ttyper [74099] —
Original article
COVID19 has been wreaking havoc all over the world. To prevent Torn becoming a hotspot, members of NS quarantined high-risk people in Mexico, Canada, Caymans, and Hawaii during Cinco de Mayo.
Earlier this month, Natural Selection enforced a lockdown across the nations of Mexico, Canada, The Caymans and Hawaii during the Cinco De Mayo event. As you can see from the travelling graph below, these measures were effective at controlling the flow of Torn's population in and out of said nations, which took place on the 5th of May, during Cinco De Mayo.
Pictured: Torn City Travel Graph.
This event marked the third time NS members have been seen hospitalizing Torn travellers this year, following in the wake of FidelCashflow's one-man 48-hour shutdown of Canada in February, and a three-player operation in late March which saw both Canada and Mexico locked down for hours on end. On this occasion, eighty-three members of the NS family managed to quarantine 2,021 overseas citizens during the Cinco de Mayo holiday.
The reason Natural Selection enacted this particular quarantine was our displeasure with the way the COVID19 outbreak has been handled in Torn. The epic mismanagement of the pandemic response starts at the top. Torn would have the highest number of cases per capita if we bothered testing, but Chedburn keeps saying Testing 1.0 is Coming Soon.
To make matters worse, COVID19 task force manager, bogie is reported to have said that tests are for nerds, that we don't need them, and if they were available he wouldn't take them. He is alleged to have added that he cheated on every test he ever took when he was younger, and ended by telling us to cram it, nerd.
EDITOR'S NOTE: These comments cannot be verified as having come from our Community Manager bogie, hence why they are not presented as quotes. For all we know, it could have been someone who looks like bogie who said this, or perhaps a very large talking tree.
Pictured: Bogie in high school keeping the nerds in line.
But the authorities are not the only ones to blame, as Torn citizens have also downplayed the looming threat of Coronavirus. Their continued habit of overdosing on harmful drugs leads many to end up at the hospital, further increasing their risk of exposure. And in daily displays of complete lunacy, bazaar owners stock their item shelves before voluntarily checking themselves into the hospital, all the while constantly handling cash and interacting with customers.
Fights with Leslie are even worse. They are a known viral breeding ground with zero social distancing because 50 people are required to stand within arms reach of him. And seriously, what do you people think infests those sweatpants that you keep taking off him? I want to facepalm at this abject stupidity, but I can’t touch my face, so I just groan loudly.
As if Torn being a viral cesspool wasn’t bad enough, Torn citizens are continuously spreading the virus to other countries. The airport is still busy with thousands of flights per day, mostly full of plushie poachers and flower flippers. Reports of high infection rates near the overseas item markets haven't stopped any of these selfish scumbags from their trips. They don’t even wear masks when they shop and can’t even be bothered covering their mouths when they cough. What do they care how many people have to die just so they can make a few bucks?
In light of Torn's inaction towards the virus, Natural Selection leadership agreed it was time to rally the troops and defend those less fortunate than us - the poor people of Mexico, Canada, and the Cayman Islands. One of our brave frontline medical workers, Michelle-420-, also took it upon herself to provide a similar service to the locals in Hawaii. We decided to quarantine people on Cinco de Mayo since COVID19 is a coronavirus, and we figured since most Torn citizens are alcoholics the word association with Corona beer would make our lessons stick.
Pictured: One of our fearless members getting ready to fight COVID19
Suited up in scrubs, masks, gloves, and guns containing lysol-laced bullets, we boarded our planes six-feet apart with one mission in mind: Saving our neighbors from being prematurely put 6 feet underground. It was a tall order given how thick the average Torn citizen is, but our members were more than up to the challenge. The first thing we had to fight was misinformation from a couple of armchair doctors:
"Right so bascliy, germs can not pass thro pcs by gaming. your faction saying we all in lockdown. so we cant traval. so they are hospin eveyone well 1. if eveyone in hosp there not enough room for the REAL pations who have covid 19. 2. covid 19 cant pass thro pc so ur faction is bascly trolling." - Thetrader23
"This is fantasy land,,,,,no covid 19 here,,,get real. Have u lost your marbles?,,,,u cant transmit through pc." - NostrilDamas
Okay, Dr. Scientist, let me ask you a question: How do you know this can't happen? This is a new virus and they are finding out new ways it can spread every single day. We live in a world of facts, not conjecture. I’m not saying COVID19 can definitely spread via your PC, tablet or mobile device way, but I have yet to see definitive peer-reviewed proof that it can’t. Until then, everyone should try to be as safe as possible.
