sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Find out how which one-day war cost $10 billion, who is forming a secret army, which player beat the killstreak record, and who is causing trouble inside Subersive Alliance - as if it's not obvious.
Many interesting stories have passed by my desk since the last Local News was released. So if you've got some time to kill (and haven't we all right now) and you'd like to know what's been going on in Torn City of late, take look at our round-up of recent Local News.
ANIMAL KINGDOM BEARS ITS TEETH
In our most recent article, the Torn City Times suggested that Animal Kingdom must have known about the extortion habits of HT, their now former allies, given that everyone else in Torn appeared to do so. As a result, we made the provocative suggestion that they may have known he was going to attack Nuke too, but kept schtum. We truly are total edgelords.
AK denies all of this, and after reading our article, several of their members began to growl, squawk and do whatever a Honey Badger does in response to our claims.
Pictured: The most hurtful comment I've ever received.
It's funny how you suddenly get an inbox full of replies to your questions when you print the other side's story, isn't it? Regardless, Animal Kingdom's leaders have now provided me with chat logs which seem to exonerate them, including this one between T-Max and D3vl that shows Evolution's leader trying to dissuade D3vl from attacking Nuke.
PrincessJulie of Savage Plague also provided us with some chat logs, which you can read in full here, here, and here. These logs show that AK confronted D3vl on the 25th of April over his extortion work, only for HT's former leader to deny it. When D3vl explained precisely what he had been up to, Tenacious1 had to correct him on his definition of extortion.
Due to their reputation, PrincessJulie suggested that HT's membership of AK was a contentious topic from the start - she did not reveal why some players felt negatively towards them, only that they did. It appears that hindsight has proven the dissenters correct, but perhaps HT's unsuitability should've been obvious from the start, given that they were quite willing to side against AK if necessary.
"They made it quite clear to us that we would either be fighting them or fighting with them, so at the time adding them was a necessary evil and it definitely was not an easy decision. It was never a unanimous decision to let them in."
The war went well for Animal Kingdom, and HT's presence certainly contributed to the result. But PrincessJulie resents being called opportunistic for kicking HT from the alliance now that the war is over, claiming "it was more of a situation where it was the straw that broke the camels back." She added that AK would sometimes try to correct certain misbehaviours among their ranks rather than immediately booting people, but on this occasion, they had no choice but to act.
"Proof of extortion is something that none of us were willing to -- or could -- overlook, and as such, they were kicked from the alliance unanimously."
One member of Animal Kingdom who wished to remain anonymous tried to convince me of a different story. They said that the alliance had been told of D3vl's extortion habits from the outset, but he had pledged to change his ways, only to renege on this promise almost immediately. This person offered no proof of their claims.
When all is said and done, it appears that Animal Kingdom is guilty of naivety more than anything, given that D3vl's reputation most certainly preceded him. In AK's defence, it is known that HT used Fluffle as a proxy to do their deeds, so to a casual observer, the D3vl's presence in certain extortion schemes may not have been obvious.
But those who scratched beneath the surface knew the truth of D3vl's involvement. Animal Kingdom must do their homework the next time they decide to expand, lest they end up guilty by association once more.
AN HONEST FOOL?
This honest idiot has been reported to our Community Manager.
FTW / CR BREAK UP
It has been reported that Chain Reaction and Forged Through War have parted ways recently, with their alliance coming to an end just as FTW lost around 10 of its members. With regards to the end of their union with FTW, MeanMike gave the following statement:
"We teamed up to get a job done, it's done, there is really no need to remain allied. We won't start a fight with them, of course, and have no problems with them, just didn't see the need to remain officially allied."
The "job" in question was the Insurgency alliance, and the breakup between FTW and CR lends further credence to the rumours that new major alliances are in the process of being formed. But what about this news that several FTW members have left recently? What is the explanation for this? An anonymous former FTW member claims that BraveKath is the reason.
"As you know from the article you released, FTW was destroying factions and mugging away, making a lot of money, it started off smaller amounts with a good % being shared per hit made. Once we started mugging Fugazi (totalling over 22b) Kath lowered the % without talking with anyone, only 2b was paid out in total to its members from that 22b with the faction keeping the rest for the faction (despite the faction not providing xanax or boosters for war)."
My source went on to claim that BraveKath's actions and her response to this upset some players, who were apparently already unhappy with the way she spoke to them. This incident led to the departure of several big names, including Rottweiler, Critch, Carlfredricksen, Pluto, Lexa, SugarHigh, and Strasmore, with my source claiming further departures are set to follow.
