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What's happening in the URT? Who is in pole position to snag themselves a Bugatti? And why did everyone except Stormcast crash in race three?
This time last week the qualifiers for the Ultimate Racing Tournament came to a rich creamy end, with these races proving to be some of the most popular fasty fasty car times ever run in Torn City. As such, they were vastly oversubscribed, with some racers struggling to make it into more than a couple of the qualifiers.
Among the big names who failed to qualify were race organisers Stormcast and Destroys, with the former missing out by an agonising 33 one-hundredths of a second in Saturday's fourth qualifier at Mudpit. In fact, of the five race organisers who took part, Rogue was the only one who made it through. Garfthegreat and Caladan were the other two stewards involved, and the Torn City Times wishes to take a moment to commend all five players for their dedication and hard work during the qualifying weekend.
Pictured: They made brum brum go fast fast.
The new format proved especially harsh on Hammer, HeWhoDares and CarlosJ, all of whom placed in the top three in their qualifying sessions, but whose times were too slow to reach the top 18 positions. Other notable racers who entered but missed the cut included the likes of Guy_Smiley, BrockettIII, Broly, Butters, Baldr, archimede, Tyrion, bogie, TriTuRaDor, Violence, ChristmasBazaar, crabster, dr4gon, Backalleybob and Rockem.
Due to the number of high-profile drivers absent from the tournament, some churlish clods suggested its winner should have an asterisk next to their name, indicating some kind of footnote may be necessary to which would lessen their achievements. For those who believe this, I would say the same thing should be applied to your birth certificate, you half-formed halfwits.
But enough about those losers. Let's take a look at the drivers who actually qualified, and reveal their Driver Skill scores which were taken as a condition of entry just before Tuesday's first official race. One name which immediately stands out is Lindy_Lyson, whose 100% record at the Summer PRC saw her take home the crown with style. Mafia, who finished fourth in that tournament, and ToxicMonkeyMZC, who was sixth, have also qualified - their mothers must be proud.
Several of our qualifying drivers also hold lap records across many of the tracks used in the URT Winter Edition Rally. The most prominent is Data, who holds the fastest global and all class records on Two Islands, Vector, Stone Park and Meltdown, in addition to the fastest all class time on Mudpit, the second best global time on Uptown and Hammerhead, and top five global placements on seven other tracks.
And if he weren't made favourite already, the knowledge that he is the highest ranked entrant according to his Driver Score most certainly will.
Of course, these figures only tell part of the story. Which car a driver chooses and how they arrange their upgrades plays a major role too, as does terrain. Some drivers will find themselves more suited to concrete, whereas others will perform better on dirt - the same goes for their love lives. And with just one day to prepare between Sunday's final qualifier and the beginning of the competition proper, the first race saw the racers return to familiar territory, as our thirty-six drivers took to the track back at Stone Park.
RACE ONE
The race itself unfolded like a dying man undoing an origami sculpture - in dramatic fashion. The lead changed hands over the first few corners, with urbanmenace, Mercm3 and Mafia leading the pack early on. The likes of Triantos, Dadonius and the_gunners2004 made a nuisance of themselves too, and by the halfway stage we still had no one driver able to pull themselves away.
It was around lap eleven that the eventual podium placers began to bare their teeth, as cheekym0nkey took third and Fear found himself finally amongst the top six. These two and Mercm3 would often pop into the upper echelons of the leaderboard before falling back among the rest, and it was only from lap eighteen that anyone found consistency.
Cheekym0nkey then led the race ahead of Mercm3 in second, Barnstable in third, Dadonius in fourth, Fear in fifth and urbanmenace in sixth. These fast lads were then joined by the_gunners2004 in an exhilarating seven-way fight for the lead, which ended in a photo finish as Fear pipped cheekym0nkey for the win on the final corner, followed by Mercm3 in third - a quite incredible achievement for the second-lowest ranked driver in the competition.
