sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Torn Medical robbed, LONDON drama and how to make billions from millions in our latest roundup of the past month's local news.
Christmas is dead. We are now in a period known as the festive perineum, it being the boring bit of skin between the bursting package on the 25th and the gaping cavity of filth known as New Year's Eve. But the past month in Torn City has been anything but dull, as you're about to find out by reading our recap of December's local news.
TORN MEDICAL ROBBED?
Torn Medical has been in the spotlight a lot lately, having found itself caught up in the political strife which emerged after the Insurgency Alliance was declared. Various leaders have been given control of this reviving faction since then, but former leader Frostyboy seems to have taken his expulsion as badly as a teenager who got socks for Christmas, having made a series of damaging accusations against the faction ever since his sudden dismissal.
In his most recent correspondence to the Times, Frostyboy claimed a major theft had taken place at TM, and that the culprit was one of the leaders installed after his departure.
"Torn Meds co-leader (appointed by Luna from JFA) just took 1.4b out of the vault plus items and retired.442782 was given $1,439,000,000 by 442782. 442782 being the guy that was appointed about 3 or 4 days ago as co."
"In a now commonplace line of sabotage, jfa has found themselves in the firing line again with their latest appointee to the leadership of the reformed Torn Medical committing fraud of the highest degree, emptying the vault and quitting the game. What was his motive? Revenge for the way frosty was treated? A final flip of the finger to a bully faction not used to being the target? A secret alliance, mole planted by Chain Reaction?"
Frostyboy's claims were initially undermined by the fact that 442782 has not 'retired' given his last action at the time of writing was one day ago. However, based on evidence seen by this reporter, it does seem that some kind of theft has indeed taken place and 442782 was the culprit, as he alluded to when he responded to my request for comment .
442782 has declined to elaborate further regarding this matter, and when I reached out to TM's current leader Onecrazyluna, the only response I received was "May I ask how you came by this information you are claiming?"
Pictured: Onecrazyluna, who has injected suspicion directly into my mind.
On Sunday, Frostyboy followed up his initial accusations by suggesting that 442782 took over Torn Medical after former leader Headjob was "stood down for no reason". He said that Headjob, who has now been reinstalled as co-leader, has subsequently been locked from JFA leadership channels and strategy discussions.
Frostyboy is married to Headjob and so one has to assume that he has acquired this information through late night intimate pillow talk. In response to these claims, Torn City Times reporter Claire, who is a member of Torn Medical, admitted that something untoward had gone on within the TM armoury.
"When Torn Med members logged in they found their cash vault empty, wondering what was up, one of them took to the faction chat looking for news and assurance from his leaders and fellow members."
Claire reported that neither the JFA nor TM leadership has communicated much to their faction members regarding this incident, but based on the screenshot above and this thread demonstrating 442782's previous history of scamming, it seems a rather cut and dry case.
What we don't know is 442782's motive. Do you know why Torn Medical's armoury was emptied? Can you prove your story? If so, contact the Torn City Times today.
$67 BILLION IN TWO WEEKS
Christmas is a time for drunken revelry and merriment, and those of us who become too inebriated over the festive season may end up saying something we regret. One player who has nothing to fear in this respect is Yeezy, who has spent the past two weeks shooting himself in the foot so often he can now barely feel a thing.
"I recently hit #10 most winnings in russian roulette - in less than 2 weeks. Before I started, I had a networth of about 8b. As we speak I have a networth of 58b (though it has been at 69b a few days ago - damn losses)."
A quick look at both the Russian Roulette stats and Yeezy's networth graph seem to confirm his story. On December 4th he was worth $4.8 billion, compared to $64 billion at the time of writing on December 20th. At this point, Yeezy sat eighth in the all-time RR leaderboard with $263 billion in total winnings. He does not appear in the top ten for losses, unlike all of those who are above him in the leaderboard.
Yeezy's total losses were $196 billion when he spoke to us in late-December, with his highest individual loss being $4 billion, and his highest gain $10 billion. Overall, Yeezy has made $67 billion from Russian Roulette, although he owes his success in the game to a dose of luck so large one is surprised he didn't OD.
