sugarvalves [1963573] —
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Find out what the winners of Mr and Ms Torn have to say about their entries, who had to buy their kids a puppy, and how you losers can enter the disgusting Choke Me Leslie competition!
Toro_Loco and Vogel are our 2020 Mr and Ms Torn winners. The pair were crowned on Saturday after a three-week voting process which saw 1,374 submissions, over 4 million votes cast, and many people's self-confidence shattered beyond repair.
But for our two lucky champions, this is not their fate. With the appreciation and validation of Torn's people still ringing in their ears, Mr and Ms Torn are now legally obliged to head to the nearest motel and procreate, thus producing Baby Torn, who will one day become our city's most hated Emperor.
Pictured: It's a spa motel, so you know it's classy.
And speaking of bumping uglies, the world-renowned Choke Me Leslie competition has just opened up for entries. This event asks players to create the most grotesque selfie possible in order to win. The five most disgusting images in both the male and female categories will receive the limited and wearable Paper Bag item. And this year we've added even more prizes, with the top three overall receiving a Hazmat, Skanky Doll, and a Hospital coin respectively, in addition to the usual competition rewards and ribbons.
Enter CHOKE ME LESLIE by clicking this link, idiot.
MS TORN 2020
Vogel was the winner in the ladies' category thanks to an image she calls "Arson - such fun!" Our majestic and slightly charred Ms Torn scored 6.34 overall, and says that her picture "portrays the peaceful moment of acceptance that she will have to go through a lot more fraud crimes." Her number one fire safety tip is that you should "always find out which is your favourite side and turn it away from whatever might explode."
Vogel took one and a half hours to perfect her burns victim aesthetic, with 20 minutes alone spent protecting her eyebrow with face cremé - she feared she might have to sacrifice it for the glory of Torn. The rest of the time was spent applying liquid latex, cotton, coffee beans, and paint to her face, followed by 20 minutes of removing all of that crap from her hands.
"I did get a lot of feedback and exchanged with other competitors. I’m in for the first time and I just did what is fun for me and has to do with Torn while I also liked very different approaches. So, whatever you do next year and what kind of photoshoot you enjoy- (Shia Lebouf) just do it. Whatever you would like to see."
Vogel says she received positive messages about her entry, and one player, Starlord, even sent her ten First Aid Kits along with a note to "Please apply to face for proper treatment of burns. Remember to change bandages regularly." On the other hand, Lenin sent her a Gas Can, which I suppose she could use to even up the other side of her face with even more burns. Everyone likes symmetry!
As the newly crowned Ms Torn, Vogel celebrated by performing arson crimes and giving away her crown for a photoshoot, after which she was teased that it would be sent to a random inactive with a similar name. And when Vogel was asked what she would change about Torn City, she gave the following response.
"Hm… maybe bring back dogs, stabilise the chat and make all committee members permanent recruits. Oh… did I say that out loud? Am I in trouble?"
MR TORN 2020
In the men's category, it was Toro_Loco who emerged victorious with an average rating of 5.54. His entry is titled “Kill ?B?i?l?l? Toro”, and depicts the end result of a power struggle between kids who want a puppy and a Dad who keeps saying no. Toro_Loco says he was "somehow manipulated into agreeing that if we win the competition I will get them a puppy."
Toro_Loco feels that his entry succeeded because he "scandalously ripped off Tarantino's excellent work." His daughter, who depicted The Bride from Kill Bill, may look like a violent psychopath with a penchant for patricide, but her father says that is not the case, as is evidenced by her response to her father's interest in Torn.
“Pfft! That's so boring!... is the usual response. I did point out that you can take drugs and beat up random strangers but apparently drugs are bad and you shouldn't be a bully – what do kids know eh?"
Toro_Loco says he has received nothing but nice messages and congratulations since he won, and he celebrated by taking part in a chain while wearing his crown. In his esteemed glory as our new Mr Torn, Toro_Loco says he wouldn't change anything about Torn City itself, as he feels its continuing evolution means it changes enough already.
"If I could change anything it would be when I found Torn, as trying to catch up with people who have been playing for 10+ years is hard!"
This is true. It's also true that we asked Toro_Loco to pay the puppy tax, and pay he did.
THE RUNNER UPS
Vikipedia came second in Ms Torn with a score of 6.28 for her imaginatively titled entry called "Human Female with Gold-Plated AK47." Vik doesn't own a Gold AK in the game, but if she did, she'd use it to force guys who share other people's nudes to quit. I have a feeling she'd also like to use it on Traderboos, who sent her the following message mid-competition.
"You don’t know what your missing. I’m getting on a plane, I’ll so [sic] you how nice it is to sneak sex behind his back. You know that 50% of people do it, it’s just human."
Whereas Traderboos' brain has been programmed to be a gross incel lech, Vikipedia's picture was optimised for mobile and its use of frame space, which she believes helped her to rank highly this year. This was Vikipedia's fifth attempt at Ms Torn, so her achievement of second-place is phenomenal, given she had only ever finished in the top 15 once before.
"Never really thought top 3 was attainable, for me. Guess the voters this year proved me wrong. There’s really no meaningful experience to be had here. I’m just glad so many people liked the artistry of the piece."
Sterling was the runner-up in the men's event thanks to his Archer-themed portrait which he calls "Dammit Lana", which depicts the result of a week-long bender with the aforementioned Ms Lana Kane. When asked to provide an Archer quote that summed up his real-life persona, Sterling suggested the following:
"I'm not slurring my words, I'm talking in cursive."
