sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Why did Natural Selection pitch up in Mexico? Who admitted to stealing $6.25 billion? And what do China SMTH have to say after their war with MMCP? Let's find out in this round-up of May's local news.
Over the past few months the local news has been neglected more brutally than Torn players' children during a 25k chain. Let us rectify this terrible mistake and bring you a few snippets of news you may have missed from the past few weeks.
NATURAL SELECTION TAKES MEXICO
When JFA merged with Milk and Cookies to form Natural Selection many expected a grandiose statement of intent to kick things off. Would they drop a nuke? Start a territorial incursion? Nope. Earlier this month, they went on holiday to Mexico.
"Hey mr newspaper man, thought you may be interested in what Natural selection are doing. A lot of NS and NS2 have flown to Mexico and are hoping anyone who lands there, nova ,four gstar ect anyone who flys over gets put in hosp fee to leave is 25mil." - Mysteria
This forum post by Champion indicates that NS were attempting to keep Mexicans out of Torn by enforcing a quarantine, but they also caught up many Torn citizens too, with upwards of 250 people stranded in the land of sombreros and tequila during this event. A $25 million charge was reportedly in place for those who wanted to leave the city, with rude people subjected to a $75 million surcharge. NS leader Stretch denies this accusation, and suggests the whole thing was a bit of fun.
"It was the old school JFA setup we decided to bring to our NS brand. In this case, NS2 was doing a 10k, they wanted to finish it up with a bit of a mexico/cinco de mayo flair. So we all moved down there, built a wall and kept all the infected from leaving the borders
"Everyone dressed up in their finest attire and weaponry and flew down, NS1, NS2 & some NS3. We had a couple internal contests going on, some fun banter in the local chat, had to make sure the quarantine was kept though, can't allow an outbreak to reach Torn City. Contests for best dressed, most hosps and a couple other random categories. Just a way for some team bonding across the NS family."
Pictured: Harmless fun.
GENEROUS FACTION RECRUITING
Are you a new player who would like to get free stuff in exchange for merely existing? Then why not take up Zackthemaf666's offer to join Avarita, the least ambitious faction in Torn City history.
"Joining the faction avarita will get you free high-level armor, free weaponry, free real estate, +6% to a monthly rotating gym stat, and very nice and chill leaders. Best part is, the leaders expect nothing in return. No chaining requirements, no stat requirements, nothing. So if you're new with nothing better to do, apply for avarita."
PLAYERS HIT BACK AGAINST RENTAL SCAMMER
Slynn contacted the Times to inform us of a quarrel which occurred in New Player Chat when Stockboy97 spammed the room with an advertisement offering a 30-day Beach House stay for $25,000. Stockboy97 suggested that his deal represented a better solution to newcomers' housing needs than an apartment, which one could buy outright for the same price.
MercuryPrime, a young restart, took umbrage with this, and accused Stockyboy97 of scamming, since Beach Houses can be rented for 50 days at 20% of the price Stockboy97 was demanding. In response, the wannabe realtor claimed that he provides more than mere housing in return for this inflated fee, and when asked to elaborate, this is what he pulled out of his backside.
"I offer new players help and advice, free meds occasionally, and when they want to get a new house I can rent them in the future for lower prices or i can buy them the house at discounted price."
Unlike my frequent visits to a massage parlour, these 'extra services' failed to tempt anyone into further transactions. And when the argument between Stockboy97 and MercuryPrime continued, some of the more experienced members of New Player Chat came forward with a charitable solution:
"The two start going back and forth arguingwho has the biggest dong who's right. At this point, older 'new' players in NPC started offering the naive new players cheaper (if not free) mansions, villas and ranches."
The Torn City Times wishes to applaud the players who offered their homes to others in their time of need. What Stockboy97 offered cannot be considered a scam as such, but whether it represents a good deal is less certain. Can the advice of a player less than one year old really be worth a 4x markup on a property price? That is for others to determine. Either way, it's heartening to know that the community will step in to offer new players a helping hand now and then. Good job ladies and gents.
