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10,000 cans awarded to three lucky entrants. 100 extra cans also given out to ten runners-up. Prizes to be delivered shortly.
The winners of Munster Energy Corp’s Can Slogan Competition have finally been chosen, with three witty brand catchphrases having been picked by a team of judges out of nearly 4,000 entries sent in to this record-breaking competition.
As promised, 10,000 cans of each beverage will be sent to the person who created the winning slogans for Goose Juice, Crocozade and Damp Valley. But in an act of great generosity, the Munster Energy Corp. has also agreed to pay out 100 cans each to 10 runners-up, in recognition of the number of high-quality entries submitted to this incredibly popular competition.
Please note, while we would’ve liked to have chosen the ones which made us laugh the most, we had to pick slogans which also felt like something a company might actually use. So, without further ado, here are the prize-winners for each can.
CROCOZADE - This ‘Dile Goes To 11
By Dromedan
This entry was chosen because it felt like something a team of marketing bastards would actually dream up. Most people submitted something along the lines of “Look at my fat croc”, “snap to it” or “Steve Irwin is dead lol”, but Dromedan avoided such obvious choices, and instead plumped for a clever play on words that impressed the judges.
RUNNERS-UP
Chaarz - You don't need all those teeth
G3fla - More serious than ordinary water
Artfuldodger - Floats like a crocodile, stings when you wee
Vladar - No longer banned under the Geneva convention!
Lestarcaptain - Cold Blooded Energy
KD0G - Snap to it
Xourafas - Be the predator, not the prey
SandyFeline - your heart might stop, but you won’t!
Psilentp - Packed with Electrobytes!
Sikotiq - The Juice With Jaws
DAMP VALLEY - Hit That Ener-G Spot
By Robberhood
There were quite a few entries for this brand which referenced the fact that its name appears to be an innuendo. Damp Valley was only ever meant to be a rip-off of Mountain Dew, and it was only after the branding was released that the marketing team realised it sounded like a euphemism for part of a woman’s body. In the end, we decided to just go with it, and out of all the smutty entries we received, Robberhood's was the mostest besteest cleverest that actually referenced energy.
RUNNERS-UP
Brainslug - So fresh it’s barely safe
Miss_Buttercup - Tap That!
DonKerrioni - Nature's whistle wetter
Trippo - Gets You Wet In All The Right Places!
58grunt11 - Tastes better than it smells!
Freedom01 - Just enough to wet yourself
Platypusking - Tastes like your first
Clippy - End your dry spell
Asator - Just Dew it
Reese1215 - Nature's quick e.
GOOSE JUICE - Poultry in Motion
By Freyja
Everyone likes a good pun, and it was this entry's bird-based reference to movement which made it a clear contender for victory. The word poultry instantly conjures up the smell of raw goose meat in the mind of the consumer, and given that this is exactly what Goose Juice is made of, Freyja really hit the nail on the head with this one. Also, she referenced motion, for which energy is required, so that’s also good.
RUNNERS-UP
MeatyPorkSweats - It'll give you Juicebumps
Nanily - The wingman you deserve
RichR - Perks your pecker up!
Mellonae - Why choke the chicken when you can Juice the Goose!
RedRocket_Dude - Liquid quack
Legaci - Duck Duck GOOOSE!
Zim312 - Honk if you're thirsty
Lithdren - Now with less egg!
Mythheart - Don't Ask How We Make It
Actuariolam - Real Fowl Energy, No Foul Taste
So those are our winners and runner-upper-ers. Prizes will be delivered shortly. Thank you to everyone who entered, and congratulations to all of those who have won. With nearly 4,000 entries, judging this competition was a herculean task, and it could not have been achieved without the welcome assistance of Torn’s staff in helping to narrow down the options. Thank you to everyone who gave their time for this task.
Of course, some of you may instantly disagree with our choices due to the fact that you haven’t won, or you think another entry should have won because your opinions are all the correct ones. Perhaps you think you're something of a copywriting expert because your brother's mate's friend's cousin's dog watched the Mad Men DVD commentary sixteen times a day for three years.