"The actual reason that I started playing it so heavily is that I stumbled upon a 750m bet (1.5b pot) and thought **** it I'll give it a try. The other guy timed out, making me win the pot by taking action and emptying the clip in his foot myself."
"A wildfire sparked in me because that was easy money, and 750m liquid cash was a lot for me at that moment. I just continued playing. The pots got bigger and bigger. Now all kinds of players are messaging me if they have a big bet up - the other day 'Book' messaged me asking if I wanted to do a 10b bet (20b pot) and I said sure. I won it, and he wanted to do a 9.5b bet (19b pot), which I also won."
Yeezy still loses a fair amount on occasion, but when he wins big, he believes his superstitious breathing techniques give him an edge, as he claims that the way he controls his intake of air on certain shots gives him an advantage. He also feels that some form of excitement factor is at play, and he uses this to his advantage by waiting to take his shots to let his opponent become anxious.
"It's superstitious, and I use different tactics now, which I of course won't reveal. But they are also superstitious lol."
BOUNTY BRAG BOSHED
In last month's local news roundup, we covered the bizarre story of C-V, a player of some 219 days who had yet to receive a single bounty - until this very reporter mercilessly changed that. Ten further bounties were added to C-V's record shortly after the article was published, but a few days later, I received notification that his record of two hundred days was but a mere drop in the ocean compared to others.
"Saw that statistical oddity part of your last article and chuckled a bit... I am almost 3000 days old and I have never been bountied until the recent Elimination competition... and as far as I can tell it was just some guy that bountied all his targets for 1 dollar to do the bounty merit or something. So until that happened I probably had one of the longest streaks of never being bountied every I bet."
Pictured: What happens when you're a good boi instead of a badass maverick renegade.
The player in question is Afyon, a member of JUX HQ who recently celebrated his 3,000th day in Torn. The above graph backs up his claim of receiving just one solitary bounty, and it may be that this represents a record in Torn City - although we haven't yet bothered to check if this is true.
What we do know is that Baldr was the player who claimed Afyon's single bounty, but the original poster remains anonymous. The only clues we have are that Afyon was a member of Snowflakes when the bounty was received at 6:12:25 AM on September 13th - the reward was a rather poignant one dollar.
Do you know someone older and even more bountyless than Afyon? Perhaps you might know who posted Afyon's bounty. If so, and you have proof, please contact the Torn City Times to tell us today, before your secrets seep out of you for free.
JUICY LONDON GOSSIP
An anonymous member of the faction LONDON contacted the Times recently to tell us of a failed 10k hit chain which only managed to reach 5k. This in itself was not especially exciting news, but our source revealed that in the aftermath of the failure, two prominent LONDON members promptly disappeared. Now that is rather exciting.
These bizarre messages were followed up by a longer announcement from Aguirre:
"Like many of you, I awoke to some puzzling and unexpected messages and the news that G and Pinky have both disappeared from London. Somehow I am also now co-leader of the faction. As most of you already know, I possess no special knowledge of TORN other than being handy in a chain. It is my understanding our beloved and revered Pinky will be back amongst us soon."
"In the meantime, I would ask for your patience and understanding if things move at slower and more dysfunctional pace than usual. That said, I'm here to help, so if you need access to the bank, etc, send me a message. I know you gotta do what you gotta do, but if you could hold off on rage quitting until we get this sorted, that would be swell."
Pinky has since returned as LONDON's co-leader, but G seems to have permanently left for the Vigilantes, and nobody knows why. Do you? Tell us, or be forever condemned to a life of cowardly silence.
WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS
A TALENTED YOUNGSTER?
The Torn City Times loves covering talented youngsters almost as much as R Kelly does, and this week we've been informed of an especially youthful player who has achieved a remarkable level in what may be a record time.
"Hey, I'm less than 200 days old and I'm the youngest level 45 in torn. is this worthy of a news article? I don't want to put unwanted attention on myself but I think it's an accomplishment. Let me know what you think."
