sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Egg totals revealed. NS moves into the racket business, plans assault against CR. Impulse record confirmed. SA and JFK hold hands. Dekloren bruised. New Player Chat in brawl with Global.
With everyone distracted by delicious and shiny Easter Eggs, there are a few stories that may have slipped under your radar over the past fortnight. What do you mean you don't own a fully operational radio detection and ranging system? Oh, I guess that's why you don't know all of this lovely news then. Enjoy.
EGG TALLIES UPDATED
The forums have been tracking the Easter Egg hunt leaders well so far, but we thought we'd confirm the stats for those who are interested. At the time of writing on Monday morning the most eggs anyone had was sixteen. Eight players currently share this lead, and they are Ahab, cookdandbombd, Rob_Snow, Tais, Neil_Peart, -sketch-, advert and CaptainGhost.
It could be that we're well on our way to a new Easter Egg Hunt record, given that last year's top score was 26. At noon today we hit our eighth day of the competition, and our top scorers in 2019 had only one more egg by the time the tenth day came around. Based on our projections, we believe a record winning total of 28-30 eggs may be possible this year.
If you're wondering how many eggs you might need to get into the top 10% in order to receive the maximum of ten competition tokens, that figure currently stands at 8. This indicates we're set for yet another record egg haul, as last year you only needed to have eleven eggs at the close of the competition to achieve top 10% status, and we still have just under two weeks left!
Pictured: And let's face it, none of you are going anywhere.
NS STEPS INTO R'S SHOES
Ever since Relentless stepped back from the racket business, speculation has mounted over who will fill their multiple holes (as in the power vacuums they've left all over the city map, nothing gross). Our previous Local News piece indicated that HT was giving it a bloody good go, but they possess neither the strength nor the influence to fully take over Relentless' former holdings - few factions do.
One faction who might is Natural Selection. An anonymous Torn stalwart has suggested they might have already taken a large slice of the available proxy rackets without most people noticing.
"NS has rackets from a few factions. I estimate they produce about $500m a day from them, SA rackets generally about $700-800m a day. 39th is up there with about $300m a day... cr is up there with just the one racket being $200m a day."
My source added that Dealer, owner of some of Torn's largest revive factions and the nuclear factions, probably does quite well out of rackets personally, giving that he owns at least one $100m racket outright. He went on to say that few will mess with Dealer's territory because of his huge army of revivers, and it's hard to make inroads into the east or west of Torn City either, given that the former is held by AK, and the latter by SA.
Pictured: My source's handy map of Torn's territorial claims.
My anonymous source feels that getting into any area in Torn is basically impossible unless you seek permission from those who own it first. He added that it's "pretty demoralizing for leaders to get told that kinda stuff but it is how it is with rackets."
Stretch responded to these comments by suggesting we have miscalculated 39th Street's racket totals if we have put Natural Selection in second place. Either way, it is interesting that NS has now fully delved into the rackets market, having previously refused to engage with it during Relentless' period of hegemony.
"NS has looked at what our competition was doing and the massive profits that they were making and decided we would snip a number of those rackets away to our benefit." - Stretch
One of the rackets NS are particularly keen to snip away is Chain Reaction's $200m Illegal Casino racket at ADF, which is north of the eastern island bridge. This racket was itself taken by CR from PT only a few weeks ago (or was it last year, who even knows anymore) with MeanMike's side making a public declaration of intent to take the territory several days before the attack.
Pictured: The location for The Casino Wars, Part II
On that occasion, PT attempted to circumvent CR's assault by making a preemptive strike of their own one day earlier than the proposed onset of hostilities. This time, it is Natural Selection who have declared their intentions, with FidelCashflow having publicly proposed a date of Thursday the 16th of April for the attack to begin. When I asked Stretch about the motivation behind this move, he offered the following comments.
"We had batted it about for a while with them getting as strong as they have, plus they have a $200m racket, so we figured it was a good time to measure both factions and liven things up.
With just three days to go until the battle is scheduled to commence, one wonders whether both sides will hold their nerve and preserve their honour by respecting the proposed wardate. Or, as was the case with PT, will one faction's resolve break, and tempt them into an early strike?
tHe tRuTH ABoUt eAStEr EGgS
IMPULSE RECORD CONFIRMED
Having looked back through the records to March 2019, we are confident enough to name Impulse as the record holder for the lowest respect faction to complete a 25k chain. Valgys of Impulse claims that they were sat at around 1.2 million respect when their first 25k was achieved in February 2019, but we can finally confirm the correct amount.