And it wasn’t just these phony PhDs chiming in. Unsurprisingly, our members were getting harassed by hundreds of money-grubbing flybabies who put all our lives at risk with their reckless travelling:
"Can I just say f**k NS." - SWORN
"I'd rather have covid 19 than have this conversation with a bully lol go fight people you're own size, noob. You hosp me and return to torn sad female." - Warfare
"You're a sad pathetic little f**khead" - CryoDark
"Oi c**kgobbler. What the hell is that about? I hope your mother gets COVID you t**twaffle." - SnowBadger87
From being called sad females to having death wished upon our loved ones and everything in between, I’m extremely proud of NS Family for maintaining our composure throughout this crisis. It’s stressful enough putting our lives on the line to defend those who need defending, but dealing with this kind of vindictive venom on top of it was a slap in the face considering the sacrifice our heroes made.
Eventually, their whining must have reached the mainland, as some anti-lockdown protestors took some time off from burning Torn’s 5G infrastructure to protest our lockdown. They violently assaulted our heroes, claiming that a 12-hour lockdown is too long and people need to get back to work. Thankfully, we had several intrepid field medics of our own that allowed our essential work to continue.
Pictured: Anti-lockdown protesters trying to stop our selfless actions.
When reached for comment, the parties provided differing rationale for their actions. I think the self-appointed leader of this group, Meanmike, gave the most logical reason for trying to defy the quarantine.
"So I heard some of you guys were gonna be in Mexico, and about 1/3 way through a bottle of Makers Mark, I decided to go down there and slap some of you around a bit. But then, the flight was long af, so I drank some more." - MeanMike
Only someone having fever hallucinations could behave this thoughtlessly towards other people, but luckily we were able to quarantine Mike until he sobered up. Thankfully his fever subsided quickly and he was able to return to Torn a few hours later.
At the end of the day our first responders took a well-deserved rest in the comfort of their quarantined homes. With COVID19 estimated to have an infection rate of anywhere from 1.5 - 3 people per infected citizen, and our quarantine total topping 2,000, we stand tall in knowing that we probably saved tens of thousands of Torn citizens from this disease. And if the outbreak should continue, we stand ready to protect the grimy borders of our city again.
The Natural Selection faction family has served as an overseas border patrol three times now, and it's a job we take very seriously. It's debatable whether the city of Torn deserves our heroes, but we're the ones the city needs. For now, we shall return to our day jobs as impromptu EMTs, escorting Torn citizens to the hospital within the city walls. But if the need arises to protect our borders again then we are prepared to don our blood-covered scrubs once more.
Ultimately, I can confidently say that we prevailed. We spread awareness about COVID19, and now all flyers are going to wash their hands after searching the dump, among other critical hygienic habits they learned in overseas hospitals.
"I'll do better in the future...thanks for looking out for my safty." - Necrosin
EDITOR'S NOTE: Torn City officially denies the existence of Covid-19 within its population.
EDITOR'S NOTE 2: This.
Pictured: Torn City Travel Graph.
This event marked the third time NS members have been seen hospitalizing Torn travellers this year, following in the wake of FidelCashflow's one-man 48-hour shutdown of Canada in February, and a three-player operation in late March which saw both Canada and Mexico locked down for hours on end. On this occasion, eighty-three members of the NS family managed to quarantine 2,021 overseas citizens during the Cinco de Mayo holiday.
The reason Natural Selection enacted this particular quarantine was our displeasure with the way the COVID19 outbreak has been handled in Torn. The epic mismanagement of the pandemic response starts at the top. Torn would have the highest number of cases per capita if we bothered testing, but Chedburn keeps saying Testing 1.0 is Coming Soon.
To make matters worse, COVID19 task force manager, bogie is reported to have said that tests are for nerds, that we don't need them, and if they were available he wouldn't take them. He is alleged to have added that he cheated on every test he ever took when he was younger, and ended by telling us to cram it, nerd.
EDITOR'S NOTE: These comments cannot be verified as having come from our Community Manager bogie, hence why they are not presented as quotes. For all we know, it could have been someone who looks like bogie who said this, or perhaps a very large talking tree.
Pictured: Bogie in high school keeping the nerds in line.
But the authorities are not the only ones to blame, as Torn citizens have also downplayed the looming threat of Coronavirus. Their continued habit of overdosing on harmful drugs leads many to end up at the hospital, further increasing their risk of exposure. And in daily displays of complete lunacy, bazaar owners stock their item shelves before voluntarily checking themselves into the hospital, all the while constantly handling cash and interacting with customers.
Fights with Leslie are even worse. They are a known viral breeding ground with zero social distancing because 50 people are required to stand within arms reach of him. And seriously, what do you people think infests those sweatpants that you keep taking off him? I want to facepalm at this abject stupidity, but I can’t touch my face, so I just groan loudly.
As if Torn being a viral cesspool wasn’t bad enough, Torn citizens are continuously spreading the virus to other countries. The airport is still busy with thousands of flights per day, mostly full of plushie poachers and flower flippers. Reports of high infection rates near the overseas item markets haven't stopped any of these selfish scumbags from their trips. They don’t even wear masks when they shop and can’t even be bothered covering their mouths when they cough. What do they care how many people have to die just so they can make a few bucks?