BraveKath denied all of the accusations levelled at her and believes it is normal for factions to shed players on occasion. She feels that the loss of these particular members had no adverse effect on FTW, whereas her own lack of a member was the reason these comments surfaced in the first place.
"Women in power intimidate some men."
JIGSARNAK WINS AGAIN
NS CRUSH CR IN MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR BATTLE
ADF has quickly proven to be the sluttiest territory in all of Torn, as not long after Chain Reaction nabbed her from PT-Family she succumbed to the sensual charms of Natural Selection. On the 11th of April, NS announced that they would attack this territory in five days time, with their aim being to take the $200 million per day Illegal Casino racket.
And take it they did, in a conflict which cost both sides a combined $10 billion+ in revives.
Despite this fight being scheduled for April 16th, CR kicked off the hostilities early with a preemptive strike against on the 15th. MeanMike refuted any parallel between this attack and the early hit PT tried against CR in the first war for ADF, claiming that their goal was to reroute NS and force them to hit a different territory.
"29 spots vs 20 spots, better for CR because we're the most active faction in the game thrive on biggest walls possible. PT tried using 3 factions putting up fake walls with us and themselves, but didn't account for the 4th connection between the bridge (SPG) and FFF."
Pictured: That's what those little white lines are for.
Whichever way you want to slice it, Chain Reaction went in early to try and sway the course of this battle. Alas, their surprise attack was in vain, as NS took them down in just over a day. Stretch was understandably pleased with the result of this fight, describing it as the most intense 25 hrs they have seen.
"One of the really fun things about this battle was that once things kicked off, you had a battle between 2 strong factions, 1v1. There was no outside nonsense that once pervaded torn. You also could see a mutual respect between many of the combatants. Having conversations with many of the opposition throughout the time made for a very fun experience."
This war may have taken just 25 hours to complete, but in that time the two sides packed in a great deal of activity - activity which has come at a huge cost. The revive bills for a three-day war often come out at $1-3 billion, but MeanMike told me his side paid out $7.357 billion, with Stretch suggesting it was a combined $10 billion for both sides.
"You make money in Torn to have it spent on epic battles like this, it was likely the most expensive 25hrs torn has seen in terms of revives."
NS should be able to recoup their costs in no time, as the Illegal Casino racket they pilfered from CR quickly doubled in value after they took it, and it now provides a cool $400 million cash per day. NS's invasion represents a long-term strategy to exert their influence over Torn's racket industry, and if they continue down this path, it will inevitably bring them into conflict with Subversive Alliance, as Stretch readily admits.
"As with anything in Torn there will always be opposition, we have bumped into SA a couple times in rackets now going 1 and 1. SA has remained a top faction in Torn for a long time so we are always aware of them. We cannot rest in the laurels of yesterday without an eye on tomorrow."
"When an encounter comes vs SA it will be NS only, we won't be gathering outside assistance. In the end the wrestling quote "to be the best you gotta beat the best" applies in regards to a battle with SA."
Pictured: Wrestling, much like territorial warring, involves pretending to fight in exchange for respect.
CR has now moved to a more central part of Torn City adjacent to the Visitor Center and Committee buildings, where they sit close to their allies Relentless and Helvete. CR's plan is to cool off while preparing for their next move, but MeanMike admits it all could've been very different if he'd had his way, with a partnership between them and Natural Selection once a distinct possibility.
"Stretch and I have been very close since we were co-leads in JFA and JFB over 5 years ago. If it was up to us alone, there's no telling what the future could hold, but it's not. Between his trolls keeping the animosity alive and well at every turn on the forums, residual salt from some key members there from Insurgency, and some ex CR members on his council that are always gonna push for beef between us, it's just never gonna happen. Of course, being subjected to all of that doesn't exactly make our members want anything to with them either, so .... here we are."
WHO MUGGED THE LOTTERY WINNER? PART 1
KILL STREAK RECORD BROKEN
Pneuma contacted the Times to alert us to a new killstreak record in Torn City! They reported that between April 1st to April 7th, Vasto-Lorde of Nuclear Blast boosted their killstreak to a ridiculous 8,989, surpassing Dr_Gonzo's previous record of 8,304.
When I contacted Vasto-Lorde about this incredible run I expressed my surprise that he hadn't posted it in the achievements forum - something he has now rectified. Vasto told me that his attempt at the record began on the 26th of March when he was aiming for the 10k defend merit.