Our records only go back twelve months, but when we checked Impulse's March 2019 respect total they were seen to have 1,574,498 respect as of the 20th of that month. Tcnicn has sent us corroborating evidence which suggests that their actual tally was 1,526,439 at the time of the 25k chain one month earlier than our recorded limit, so this is the figure we will use to determine any further records. Congratulations Impulse!
SA AND JFK KICK IT UP A NOTCH
Members of Subversive Alliance and JFK have reportedly been seen holding hands and laughing at each other's jokes behind the bike sheds recently, with my insider suggesting that recent radioactive events are slowly being forgotten.
"While members of JFK and SA are warming up to each other, there are still some fringe members in SA that are not happy with the truce. Only time will tell if the truce holds. After the DB, SA will have to prove their interest in maintaining the alliance by their actions. Many members on both sides would like to team up against a common enemy before the annual SA BBQ. Who that common enemy is, we'll just have to wait and see."
I asked my source if Relentless were the likely target of this alliance, and he admitted they might be, but appeared to suggest that Chain Reaction were possibly their first choice. This is something my secondary source thinks is unlikely, as he says CR has good relations with SA. He also opined that the whole idea of a partnership between SA and JFK might be entirely false too.
"JFK/NS don't see eye to eye. If JFK/SA team up they have nothing to fight. The only reason SA even calmed tensions with JFK was because of their rackets. They didn't want JFK as a headache."
A few of my contacts have hinted that rackets may be the common goal of this new partnership, if it indeed exists. This would make sense, given that JFK hasn't really made an effort to enter this industry just yet. However, if a JFK-SA alliance is looking to take over the racket landscape - SA already owns the largest share of any faction - this would put them in the sights of Natural Selection and 39th Street ahead of anyone else.
My original source for this story as hinted that "if they [CR] were sitting on a nice racket, it [the attack] would be more likely." From this, we can surmise that the result of the Casino War Part II may determine who JFK and SA turn their attentions to.
DEKLOREN DECKED
As an addendum to the previous story, we have heard that SA's naughtiest boy Dekloren has had his pants pulled down and his bottom slapped red raw recently. My anonymous source told me that Dek had endured some prolonged hospital stays of late, which were seen as retribution for the Dirty Bomb he dropped on JFK during their negotiations with their long-time rivals SA.
And as a result of these attacks, it appears Dekloren's business profits have been hit badly. Records indicate that Dekloren's firm, The Fight Network, did indeed experience a drop in profitability recently, falling down to an eight-figure daily income instead of its usual nine-figure take.
However, as you can see from the image above, the company has since recovered to its strongest position in weeks. And to celebrate, it appears Dekloren has decided to pull the most Dekloren move in the history of Dekloren's entire existence, with his misdeeds described by the owner of a rival firm below.
"Dek has resorted to scamming all of our employees. Offering $4-7m a day in wages. Then as soon as they leave he says, sorry no go."
Dekloren refuses to talk to the Torn City Times, but if he would like to make comment on these accusations, he is welcome to submit an entry to our Tell Your Story feature. We so enjoyed his last submission.
HOW TO WIN THE LOTTERY
Last time out we covered how Franky recently won the lottery for the eighteenth time, as he took home $4.5m on the 29th of March's Daily Dime. But if you'd like to win a little more than that, billionaire lottery winner Cheb has a few tips for you.
Step 1: go inactive for 3 months and accumulate as many LSC stock payouts as you can.
Step 2: when you log in go straight to the casino with 8m you have on hand and play blackjack until you walk out with a 72m profit.
Step 3: spend all your winnings on 100 packs of lotto tickets on the item market through people's bazaars.
Step 4: use all your tickets at once and wait 5 days. Should look like this
Step 5: profit
TOILET ROLL HOARDER EXPOSED
WEED BARON SHARES PLANS
In our last Local News piece, we told you that FIDEL-CASTRO plans to sell weed at the heavily discounted price of $420 later this month. Much like his namesake, FIDEL believes in sharing his delicious green bounty with all of society, and I'm sure his bazaar will have many grateful customers when it opens soon.
But for every saint, there is a sinner. Last week, KrombopulousM contacted the Times to tell us of his plans to spoil everyone's fun.
"I am f**king with the cannabis prices I am buying them all. I plan on raising the prices buying it all, making it so that people who normally buy won’t cause of the price then when 4/20 hits I’m gonna either be the king of weed and do a giant giveaway or have the finest collection of weed there is. I plan to spend around 600m on weed alone."
Come 4/20, will KrombopulosM listen to the angel on his shoulder or the devil in his bong? We shall see.