Have you rented a Beach House from Stockboy97 for $25k a month? Perhaps you've moved on and leased one of his Private Islands for several million per day? If so, please contact the Torn City Times today with your story, bank account details and mother's maiden name.
NOT PEDRO
Subjectzerogod got in touch with the Times to tell us that he, contrary to the assertions of no-one in particular, is not Pedro.
Are you Pedro? Don't bother contacting the Times today to tell us why. We don't care.
CRIME RECORD BROKEN?
Is Ichigo Torn's model citizen? He told the Times he had over 3,900 offences under his belt at just 119 days old, yet not once had he been jailed for his crimes. Ichigo, formerly known as Inu_Gleam, believes that this run may be some kind of record, and he made a point of thanking a notable player for helping him achive this.
"Personally for me its been playing it safe, getting those first two crimes to 1000 each and following Nash's Guide to Nerve Bar (Revived) by Alexstrasza."
When this story first passed my desk, I wondered whether I should actually run it, since Ichigo's public statement would surely make him a target for the city's detectives. Thankfully this dilemma resolved itself quite recently, as our model citizen's spotless record now has a big brown smear on it.
"Well, so much for my spotless record of no jails. Mozi wasnt thinking and arrested me. I have 1 jail now. I still technically have a perfect Criminal offence record of never being jailed with over 5k crimes committed."
HOW TO STEAL $6.25 BILLION
How do you steal $6.25 billion dollars from a faction and get away with it? Kweld_on can tell you, because that's exactly what he did as co-leader of Vegas. Kweld_on had been placed in Vegas after his old faction Dystopia crumbled to nothing. When Vegas' leadership fell apart, Kweld_on was asked to co-lead despite having never done this before - big mistake.
"As soon as I became co-leader, I had realized a whopping 6.2b in the faction bank and was determined to get said money eventually. I ran the faction (mostly on my own). Eventually, I got word that Dystopia was being revived and many of the original members were getting back into it. I realized it was my time to leave Vegas but before I did I gave Boddlecap [1967931] Co-Leader from my position and told him to steal everything."
As this was happening, Vegas saw their territories assaulted when their rivals noticed the faction had become inactive. Chaos reigned as Vegas' owner, Naryus, wondered what had happened to his faction, and the blame soon fell on Boddlecap when it was realised what he'd done. Kweld_on wasn't suspected as being part of the theft due to his previous investments and 6-month tenure as co-leader, so Boddlecap, his real-life friend, was left to bear the brunt of the inevitable bounties and threats which came his way.
Meanwhile, Kweld_on simply makes withdrawals from his friend whenever he's short of cash.
"Whenever I need to buy things I ask Boddlecap to send me money and my networth never gets high enough to be a red flag, I tell you this now party because I think I'm nearing the end of my play time on Torn. It was fun but not my priority, and a while back there was an article/competition about who had the best con/scam in Torn, and the article writer (forgot who it was, if it was you then kudos I loved that article) conned the city's scammers. I believe I and Boddlecap now have one of the best cons in Torn."
Members of Vegas, I believe it would be in your interests to make the remainder of Kweld_on's time in Torn extremely uncomfortable. Do as you will.
AN HONEST THIEF
Kermit101 has followed in Kweld_on's footsteps by outing himself as a thief and a conman. He told the Times how he befriended the leader of Corrupted Mindzmafia, Redlink, and gained his trust by donating nine diamond bladed knives to the faction. Kermit101 was soon made co-leader without being asked, and was granted full faction permissions. I think you know how this story ends.
"Around Easter on the hunt for the eggs I managed to persuade redlink to run a compition in collecting the eggs. That's when I decided to steal them. It was around that time I got a real life mail from Torn giving me my free energy and I thought if the papers take this I can get the merit as well... only we didn't even have a full set by then end of it, it was shambles!!!"