Elsewhere, Barnstable finished in fourth, Dadonius in fifth and the_gunners2004 in sixth. But what matters most here is your time, and with twenty-seven racers finishing within 30 seconds of each other, and all but one ending within 60 seconds, the first official race of the Winter URT Rally proved to be a highly competitive affair - a prospect which sounds both tiring and fun.
Fastest Lap: Data - 01:11:88
Track Record: Data - 01:11:68
RACE TWO
The second race at Withdrawal saw the_gunners2004 dominate the first couple of laps before slipping back behind Dottee, Donco and Dreadknight. He soon restored his place at the front of the pack on lap four and entrenched himself in a battle for the lead with Dreadknight and NickHendrix, with Triantos also joining the fray whenever he damn-well fancied.
Come the halfway stage we had a new leader in the form of Mafia, with the_gunners2004 in second and Dilandu fighting Metaldog, Triantos and Donco for third. Behind them, a group including NickHendrix, Cloudjumper and Fear did well to keep pace with the frontrunners, shadowed themselves by another group of drivers in what proved to be another tight race.
Despite consistent assaults from NickHendrix and Dilandu, the_gunners2004 managed to hold his lead until lap 14 when he was overtaken by several drivers to drop as low as ninth. Dilandu, NickHendrix and Metaldog topped the field for a short while, but the_gunners2004 then began to scythe his way back through the pack like a psychotic grain farmer.
With two laps remaining it was Anghel who most consistently challenged the_gunners2004 for the lead, and when the latter dropped back to ninth on lap 18 it seemed his chances of victory were over. However, on the final lap he sat in second, sandwiched between Anghel and NickHendrix - delicious - and after a brief drop back to fourth, it was the_gunners2004 who prevailed just before the last straight, with Anghel and NickHendrix following in second and third.
Fastest Lap: Dadonius - 01:52:81
Track Record: ChristmasBazaar - 01:52:26
RACE THREE
The third race at Parkland proved to be a calamitous affair, to say the least. A bug within the racing system caused the event to be displayed as a 100 lap race, and after a manual tweak restored it back to 20, this, in turn, led to a further bug which meant all drivers appeared to have crashed after lap 20.
Pictured: All except Stormcast, who is now the winner of our hearts.
Sadly, all records of what happened during the race have been pulped. But after combing through the imaginary wreckage, we determined that Cloudjumper had won this race by just over one and a half seconds ahead of cheekym0nkey in second and Jackpot in third. The winning time was 54:58.05, and this result saw Cloudjumper storm up to second place in the overall table, just 19 seconds behind current rally leader the_gunners2004.
The latter's time of 55:14:20 saw him finish in fifth this time around, just behind dunmugmeh and ahead of bblake17, Dilandu, Lindy_Lyson and Rogue. Data was given tenth place in the standings despite not taking part in the main race - he missed it on purpose due to his belief that the error mentioned earlier meant the race was not correct. Data was allowed to race by himself the following day, and the time he achieved of 55:25:71 was good enough for him to sneak into the top ten like a proper naughty boy.
Fastest Lap: 2:33:62 - Dilandu
Track Record: 2:29:91 - Broly
RACE FOUR
Thankfully, the fourth race at Two Islands was a more straightforward affair, with all drivers participating and no funky errors to contend with. the_gunners2004 cemented his lead at the top of the table with a stunning five-second victory here on the coast, and he was followed by Jackpot and Kaxuxo, whose battle for second-place was run right down to the wire, as just twenty-three hundredths of a second separated them at the finish line - I not even that close with my own mother.
This race once more proved the custard-like consistency of our field of drivers, as all but two managed to finish within sixty seconds of the leader. One of the two drivers who failed to do so was NickHendrix, who surprised many by finishing nearly three minutes behind Green_Revolver in 34th. The other driver who lagged behind was Keltos, who became the tournament's first crash casualty halfway through lap twelve.