"I was initially around 3.8k defends at that time. So, I posted an ad in the "attacking" section of the forums. Within the next 2 days, I was getting around 500 defends daily which continued to increase over time. I would then count the events and send payments, several times a day. Dealing with impatient clients was the hardest part in this quest!"
Vasto was also going for the various 1,000 finishing hit merits during this time, and he achieved both of his goals on the 4th of April. By this point he had already realised he was already on a hot killstreak, having surpassed his previous record of 2,144 and the 4,544 killstreak held by tenth-placed Bodybagger with a new personal record of 5,500. But Vasto still wasn't satisfied.
"After achieving that, I was still climbing up the ladder slowly. The 1st on the HoF was DrGonzo's 8,304 and 2nd was nintendofan1's 6,621. I was already in the 2nd position by the 5th of April and this is where I started getting a bit nervous. I still had a huge gap of 1.7k defends to fill. I needed to do it. That was a big opportunity of being in a top spot in the HoF. No one remembers the runner-up!"
Within two days, Vasto-Lorde had reached the top spot, but sadly his killstreak ended on the 7th of April at 8,989, when a mugger caused him to fall short of the 9,000 mark by just eleven kills. He estimates it cost him $2.5 billion to achieve his record-breaking killstreak, but even that wasn't the most expensive purchase he made this April!
"Other things that happened this month: I bought dual bushmasters after 5 days of negotiation for a crazy 26B deal, and also got to #2 spot on the HoF for best damage made."
This killstreak surely makes Vasto-Lorde a contender for Hopslam's monthly HoP award, as must his $26 billion purchase of a pair of Dual Bushmasters, given that Untouchable made last week's edition for buying the exact same item... for $15 billion. Ouch. Oh well, you win some you lose some.
NICE
TROUBLE IN SA
Subversive Alliance's control of the racket industry depends greatly on their ability to keep their numerous proxies and subfactions working from the same page. But I've been told that relations are strained within SA main due to a huge argument between Midknight and Dekloren. This dispute relates to the Dirty Bomb Dek hit JFK with earlier this year, an incident which took place when closer ties were in the process of being forged between the two long-term rivals.
"Dek feels the faction should support him he’s been getin NO support, MK FROWNS on anyone helping as dek dropped the dirty bomb on jfk without telling the faction yet dek will not confirm or deny he dropped it. Dek tryed to split faction in his favor by doing faction forum polls and mk deleted them so dek has other make them." - Anonymous SA member.
My source went on to tell me that Midknight feels he isn't respected or appreciated in SA, especially as Dekloren has been accusing him of using racket proceeds to fund his SE habit. Dek is clearly trying to make a nuisance of himself within SA, and it appears that scandalous accusations are just the tip of the iceberg. Around two weeks ago, Dekloren tried to acquire a second dirty bomb via the forums, with TCT reporter ORAN adding that he was also approached by the terrorist just recently.
Midknight is yet to respond to our questions regarding this matter. Dekloren, on the other hand, was more than happy to contact the Torn City Times to put the record straight.
Dekloren was subsequently paid $118k for his comments, because we know the poor lamb is trying his best to save his pennies right now.
DRUG BARON FAILS
Earlier this year, KrombopulousM started collecting a billion-dollar haul of Cannabis in anticipation of April's 420 Cannabis bonus event. However, KM wasn't sure what he was going to do with his drug stash when the time came, as he was torn between giving it away or selling it for profit.
In the end, KrombopulousM decided to try the latter, by flogging his weed stash at an extortionately high price. But he failed, miserably.
"Was not able to sell anything I have been hosped the entire day. So at the end, Kromb is left with a shit ton of weed and few buyers. But not just that, but the people hospitalizing me have something in common - all part of the Hacienda Faction ran by none other then Fidel-Castro himself. He wanted the profit so he sent the hounds to hunt me giving me no time to sell coward I shall get my revenge I always do. Drug Wars Baby."
For the past two years, FIDEL-CASTRO has used his bazaar to sell Cannabis at the low-low price of $420 to celebrate this holiday. Given that weed typically goes for just under $8,000 a pop, this is some discount! And so it is unsurprising that Fidel was cleaned out on 4-20, as he sold over 34,000 items in just 3 minutes and 27 seconds, making a total of $14 million in the process.