"So a few weeks later I've gone an taken 400mill worth of armour, 16 full combat sets, 20mill cash and well basically I've taken everything......not much cash in the big scheme of things but I defo made I nice profit also you can quote me on this....I did it for the merit."
Corrupted Mindzmafia, have at it.
MUSEUM DAY MILLIONS
How much money did you make from Museum Day? Not as many as Smokey123 most likely. In case you missed this event, all players who donated items to the Museum were given 10% more points than usual from May 17th-19th. And once the bonus weekend was finished, Smokey123 got in touch with the Times to brag about the bazillions of points he managed to acquire.
"I traded in a bunch of plushies and flowers which I had saved up since last year. I had a couple of plush and flower runners trading me these throughout the last 11 months and managed to obtain a good chunk of points."
Points before:
Points after:
THE BOOKIE SCAM
Abbas7865 claims he has noticed a new trick posted in trade chat where a conman offering an investment opportunity managed to swindle him out of $50 million. Although on further inspection, it appears the only person who has scammed Abbas is whoever presented him with his high school diploma.
"Today I saw a scam message in trade chat saying invest with me in bookie on cricket it will be 80% chance of getting win I will give you guesses my commission will be 15%. So I contacted him he said me to put bookie on Surrey, Sussex etc 10 mill each. I put all my savings. After few hours I lost all 50MIL. When I PM him he just blocked me."
The player Abbas accuses of scamming him is Delive [1914769], but in reality, he simply provided him with a bad betting tip. If Delive is a scammer, he must be operating on behalf of the Torn City Casino, as there is no way he could personally benefit from handing out deliberately false betting advice. Delive says that his clients understand the risks of gambling when they use his tips, and he insists that whenever his suggested bets fail, he adapts his advice to offer sure-thing bets to ensure they get their money back.
Delive says that Abbas7865 is the only one of his clients who has refused to work with him after his initial bets failed. And to demonstrate his innocence, he offered up the following screenshot as proof.
Pictured: Case closed? Idk.
THE SHORT CHAIN
Have you ever seen a chain completed with fewer than 32 players? If so, contact the Times today and ruin the sense of achievement felt by members of The Nameless faction, whose leader Andy4ever contacted us a couple of months ago to inform us of their valiant efforts.
"We had 33 members put together to get 2.5k chain done with levels from 15 to 89 all new to game still. And I don't think that it happen before in torn 33 members getting a 2.5k chain. Think it would be a great story."
Andy4ever, who has presumably decided never to change his name, told the Times that he took control of the faction quite recently, and having built up to a 1k chain, he began to joke about the idea of reaching 2,500. Just like when Dude's mother announced she was pregnant, this joke soon turned into a reality, and despite irl, reduced numbers and time-zone restrictions, The Nameless managed to hit 2.5k at the end of March.
CHINESE WHISPERS
As Donald Trump's trade war with China begins to heat up, the battle between China SMTH and MMCP has finally cooled down. These factions, along with 39th, RAWR, BSG and others, have been fighting over section 4 territories for a while now, but now that is over, China SMTH's co-leader Bingri hopes that the information war against his faction will also come to an end.
"Someone said that we are all multis of Goldenfeel. Of course this is very absurd. I hope detractors will be punished. These rumors have hurt many of my friends. I was very shocked when I heard someone said we are hateful."
"Most of us are Chinese indeed, but not all live in China. We came from some Chinese websites. That means, we can not speak English quite well mostly. That's why we rarely show up at the forums, even the chat channels. Sometimes you may get no response when trying to chatting me, that doesn't means I don't like you or I am crude. Maybe I am looking into an English dictionary that time."
Bingri went on to say that although his faction isn't powerful, they are not as weak as some people think, and they will defend their territories to the last man. China SMTH is made up of experienced players who have collected a lot of awards, but they are not particularly interested in improving their faction respect total. Bingri also added that Chinese players love second-life games like Torn, and he feels there would be even more players from the Far East here if Torn created a Chinese version.
