knew Z_junior from when he wasn't just a junior by name...I only have 18 posters of him in my room now - I used to have a lot more but I had to throw them away as they got a little um... sticky. Let's just say Z_junior and I have a mutual interest in the game Quake 2...hoi polloi will have to wait for the actual story of why I praise Junia so much (it's a great story, 10/10, your jaw will drop when you find out)"
"However, I'm sure everyone (with a brain) can agree on Junia being the best player that this game has ever seen or ever will see. Not sure why people think that BodyGrabber (or w/e his name is) is the best. Z_junior is definitely a submissive but he dominates BodyGrabber in every aspect of the game."
These quotes read like a horny housewife's John Cena fanfiction. I now see why Z was so offended by my pollution of his Tornography with references to Champion. His homoerotic overtures must've worn thin after the second attempt, but Champion is clearly in lust with Z_Junior's masculine presence. The Gold AK obsesses Champ in a different way altogether, though, with this gilded firearm acting as an emotional crutch; like heroin, or that really nice jacket you wear on nights out which you think makes you look dead sexy.
"Well ever since the greatest player in Torn, Z_junior, gave me the gold ak and told me 'with great power comes great responsibility'. I vowed to use that power only for the good of Torn. Some people say I'm a superhero but what many people don't know is that the gold ak has made a lot of Torn hoes become attracted to me, it's an amazing feeling and I couldn't have done it without Z (or Junia as his closest friends call him)... I just wish he stopped denying that he knows me in public cos it really breaks my heart."
There is more to Champion than Z_Junior and a Gold AK, though, as a number of high-profile exploits have helped garner him support from the drama-hungry Torn community. One group who may disagree with this statement are Torn City's traders, for on the 31st of December 2016 - a time when most people would be out celebrating the coming new year - Champion rung in 2017 by attempting to steal top spot in the Bazaar Profit record through underhanded means.
"It's not rigged but if I hypothetically rigged it ages ago then it would be to be #1 at something, being #1 karma seemed a lil far fetched at that point... hypothetically anyway."
Pictured: Perfectly legitimate business growth.
Champion's claim that he performed this trick to achieve number one status is only half the story, for it represents just one of many crowd-pleasing activities Champion has undertaken. In recent years he's also wasted stat enhancers, twice, fired an employee in brutal fashion, and he's been continuously trolling people who hit level 100 by cut and pasting the same post in the Achievements forum for the past three years.
One of Champion's most notorious schemes consisted of an act of revenge against Titan, a player who had consistently downvoted his posts for no apparent reason. On January 30th 2017, Titan posted with glee in the achievements section about how he'd just used the Ignorance is Bliss book to achieve 99,999 happy. Champion decided he'd like to post an achievement of his very own in response.
"I saw his post and was like this bitch just f**ked up. So I rushed to find someone with an oil rig that had enough points to do it. Basically just went to the jfk page since they own 500 oil rigs or whatever and picked a guy that was online to message. He got it graved when he realise I was getting a ton of karma haha."
Despite all the trolling and the shenanigans, Champion has never been permabanned. Ten temporary bans have come his way in Torn City, with just one occurring since Chedburn took control of moderation. This particular punishment came in response to his trolling of Bugs & Issues, and during his absence Champ leaked false information that his 30-day ban was actually 90, leading to a number of complaints when he appeared to be released early. His previous bans were for minor issues, and in the opinion of this reporter, some of them were downright draconian.
But in performing all of these stunts has Champion inspired others to follow in his footsteps? Is the king of karma responsible for the fetid pool of rancid effluence we once called General Discussion? I would say yes just to make him question his life choices, and yet it seems even Champion would not be too upset to see these trolls punished.
"Eh, when people see dude, NotSoSharpKid and that Jed dumbass... suddenly I don't look so bad - since they came outta the woodwork, more people have started to appreciate my posts more so i don't really mind their shitposting. Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if Ched accidentally fedded jed's shit account tho."
