FidelCashflow [1993550] —
Original article
Last weekend, while the city of Torn was engaged in a 48-hour Love Juice fuelled bloodbath, I brought the love oot to my favorite country, Canada, by hospitalizing the entire nation.
Greetings to all my Torn friends,
Canada is stunning and beautiful, and it truly is a shame what our snooty Torn citizens keep doing to this fine country. Throughoot every day Torn tourists are constantly stealing our national flowers and poaching our endangered wolverine plushies. This is not acceptable. And so, over Valentine's weekend, while everyone was focusing on Love Juice and lag, I decided to do something aboot it.
For two days I took the necessary actions to preserve my great country’s independence and sovereignty against this ootrageous behavior. I didn’t care if this made me an ootcast from Torn. As a devoot Canadian, I had to heed the call when my country needed me. I had to expel the interlopers. And so, to preserve the integrity of my nation, I decided to hospitalize everyone in Canada. By the end, I think I sent over 300 people into the Canadian healthcare system, which they should be eternally grateful for, given our outstanding level of treatment.
To prepare myself I binged on maple syrup while watching the Leafs. As my attacks began, disconcerting messages from these confused immigrants began arriving immediately.
Pictured: A Canadian pregaming for a fun night out
Madamadoo: why did you hospitalize me?
FidelCashflow: hello buddy, I'm sorry aboot my anger there, but I was just playing hockey
Madamadoo: you hosped the whole goddamn country, man !!
FidelCashflow: hockey is a violent game
I was sorry for going a bit far at times, but people’s reactions changed that. Some of the people I attacked were very ootspoken and disgruntled aboot the care they were receiving. They don’t even have to pay for some of the best hospitals with some of the finest maple syrup IVs in the world, and yet still they moaned! The nerve and arrogance of these people!
Rebman_Sixela: you sir are an Ashhole abd a communist that hates their own mother.
Suckmyballz: f**k Canada it’s a liberal run s**thole in the shadow of the United States
aCreature: Goddamn what waste of my f**king time this whole day. Can't send Duke s**t, can't check for love juice. Canada can s**k my b***s
AdvisingDuck: Is your girlfriend stick a finger in your a** or something today why you being such a f**king d**k head
My girlfriend is a grizzly bear, in case you were wondering. And she’s hibernating now so it’s a difficult time of year for both of us! But nobody cared aboot that, they were too busy raging over their lost plushies. At one point, some Canada-hating terrorists flew over to our great nation and tried to revive everyone early! Where is the respect for Canada's sovereignty?
When I found out aboot this treachery I entered a level of rage usually reserved for dealing with Rogers’ customer support. Who does ifunny think he is, depriving Torn citizens of top-class medical care that's free at the point of delivery? Thankfully, like most Americans, ifunny was a liar. He arrived 2 minutes after he said he would be there in 8 minutes, and a great Canadian patriot was waiting for him.
I hope readers understand the kind of abuse I received for trying to do what’s right for Canada, and I pray that you aren’t offended by this. I’d love to live in a world withoot prejudice, but there’s too much of a strong anti-Canada sentiment at the moment. Thankfully, I saw that ifunny was still in Canada the following day, so it seems he learned to appreciate the beauty and majesty of Canada just like me.
The following morning, after I grabbed my usual coffee from Tim Hortons, I found oot aboot a dangerous epidemic that was spreading - the coronavirus ootbreak. Torn citizens also fly to China all the time, and mounties alone wouldn’t be enough to protect us from this forthcoming horror. Once again, I was called on to defend the brave citizens of Canada, and once again, I rose up to defend the country I love so very much.
Pictured: Canada’s finest mountie bravely shutting the border down
glitterboy: I'm going to bed and am on drug cool down so you didn't inconvience me at all
FidelCashflow: i dont wanna inconvenience anyone, friend, I just need to protect canada
glitterboy: You must be drinking your stank p**s juice to be that delusional
billmain: Fidelcuckflow putting random in hospital
TheaNicolay: Is this a terrorist attack
TheaNicolay: She cant commit a mass shooting irl so she did it in game
Peace558: Is there some reason you repeatedly hosp me when I get to Canada?
FidelCashflow: yes, sorry aboot that, but there is a corona virus ootbreak that I must protect majestic and glorious canada from
Peace558: Go protect it from someone else. I have a plushie running business to run.
Imagine thinking that I would sacrifice ootstanding Canadian lives so you could make a few extra dollars. Fortunately, other Canadians understood and appreciated me standing up for our country:
Pils: You are doing a very good service to our country sir! Quarantine them all
Their support kept me going, along with a 30 pack of Molson, of course. Sadly, at one point, a mean Torn Citizen named Sticky came and put a stop to my border patrol activities. This man, while claiming to be sticky like our beloved sweet nectar, clearly did not have the appreciation for maple syrup that true Canadian patriots should have. I should at least give him some credit that he actually got on a plane to try and stop me, in spite of his fear of flying off the side of the world.
Pictured: Sticky’s concepts of what the Earth looks like.
Overall, I think that by hospitalizing all of Canada's tourists, the people of Torn now appreciate what a truly wonderful country this land is - some may even answer when Canada calls oot for help one day. And that, my friends, makes my Love Juice day sacrifices worth it. I hope my actions have inspired a new generation of Canadian patriots to one-day answer Uncle Leaf’s call.