Sadly, such a prospect seems unlikely, as research indicates it is virtually impossible for players to s**tpost in Mandarin.
NATURAL SELECTION TAKES MEXICO
When JFA merged with Milk and Cookies to form Natural Selection many expected a grandiose statement of intent to kick things off. Would they drop a nuke? Start a territorial incursion? Nope. Earlier this month, they went on holiday to Mexico.
"Hey mr newspaper man, thought you may be interested in what Natural selection are doing. A lot of NS and NS2 have flown to Mexico and are hoping anyone who lands there, nova ,four gstar ect anyone who flys over gets put in hosp fee to leave is 25mil." - Mysteria
This forum post by Champion indicates that NS were attempting to keep Mexicans out of Torn by enforcing a quarantine, but they also caught up many Torn citizens too, with upwards of 250 people stranded in the land of sombreros and tequila during this event. A $25 million charge was reportedly in place for those who wanted to leave the city, with rude people subjected to a $75 million surcharge. NS leader Stretch denies this accusation, and suggests the whole thing was a bit of fun.
"It was the old school JFA setup we decided to bring to our NS brand. In this case, NS2 was doing a 10k, they wanted to finish it up with a bit of a mexico/cinco de mayo flair. So we all moved down there, built a wall and kept all the infected from leaving the borders
"Everyone dressed up in their finest attire and weaponry and flew down, NS1, NS2 & some NS3. We had a couple internal contests going on, some fun banter in the local chat, had to make sure the quarantine was kept though, can't allow an outbreak to reach Torn City. Contests for best dressed, most hosps and a couple other random categories. Just a way for some team bonding across the NS family."
Pictured: Harmless fun.
GENEROUS FACTION RECRUITING
Are you a new player who would like to get free stuff in exchange for merely existing? Then why not take up Zackthemaf666's offer to join Avarita, the least ambitious faction in Torn City history.
"Joining the faction avarita will get you free high-level armor, free weaponry, free real estate, +6% to a monthly rotating gym stat, and very nice and chill leaders. Best part is, the leaders expect nothing in return. No chaining requirements, no stat requirements, nothing. So if you're new with nothing better to do, apply for avarita."
PLAYERS HIT BACK AGAINST RENTAL SCAMMER
Slynn contacted the Times to inform us of a quarrel which occurred in New Player Chat when Stockboy97 spammed the room with an advertisement offering a 30-day Beach House stay for $25,000. Stockboy97 suggested that his deal represented a better solution to newcomers' housing needs than an apartment, which one could buy outright for the same price.
MercuryPrime, a young restart, took umbrage with this, and accused Stockyboy97 of scamming, since Beach Houses can be rented for 50 days at 20% of the price Stockboy97 was demanding. In response, the wannabe realtor claimed that he provides more than mere housing in return for this inflated fee, and when asked to elaborate, this is what he pulled out of his backside.
"I offer new players help and advice, free meds occasionally, and when they want to get a new house I can rent them in the future for lower prices or i can buy them the house at discounted price."
Unlike my frequent visits to a massage parlour, these 'extra services' failed to tempt anyone into further transactions. And when the argument between Stockboy97 and MercuryPrime continued, some of the more experienced members of New Player Chat came forward with a charitable solution:
"The two start going back and forth arguing
The Torn City Times wishes to applaud the players who offered their homes to others in their time of need. What Stockboy97 offered cannot be considered a scam as such, but whether it represents a good deal is less certain. Can the advice of a player less than one year old really be worth a 4x markup on a property price? That is for others to determine. Either way, it's heartening to know that the community will step in to offer new players a helping hand now and then. Good job ladies and gents.
Have you rented a Beach House from Stockboy97 for $25k a month? Perhaps you've moved on and leased one of his Private Islands for several million per day? If so, please contact the Torn City Times today with your story, bank account details and mother's maiden name.