It may not pay in the financial sense to be a good guy in Torn, as FIDEL-CASTRO certainly didn't turn a profit, but it at least it doesn't come back to bite you on the ass as it did for poor KrombopulousM.
WHO MUGGED THE LOTTERY WINNER? PART 2
NOT EVEN ONCE
The 4/20 event offered players a great chance to achieve the Spaced Out honor bar for overdosing from Cannabis, as in addition to the triple nerve bonus, it also gave you a 5x boost to your overdose chances. And it seems that Prencess discovered this side of the event rather quickly indeed.
"I'd played for almost 4 years and had never taken a single drug until this most recent 4/20 event. I OD'd within the first minute of the event on my first ever drug taken. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this feat to get the spaced out merit, but am I the oldest? How many of my kind are out there? Should I keep this stat or am I not that special and go for the other merits now? I need advice. I also saw people's accounts turning 420 and 4200 on 4/20 which is pretty neat, any other cool post 4/20 stories?"
"Prencess aka weak lungs aka cheap date"
Prencess certainly isn't the oldest player to get the Spaced Out honor bar, but I wonder if she may be the first to do so on her first try. This is a monumental achievement, but we feel she should absolutely continue to strive for more merits, as taking more drugs would not detract from what she's already managed to do. If any other players have overdosed the first time they took a drug in Torn, please contact us to let us know.
THANKS RICH!
THAT'S NO YOLK
Smokey123 contacted The Times to reveal that he was responsible for a number of bug reports regarding unclickable Easter Eggs that were posted during the recent Easter Egg Hunt. He reportedly fooled hundreds of people with hidden eggs in forum signatures, newspaper advertisements and profile pages, and he provided the following evidence to corroborate his story.
Smokey123 can expect a visit from the Easter Bunny due to his actions, which he maintains were "just a bit of harmless fun while we're all in lockdown."
"I received a handful of chats and mails regarding my cleverly placed fake-eggs and a couple of bounties too. Just a bit of fun and nobody got hurt. I could have been evil and linked them all to Rick Astley."
OBVIOUSLY
UNDERGROUND ARMY READIED FOR WAR?
Have you been approached by a senior Torn player to join a cross-faction underground army? Rumours have reached the Torn City Times that a large scale force is currently being put together behind the scenes, with RGiskard of Relentless supposedly one of the key figures behind this project.
It is alleged that RGiskard approaches players with a Discord link, only telling them of his plans after they join. When I asked RGiskard about this secret project, he responded with the following:
"If I acknowledged any such thing, then it wouldn't be secret."
I then asked RGiskard if he was recruiting publicly.
"Not that I'm aware of."
AWARD RIGGED?
Congratulations Rigg3d, on receiving the random number generator award!
ANTI-NEWS AGENDA
DickButt contacted the Torn City Times to tell us something we already know - that someone keeps attacking our employees.
"Well, there is someone in my faction has a vendetta against the newspaper. He will hospitalize who every releases an article."
DickButt is a member of Vulpes Vulpes. We are aware of the identity of the individual who has been making these attacks, but we are unable to publish this information at present due to the manner in which the information was acquired. If you would like to provide evidence of this person's guilt so we may wreak unholy vengeance upon them, please contact the TCT today, and you will be rewarded generously.
LOGISTICS STALL, MUSIC STORES FLOURISH
Earlier this year, VitaGreta contacted The Times to express her fear that Logistics Companies were overpowered, as too many players were starting up this company type and distorting the financial landscape of Torn.
We made it clear that the company mechanics would balance out this situation eventually, and that's exactly what happened mid-April when the total number of Logistics companies rose beyond a sustainable level. No direct changes were made to Logistics Management firms, it was simply a case of the system accounting for their popularity by distributing profits in a more realistic manner.
"It will be interesting to see if this change actually leads to employees inside logistics looking for a new job in less popular companies or if the employee pool of logistics adapts to coming possible changes in salary." - VitaGreta
Interestingly, there are currently 436 Logistics Management companies, compared to 420 when their profit reductions were noticed. Conversely, the number of Music Stores has increased in recent weeks, and this time it was our fault.
Our improvement of the company's specials and profits has resulted in a total of 90 Music Stores running in Torn City, compared to just a handful before the changes were made - they are now the 16th most popular company to work for.
SEE YOU SOON
"I look forward to breaking bread with you."
MAUK'S RIBBONS
Nosk contacted The Times to tell us of a fancy ribbon cursor effect which appears on Mauk's profile, if you visit the page with DocTorn installed.
