sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
High value items stolen and put up for auction / offered as competition prizes. Citizens reported to be angry / happy / hangry / sad / confused / not really bothered / furiously ambivalent at the news
Legendary hoarder The_Hamster had his display case raided late last night, with a veritable treasure trove of expensive and rare items nabbed from the reclusive rodent’s collection in a daring midnight raid. Many of the stolen items are worth upwards of ten figures on the open market, with Sports Sneakers, Dual Bushmasters and the Mystical Sphere among some of the objects pilfered.
Pictured: Don't pretend you wouldn't cough in your grandmother's face to get these.
Thankfully, the introduction of Torn’s new Activity Log meant the authorities were able to quickly identify Jimmy Two-Shins as the culprit, and Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese as his client, as most of the items were sent by Jimmy to The Duke shortly after they went missing. The Torn City Times dispatched a journalist to Calabrese’s offices early this morning to extract a statement. After our reporter’s teeth were extracted, The Duke relented and gave the following comments to our now gum-heavy reporter.
“Duke aint gona let this nice junk sit around in some jerkoffs display case cause its too speshul to hide away aint it? Duke done a servise to you alls by liberaytin it for the people. But yous know that servise is gona cost yous cause nothin is free unless its somethin what you stole.”
The Duke revealed that he plans to auction off three rare items on Friday the 12th of June, with these auctions lasting 15 days until their closing date on Saturday the 27th of June. Jimmy Two-Shins will conduct three rare item auctions of his own from the same date, in addition to several smaller item auctions which he will run in the lead up to the main event.
This duration is in keeping with the timeframe of Torn’s historic weapon auctions, and the two weeks notice should allow players to liquidate their assets and prepare for the auction. This news will be welcomed by Torn’s most affluent citizens, who have long-desired the chance to spend their billions on these rare, unobtainable items. But what of our city’s most effluent citizens? How can regular old stinkbags like you, yes you, get involved in the fun? The Duke explains below.
“I aint understand them dumass chronacles much. They need more pictures.”
Pictured: He isn't wrong. Look at all those words. There are too many words, and not enough smells.
To help Duke enjoy the new Chronicles, the rotund mafioso has organised two Community Events aimed at adding further context to these historical texts, with The_Hamster’s loot used as an incentive to attract those who otherwise could not be arsed to enter. Duke’s Chronicle Illustration Competition asks players to draw or paint a scene from the Chronicles, with Duke’s Chronicle Photography Competition requesting a staged photo for the same purpose.
The winner of each of these competitions will be permitted to choose one item from a Gold prize pool of five high-value items, with second and third-placed players able to pick from Silver and Bronze prize pools respectively. Details of these prize pools can be found on the competition pages themselves, with the goodies on offer including the Burmese Flag, Dual Axes, and the highly sought after Neutrilux 2000 weapon.
Of course, some citizens will be disappointed that The Neutrilux 2000 isn’t available for auction, whereas others will be annoyed that several Dual Items are only on offer to the very richest citizens. A recent forum thread by Andyman led to a discussion over how The_Hamster’s items should be dispersed back into the community, with some people firmly against auctions, and others dismissing the idea of competitions being used to give away such valuable items.
Pictured: Opinions.
Having read that thread, it appears Duke has decided to disappoint everyone equally, by hosting both competitions and an auction. And in addition to these talent-based contests, Duke has also decided to disappoint those who believe high-value items should only ever be earned through effort, by running a Lucky Dip Lottery to enable Torn’s least creative citizens to nab themselves a prize.
“Duke found a real load of CRAP in that hamster guys inventory too. I got my guy Jimmy to lable it all so yous gotta gess the number if yous want it.”
Duke’s Lucky Dip Competition simply requires players to post in the thread to stand a chance of winning a prize - although suggestions for Duke's new faction name are requested. Items of varying value are on offer via the Lucky Dip, with two rare items, Stat Enhancers, Cesiums, bulk cans and Donator Packs all labelled with a unique secret number, all waiting to find a forever home courtesy of their lucky recipient.