AnnieGwish is the player in question, and we think if she didn't want unwanted attention, requesting a shout out in the newspaper was a bad idea. Nevertheless, we checked up on her claims, and she is indeed correct to presume she is the youngest level 45. The closest level-45 player to AnnieGwish in terms of age is Milsum, who was 235 days old when we viewed the Hall of Fame on December 20th.
AnnieGwish was just 198 at the time. And, having also browsed the current level 44 and 43 lists, we see no-one capable of beating her any time soon. It seems she may need a time machine if she is to repeat the feat with level 46, though, with a player called Steam being 210-days-old at level 46 when I checked. He confirmed to me that he hit his current level two weeks ago, while also proving that he took level 45 aged just 171 days.
AnnieGwish's achievement is still incredible, and she should be commended for her incredibly hard work. If you know of any other bizarrely-young high-level players, please let the Torn City Times know today.
PROPH TURNS $19 MILLION INTO $1 BILLION
Proph contacted the Times to tell us how he used the proceeds from the sale of a single Arma-Lite weapon worth $19 million to earn $1 billion in cash at the bookies. Proph announced this incredible streak of luck via the forums too, where he detailed the ten sporting bets he placed to earn his fortune. And in an interview with the TCT, Proph explained how this fortune had benefitted him, and what he plans to do with the cash in future.
"At the moment I bought points. But I've gone from a NW of $60m to a NW of $2.5bn in the space of a few days!... But I plan on doing another one soon but this time posting the bets in a forum post so others can follow it too if they choose."
So if you fancy following in Proph's footsteps by turning a paltry $19 million into a billion dollars, keep an eye out for his next betting post!
MORE BIZARRE BAZAARS
The Torn City Times has been roundly praised by many for its recent War on Scammers campaign, a moral crusade which seeks to identify and eliminate players who would seek to deceive the innocent citizens of Torn for their own personal gain.
Our October article on the various types of scam in Torn City exposed the work of Kasandra_Joasia, also known as Potion Seller, whose modus operandi is to switch out items just before a direct trade is completed, hoping their trading partner doesn't ntice. However, just a few weeks ago, a player called thesigher informed the Times that KJ had adopted a new strategy, and was now scamming people via their bazaar.
"First, I'd like to say well done on the scammer article. Good stuff in there man. Great for new players like myself. I just wanted to add, that I visited Kasandra_Joasia's bazaar page and laughed my ass off when I got there."
"Everyone of the items he has listed is 1000-10000x the going rate. No lie, every single one. I was hoping since you exposed him once, you could maybe do a follow up with this information. Seriously, when you get a chance, take a look...it's good stuff."
Thesigher is not exaggerating. When this reporter visited KJ's bazaar on 19th of December, he found jackets being sold for 3,000 times their value, a samurai sword priced at 9,000 times its value, and diving gloves going for 133,333 times their value.
Pictured: Premium prices for those who are wet behind the ears.
The most shocking thing about this story isn't the prices, it is that people seem to be actually paying them! Over a one month period between the 19th of November-December, KJ had 552 bazaar sales which made him $511 million.
Thankfully, a short chat with Kasandra Joasia confirmed that our initial assertions were incorrect; this half-billion figure did not include any sales of overpriced items, but KJ hopes that in future, it will.
"That's just random xanax flipping... I mean it [overpricing items] costs me nothing, and if someone happens to buy the wrong thing then I'd say there's more positives then negatives."
Shortly before Christmas, KJ's dreams seemed to come true. Jasandra_Joasia claimed via the forums that Duke himself had fallen for this scam while purchasing items for his 12 days giveaway event. KJ offered no proof save for a pasted text event. We briefly considered asking KJ for further proof of this incident, but given our previous interaction with him, we elected to not bother.
FRANKY WINS THE LOTTERY...AGAIN
Back in September, Torn City Times reporter Franky revealed he had won the lottery for the thirteenth time, with the lucky son of a bitch having taken home the Daily Dime jackpot with alarming frequency over the past three years.