This delightful effect reportedly only occurs on Mauk's profile, but I personally would love to see a new feature added which causes streaks of brown to appear when you visit this page.
ANIMAL KINGDOM BEARS ITS TEETH
In our most recent article, the Torn City Times suggested that Animal Kingdom must have known about the extortion habits of HT, their now former allies, given that everyone else in Torn appeared to do so. As a result, we made the provocative suggestion that they may have known he was going to attack Nuke too, but kept schtum. We truly are total edgelords.
AK denies all of this, and after reading our article, several of their members began to growl, squawk and do whatever a Honey Badger does in response to our claims.
Pictured: The most hurtful comment I've ever received.
It's funny how you suddenly get an inbox full of replies to your questions when you print the other side's story, isn't it? Regardless, Animal Kingdom's leaders have now provided me with chat logs which seem to exonerate them, including this one between T-Max and D3vl that shows Evolution's leader trying to dissuade D3vl from attacking Nuke.
PrincessJulie of Savage Plague also provided us with some chat logs, which you can read in full here, here, and here. These logs show that AK confronted D3vl on the 25th of April over his extortion work, only for HT's former leader to deny it. When D3vl explained precisely what he had been up to, Tenacious1 had to correct him on his definition of extortion.
Due to their reputation, PrincessJulie suggested that HT's membership of AK was a contentious topic from the start - she did not reveal why some players felt negatively towards them, only that they did. It appears that hindsight has proven the dissenters correct, but perhaps HT's unsuitability should've been obvious from the start, given that they were quite willing to side against AK if necessary.
"They made it quite clear to us that we would either be fighting them or fighting with them, so at the time adding them was a necessary evil and it definitely was not an easy decision. It was never a unanimous decision to let them in."
The war went well for Animal Kingdom, and HT's presence certainly contributed to the result. But PrincessJulie resents being called opportunistic for kicking HT from the alliance now that the war is over, claiming "it was more of a situation where it was the straw that broke the camels back." She added that AK would sometimes try to correct certain misbehaviours among their ranks rather than immediately booting people, but on this occasion, they had no choice but to act.
"Proof of extortion is something that none of us were willing to -- or could -- overlook, and as such, they were kicked from the alliance unanimously."
One member of Animal Kingdom who wished to remain anonymous tried to convince me of a different story. They said that the alliance had been told of D3vl's extortion habits from the outset, but he had pledged to change his ways, only to renege on this promise almost immediately. This person offered no proof of their claims.
When all is said and done, it appears that Animal Kingdom is guilty of naivety more than anything, given that D3vl's reputation most certainly preceded him. In AK's defence, it is known that HT used Fluffle as a proxy to do their deeds, so to a casual observer, the D3vl's presence in certain extortion schemes may not have been obvious.
But those who scratched beneath the surface knew the truth of D3vl's involvement. Animal Kingdom must do their homework the next time they decide to expand, lest they end up guilty by association once more.
AN HONEST FOOL?
This honest idiot has been reported to our Community Manager.
FTW / CR BREAK UP
It has been reported that Chain Reaction and Forged Through War have parted ways recently, with their alliance coming to an end just as FTW lost around 10 of its members. With regards to the end of their union with FTW, MeanMike gave the following statement:
"We teamed up to get a job done, it's done, there is really no need to remain allied. We won't start a fight with them, of course, and have no problems with them, just didn't see the need to remain officially allied."
The "job" in question was the Insurgency alliance, and the breakup between FTW and CR lends further credence to the rumours that new major alliances are in the process of being formed. But what about this news that several FTW members have left recently? What is the explanation for this? An anonymous former FTW member claims that BraveKath is the reason.
"As you know from the article you released, FTW was destroying factions and mugging away, making a lot of money, it started off smaller amounts with a good % being shared per hit made. Once we started mugging Fugazi (totalling over 22b) Kath lowered the % without talking with anyone, only 2b was paid out in total to its members from that 22b with the faction keeping the rest for the faction (despite the faction not providing xanax or boosters for war)."
My source went on to claim that BraveKath's actions and her response to this upset some players, who were apparently already unhappy with the way she spoke to them. This incident led to the departure of several big names, including Rottweiler, Critch, Carlfredricksen, Pluto, Lexa, SugarHigh, and Strasmore, with my source claiming further departures are set to follow.