As such, the time he receives will be the lowest time plus 25%, meaning that NickHendrix's slow run will cost Keltos dearly, giving him a time of 50:08:82.
Fastest Lap: Data - 01:43:61
Track Record: Data - 01:38:90
RACE FIVE
The final race of the first stage took us on to Speedway, an elongated oval-shaped track which doesn't look too dissimilar to this long egg I once found.
Pictured: Speedway
Jackpot and Miros were the early leaders in this roundy roundy roundabout race, but in truth, this fixture was as open as a lady of the evening's drawers. NickHendrix led for a few laps too, before Donco and then Aime grabbed the lead a quarter of the way through.
Aime held onto pole position until being overtaken shortly before the halfway stage by a resurgent NickHendrix and a resplendent Chiubiz, but by the time lap ten begun he was back out front once more. Bblake17 had second to himself on lap 11, with NickHendrix, bLiNd, Lindy_Lyson, dunmugmeh, Rogue and Jackpot separated by the width of a nat's nose hair.
The chasing pack caught up to Aime and caused him to drop back once or twice over the next few laps, as Data also joined the fray with four laps left. Aime looked set to win by some margin as the race drew to a close, but bblake17 and NickHendrix overtook him at the end of lap 18. However, Aime restored his lead early on lap 20 and never relinquished it. Lindy_Lyson looked set for second, but an incredible late charge by Jackpot and then Data saw those speedy chaps nab second and third instead. Current URT leader the_gunners2004 finished in a disappointing 29th place, sixteen seconds behind the race winner.
Fastest Lap: Aime - 00:26:53
Track Record: Superglen / Stormcast - 00:26:42
CURRENT STANDINGS
The next stage of the URT Winter Rally will begin on Monday, after a day of respecting the damn heck out of Jesus, with a little trip up town.
January 28th - UPTOWN RACE #6 - URT #6
January 29th - HAMMERHEAD RACE #7 - URT #7
January 30th - INDUSTRIAL RACE #8 - URT #8
January 31st - UNDERDOG RACE #9 - URT #9
February 1st - CONVICT RACE #10 - URT #10
February 2nd - DOCKS RACE #11 - URT #11
Among the big names who failed to qualify were race organisers Stormcast and Destroys, with the former missing out by an agonising 33 one-hundredths of a second in Saturday's fourth qualifier at Mudpit. In fact, of the five race organisers who took part, Rogue was the only one who made it through. Garfthegreat and Caladan were the other two stewards involved, and the Torn City Times wishes to take a moment to commend all five players for their dedication and hard work during the qualifying weekend.
Pictured: They made brum brum go fast fast.
The new format proved especially harsh on Hammer, HeWhoDares and CarlosJ, all of whom placed in the top three in their qualifying sessions, but whose times were too slow to reach the top 18 positions. Other notable racers who entered but missed the cut included the likes of Guy_Smiley, BrockettIII, Broly, Butters, Baldr, archimede, Tyrion, bogie, TriTuRaDor, Violence, ChristmasBazaar, crabster, dr4gon, Backalleybob and Rockem.
Due to the number of high-profile drivers absent from the tournament, some churlish clods suggested its winner should have an asterisk next to their name, indicating some kind of footnote may be necessary to which would lessen their achievements. For those who believe this, I would say the same thing should be applied to your birth certificate, you half-formed halfwits.
But enough about those losers. Let's take a look at the drivers who actually qualified, and reveal their Driver Skill scores which were taken as a condition of entry just before Tuesday's first official race. One name which immediately stands out is Lindy_Lyson, whose 100% record at the Summer PRC saw her take home the crown with style. Mafia, who finished fourth in that tournament, and ToxicMonkeyMZC, who was sixth, have also qualified - their mothers must be proud.
Several of our qualifying drivers also hold lap records across many of the tracks used in the URT Winter Edition Rally. The most prominent is Data, who holds the fastest global and all class records on Two Islands, Vector, Stone Park and Meltdown, in addition to the fastest all class time on Mudpit, the second best global time on Uptown and Hammerhead, and top five global placements on seven other tracks.