Thankfully, Franky's luck seemed to have deserted him this year, as his August win represented only his second victory of 2018, having also technically won $2.6 million in September - a victory which was tragically deleted due to a glitch.
But Franky's fortunes were restored on the 8th of December when he won the lottery yet-a-bloody-gain, scooping $1,378,500 to take his all-time total to $22,392,400. The most he's won is $2,955,300, with the lowest jackpot being $964,400. And if you want to follow in his footsteps, you may wish to pay heed to the following advice.
"I enter every day that I login. Spend 70 tokens on daily dime and 5 tokens on slots. On a Monday I spend 7 tokens on Lucky Shot, 63 on daily dime and 5 on slots. It's a bit of a routine lol."
In response to these events, The Torn City Times has rubbed every part of Franky's body for luck, and we are considering removing his left foot to use as a keepsake. But until Franky stops entering the lottery himself, we see these charms as having little to no effect on our fortunes.
"If I ever get to 20 wins, I may consider not buying tickets for the daily dime again but that might spur me on to go for 30 wins."
THE SECOND MOST SHOCKING MESSAGE THE TORN CITY TIMES HAS EVER RECEIVED
The forums are currently littered with angry posts by entitled citizens who do not understand how either the dump, Christmas Town nor mathematics work. However, in stark contrast to the legions of the unlucky, one anonymous citizen brought cheer to the offices of Torn City with the following message.
THE MOST SHOCKING MESSAGE THE TORN CITY TIMES HAS EVER RECEIVED
As per the title above, we present the following Tell Your Story entry from TheTheorist with no further comment:
TORN MEDICAL ROBBED?
Torn Medical has been in the spotlight a lot lately, having found itself caught up in the political strife which emerged after the Insurgency Alliance was declared. Various leaders have been given control of this reviving faction since then, but former leader Frostyboy seems to have taken his expulsion as badly as a teenager who got socks for Christmas, having made a series of damaging accusations against the faction ever since his sudden dismissal.
In his most recent correspondence to the Times, Frostyboy claimed a major theft had taken place at TM, and that the culprit was one of the leaders installed after his departure.
"Torn Meds co-leader (appointed by Luna from JFA) just took 1.4b out of the vault plus items and retired.442782 was given $1,439,000,000 by 442782. 442782 being the guy that was appointed about 3 or 4 days ago as co."
"In a now commonplace line of sabotage, jfa has found themselves in the firing line again with their latest appointee to the leadership of the reformed Torn Medical committing fraud of the highest degree, emptying the vault and quitting the game. What was his motive? Revenge for the way frosty was treated? A final flip of the finger to a bully faction not used to being the target? A secret alliance, mole planted by Chain Reaction?"
Frostyboy's claims were initially undermined by the fact that 442782 has not 'retired' given his last action at the time of writing was one day ago. However, based on evidence seen by this reporter, it does seem that some kind of theft has indeed taken place and 442782 was the culprit, as he alluded to when he responded to my request for comment .
442782 has declined to elaborate further regarding this matter, and when I reached out to TM's current leader Onecrazyluna, the only response I received was "May I ask how you came by this information you are claiming?"
Pictured: Onecrazyluna, who has injected suspicion directly into my mind.
On Sunday, Frostyboy followed up his initial accusations by suggesting that 442782 took over Torn Medical after former leader Headjob was "stood down for no reason". He said that Headjob, who has now been reinstalled as co-leader, has subsequently been locked from JFA leadership channels and strategy discussions.
Frostyboy is married to Headjob and so one has to assume that he has acquired this information through late night intimate pillow talk. In response to these claims, Torn City Times reporter Claire, who is a member of Torn Medical, admitted that something untoward had gone on within the TM armoury.
"When Torn Med members logged in they found their cash vault empty, wondering what was up, one of them took to the faction chat looking for news and assurance from his leaders and fellow members."