BraveKath denied all of the accusations levelled at her and believes it is normal for factions to shed players on occasion. She feels that the loss of these particular members had no adverse effect on FTW, whereas her own lack of a member was the reason these comments surfaced in the first place.
"Women in power intimidate some men."
JIGSARNAK WINS AGAIN
NS CRUSH CR IN MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR BATTLE
ADF has quickly proven to be the sluttiest territory in all of Torn, as not long after Chain Reaction nabbed her from PT-Family she succumbed to the sensual charms of Natural Selection. On the 11th of April, NS announced that they would attack this territory in five days time, with their aim being to take the $200 million per day Illegal Casino racket.
And take it they did, in a conflict which cost both sides a combined $10 billion+ in revives.
Despite this fight being scheduled for April 16th, CR kicked off the hostilities early with a preemptive strike against on the 15th. MeanMike refuted any parallel between this attack and the early hit PT tried against CR in the first war for ADF, claiming that their goal was to reroute NS and force them to hit a different territory.
"29 spots vs 20 spots, better for CR because we're the most active faction in the game thrive on biggest walls possible. PT tried using 3 factions putting up fake walls with us and themselves, but didn't account for the 4th connection between the bridge (SPG) and FFF."
Pictured: That's what those little white lines are for.
Whichever way you want to slice it, Chain Reaction went in early to try and sway the course of this battle. Alas, their surprise attack was in vain, as NS took them down in just over a day. Stretch was understandably pleased with the result of this fight, describing it as the most intense 25 hrs they have seen.
"One of the really fun things about this battle was that once things kicked off, you had a battle between 2 strong factions, 1v1. There was no outside nonsense that once pervaded torn. You also could see a mutual respect between many of the combatants. Having conversations with many of the opposition throughout the time made for a very fun experience."
This war may have taken just 25 hours to complete, but in that time the two sides packed in a great deal of activity - activity which has come at a huge cost. The revive bills for a three-day war often come out at $1-3 billion, but MeanMike told me his side paid out $7.357 billion, with Stretch suggesting it was a combined $10 billion for both sides.
"You make money in Torn to have it spent on epic battles like this, it was likely the most expensive 25hrs torn has seen in terms of revives."
NS should be able to recoup their costs in no time, as the Illegal Casino racket they pilfered from CR quickly doubled in value after they took it, and it now provides a cool $400 million cash per day. NS's invasion represents a long-term strategy to exert their influence over Torn's racket industry, and if they continue down this path, it will inevitably bring them into conflict with Subversive Alliance, as Stretch readily admits.
"As with anything in Torn there will always be opposition, we have bumped into SA a couple times in rackets now going 1 and 1. SA has remained a top faction in Torn for a long time so we are always aware of them. We cannot rest in the laurels of yesterday without an eye on tomorrow."
"When an encounter comes vs SA it will be NS only, we won't be gathering outside assistance. In the end the wrestling quote "to be the best you gotta beat the best" applies in regards to a battle with SA."
Pictured: Wrestling, much like territorial warring, involves pretending to fight in exchange for respect.
CR has now moved to a more central part of Torn City adjacent to the Visitor Center and Committee buildings, where they sit close to their allies Relentless and Helvete. CR's plan is to cool off while preparing for their next move, but MeanMike admits it all could've been very different if he'd had his way, with a partnership between them and Natural Selection once a distinct possibility.
"Stretch and I have been very close since we were co-leads in JFA and JFB over 5 years ago. If it was up to us alone, there's no telling what the future could hold, but it's not. Between his trolls keeping the animosity alive and well at every turn on the forums, residual salt from some key members there from Insurgency, and some ex CR members on his council that are always gonna push for beef between us, it's just never gonna happen. Of course, being subjected to all of that doesn't exactly make our members want anything to with them either, so .... here we are."
WHO MUGGED THE LOTTERY WINNER? PART 1
KILL STREAK RECORD BROKEN
Pneuma contacted the Times to alert us to a new killstreak record in Torn City! They reported that between April 1st to April 7th, Vasto-Lorde of Nuclear Blast boosted their killstreak to a ridiculous 8,989, surpassing Dr_Gonzo's previous record of 8,304.
When I contacted Vasto-Lorde about this incredible run I expressed my surprise that he hadn't posted it in the achievements forum - something he has now rectified. Vasto told me that his attempt at the record began on the 26th of March when he was aiming for the 10k defend merit.