Scaryzero: I'm so going to do that when I can
beaverhunter: Impressive job, I'm going to send you a beer when I get home!
Canada is stunning and beautiful, and it truly is a shame what our snooty Torn citizens keep doing to this fine country. Throughoot every day Torn tourists are constantly stealing our national flowers and poaching our endangered wolverine plushies. This is not acceptable. And so, over Valentine's weekend, while everyone was focusing on Love Juice and lag, I decided to do something aboot it.
For two days I took the necessary actions to preserve my great country’s independence and sovereignty against this ootrageous behavior. I didn’t care if this made me an ootcast from Torn. As a devoot Canadian, I had to heed the call when my country needed me. I had to expel the interlopers. And so, to preserve the integrity of my nation, I decided to hospitalize everyone in Canada. By the end, I think I sent over 300 people into the Canadian healthcare system, which they should be eternally grateful for, given our outstanding level of treatment.
To prepare myself I binged on maple syrup while watching the Leafs. As my attacks began, disconcerting messages from these confused immigrants began arriving immediately.
Pictured: A Canadian pregaming for a fun night out
Madamadoo: why did you hospitalize me?
FidelCashflow: hello buddy, I'm sorry aboot my anger there, but I was just playing hockey
Madamadoo: you hosped the whole goddamn country, man !!
FidelCashflow: hockey is a violent game
I was sorry for going a bit far at times, but people’s reactions changed that. Some of the people I attacked were very ootspoken and disgruntled aboot the care they were receiving. They don’t even have to pay for some of the best hospitals with some of the finest maple syrup IVs in the world, and yet still they moaned! The nerve and arrogance of these people!
Rebman_Sixela: you sir are an Ashhole abd a communist that hates their own mother.
Suckmyballz: f**k Canada it’s a liberal run s**thole in the shadow of the United States
aCreature: Goddamn what waste of my f**king time this whole day. Can't send Duke s**t, can't check for love juice. Canada can s**k my b***s
AdvisingDuck: Is your girlfriend stick a finger in your a** or something today why you being such a f**king d**k head
My girlfriend is a grizzly bear, in case you were wondering. And she’s hibernating now so it’s a difficult time of year for both of us! But nobody cared aboot that, they were too busy raging over their lost plushies. At one point, some Canada-hating terrorists flew over to our great nation and tried to revive everyone early! Where is the respect for Canada's sovereignty?
When I found out aboot this treachery I entered a level of rage usually reserved for dealing with Rogers’ customer support. Who does ifunny think he is, depriving Torn citizens of top-class medical care that's free at the point of delivery? Thankfully, like most Americans, ifunny was a liar. He arrived 2 minutes after he said he would be there in 8 minutes, and a great Canadian patriot was waiting for him.
I hope readers understand the kind of abuse I received for trying to do what’s right for Canada, and I pray that you aren’t offended by this. I’d love to live in a world withoot prejudice, but there’s too much of a strong anti-Canada sentiment at the moment. Thankfully, I saw that ifunny was still in Canada the following day, so it seems he learned to appreciate the beauty and majesty of Canada just like me.
The following morning, after I grabbed my usual coffee from Tim Hortons, I found oot aboot a dangerous epidemic that was spreading - the coronavirus ootbreak. Torn citizens also fly to China all the time, and mounties alone wouldn’t be enough to protect us from this forthcoming horror. Once again, I was called on to defend the brave citizens of Canada, and once again, I rose up to defend the country I love so very much.
Pictured: Canada’s finest mountie bravely shutting the border down
glitterboy: I'm going to bed and am on drug cool down so you didn't inconvience me at all
FidelCashflow: i dont wanna inconvenience anyone, friend, I just need to protect canada
glitterboy: You must be drinking your stank p**s juice to be that delusional
billmain: Fidelcuckflow putting random in hospital
TheaNicolay: Is this a terrorist attack
TheaNicolay: She cant commit a mass shooting irl so she did it in game
Peace558: Is there some reason you repeatedly hosp me when I get to Canada?
FidelCashflow: yes, sorry aboot that, but there is a corona virus ootbreak that I must protect majestic and glorious canada from
Peace558: Go protect it from someone else. I have a plushie running business to run.
Imagine thinking that I would sacrifice ootstanding Canadian lives so you could make a few extra dollars. Fortunately, other Canadians understood and appreciated me standing up for our country:
Pils: You are doing a very good service to our country sir! Quarantine them all
Their support kept me going, along with a 30 pack of Molson, of course. Sadly, at one point, a mean Torn Citizen named Sticky came and put a stop to my border patrol activities. This man, while claiming to be sticky like our beloved sweet nectar, clearly did not have the appreciation for maple syrup that true Canadian patriots should have. I should at least give him some credit that he actually got on a plane to try and stop me, in spite of his fear of flying off the side of the world.
Pictured: Sticky’s concepts of what the Earth looks like.
Overall, I think that by hospitalizing all of Canada's tourists, the people of Torn now appreciate what a truly wonderful country this land is - some may even answer when Canada calls oot for help one day. And that, my friends, makes my Love Juice day sacrifices worth it. I hope my actions have inspired a new generation of Canadian patriots to one-day answer Uncle Leaf’s call.
Scaryzero: I'm so going to do that when I can
beaverhunter: Impressive job, I'm going to send you a beer when I get home!
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