In light of Torn's inaction towards the virus, Natural Selection leadership agreed it was time to rally the troops and defend those less fortunate than us - the poor people of Mexico, Canada, and the Cayman Islands. One of our brave frontline medical workers, Michelle-420-, also took it upon herself to provide a similar service to the locals in Hawaii. We decided to quarantine people on Cinco de Mayo since COVID19 is a coronavirus, and we figured since most Torn citizens are alcoholics the word association with Corona beer would make our lessons stick.
Pictured: One of our fearless members getting ready to fight COVID19
Suited up in scrubs, masks, gloves, and guns containing lysol-laced bullets, we boarded our planes six-feet apart with one mission in mind: Saving our neighbors from being prematurely put 6 feet underground. It was a tall order given how thick the average Torn citizen is, but our members were more than up to the challenge. The first thing we had to fight was misinformation from a couple of armchair doctors:
"Right so bascliy, germs can not pass thro pcs by gaming. your faction saying we all in lockdown. so we cant traval. so they are hospin eveyone well 1. if eveyone in hosp there not enough room for the REAL pations who have covid 19. 2. covid 19 cant pass thro pc so ur faction is bascly trolling." - Thetrader23
"This is fantasy land,,,,,no covid 19 here,,,get real. Have u lost your marbles?,,,,u cant transmit through pc." - NostrilDamas
Okay, Dr. Scientist, let me ask you a question: How do you know this can't happen? This is a new virus and they are finding out new ways it can spread every single day. We live in a world of facts, not conjecture. I’m not saying COVID19 can definitely spread via your PC, tablet or mobile device way, but I have yet to see definitive peer-reviewed proof that it can’t. Until then, everyone should try to be as safe as possible.
And it wasn’t just these phony PhDs chiming in. Unsurprisingly, our members were getting harassed by hundreds of money-grubbing flybabies who put all our lives at risk with their reckless travelling:
"Can I just say f**k NS." - SWORN
"I'd rather have covid 19 than have this conversation with a bully lol go fight people you're own size, noob. You hosp me and return to torn sad female." - Warfare
"You're a sad pathetic little f**khead" - CryoDark
"Oi c**kgobbler. What the hell is that about? I hope your mother gets COVID you t**twaffle." - SnowBadger87
From being called sad females to having death wished upon our loved ones and everything in between, I’m extremely proud of NS Family for maintaining our composure throughout this crisis. It’s stressful enough putting our lives on the line to defend those who need defending, but dealing with this kind of vindictive venom on top of it was a slap in the face considering the sacrifice our heroes made.
Eventually, their whining must have reached the mainland, as some anti-lockdown protestors took some time off from burning Torn’s 5G infrastructure to protest our lockdown. They violently assaulted our heroes, claiming that a 12-hour lockdown is too long and people need to get back to work. Thankfully, we had several intrepid field medics of our own that allowed our essential work to continue.
Pictured: Anti-lockdown protesters trying to stop our selfless actions.
When reached for comment, the parties provided differing rationale for their actions. I think the self-appointed leader of this group, Meanmike, gave the most logical reason for trying to defy the quarantine.
"So I heard some of you guys were gonna be in Mexico, and about 1/3 way through a bottle of Makers Mark, I decided to go down there and slap some of you around a bit. But then, the flight was long af, so I drank some more." - MeanMike
Only someone having fever hallucinations could behave this thoughtlessly towards other people, but luckily we were able to quarantine Mike until he sobered up. Thankfully his fever subsided quickly and he was able to return to Torn a few hours later.
At the end of the day our first responders took a well-deserved rest in the comfort of their quarantined homes. With COVID19 estimated to have an infection rate of anywhere from 1.5 - 3 people per infected citizen, and our quarantine total topping 2,000, we stand tall in knowing that we probably saved tens of thousands of Torn citizens from this disease. And if the outbreak should continue, we stand ready to protect the grimy borders of our city again.
The Natural Selection faction family has served as an overseas border patrol three times now, and it's a job we take very seriously. It's debatable whether the city of Torn deserves our heroes, but we're the ones the city needs. For now, we shall return to our day jobs as impromptu EMTs, escorting Torn citizens to the hospital within the city walls. But if the need arises to protect our borders again then we are prepared to don our blood-covered scrubs once more.
Ultimately, I can confidently say that we prevailed. We spread awareness about COVID19, and now all flyers are going to wash their hands after searching the dump, among other critical hygienic habits they learned in overseas hospitals.
"I'll do better in the future...thanks for looking out for my safty." - Necrosin
EDITOR'S NOTE: Torn City officially denies the existence of Covid-19 within its population.
EDITOR'S NOTE 2: This.
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