NOT PEDRO
Subjectzerogod got in touch with the Times to tell us that he, contrary to the assertions of no-one in particular, is not Pedro.
Are you Pedro? Don't bother contacting the Times today to tell us why. We don't care.
CRIME RECORD BROKEN?
Is Ichigo Torn's model citizen? He told the Times he had over 3,900 offences under his belt at just 119 days old, yet not once had he been jailed for his crimes. Ichigo, formerly known as Inu_Gleam, believes that this run may be some kind of record, and he made a point of thanking a notable player for helping him achive this.
"Personally for me its been playing it safe, getting those first two crimes to 1000 each and following Nash's Guide to Nerve Bar (Revived) by Alexstrasza."
When this story first passed my desk, I wondered whether I should actually run it, since Ichigo's public statement would surely make him a target for the city's detectives. Thankfully this dilemma resolved itself quite recently, as our model citizen's spotless record now has a big brown smear on it.
"Well, so much for my spotless record of no jails. Mozi wasnt thinking and arrested me. I have 1 jail now. I still technically have a perfect Criminal offence record of never being jailed with over 5k crimes committed."
HOW TO STEAL $6.25 BILLION
How do you steal $6.25 billion dollars from a faction and get away with it? Kweld_on can tell you, because that's exactly what he did as co-leader of Vegas. Kweld_on had been placed in Vegas after his old faction Dystopia crumbled to nothing. When Vegas' leadership fell apart, Kweld_on was asked to co-lead despite having never done this before - big mistake.
"As soon as I became co-leader, I had realized a whopping 6.2b in the faction bank and was determined to get said money eventually. I ran the faction (mostly on my own). Eventually, I got word that Dystopia was being revived and many of the original members were getting back into it. I realized it was my time to leave Vegas but before I did I gave Boddlecap [1967931] Co-Leader from my position and told him to steal everything."
As this was happening, Vegas saw their territories assaulted when their rivals noticed the faction had become inactive. Chaos reigned as Vegas' owner, Naryus, wondered what had happened to his faction, and the blame soon fell on Boddlecap when it was realised what he'd done. Kweld_on wasn't suspected as being part of the theft due to his previous investments and 6-month tenure as co-leader, so Boddlecap, his real-life friend, was left to bear the brunt of the inevitable bounties and threats which came his way.
Meanwhile, Kweld_on simply makes withdrawals from his friend whenever he's short of cash.
"Whenever I need to buy things I ask Boddlecap to send me money and my networth never gets high enough to be a red flag, I tell you this now party because I think I'm nearing the end of my play time on Torn. It was fun but not my priority, and a while back there was an article/competition about who had the best con/scam in Torn, and the article writer (forgot who it was, if it was you then kudos I loved that article) conned the city's scammers. I believe I and Boddlecap now have one of the best cons in Torn."
Members of Vegas, I believe it would be in your interests to make the remainder of Kweld_on's time in Torn extremely uncomfortable. Do as you will.
AN HONEST THIEF
Kermit101 has followed in Kweld_on's footsteps by outing himself as a thief and a conman. He told the Times how he befriended the leader of Corrupted Mindzmafia, Redlink, and gained his trust by donating nine diamond bladed knives to the faction. Kermit101 was soon made co-leader without being asked, and was granted full faction permissions. I think you know how this story ends.
"Around Easter on the hunt for the eggs I managed to persuade redlink to run a compition in collecting the eggs. That's when I decided to steal them. It was around that time I got a real life mail from Torn giving me my free energy and I thought if the papers take this I can get the merit as well... only we didn't even have a full set by then end of it, it was shambles!!!"
"So a few weeks later I've gone an taken 400mill worth of armour, 16 full combat sets, 20mill cash and well basically I've taken everything......not much cash in the big scheme of things but I defo made I nice profit also you can quote me on this....I did it for the merit."