Claire reported that neither the JFA nor TM leadership has communicated much to their faction members regarding this incident, but based on the screenshot above and this thread demonstrating 442782's previous history of scamming, it seems a rather cut and dry case.
What we don't know is 442782's motive. Do you know why Torn Medical's armoury was emptied? Can you prove your story? If so, contact the Torn City Times today.
$67 BILLION IN TWO WEEKS
Christmas is a time for drunken revelry and merriment, and those of us who become too inebriated over the festive season may end up saying something we regret. One player who has nothing to fear in this respect is Yeezy, who has spent the past two weeks shooting himself in the foot so often he can now barely feel a thing.
"I recently hit #10 most winnings in russian roulette - in less than 2 weeks. Before I started, I had a networth of about 8b. As we speak I have a networth of 58b (though it has been at 69b a few days ago - damn losses)."
A quick look at both the Russian Roulette stats and Yeezy's networth graph seem to confirm his story. On December 4th he was worth $4.8 billion, compared to $64 billion at the time of writing on December 20th. At this point, Yeezy sat eighth in the all-time RR leaderboard with $263 billion in total winnings. He does not appear in the top ten for losses, unlike all of those who are above him in the leaderboard.
Yeezy's total losses were $196 billion when he spoke to us in late-December, with his highest individual loss being $4 billion, and his highest gain $10 billion. Overall, Yeezy has made $67 billion from Russian Roulette, although he owes his success in the game to a dose of luck so large one is surprised he didn't OD.
"The actual reason that I started playing it so heavily is that I stumbled upon a 750m bet (1.5b pot) and thought **** it I'll give it a try. The other guy timed out, making me win the pot by taking action and emptying the clip in his foot myself."
"A wildfire sparked in me because that was easy money, and 750m liquid cash was a lot for me at that moment. I just continued playing. The pots got bigger and bigger. Now all kinds of players are messaging me if they have a big bet up - the other day 'Book' messaged me asking if I wanted to do a 10b bet (20b pot) and I said sure. I won it, and he wanted to do a 9.5b bet (19b pot), which I also won."
Yeezy still loses a fair amount on occasion, but when he wins big, he believes his superstitious breathing techniques give him an edge, as he claims that the way he controls his intake of air on certain shots gives him an advantage. He also feels that some form of excitement factor is at play, and he uses this to his advantage by waiting to take his shots to let his opponent become anxious.
"It's superstitious, and I use different tactics now, which I of course won't reveal. But they are also superstitious lol."
BOUNTY BRAG BOSHED
In last month's local news roundup, we covered the bizarre story of C-V, a player of some 219 days who had yet to receive a single bounty - until this very reporter mercilessly changed that. Ten further bounties were added to C-V's record shortly after the article was published, but a few days later, I received notification that his record of two hundred days was but a mere drop in the ocean compared to others.
"Saw that statistical oddity part of your last article and chuckled a bit... I am almost 3000 days old and I have never been bountied until the recent Elimination competition... and as far as I can tell it was just some guy that bountied all his targets for 1 dollar to do the bounty merit or something. So until that happened I probably had one of the longest streaks of never being bountied every I bet."
Pictured: What happens when you're a good boi instead of a badass maverick renegade.
The player in question is Afyon, a member of JUX HQ who recently celebrated his 3,000th day in Torn. The above graph backs up his claim of receiving just one solitary bounty, and it may be that this represents a record in Torn City - although we haven't yet bothered to check if this is true.
What we do know is that Baldr was the player who claimed Afyon's single bounty, but the original poster remains anonymous. The only clues we have are that Afyon was a member of Snowflakes when the bounty was received at 6:12:25 AM on September 13th - the reward was a rather poignant one dollar.
Do you know someone older and even more bountyless than Afyon? Perhaps you might know who posted Afyon's bounty. If so, and you have proof, please contact the Torn City Times to tell us today, before your secrets seep out of you for free.
JUICY LONDON GOSSIP
An anonymous member of the faction LONDON contacted the Times recently to tell us of a failed 10k hit chain which only managed to reach 5k. This in itself was not especially exciting news, but our source revealed that in the aftermath of the failure, two prominent LONDON members promptly disappeared. Now that is rather exciting.