"I'm not sure why dude feels like he is king of the forums or whatever, maybe it's cos i've let him ride my forum wave for so long that he's become accustomed to it or some shit. Who knows...everyone knows already that dude takes all the L's...I just find it funny how at least half of his threads that got a positive rating were actually threads that I gave him."
Champion wasn't the first Torn troll, but he is the only one to gain mainstream success. It would be unfair to blame the entire state of the forums on Champion, but there is no denying that each day sees yet another tribute act attempt to smear us all with their latest offerings - and weirdly, each makes us appreciate Champion that little bit more.
Does this mean we need even worse people to come out of the woodwork for us to admire the likes of Sharpmid and DUDE? Perhaps need is too strong a word. That'd be like saying I need my balls twisted off to appreciate how little a hangnail hurts. -BC-M16-, in particular, has proven a particularly frequent source of testicular torsion, helping facilitate our forum's inevitable slide towards the gutter and into the sewers where our collective discourse now forms a ball of hate, misery and grease so rancid it rivals the 130-tonne fatberg found in London's sewer last year.
Pictured: If you look closely, you can see TheLuvlillypink making a steaming great contribution.
"They need to be smart in their threads tbh, I know it may not seem like I do but I actually think things through when I make a thread. If they think of some good jokes or things that are funny then people would like them more."
This comment is illuminating. Champion clearly takes his work seriously. He gets a lot of joy out of what he does, and he confided in me that Chedburn's lenient approach to moderation has made the forums much more fun for him and others. But aside from their entertainment value, Champion's posts also occasionally stray into serious territory, and this was no more evident than when he took staff member Stretch to task for spying on people's messages.
"I don't think that the relaxed forum rules have any correlation to the kind of abuse that happened in Stretch's case - he just saw that he could read logs and did it just because he could... I'd bet it wasn't the first time he did that either. Staff should ofc be held to a higher standard... I will also make threads on ANY staff member I feel is doing some dodgy shit."
"Unless that staff member is in JFK cos I'm too scared to go after Ched's members like that."
I asked Champion what Torn would be like if he was in charge for one month. He immediately said that Stretch would be destaffed, he'd reward those who expose staff corruption in the forums, a Gold AK would be added to the Torn logo and a red name would be awarded to his beloved Z_Junior.
"I'll be serious when I feel the real need to be serious but it's not something I would have as much fun doing tbh... I'm much more comfortable when I'm cracking jokes about recent shit that has happened in the game such as MaxHeadRoom's ugly ass nudes getting leaked."
"Ya, (unfortunately) someone sent it to me on discord... I haven't showed them to anyone but trust me, you don't want to see them - I feel a little sick just talking about it tbh so many freaks on this game."
Hearing Champion switch between serious and silly was somewhat unsettling as this is a side of him the forums rarely if ever get to see. The only thing more startling would be if PopadaPill wrote a post which was pro-Israel and in any way historically accurate. I wondered if Champion was suffering from some kind of split personality disorder. You know, the kind you'd get if you had a multi-account setup to hide your serious gameplay profile.
"Many people don't know this but I actually have two accounts. On this account I just play for the fun of it, try to make friends and basically takeover any sort of public platform with my intelligent views while making my points funny at the same time. My other account, Huzaifah [1407331], is my serious gameplay account where I work to build my stats and play the game in the way that Ched probably intended it to be played."
"I keep them separate cos I want two dif play styles, if Ched decides to fed me for it then please get him to delete my Huzaifah account and let this one walk free."
"I said Huz was my multi because when I got my gold ak, some dumbass (critch) from fake SA said huz gave it to me and that he's probably my multi - we've been running with that joke ever since."
Despite Huzaifah not being Champion's multi, he does seem to have a genuine second life as the trainer of n00bs. Champ told me how one of his students, Boo, was nothing before they became friends. He claimed to have taught his young protegé how to run a faction, play the stocks and get rich. Champion implied that Boo was just one of many such students whom he refused to name to protect their reputation. Boo confirmed this story with the following quote, amended for brevity.
