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Sinners, Repent!

sugarvalves [1963573]
Dirty Bomb owner. CONFESS! Diabolique. CONFESS! R3x Lotto scammer. CONFESS! Mission spoiler. CONFESS! Admin pretender. CONFESS! All shall confess before the Pastor, for his word is the word of God(s)
Idle hands are the devil’s workshop, it seems, for the inhabitants of this not-so-fair city have performed all manner of terrible deeds while trapped in Torn for the foreseeable. My flock must be returned to its pen forthwith, where I shall shear away the mottled wool of lust, desire, and treachery. Only then may the lambs of god be deemed pure enough for salvation.



The Pastor's Response

“There is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself.” - Raymond Chandler

Thou hath styled ones' self as a mischievous little beast, haven’t you, my anonymous friend? And yet I fear you’ve set yourself up for a future fall, as Torn’s mission targets are drawn from the same pool, and it is therefore inevitable you shall come a cropper by your own hand eventually. Nevertheless, your attempt at punishing others must itself be punished, and in devising your act of penance I have taken inspiration from the many tales of fathers catching their errant sons in the act of smoking.

If you like smoke grenades so much, you must use only these items for the next week while attacking. Be at peace, my smokey child.





The Pastor's Response

“Just how deep do you believe? Will you bite the hand that feeds? Will you chew until it bleeds? Can you get up off your knees? Are you brave enough to see? Do you wanna change it?” - Anonymous Gothic scribe

This confessor has not only bitten the hand that art thou doth fed them, they’ve chewed the whole thing off, right up to the elbow! You may feel that punishment has been dealt already with your exclusion from the lotto server; but that was R3x’s penalty, it was not the Lord’s punishment. Having spoken to Him on the regular for many years now, I believe he would want you to repay Tom_Hanks whatever money you pilfered from him tenfold. And while you’re there, thank Mr Hanks for the gift of his COVID riddled blood.

Go forth and give T.Hanks, my ungrateful child.




The Pastor's Response

“When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, ‘They have no wine’.” - John, 2:3

When one begins on the path of criminality, there seems to be no end to the riches which one can acquire. But when the strong thighs of the law catch up with you and your misdeeds are curtailed, what then? A thief knows no other trade but thievery. A pervert knows nothing else but perversion. A trickster such as yourself may have stopped posing as a mission giver, but I would wager my whole fortune that you have continued to con strangers in new ways ever since. My edict is this: Offer your services to help others complete missions for a period of thirty days.

Be well, my soon-to-be generous child.




The Pastor's Response

“A peaceful heart sees a celebration in any village.” - Hindu Proverb

In some ways, this confessor may be seen to have brought peace to Torn City, in the same way that the Atomic Bomb ended World War 2, given that they helped to bring down the Torn United Nations and end their fight against Insurgency by destroying morale from within. But on a personal level, this person stands to fail in future. While their identity may have changed, their characteristics likely have not.

The Pastor has heard many confessions regarding the forthcoming second Insurgency war, and I fear that when the fight comes, the player known as Diabolique will make themselves known inadvertently to their former enemies.
My instruction is clear: Cease your treachery, and do all you can to prepare others for the storm that is coming.

Be quiet, my loud-mouthed child.




The Pastor's Response

“Those who spend in charity will be richly rewarded.” - Quran 75:10

If one were to sell a weapon of mass destruction, one is effectively becoming the Devil himself, as thou art trading money for the power to destroy. But if you were to give this item away, to whomever you deem appropriate, then not only would its burden from you be lifted, but you would also have bestowed power upon another while expecting nothing in return - and that, my child, is the true measure of a God.

You must donate your Dirty Bomb to a player whom you feel deserves it the most within seven days. Do this, and all of Torn City shall be in your debt.

Purchase a Hazmat Suit, my iridescent child.




HEATHENS EXPOSED

Each month we receive hateful correspondence from citizens who doth lest hath not do-eth taketh the holy process of confession seriously! These infidels must be stripped bare of their flesh and exposed to the elements atop the castle walls. Or at the very least, we shall make public their silly names.

When I mug or attack Torn Citizens, I always hope they have the latest copy of the Torn Times on their person. After I beat them unconscious with whichever blunt object I happen to have on me, I mug them, change into their clothes, and I read through the Torn Personals and enjoy the fine selection of persons on display. I do like hospitalizing players when I can, because they lose the ability to use their character for a period of time. Violence and pretty people.... that's what makes Torn special. - Exinur

I listen to Fox News in the background while I play Torn....I know, right. - Sarp

My mother asked me to make her a cup of tea once, I knew depending on the outcome of this situation it could become my job for the next 5 years or even longer, so I made sure to make it the worst cup of tea ever, I barely added any milk, 'forgot' the tea bag and added some salt with some sugar, I feel bad about it now but I was never asked to make a cup of tea again. - B_M_T


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