The faction was alerted to this by one of its leaders, morbid-pinky who sent two messages titled 'G is officially gone', in reference to another of LONDON's leaders, G-STAR01:
"He will not be back. If you feel its best you belong with him.. it is as it is.."
"G needs to grow.. and live.. and is who he is.. and if he wishes to come back.. it is what it is. I am who I am. My nick is Pinky.. how you feel about it."
"G needs to grow.. and live.. and is who he is.. and if he wishes to come back.. it is what it is. I am who I am. My nick is Pinky.. how you feel about it."
These bizarre messages were followed up by a longer announcement from Aguirre:
"Like many of you, I awoke to some puzzling and unexpected messages and the news that G and Pinky have both disappeared from London. Somehow I am also now co-leader of the faction. As most of you already know, I possess no special knowledge of TORN other than being handy in a chain. It is my understanding our beloved and revered Pinky will be back amongst us soon."
"In the meantime, I would ask for your patience and understanding if things move at slower and more dysfunctional pace than usual. That said, I'm here to help, so if you need access to the bank, etc, send me a message. I know you gotta do what you gotta do, but if you could hold off on rage quitting until we get this sorted, that would be swell."
Pinky has since returned as LONDON's co-leader, but G seems to have permanently left for the Vigilantes, and nobody knows why. Do you? Tell us, or be forever condemned to a life of cowardly silence.
WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS
A TALENTED YOUNGSTER?
The Torn City Times loves covering talented youngsters almost as much as R Kelly does, and this week we've been informed of an especially youthful player who has achieved a remarkable level in what may be a record time.
"Hey, I'm less than 200 days old and I'm the youngest level 45 in torn. is this worthy of a news article? I don't want to put unwanted attention on myself but I think it's an accomplishment. Let me know what you think."
AnnieGwish is the player in question, and we think if she didn't want unwanted attention, requesting a shout out in the newspaper was a bad idea. Nevertheless, we checked up on her claims, and she is indeed correct to presume she is the youngest level 45. The closest level-45 player to AnnieGwish in terms of age is Milsum, who was 235 days old when we viewed the Hall of Fame on December 20th.
AnnieGwish was just 198 at the time. And, having also browsed the current level 44 and 43 lists, we see no-one capable of beating her any time soon. It seems she may need a time machine if she is to repeat the feat with level 46, though, with a player called Steam being 210-days-old at level 46 when I checked. He confirmed to me that he hit his current level two weeks ago, while also proving that he took level 45 aged just 171 days.
AnnieGwish's achievement is still incredible, and she should be commended for her incredibly hard work. If you know of any other bizarrely-young high-level players, please let the Torn City Times know today.
PROPH TURNS $19 MILLION INTO $1 BILLION
Proph contacted the Times to tell us how he used the proceeds from the sale of a single Arma-Lite weapon worth $19 million to earn $1 billion in cash at the bookies. Proph announced this incredible streak of luck via the forums too, where he detailed the ten sporting bets he placed to earn his fortune. And in an interview with the TCT, Proph explained how this fortune had benefitted him, and what he plans to do with the cash in future.
"At the moment I bought points. But I've gone from a NW of $60m to a NW of $2.5bn in the space of a few days!... But I plan on doing another one soon but this time posting the bets in a forum post so others can follow it too if they choose."
So if you fancy following in Proph's footsteps by turning a paltry $19 million into a billion dollars, keep an eye out for his next betting post!
MORE BIZARRE BAZAARS
The Torn City Times has been roundly praised by many for its recent War on Scammers campaign, a moral crusade which seeks to identify and eliminate players who would seek to deceive the innocent citizens of Torn for their own personal gain.
Our October article on the various types of scam in Torn City exposed the work of Kasandra_Joasia, also known as Potion Seller, whose modus operandi is to switch out items just before a direct trade is completed, hoping their trading partner doesn't ntice. However, just a few weeks ago, a player called thesigher informed the Times that KJ had adopted a new strategy, and was now scamming people via their bazaar.