Corrupted Mindzmafia, have at it.
MUSEUM DAY MILLIONS
How much money did you make from Museum Day? Not as many as Smokey123 most likely. In case you missed this event, all players who donated items to the Museum were given 10% more points than usual from May 17th-19th. And once the bonus weekend was finished, Smokey123 got in touch with the Times to brag about the bazillions of points he managed to acquire.
"I traded in a bunch of plushies and flowers which I had saved up since last year. I had a couple of plush and flower runners trading me these throughout the last 11 months and managed to obtain a good chunk of points."
Points before:
Points after:
THE BOOKIE SCAM
Abbas7865 claims he has noticed a new trick posted in trade chat where a conman offering an investment opportunity managed to swindle him out of $50 million. Although on further inspection, it appears the only person who has scammed Abbas is whoever presented him with his high school diploma.
"Today I saw a scam message in trade chat saying invest with me in bookie on cricket it will be 80% chance of getting win I will give you guesses my commission will be 15%. So I contacted him he said me to put bookie on Surrey, Sussex etc 10 mill each. I put all my savings. After few hours I lost all 50MIL. When I PM him he just blocked me."
The player Abbas accuses of scamming him is Delive [1914769], but in reality, he simply provided him with a bad betting tip. If Delive is a scammer, he must be operating on behalf of the Torn City Casino, as there is no way he could personally benefit from handing out deliberately false betting advice. Delive says that his clients understand the risks of gambling when they use his tips, and he insists that whenever his suggested bets fail, he adapts his advice to offer sure-thing bets to ensure they get their money back.
Delive says that Abbas7865 is the only one of his clients who has refused to work with him after his initial bets failed. And to demonstrate his innocence, he offered up the following screenshot as proof.
Pictured: Case closed? Idk.
THE SHORT CHAIN
Have you ever seen a chain completed with fewer than 32 players? If so, contact the Times today and ruin the sense of achievement felt by members of The Nameless faction, whose leader Andy4ever contacted us a couple of months ago to inform us of their valiant efforts.
"We had 33 members put together to get 2.5k chain done with levels from 15 to 89 all new to game still. And I don't think that it happen before in torn 33 members getting a 2.5k chain. Think it would be a great story."
Andy4ever, who has presumably decided never to change his name, told the Times that he took control of the faction quite recently, and having built up to a 1k chain, he began to joke about the idea of reaching 2,500. Just like when Dude's mother announced she was pregnant, this joke soon turned into a reality, and despite irl, reduced numbers and time-zone restrictions, The Nameless managed to hit 2.5k at the end of March.
CHINESE WHISPERS
As Donald Trump's trade war with China begins to heat up, the battle between China SMTH and MMCP has finally cooled down. These factions, along with 39th, RAWR, BSG and others, have been fighting over section 4 territories for a while now, but now that is over, China SMTH's co-leader Bingri hopes that the information war against his faction will also come to an end.
"Someone said that we are all multis of Goldenfeel. Of course this is very absurd. I hope detractors will be punished. These rumors have hurt many of my friends. I was very shocked when I heard someone said we are hateful."
"Most of us are Chinese indeed, but not all live in China. We came from some Chinese websites. That means, we can not speak English quite well mostly. That's why we rarely show up at the forums, even the chat channels. Sometimes you may get no response when trying to chatting me, that doesn't means I don't like you or I am crude. Maybe I am looking into an English dictionary that time."
Bingri went on to say that although his faction isn't powerful, they are not as weak as some people think, and they will defend their territories to the last man. China SMTH is made up of experienced players who have collected a lot of awards, but they are not particularly interested in improving their faction respect total. Bingri also added that Chinese players love second-life games like Torn, and he feels there would be even more players from the Far East here if Torn created a Chinese version.
Sadly, such a prospect seems unlikely, as research indicates it is virtually impossible for players to s**tpost in Mandarin.
Original article
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