"Yes."
Ok here's a bit more.
"I first met Champion 4 years ago when he was leader of 39th because he was good mates with rapid_riser, I heard they knew each other IRL & used to play other games together. I felt especially privileged when he shared his stock algorithm with me that he got from his mate in Calculating as I felt like he really trusted me then."
"Champion has been the biggest inspiration to my torn career and has helped me out in a lot of sticky situations with his vast influence over some very powerful people. My stats and networth are better than him only because he restarted, he's definitely the most knowledgeable person in torn about the game and will always be my role model. I'm proud that I've known him for 1/3 of his life."
Despite Boo's claims to the contrary, Champ has never been "good mates" with anyone. What he does have, however, is an incredible network of spies and informants spread across every faction and company in Torn City. In this way, Champion is like our very own version of Varys, except somehow more neutered.
"I have a lot of sources in Torn, i've made a lot of friends here and when they get some juicy info they'll let me know and of course in return I promise to keep them anonymous, unless something drastic happens such as stretch looking into my chat logs. Normally when I get info about a certain faction from someone inside the faction, I blame someone I dislike for leaking me the info."
"For example when Ali was around and something leaked from JFA then I would publicise that Ali leaked the info - it was quite funny when everyone in JFA joined in on the joke and started blaming Ali for everything that ever got leaked to me after that. Fun fact: I've never revealed any of my sources :) except Ali but she deserves it for using Torn like it's Tinder and falling for someone then getting stood up at the airport half way across the world smh."
Champion seems to know everyone and everything happening in Torn. When I needed to compile a list of hidden messages referencing players to be placed around Christmas Town it was Champion who I turned to for help. He has also offered me small snippets of gossip related to various stories from time to time too. The man's reputation clearly precedes him, and Champion has now become a conduit for those who wish to break news in the city.
"He was fed all the information, most of what he does is filtered information from others, pretty common if you want something out there, you give it to champ. Was none too happy but had little doubt that it would get out there, torn is not a game of secrets."
That last comment was provided to me by Stretch, whose exposure by Champion has left him burdened with a permanent reputation as a snooper. Champion's ability to source information like this has led to several approaches from me with regards to a role as a reporter. Unfortunately, it seems Champ's need for forum gains outweigh his desire to join the staff of the Torn City Times.
"Honestly, the next time I get a good story then i'll try to write up an article about it but I would probably make a thread about it right after it gets published in the newspaper as I like to get the public opinion on stories that I find."
Most of our forum's most popular names would never admit to caring what other people think. Champion is different in this respect, and perhaps that is why his comments are often so well received. When I asked him why he thought many people upvoted his posts, his response was surprisingly heartfelt.
"I've actually no idea why many people like me, if i was someone else then i would think Champion is just a prick that deserves to be perma bountied and made to quit for showing off so much and making me feel like a broke bitch when he shows off with that notorious gold draco."
Karma and gold-plated weaponry aside, Champion's influence upon the Torn public is his true legacy, as before any scandal reaches the public eye, it is often first filtered through the mind of this gold AK wielding Z-juniorphile. His ability to control the leaking of information means there are also a few things about Champion which may not be known to the wider public. For a start, Champion was not always Champion; he was once known as RPG.
"Was just an old account before i restarted. I was known but not really well known. I restarted to become hidden and to actually play in the conventional way. I had really good stats for my age at like 30 days on my champ account but then shit got so boring."
"You were sent $150,000,000 from Z_junior with the message: my treat 2014/09/259:05:32 PM."
"Was in an irc channel broke as shit and complaining about a faction war that was gonna happen between TuS and MnC, my rehab was like 10m. He sent 150m. Went to thank him in pm and he gave me a ton of advice on how i should use that money to make more money etc."