"I was initially around 3.8k defends at that time. So, I posted an ad in the "attacking" section of the forums. Within the next 2 days, I was getting around 500 defends daily which continued to increase over time. I would then count the events and send payments, several times a day. Dealing with impatient clients was the hardest part in this quest!"
Vasto was also going for the various 1,000 finishing hit merits during this time, and he achieved both of his goals on the 4th of April. By this point he had already realised he was already on a hot killstreak, having surpassed his previous record of 2,144 and the 4,544 killstreak held by tenth-placed Bodybagger with a new personal record of 5,500. But Vasto still wasn't satisfied.
"After achieving that, I was still climbing up the ladder slowly. The 1st on the HoF was DrGonzo's 8,304 and 2nd was nintendofan1's 6,621. I was already in the 2nd position by the 5th of April and this is where I started getting a bit nervous. I still had a huge gap of 1.7k defends to fill. I needed to do it. That was a big opportunity of being in a top spot in the HoF. No one remembers the runner-up!"
Within two days, Vasto-Lorde had reached the top spot, but sadly his killstreak ended on the 7th of April at 8,989, when a mugger caused him to fall short of the 9,000 mark by just eleven kills. He estimates it cost him $2.5 billion to achieve his record-breaking killstreak, but even that wasn't the most expensive purchase he made this April!
"Other things that happened this month: I bought dual bushmasters after 5 days of negotiation for a crazy 26B deal, and also got to #2 spot on the HoF for best damage made."
This killstreak surely makes Vasto-Lorde a contender for Hopslam's monthly HoP award, as must his $26 billion purchase of a pair of Dual Bushmasters, given that Untouchable made last week's edition for buying the exact same item... for $15 billion. Ouch. Oh well, you win some you lose some.
NICE
TROUBLE IN SA
Subversive Alliance's control of the racket industry depends greatly on their ability to keep their numerous proxies and subfactions working from the same page. But I've been told that relations are strained within SA main due to a huge argument between Midknight and Dekloren. This dispute relates to the Dirty Bomb Dek hit JFK with earlier this year, an incident which took place when closer ties were in the process of being forged between the two long-term rivals.
"Dek feels the faction should support him he’s been getin NO support, MK FROWNS on anyone helping as dek dropped the dirty bomb on jfk without telling the faction yet dek will not confirm or deny he dropped it. Dek tryed to split faction in his favor by doing faction forum polls and mk deleted them so dek has other make them." - Anonymous SA member.
My source went on to tell me that Midknight feels he isn't respected or appreciated in SA, especially as Dekloren has been accusing him of using racket proceeds to fund his SE habit. Dek is clearly trying to make a nuisance of himself within SA, and it appears that scandalous accusations are just the tip of the iceberg. Around two weeks ago, Dekloren tried to acquire a second dirty bomb via the forums, with TCT reporter ORAN adding that he was also approached by the terrorist just recently.
Midknight is yet to respond to our questions regarding this matter. Dekloren, on the other hand, was more than happy to contact the Torn City Times to put the record straight.
Dekloren was subsequently paid $118k for his comments, because we know the poor lamb is trying his best to save his pennies right now.
DRUG BARON FAILS
Earlier this year, KrombopulousM started collecting a billion-dollar haul of Cannabis in anticipation of April's 420 Cannabis bonus event. However, KM wasn't sure what he was going to do with his drug stash when the time came, as he was torn between giving it away or selling it for profit.
In the end, KrombopulousM decided to try the latter, by flogging his weed stash at an extortionately high price. But he failed, miserably.
"Was not able to sell anything I have been hosped the entire day. So at the end, Kromb is left with a shit ton of weed and few buyers. But not just that, but the people hospitalizing me have something in common - all part of the Hacienda Faction ran by none other then Fidel-Castro himself. He wanted the profit so he sent the hounds to hunt me giving me no time to sell coward I shall get my revenge I always do. Drug Wars Baby."
For the past two years, FIDEL-CASTRO has used his bazaar to sell Cannabis at the low-low price of $420 to celebrate this holiday. Given that weed typically goes for just under $8,000 a pop, this is some discount! And so it is unsurprising that Fidel was cleaned out on 4-20, as he sold over 34,000 items in just 3 minutes and 27 seconds, making a total of $14 million in the process.
It may not pay in the financial sense to be a good guy in Torn, as FIDEL-CASTRO certainly didn't turn a profit, but it at least it doesn't come back to bite you on the ass as it did for poor KrombopulousM.