And if he weren't made favourite already, the knowledge that he is the highest ranked entrant according to his Driver Score most certainly will.
Of course, these figures only tell part of the story. Which car a driver chooses and how they arrange their upgrades plays a major role too, as does terrain. Some drivers will find themselves more suited to concrete, whereas others will perform better on dirt - the same goes for their love lives. And with just one day to prepare between Sunday's final qualifier and the beginning of the competition proper, the first race saw the racers return to familiar territory, as our thirty-six drivers took to the track back at Stone Park.
RACE ONE
The race itself unfolded like a dying man undoing an origami sculpture - in dramatic fashion. The lead changed hands over the first few corners, with urbanmenace, Mercm3 and Mafia leading the pack early on. The likes of Triantos, Dadonius and the_gunners2004 made a nuisance of themselves too, and by the halfway stage we still had no one driver able to pull themselves away.
It was around lap eleven that the eventual podium placers began to bare their teeth, as cheekym0nkey took third and Fear found himself finally amongst the top six. These two and Mercm3 would often pop into the upper echelons of the leaderboard before falling back among the rest, and it was only from lap eighteen that anyone found consistency.
Cheekym0nkey then led the race ahead of Mercm3 in second, Barnstable in third, Dadonius in fourth, Fear in fifth and urbanmenace in sixth. These fast lads were then joined by the_gunners2004 in an exhilarating seven-way fight for the lead, which ended in a photo finish as Fear pipped cheekym0nkey for the win on the final corner, followed by Mercm3 in third - a quite incredible achievement for the second-lowest ranked driver in the competition.
Elsewhere, Barnstable finished in fourth, Dadonius in fifth and the_gunners2004 in sixth. But what matters most here is your time, and with twenty-seven racers finishing within 30 seconds of each other, and all but one ending within 60 seconds, the first official race of the Winter URT Rally proved to be a highly competitive affair - a prospect which sounds both tiring and fun.
Fastest Lap: Data - 01:11:88
Track Record: Data - 01:11:68
RACE TWO
The second race at Withdrawal saw the_gunners2004 dominate the first couple of laps before slipping back behind Dottee, Donco and Dreadknight. He soon restored his place at the front of the pack on lap four and entrenched himself in a battle for the lead with Dreadknight and NickHendrix, with Triantos also joining the fray whenever he damn-well fancied.
Come the halfway stage we had a new leader in the form of Mafia, with the_gunners2004 in second and Dilandu fighting Metaldog, Triantos and Donco for third. Behind them, a group including NickHendrix, Cloudjumper and Fear did well to keep pace with the frontrunners, shadowed themselves by another group of drivers in what proved to be another tight race.
Despite consistent assaults from NickHendrix and Dilandu, the_gunners2004 managed to hold his lead until lap 14 when he was overtaken by several drivers to drop as low as ninth. Dilandu, NickHendrix and Metaldog topped the field for a short while, but the_gunners2004 then began to scythe his way back through the pack like a psychotic grain farmer.
With two laps remaining it was Anghel who most consistently challenged the_gunners2004 for the lead, and when the latter dropped back to ninth on lap 18 it seemed his chances of victory were over. However, on the final lap he sat in second, sandwiched between Anghel and NickHendrix - delicious - and after a brief drop back to fourth, it was the_gunners2004 who prevailed just before the last straight, with Anghel and NickHendrix following in second and third.
Fastest Lap: Dadonius - 01:52:81
Track Record: ChristmasBazaar - 01:52:26
RACE THREE
The third race at Parkland proved to be a calamitous affair, to say the least. A bug within the racing system caused the event to be displayed as a 100 lap race, and after a manual tweak restored it back to 20, this, in turn, led to a further bug which meant all drivers appeared to have crashed after lap 20.
