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Chedburn to relinquish CM role within next few months. Incoming manager to wield fancy new powers. Perverts and trolls reportedly 'shaken' by news.
A document leaked to the Torn City Times has confirmed that Torn's beloved leader Chedburn is to step down from his role as Community Manager, with a replacement set to take over the position gradually over the next few months.
An advertisement for this role will be published imminently, and I can exclusively reveal that Chedburn is willing to consider individuals with or without staff history for this most prestigious position. It is expected that the prospective CM will begin at the rank of Helper, gradually rising through the roles of Moderator, Officer and eventually Community Manager if the candidate proves suitable and manages to gain the appropriate experience.
The new Community Manager will undertake a similar range of duties to that of their predecessors, including but not limited to managing the playerbase, performing administrative tasks, setting the tone for the forums and ensuring that the rules of Torn remain relevant, coherent and consistently enforced. Depending on their preferred approach, we may therefore see multi account holders, spammers and bigots treated differently to the way they're dealt with today.
Pictured: Hope
With regards to the Newspaper's output, the Community Manager will be permitted to dole out bare bottom spankings to any reporter who refers to players in a derogatory fashion, regardless of whether their claims are deemed to be true, definitely true or almost certainly and provably true. However, while some may deem this act as some form of punishment, it is actually intended as a reward, since the Torn City Times' staff is comprised entirely of sadists and masochists.
Our future CM will also be responsible for the distribution of Church funds via a brand-new welfare system set to be introduced shortly. The intended recipients of this pot of holy money are players who have lost out due to scams or other unfortunate events which do not qualify them for official staff credits. A worthy scheme indeed - but is such a socialist system compatible with Torn City?
When news of this reached me I polled the public to see why most people donate to the church. The results - taken from an admittedly small sample size - showed that many of our current donations are borne of curiosity or a desire to benefit from certain hidden bonuses.
Pictured: Praying and donating in the Church is widely believed to have no meaningful effects, making it the most realistic part of Torn City
A grand total of $77,199,266,597 currently resides within the Church coffers. Whether Torn's commitment to altruism will continue once said funds are appropriated for welfare payments to the feckless, reckless and luckless is something we'll only know once it is up and running. Either way, with seventy-seven billion dollars to play with, the incoming Community Manager will certainly have plenty to dole out.
Chedburn's primary motivation for the employment of a new CM is the constant criticism levelled towards him by angry forum posters. Just kidding - their blusterous rants are often as uninformed as they are meaningless. The true reason for this change is that Chedburn wishes to focus on more pleasurable and rewarding work related to gameplay, and it is hoped that the appointment of a CM to oversee routine tasks will free up our city's champion to create all manner of new and exciting experiences for the people of Torn.
Chedburn has performed an admirable job during his tenure as Community Manager, but I think most will be delighted by the news that the creative brain-womb which gave birth to Torn will now be able to direct its energies towards the delivery of new and exciting features - instead of having to continuously prod, wipe and wet-nurse the malformed simpleton child that is General Discussion.
For those who are interested in applying for the position of Community Manager, a link will be posted at the end of this article as soon as the advert goes live.
An advertisement for this role will be published imminently, and I can exclusively reveal that Chedburn is willing to consider individuals with or without staff history for this most prestigious position. It is expected that the prospective CM will begin at the rank of Helper, gradually rising through the roles of Moderator, Officer and eventually Community Manager if the candidate proves suitable and manages to gain the appropriate experience.
The new Community Manager will undertake a similar range of duties to that of their predecessors, including but not limited to managing the playerbase, performing administrative tasks, setting the tone for the forums and ensuring that the rules of Torn remain relevant, coherent and consistently enforced. Depending on their preferred approach, we may therefore see multi account holders, spammers and bigots treated differently to the way they're dealt with today.
Pictured: Hope
With regards to the Newspaper's output, the Community Manager will be permitted to dole out bare bottom spankings to any reporter who refers to players in a derogatory fashion, regardless of whether their claims are deemed to be true, definitely true or almost certainly and provably true. However, while some may deem this act as some form of punishment, it is actually intended as a reward, since the Torn City Times' staff is comprised entirely of sadists and masochists.
Our future CM will also be responsible for the distribution of Church funds via a brand-new welfare system set to be introduced shortly. The intended recipients of this pot of holy money are players who have lost out due to scams or other unfortunate events which do not qualify them for official staff credits. A worthy scheme indeed - but is such a socialist system compatible with Torn City?
When news of this reached me I polled the public to see why most people donate to the church. The results - taken from an admittedly small sample size - showed that many of our current donations are borne of curiosity or a desire to benefit from certain hidden bonuses.
Pictured: Praying and donating in the Church is widely believed to have no meaningful effects, making it the most realistic part of Torn City
A grand total of $77,199,266,597 currently resides within the Church coffers. Whether Torn's commitment to altruism will continue once said funds are appropriated for welfare payments to the feckless, reckless and luckless is something we'll only know once it is up and running. Either way, with seventy-seven billion dollars to play with, the incoming Community Manager will certainly have plenty to dole out.
Chedburn's primary motivation for the employment of a new CM is the constant criticism levelled towards him by angry forum posters. Just kidding - their blusterous rants are often as uninformed as they are meaningless. The true reason for this change is that Chedburn wishes to focus on more pleasurable and rewarding work related to gameplay, and it is hoped that the appointment of a CM to oversee routine tasks will free up our city's champion to create all manner of new and exciting experiences for the people of Torn.
Chedburn has performed an admirable job during his tenure as Community Manager, but I think most will be delighted by the news that the creative brain-womb which gave birth to Torn will now be able to direct its energies towards the delivery of new and exciting features - instead of having to continuously prod, wipe and wet-nurse the malformed simpleton child that is General Discussion.
For those who are interested in applying for the position of Community Manager, a link will be posted at the end of this article as soon as the advert goes live.
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