WHO MUGGED THE LOTTERY WINNER? PART 2
NOT EVEN ONCE
The 4/20 event offered players a great chance to achieve the Spaced Out honor bar for overdosing from Cannabis, as in addition to the triple nerve bonus, it also gave you a 5x boost to your overdose chances. And it seems that Prencess discovered this side of the event rather quickly indeed.
"I'd played for almost 4 years and had never taken a single drug until this most recent 4/20 event. I OD'd within the first minute of the event on my first ever drug taken. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this feat to get the spaced out merit, but am I the oldest? How many of my kind are out there? Should I keep this stat or am I not that special and go for the other merits now? I need advice. I also saw people's accounts turning 420 and 4200 on 4/20 which is pretty neat, any other cool post 4/20 stories?"
"Prencess aka weak lungs aka cheap date"
Prencess certainly isn't the oldest player to get the Spaced Out honor bar, but I wonder if she may be the first to do so on her first try. This is a monumental achievement, but we feel she should absolutely continue to strive for more merits, as taking more drugs would not detract from what she's already managed to do. If any other players have overdosed the first time they took a drug in Torn, please contact us to let us know.
THANKS RICH!
THAT'S NO YOLK
Smokey123 contacted The Times to reveal that he was responsible for a number of bug reports regarding unclickable Easter Eggs that were posted during the recent Easter Egg Hunt. He reportedly fooled hundreds of people with hidden eggs in forum signatures, newspaper advertisements and profile pages, and he provided the following evidence to corroborate his story.
Smokey123 can expect a visit from the Easter Bunny due to his actions, which he maintains were "just a bit of harmless fun while we're all in lockdown."
"I received a handful of chats and mails regarding my cleverly placed fake-eggs and a couple of bounties too. Just a bit of fun and nobody got hurt. I could have been evil and linked them all to Rick Astley."
OBVIOUSLY
UNDERGROUND ARMY READIED FOR WAR?
Have you been approached by a senior Torn player to join a cross-faction underground army? Rumours have reached the Torn City Times that a large scale force is currently being put together behind the scenes, with RGiskard of Relentless supposedly one of the key figures behind this project.
It is alleged that RGiskard approaches players with a Discord link, only telling them of his plans after they join. When I asked RGiskard about this secret project, he responded with the following:
"If I acknowledged any such thing, then it wouldn't be secret."
I then asked RGiskard if he was recruiting publicly.
"Not that I'm aware of."
AWARD RIGGED?
Congratulations Rigg3d, on receiving the random number generator award!
ANTI-NEWS AGENDA
DickButt contacted the Torn City Times to tell us something we already know - that someone keeps attacking our employees.
"Well, there is someone in my faction has a vendetta against the newspaper. He will hospitalize who every releases an article."
DickButt is a member of Vulpes Vulpes. We are aware of the identity of the individual who has been making these attacks, but we are unable to publish this information at present due to the manner in which the information was acquired. If you would like to provide evidence of this person's guilt so we may wreak unholy vengeance upon them, please contact the TCT today, and you will be rewarded generously.
LOGISTICS STALL, MUSIC STORES FLOURISH
Earlier this year, VitaGreta contacted The Times to express her fear that Logistics Companies were overpowered, as too many players were starting up this company type and distorting the financial landscape of Torn.
We made it clear that the company mechanics would balance out this situation eventually, and that's exactly what happened mid-April when the total number of Logistics companies rose beyond a sustainable level. No direct changes were made to Logistics Management firms, it was simply a case of the system accounting for their popularity by distributing profits in a more realistic manner.
"It will be interesting to see if this change actually leads to employees inside logistics looking for a new job in less popular companies or if the employee pool of logistics adapts to coming possible changes in salary." - VitaGreta
Interestingly, there are currently 436 Logistics Management companies, compared to 420 when their profit reductions were noticed. Conversely, the number of Music Stores has increased in recent weeks, and this time it was our fault.
Our improvement of the company's specials and profits has resulted in a total of 90 Music Stores running in Torn City, compared to just a handful before the changes were made - they are now the 16th most popular company to work for.
SEE YOU SOON
"I look forward to breaking bread with you."
MAUK'S RIBBONS
Nosk contacted The Times to tell us of a fancy ribbon cursor effect which appears on Mauk's profile, if you visit the page with DocTorn installed.
This delightful effect reportedly only occurs on Mauk's profile, but I personally would love to see a new feature added which causes streaks of brown to appear when you visit this page.
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