As a sign of goodwill, The Duke even gave The Torn City Times an item to use as a prize for its very own competition. This Facebook-exclusive event will be announced via Torn’s Facebook page and the Torn City Times in two weeks’ time.
tl;dr: Hitler's alligator, Saturn, has died aged 84.
Pictured: Don't pretend you wouldn't cough in your grandmother's face to get these.
Thankfully, the introduction of Torn’s new Activity Log meant the authorities were able to quickly identify Jimmy Two-Shins as the culprit, and Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese as his client, as most of the items were sent by Jimmy to The Duke shortly after they went missing. The Torn City Times dispatched a journalist to Calabrese’s offices early this morning to extract a statement. After our reporter’s teeth were extracted, The Duke relented and gave the following comments to our now gum-heavy reporter.
“Duke aint gona let this nice junk sit around in some jerkoffs display case cause its too speshul to hide away aint it? Duke done a servise to you alls by liberaytin it for the people. But yous know that servise is gona cost yous cause nothin is free unless its somethin what you stole.”
The Duke revealed that he plans to auction off three rare items on Friday the 12th of June, with these auctions lasting 15 days until their closing date on Saturday the 27th of June. Jimmy Two-Shins will conduct three rare item auctions of his own from the same date, in addition to several smaller item auctions which he will run in the lead up to the main event.
This duration is in keeping with the timeframe of Torn’s historic weapon auctions, and the two weeks notice should allow players to liquidate their assets and prepare for the auction. This news will be welcomed by Torn’s most affluent citizens, who have long-desired the chance to spend their billions on these rare, unobtainable items. But what of our city’s most effluent citizens? How can regular old stinkbags like you, yes you, get involved in the fun? The Duke explains below.
“I aint understand them dumass chronacles much. They need more pictures.”
Pictured: He isn't wrong. Look at all those words. There are too many words, and not enough smells.
To help Duke enjoy the new Chronicles, the rotund mafioso has organised two Community Events aimed at adding further context to these historical texts, with The_Hamster’s loot used as an incentive to attract those who otherwise could not be arsed to enter. Duke’s Chronicle Illustration Competition asks players to draw or paint a scene from the Chronicles, with Duke’s Chronicle Photography Competition requesting a staged photo for the same purpose.
The winner of each of these competitions will be permitted to choose one item from a Gold prize pool of five high-value items, with second and third-placed players able to pick from Silver and Bronze prize pools respectively. Details of these prize pools can be found on the competition pages themselves, with the goodies on offer including the Burmese Flag, Dual Axes, and the highly sought after Neutrilux 2000 weapon.
Of course, some citizens will be disappointed that The Neutrilux 2000 isn’t available for auction, whereas others will be annoyed that several Dual Items are only on offer to the very richest citizens. A recent forum thread by Andyman led to a discussion over how The_Hamster’s items should be dispersed back into the community, with some people firmly against auctions, and others dismissing the idea of competitions being used to give away such valuable items.
Pictured: Opinions.
Having read that thread, it appears Duke has decided to disappoint everyone equally, by hosting both competitions and an auction. And in addition to these talent-based contests, Duke has also decided to disappoint those who believe high-value items should only ever be earned through effort, by running a Lucky Dip Lottery to enable Torn’s least creative citizens to nab themselves a prize.
“Duke found a real load of CRAP in that hamster guys inventory too. I got my guy Jimmy to lable it all so yous gotta gess the number if yous want it.”
Duke’s Lucky Dip Competition simply requires players to post in the thread to stand a chance of winning a prize - although suggestions for Duke's new faction name are requested. Items of varying value are on offer via the Lucky Dip, with two rare items, Stat Enhancers, Cesiums, bulk cans and Donator Packs all labelled with a unique secret number, all waiting to find a forever home courtesy of their lucky recipient.
As a sign of goodwill, The Duke even gave The Torn City Times an item to use as a prize for its very own competition. This Facebook-exclusive event will be announced via Torn’s Facebook page and the Torn City Times in two weeks’ time.
tl;dr: Hitler's alligator, Saturn, has died aged 84.
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