The Munster Energy Corp. and the Torn City Times respect your concerns, and if you would like to complain about these choices and tell us who you think should have won, please submit a 10,000 word essay outlining both your reasoning and why we should give a s**t to the following address:
The Dump
Torn City
As promised, 10,000 cans of each beverage will be sent to the person who created the winning slogans for Goose Juice, Crocozade and Damp Valley. But in an act of great generosity, the Munster Energy Corp. has also agreed to pay out 100 cans each to 10 runners-up, in recognition of the number of high-quality entries submitted to this incredibly popular competition.
Please note, while we would’ve liked to have chosen the ones which made us laugh the most, we had to pick slogans which also felt like something a company might actually use. So, without further ado, here are the prize-winners for each can.
CROCOZADE - This ‘Dile Goes To 11
By Dromedan
This entry was chosen because it felt like something a team of marketing bastards would actually dream up. Most people submitted something along the lines of “Look at my fat croc”, “snap to it” or “Steve Irwin is dead lol”, but Dromedan avoided such obvious choices, and instead plumped for a clever play on words that impressed the judges.
RUNNERS-UP
Chaarz - You don't need all those teeth
G3fla - More serious than ordinary water
Artfuldodger - Floats like a crocodile, stings when you wee
Vladar - No longer banned under the Geneva convention!
Lestarcaptain - Cold Blooded Energy
KD0G - Snap to it
Xourafas - Be the predator, not the prey
SandyFeline - your heart might stop, but you won’t!
Psilentp - Packed with Electrobytes!
Sikotiq - The Juice With Jaws
DAMP VALLEY - Hit That Ener-G Spot
By Robberhood
There were quite a few entries for this brand which referenced the fact that its name appears to be an innuendo. Damp Valley was only ever meant to be a rip-off of Mountain Dew, and it was only after the branding was released that the marketing team realised it sounded like a euphemism for part of a woman’s body. In the end, we decided to just go with it, and out of all the smutty entries we received, Robberhood's was the mostest besteest cleverest that actually referenced energy.
RUNNERS-UP
Brainslug - So fresh it’s barely safe
Miss_Buttercup - Tap That!
DonKerrioni - Nature's whistle wetter
Trippo - Gets You Wet In All The Right Places!
58grunt11 - Tastes better than it smells!
Freedom01 - Just enough to wet yourself
Platypusking - Tastes like your first
Clippy - End your dry spell
Asator - Just Dew it
Reese1215 - Nature's quick e.
GOOSE JUICE - Poultry in Motion
By Freyja
Everyone likes a good pun, and it was this entry's bird-based reference to movement which made it a clear contender for victory. The word poultry instantly conjures up the smell of raw goose meat in the mind of the consumer, and given that this is exactly what Goose Juice is made of, Freyja really hit the nail on the head with this one. Also, she referenced motion, for which energy is required, so that’s also good.
RUNNERS-UP
MeatyPorkSweats - It'll give you Juicebumps
Nanily - The wingman you deserve
RichR - Perks your pecker up!
Mellonae - Why choke the chicken when you can Juice the Goose!
RedRocket_Dude - Liquid quack
Legaci - Duck Duck GOOOSE!
Zim312 - Honk if you're thirsty
Lithdren - Now with less egg!
Mythheart - Don't Ask How We Make It
Actuariolam - Real Fowl Energy, No Foul Taste
So those are our winners and runner-upper-ers. Prizes will be delivered shortly. Thank you to everyone who entered, and congratulations to all of those who have won. With nearly 4,000 entries, judging this competition was a herculean task, and it could not have been achieved without the welcome assistance of Torn’s staff in helping to narrow down the options. Thank you to everyone who gave their time for this task.
Of course, some of you may instantly disagree with our choices due to the fact that you haven’t won, or you think another entry should have won because your opinions are all the correct ones. Perhaps you think you're something of a copywriting expert because your brother's mate's friend's cousin's dog watched the Mad Men DVD commentary sixteen times a day for three years.
The Munster Energy Corp. and the Torn City Times respect your concerns, and if you would like to complain about these choices and tell us who you think should have won, please submit a 10,000 word essay outlining both your reasoning and why we should give a s**t to the following address:
The Dump
Torn City
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