Pictured: All except Stormcast, who is now the winner of our hearts.
Sadly, all records of what happened during the race have been pulped. But after combing through the imaginary wreckage, we determined that Cloudjumper had won this race by just over one and a half seconds ahead of cheekym0nkey in second and Jackpot in third. The winning time was 54:58.05, and this result saw Cloudjumper storm up to second place in the overall table, just 19 seconds behind current rally leader the_gunners2004.
The latter's time of 55:14:20 saw him finish in fifth this time around, just behind dunmugmeh and ahead of bblake17, Dilandu, Lindy_Lyson and Rogue. Data was given tenth place in the standings despite not taking part in the main race - he missed it on purpose due to his belief that the error mentioned earlier meant the race was not correct. Data was allowed to race by himself the following day, and the time he achieved of 55:25:71 was good enough for him to sneak into the top ten like a proper naughty boy.
Fastest Lap: 2:33:62 - Dilandu
Track Record: 2:29:91 - Broly
RACE FOUR
Thankfully, the fourth race at Two Islands was a more straightforward affair, with all drivers participating and no funky errors to contend with. the_gunners2004 cemented his lead at the top of the table with a stunning five-second victory here on the coast, and he was followed by Jackpot and Kaxuxo, whose battle for second-place was run right down to the wire, as just twenty-three hundredths of a second separated them at the finish line - I not even that close with my own mother.
This race once more proved the custard-like consistency of our field of drivers, as all but two managed to finish within sixty seconds of the leader. One of the two drivers who failed to do so was NickHendrix, who surprised many by finishing nearly three minutes behind Green_Revolver in 34th. The other driver who lagged behind was Keltos, who became the tournament's first crash casualty halfway through lap twelve.
As such, the time he receives will be the lowest time plus 25%, meaning that NickHendrix's slow run will cost Keltos dearly, giving him a time of 50:08:82.
Fastest Lap: Data - 01:43:61
Track Record: Data - 01:38:90
RACE FIVE
The final race of the first stage took us on to Speedway, an elongated oval-shaped track which doesn't look too dissimilar to this long egg I once found.
Pictured: Speedway
Jackpot and Miros were the early leaders in this roundy roundy roundabout race, but in truth, this fixture was as open as a lady of the evening's drawers. NickHendrix led for a few laps too, before Donco and then Aime grabbed the lead a quarter of the way through.
Aime held onto pole position until being overtaken shortly before the halfway stage by a resurgent NickHendrix and a resplendent Chiubiz, but by the time lap ten begun he was back out front once more. Bblake17 had second to himself on lap 11, with NickHendrix, bLiNd, Lindy_Lyson, dunmugmeh, Rogue and Jackpot separated by the width of a nat's nose hair.
The chasing pack caught up to Aime and caused him to drop back once or twice over the next few laps, as Data also joined the fray with four laps left. Aime looked set to win by some margin as the race drew to a close, but bblake17 and NickHendrix overtook him at the end of lap 18. However, Aime restored his lead early on lap 20 and never relinquished it. Lindy_Lyson looked set for second, but an incredible late charge by Jackpot and then Data saw those speedy chaps nab second and third instead. Current URT leader the_gunners2004 finished in a disappointing 29th place, sixteen seconds behind the race winner.
Fastest Lap: Aime - 00:26:53
Track Record: Superglen / Stormcast - 00:26:42
CURRENT STANDINGS
The next stage of the URT Winter Rally will begin on Monday, after a day of respecting the damn heck out of Jesus, with a little trip up town.
January 28th - UPTOWN RACE #6 - URT #6
January 29th - HAMMERHEAD RACE #7 - URT #7
January 30th - INDUSTRIAL RACE #8 - URT #8
January 31st - UNDERDOG RACE #9 - URT #9
February 1st - CONVICT RACE #10 - URT #10
February 2nd - DOCKS RACE #11 - URT #11
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