NEW PLAYER THINKS HE'S A GENIUS
DIVORCES ON THE RISE?
"Hey sugarvalves, you can make some news about how many people divorced on Tuesday for the Deadly Duo award - defeat opponent with spouse. They divorced if their spouse was inactive." - ArttiIsGod.
Andyman's thread indicated that some people would indeed dump their long-term partners in return for a more active and powerful spouse. But what do the stats say?
29th March: 18 divorces
30th March: 20 divorces
31st March: 45 divorces
1st April: 31 divorces
2nd April: 31 divorces
3rd April: 29 divorces
4th April: 22 divorces
5th April: 13 divorces
Conclusion: Yes. And also no. Maybe. Idk.
GOOD GUY REV
TORN CAN COUNT
If you think you're bored now, just imagine how bored you'd have to be to count to 10,000 over a period of four years. That's precisely what the fine people of Torn have done just recently, exceeding the expectations of thread starter PvPMaster, who set us the task of counting to 5,000 back in 2016.
The magical 5,000 mark was hit by boef in 2017, much to the annoyance of Alec, who it seemed had been waiting for this opportunity his whole life.
But our city's most incessant counters weren't satisfied with 5,000, and so these crazy bastards continued all the way up to 10,000, which was achieved on the 7th of April. Their goal is now to hit 20k, and if the counters' pace continues as it has done, they should reach this goal on February 24th, 2024.
Thanks to Narodweas for alerting us to this milestone.
HEALTHY 4/20
GLOBAL VS NPC?
A minor conflict seems to have broken out between the members of New Player Chat and the patrons of Global. I was recently made aware that a strong level holder in NPC had encouraged everyone to place low-value bounties on Jammed, a level 100 player, earlier last week.
These players were paid for their services, but an anonymous tipster has now revealed that many of the newbie bountiers have suffered due to their involvement.
"Yesterday 20+ members of new players' chat received bounties and threats from global members. Now the antagonizer has threats and perma bounties from multiple sources and many other members (myself included) has multiple bounties and threats from global members."
Jammed told the TCT that this was "nothing" and simply a case of "young players being mislead." He added it was "all sorted now".
l33t HAX0R TIPS
SUBMIT TO THE TIMES
If you have a story you'd like to share with the Torn City Times in return for a Donator Pack, please use the Tell Your Story function on the main page of the newspaper. If you have sensitive information which could get you all bashed up if you were revealed, please contact Sugarvalves directly - he's dead good at keeping secrets.
EGG TALLIES UPDATED
The forums have been tracking the Easter Egg hunt leaders well so far, but we thought we'd confirm the stats for those who are interested. At the time of writing on Monday morning the most eggs anyone had was sixteen. Eight players currently share this lead, and they are Ahab, cookdandbombd, Rob_Snow, Tais, Neil_Peart, -sketch-, advert and CaptainGhost.
It could be that we're well on our way to a new Easter Egg Hunt record, given that last year's top score was 26. At noon today we hit our eighth day of the competition, and our top scorers in 2019 had only one more egg by the time the tenth day came around. Based on our projections, we believe a record winning total of 28-30 eggs may be possible this year.
If you're wondering how many eggs you might need to get into the top 10% in order to receive the maximum of ten competition tokens, that figure currently stands at 8. This indicates we're set for yet another record egg haul, as last year you only needed to have eleven eggs at the close of the competition to achieve top 10% status, and we still have just under two weeks left!
Pictured: And let's face it, none of you are going anywhere.
NS STEPS INTO R'S SHOES
Ever since Relentless stepped back from the racket business, speculation has mounted over who will fill their multiple holes (as in the power vacuums they've left all over the city map, nothing gross). Our previous Local News piece indicated that HT was giving it a bloody good go, but they possess neither the strength nor the influence to fully take over Relentless' former holdings - few factions do.
One faction who might is Natural Selection. An anonymous Torn stalwart has suggested they might have already taken a large slice of the available proxy rackets without most people noticing.
"NS has rackets from a few factions. I estimate they produce about $500m a day from them, SA rackets generally about $700-800m a day. 39th is up there with about $300m a day... cr is up there with just the one racket being $200m a day."
My source added that Dealer, owner of some of Torn's largest revive factions and the nuclear factions, probably does quite well out of rackets personally, giving that he owns at least one $100m racket outright. He went on to say that few will mess with Dealer's territory because of his huge army of revivers, and it's hard to make inroads into the east or west of Torn City either, given that the former is held by AK, and the latter by SA.