"First, I'd like to say well done on the scammer article. Good stuff in there man. Great for new players like myself. I just wanted to add, that I visited Kasandra_Joasia's bazaar page and laughed my ass off when I got there."
"Everyone of the items he has listed is 1000-10000x the going rate. No lie, every single one. I was hoping since you exposed him once, you could maybe do a follow up with this information. Seriously, when you get a chance, take a look...it's good stuff."
Thesigher is not exaggerating. When this reporter visited KJ's bazaar on 19th of December, he found jackets being sold for 3,000 times their value, a samurai sword priced at 9,000 times its value, and diving gloves going for 133,333 times their value.
Pictured: Premium prices for those who are wet behind the ears.
The most shocking thing about this story isn't the prices, it is that people seem to be actually paying them! Over a one month period between the 19th of November-December, KJ had 552 bazaar sales which made him $511 million.
Thankfully, a short chat with Kasandra Joasia confirmed that our initial assertions were incorrect; this half-billion figure did not include any sales of overpriced items, but KJ hopes that in future, it will.
"That's just random xanax flipping... I mean it [overpricing items] costs me nothing, and if someone happens to buy the wrong thing then I'd say there's more positives then negatives."
Shortly before Christmas, KJ's dreams seemed to come true. Jasandra_Joasia claimed via the forums that Duke himself had fallen for this scam while purchasing items for his 12 days giveaway event. KJ offered no proof save for a pasted text event. We briefly considered asking KJ for further proof of this incident, but given our previous interaction with him, we elected to not bother.
FRANKY WINS THE LOTTERY...AGAIN
Back in September, Torn City Times reporter Franky revealed he had won the lottery for the thirteenth time, with the lucky son of a bitch having taken home the Daily Dime jackpot with alarming frequency over the past three years.
Thankfully, Franky's luck seemed to have deserted him this year, as his August win represented only his second victory of 2018, having also technically won $2.6 million in September - a victory which was tragically deleted due to a glitch.
But Franky's fortunes were restored on the 8th of December when he won the lottery yet-a-bloody-gain, scooping $1,378,500 to take his all-time total to $22,392,400. The most he's won is $2,955,300, with the lowest jackpot being $964,400. And if you want to follow in his footsteps, you may wish to pay heed to the following advice.
"I enter every day that I login. Spend 70 tokens on daily dime and 5 tokens on slots. On a Monday I spend 7 tokens on Lucky Shot, 63 on daily dime and 5 on slots. It's a bit of a routine lol."
In response to these events, The Torn City Times has rubbed every part of Franky's body for luck, and we are considering removing his left foot to use as a keepsake. But until Franky stops entering the lottery himself, we see these charms as having little to no effect on our fortunes.
"If I ever get to 20 wins, I may consider not buying tickets for the daily dime again but that might spur me on to go for 30 wins."
THE SECOND MOST SHOCKING MESSAGE THE TORN CITY TIMES HAS EVER RECEIVED
The forums are currently littered with angry posts by entitled citizens who do not understand how either the dump, Christmas Town nor mathematics work. However, in stark contrast to the legions of the unlucky, one anonymous citizen brought cheer to the offices of Torn City with the following message.
"Torn city makes me appreciate that we have text-based games that are so fleshed out. Not much juicy gossip or anything too fancy, just a big thank you from an individual player, its good to know these types of games are still around and thriving in 2018 and beyond."
THE MOST SHOCKING MESSAGE THE TORN CITY TIMES HAS EVER RECEIVED
As per the title above, we present the following Tell Your Story entry from TheTheorist with no further comment:
The New Year Comes From Around The corner and all I want to say that 2018's Torn Was The Best Thing Ever, We Had The Bad Moments But Mostly The Good Ones, And I Wanted to Thank The Community And Chedburn [1] That Created Torn A Better Place, I Hope That In 2019 It Will Be Better
Original article
Comments
Post a Comment