Torn's resident stat-fancier Proxima confirmed to me that Champion was indeed once known as RPG. He also expressed the opinion that this was not Champ's first restart, while also admitting it took him longer than he's proud of to work out Champion's former identity.
"He had a profile img of a literal RPG launcher for like a year....All I remember is that RPG was just a bit less funny and a bit more of a d**k. Champ is entertaining at least."
Another revelation I was unaware of is that Champion owns at least one company by proxy, with RPG TV run by Mug on his behalf.
"It's actually Champion's company, I've run a few for him because I have the educations done. If I had to compare Champion to anyone, hands down it would be chef ramsey, example below:"
Grefal: So we heard you are going to give us a raise
Grefal: In celebration of your comeback
Grefal: Very nice of you :)
Champion: if he wanted his come back then he would just scrape it off your mums teeth
Champion: don't ever let me catch you asking for a raise again Champion: piece of shit
So what is it like to work for the king of the forums? Well, a quick look at the staff list tells you the answer; f**king awful. RPG TV counts among its employees the likes of Kapten_Klitoris, -BC-M16-, DUDE and Sharpsharkey5. Their official staff uniform is the collective spit and urine of the rest of the Torn community. But why has Champion chosen to stuff his proxy company with so many simpletons?
"This current company is filled with hated people cos I thought it would be funny to make mug get spammed by people that follow trolls want them out of every company they join - champ."
Finally, the one thing Champion would most like to keep from you is that he does, in fact, have a conscience. While trying to figure out an ending for this article, I received a meme from Champ regarding CindyFury quitting which he said I should publish. He later asked me to avoid using this content, claiming that he had been paid to take it out. Is this the truth, or is Champ softening as much as we all did picturing MaxHeadRoom's nudes?
The most appropriate way to finish this article is obvious; something something Z_Junior. I proposed this to Champion in chat, and his response was surprisingly generous.
"Spoke to him last night on fortnite but yeah I should probably publicly apologise for trolling the guy so much. He's helped me out a lot through my time here, I know he's not actually personally offended by what I say but it could come off the wrong way to outsiders. He's actually a good guy, takes his job as owner of the game a bit too seriously but that's just how he is. Mr. Serious."
As with everything Champion says, his words here must be taken with a pinch of salt so large you could use it to desiccate a horse. His fleeting bouts of seriousness are too few and far between to allow me to lower my guard and believe him, and lately, this also describes the frequency of his posts.
Champion doesn't seem to have as much time for the forums as he used to, so maybe I'm right in assuming his lustre has all but deserted him. Much like the stat-beasts who reach level 100 and lose their motivation, I wonder if there's anything about the forums or Torn in general which continues to excite Champion now that he's the king of karma.
"Last year I would have said having a child, but I'm going to have a baby boy in September with Nena. We got dude to make a thread about it as a joke a few months ago and thought people wouldn't believe it. But people actually did believe it so we decided to tell them the truth that it was real after April 1st because everyone kept messaging us with questions and stuff."
Champion seems to need something new to motivate him now, as when I asked him why he doesn't post as much, he told me he thought the forums were dying.
"Shit is definitely more fun when you're grinding to beat people. Very rarely I get excited to make a thread like I used to."
Some may contend that reduced forum moderation is the reason behind its seemingly imminent demise, but Champion believes that a lack of actual game-related drama is the real reason. He also told me he feels scared to post certain things nowadays, as he recently received a warning for calling a fellow player a creep.
Of course, the one place Champion would be safe to express his thoughts is the Torn City Times, and I can exclusively reveal that Champ is currently working on an article which promises to expose the ungallant behaviour of a famous Torn citizen. Yet it would be a crying shame if Champion's efforts were limited to this newspaper alone. I for one hope that Torn's people rediscover their penchant for drama and thus inspire Champion to continue posting. For when he departs - and one day he will - the forums will truly be a lesser place.
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