Pictured: My source's handy map of Torn's territorial claims.
My anonymous source feels that getting into any area in Torn is basically impossible unless you seek permission from those who own it first. He added that it's "pretty demoralizing for leaders to get told that kinda stuff but it is how it is with rackets."
Stretch responded to these comments by suggesting we have miscalculated 39th Street's racket totals if we have put Natural Selection in second place. Either way, it is interesting that NS has now fully delved into the rackets market, having previously refused to engage with it during Relentless' period of hegemony.
"NS has looked at what our competition was doing and the massive profits that they were making and decided we would snip a number of those rackets away to our benefit." - Stretch
One of the rackets NS are particularly keen to snip away is Chain Reaction's $200m Illegal Casino racket at ADF, which is north of the eastern island bridge. This racket was itself taken by CR from PT only a few weeks ago (or was it last year, who even knows anymore) with MeanMike's side making a public declaration of intent to take the territory several days before the attack.
Pictured: The location for The Casino Wars, Part II
On that occasion, PT attempted to circumvent CR's assault by making a preemptive strike of their own one day earlier than the proposed onset of hostilities. This time, it is Natural Selection who have declared their intentions, with FidelCashflow having publicly proposed a date of Thursday the 16th of April for the attack to begin. When I asked Stretch about the motivation behind this move, he offered the following comments.
"We had batted it about for a while with them getting as strong as they have, plus they have a $200m racket, so we figured it was a good time to measure both factions and liven things up.
With just three days to go until the battle is scheduled to commence, one wonders whether both sides will hold their nerve and preserve their honour by respecting the proposed wardate. Or, as was the case with PT, will one faction's resolve break, and tempt them into an early strike?
tHe tRuTH ABoUt eAStEr EGgS
IMPULSE RECORD CONFIRMED
Having looked back through the records to March 2019, we are confident enough to name Impulse as the record holder for the lowest respect faction to complete a 25k chain. Valgys of Impulse claims that they were sat at around 1.2 million respect when their first 25k was achieved in February 2019, but we can finally confirm the correct amount.
Our records only go back twelve months, but when we checked Impulse's March 2019 respect total they were seen to have 1,574,498 respect as of the 20th of that month. Tcnicn has sent us corroborating evidence which suggests that their actual tally was 1,526,439 at the time of the 25k chain one month earlier than our recorded limit, so this is the figure we will use to determine any further records. Congratulations Impulse!
SA AND JFK KICK IT UP A NOTCH
Members of Subversive Alliance and JFK have reportedly been seen holding hands and laughing at each other's jokes behind the bike sheds recently, with my insider suggesting that recent radioactive events are slowly being forgotten.
"While members of JFK and SA are warming up to each other, there are still some fringe members in SA that are not happy with the truce. Only time will tell if the truce holds. After the DB, SA will have to prove their interest in maintaining the alliance by their actions. Many members on both sides would like to team up against a common enemy before the annual SA BBQ. Who that common enemy is, we'll just have to wait and see."
I asked my source if Relentless were the likely target of this alliance, and he admitted they might be, but appeared to suggest that Chain Reaction were possibly their first choice. This is something my secondary source thinks is unlikely, as he says CR has good relations with SA. He also opined that the whole idea of a partnership between SA and JFK might be entirely false too.
"JFK/NS don't see eye to eye. If JFK/SA team up they have nothing to fight. The only reason SA even calmed tensions with JFK was because of their rackets. They didn't want JFK as a headache."
A few of my contacts have hinted that rackets may be the common goal of this new partnership, if it indeed exists. This would make sense, given that JFK hasn't really made an effort to enter this industry just yet. However, if a JFK-SA alliance is looking to take over the racket landscape - SA already owns the largest share of any faction - this would put them in the sights of Natural Selection and 39th Street ahead of anyone else.
My original source for this story as hinted that "if they [CR] were sitting on a nice racket, it [the attack] would be more likely." From this, we can surmise that the result of the Casino War Part II may determine who JFK and SA turn their attentions to.
DEKLOREN DECKED
As an addendum to the previous story, we have heard that SA's naughtiest boy Dekloren has had his pants pulled down and his bottom slapped red raw recently. My anonymous source told me that Dek had endured some prolonged hospital stays of late, which were seen as retribution for the Dirty Bomb he dropped on JFK during their negotiations with their long-time rivals SA.
And as a result of these attacks, it appears Dekloren's business profits have been hit badly. Records indicate that Dekloren's firm, The Fight Network, did indeed experience a drop in profitability recently, falling down to an eight-figure daily income instead of its usual nine-figure take.
However, as you can see from the image above, the company has since recovered to its strongest position in weeks. And to celebrate, it appears Dekloren has decided to pull the most Dekloren move in the history of Dekloren's entire existence, with his misdeeds described by the owner of a rival firm below.
"Dek has resorted to scamming all of our employees. Offering $4-7m a day in wages. Then as soon as they leave he says, sorry no go."
Dekloren refuses to talk to the Torn City Times, but if he would like to make comment on these accusations, he is welcome to submit an entry to our Tell Your Story feature. We so enjoyed his last submission.
HOW TO WIN THE LOTTERY
Last time out we covered how Franky recently won the lottery for the eighteenth time, as he took home $4.5m on the 29th of March's Daily Dime. But if you'd like to win a little more than that, billionaire lottery winner Cheb has a few tips for you.
Step 1: go inactive for 3 months and accumulate as many LSC stock payouts as you can.
Step 2: when you log in go straight to the casino with 8m you have on hand and play blackjack until you walk out with a 72m profit.
Step 3: spend all your winnings on 100 packs of lotto tickets on the item market through people's bazaars.
Step 4: use all your tickets at once and wait 5 days. Should look like this
Step 5: profit
TOILET ROLL HOARDER EXPOSED
WEED BARON SHARES PLANS
In our last Local News piece, we told you that FIDEL-CASTRO plans to sell weed at the heavily discounted price of $420 later this month. Much like his namesake, FIDEL believes in sharing his delicious green bounty with all of society, and I'm sure his bazaar will have many grateful customers when it opens soon.
But for every saint, there is a sinner. Last week, KrombopulousM contacted the Times to tell us of his plans to spoil everyone's fun.
"I am f**king with the cannabis prices I am buying them all. I plan on raising the prices buying it all, making it so that people who normally buy won’t cause of the price then when 4/20 hits I’m gonna either be the king of weed and do a giant giveaway or have the finest collection of weed there is. I plan to spend around 600m on weed alone."
Come 4/20, will KrombopulosM listen to the angel on his shoulder or the devil in his bong? We shall see.
NEW PLAYER THINKS HE'S A GENIUS
DIVORCES ON THE RISE?
"Hey sugarvalves, you can make some news about how many people divorced on Tuesday for the Deadly Duo award - defeat opponent with spouse. They divorced if their spouse was inactive." - ArttiIsGod.
Andyman's thread indicated that some people would indeed dump their long-term partners in return for a more active and powerful spouse. But what do the stats say?
29th March: 18 divorces
30th March: 20 divorces
31st March: 45 divorces
1st April: 31 divorces
2nd April: 31 divorces
3rd April: 29 divorces
4th April: 22 divorces
5th April: 13 divorces
Conclusion: Yes. And also no. Maybe. Idk.
GOOD GUY REV
TORN CAN COUNT
If you think you're bored now, just imagine how bored you'd have to be to count to 10,000 over a period of four years. That's precisely what the fine people of Torn have done just recently, exceeding the expectations of thread starter PvPMaster, who set us the task of counting to 5,000 back in 2016.
The magical 5,000 mark was hit by boef in 2017, much to the annoyance of Alec, who it seemed had been waiting for this opportunity his whole life.
But our city's most incessant counters weren't satisfied with 5,000, and so these crazy bastards continued all the way up to 10,000, which was achieved on the 7th of April. Their goal is now to hit 20k, and if the counters' pace continues as it has done, they should reach this goal on February 24th, 2024.
Thanks to Narodweas for alerting us to this milestone.
HEALTHY 4/20
GLOBAL VS NPC?
A minor conflict seems to have broken out between the members of New Player Chat and the patrons of Global. I was recently made aware that a strong level holder in NPC had encouraged everyone to place low-value bounties on Jammed, a level 100 player, earlier last week.
These players were paid for their services, but an anonymous tipster has now revealed that many of the newbie bountiers have suffered due to their involvement.
"Yesterday 20+ members of new players' chat received bounties and threats from global members. Now the antagonizer has threats and perma bounties from multiple sources and many other members (myself included) has multiple bounties and threats from global members."
Jammed told the TCT that this was "nothing" and simply a case of "young players being mislead." He added it was "all sorted now".
l33t HAX0R TIPS
SUBMIT TO THE TIMES
If you have a story you'd like to share with the Torn City Times in return for a Donator Pack, please use the Tell Your Story function on the main page of the newspaper. If you have sensitive information which could get you all bashed up if you were revealed, please contact Sugarvalves directly - he's dead good at keeping secrets.
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