Sterling feels that his entry did well due to effort, as without it, you simply don't win. The hard work he put into his makeup even had one player ask him if his bruises were real, to which he replied that they were. He went on to congratulate Toro_Loco for his victory and thank everyone for voting for him, adding that he has never won anything before, so this meant a lot.
Finally, when asked what he'd change in Torn, Sterling said he would like to see better alcohol in Torn City, and less narcotic use.
"Don't do drugs. Or if you do, don't."
Hypochris took third place for the men, scoring 5.28 with his recreation of the Torn battle screen. He calls it "I hope my friends never find this", and says it portrays "one of the many impulsive decisions which I'm sure I will regret once the prize money runs out!" Chris thinks his moustache was the key factor in his victory and believes he could've made first if he hadn't have shaved that morning.
Hypochris says that his achievement of third-place is merely another step in his journey to Torn domination and that the cash will help him in his goal to surpass his wife's networth. The only change he would make to Torn is to add more stars to his company, which he says is currently hiring. But I fear that Hypochris' Adult Novelties firm may suffer a downturn in future if too much of his time is taken up with his new side hustle.
"This guy wanted to know if I was on OnlyFans, which I wasn't, but I will be soon, watch this space!"
Cuddly_Goblin came in third in the women's category with a score of 6.09. However, because she didn't reply to my message, I'll have to make something up here instead. Cuddly_Goblin says that she regrets getting her name and player number tattooed on her leg for the Ms Torn competition and that it will soon be covered up with a large confederate flag, or the ANTIFA logo, depending on how she feels on the day.
I asked Cuddly_Goblin why she owned so many threatening-looking firearms and knives, and whether she was something of a gun nut. In the imaginary reply I made up in my head, CG told me not to worry because all of those guns are cakes.
But for our two lucky champions, this is not their fate. With the appreciation and validation of Torn's people still ringing in their ears, Mr and Ms Torn are now legally obliged to head to the nearest motel and procreate, thus producing Baby Torn, who will one day become our city's most hated Emperor.
Pictured: It's a spa motel, so you know it's classy.
And speaking of bumping uglies, the world-renowned Choke Me Leslie competition has just opened up for entries. This event asks players to create the most grotesque selfie possible in order to win. The five most disgusting images in both the male and female categories will receive the limited and wearable Paper Bag item. And this year we've added even more prizes, with the top three overall receiving a Hazmat, Skanky Doll, and a Hospital coin respectively, in addition to the usual competition rewards and ribbons.
Enter CHOKE ME LESLIE by clicking this link, idiot.
MS TORN 2020
Vogel was the winner in the ladies' category thanks to an image she calls "Arson - such fun!" Our majestic and slightly charred Ms Torn scored 6.34 overall, and says that her picture "portrays the peaceful moment of acceptance that she will have to go through a lot more fraud crimes." Her number one fire safety tip is that you should "always find out which is your favourite side and turn it away from whatever might explode."
Vogel took one and a half hours to perfect her burns victim aesthetic, with 20 minutes alone spent protecting her eyebrow with face cremé - she feared she might have to sacrifice it for the glory of Torn. The rest of the time was spent applying liquid latex, cotton, coffee beans, and paint to her face, followed by 20 minutes of removing all of that crap from her hands.
"I did get a lot of feedback and exchanged with other competitors. I’m in for the first time and I just did what is fun for me and has to do with Torn while I also liked very different approaches. So, whatever you do next year and what kind of photoshoot you enjoy- (Shia Lebouf) just do it. Whatever you would like to see."
Vogel says she received positive messages about her entry, and one player, Starlord, even sent her ten First Aid Kits along with a note to "Please apply to face for proper treatment of burns. Remember to change bandages regularly." On the other hand, Lenin sent her a Gas Can, which I suppose she could use to even up the other side of her face with even more burns. Everyone likes symmetry!
As the newly crowned Ms Torn, Vogel celebrated by performing arson crimes and giving away her crown for a photoshoot, after which she was teased that it would be sent to a random inactive with a similar name. And when Vogel was asked what she would change about Torn City, she gave the following response.
"Hm… maybe bring back dogs, stabilise the chat and make all committee members permanent recruits. Oh… did I say that out loud? Am I in trouble?"
MR TORN 2020
In the men's category, it was Toro_Loco who emerged victorious with an average rating of 5.54. His entry is titled “Kill ?B?i?l?l? Toro”, and depicts the end result of a power struggle between kids who want a puppy and a Dad who keeps saying no. Toro_Loco says he was "somehow manipulated into agreeing that if we win the competition I will get them a puppy."
Toro_Loco feels that his entry succeeded because he "scandalously ripped off Tarantino's excellent work." His daughter, who depicted The Bride from Kill Bill, may look like a violent psychopath with a penchant for patricide, but her father says that is not the case, as is evidenced by her response to her father's interest in Torn.
“Pfft! That's so boring!... is the usual response. I did point out that you can take drugs and beat up random strangers but apparently drugs are bad and you shouldn't be a bully – what do kids know eh?"
Toro_Loco says he has received nothing but nice messages and congratulations since he won, and he celebrated by taking part in a chain while wearing his crown. In his esteemed glory as our new Mr Torn, Toro_Loco says he wouldn't change anything about Torn City itself, as he feels its continuing evolution means it changes enough already.
"If I could change anything it would be when I found Torn, as trying to catch up with people who have been playing for 10+ years is hard!"
This is true. It's also true that we asked Toro_Loco to pay the puppy tax, and pay he did.
THE RUNNER UPS
Vikipedia came second in Ms Torn with a score of 6.28 for her imaginatively titled entry called "Human Female with Gold-Plated AK47." Vik doesn't own a Gold AK in the game, but if she did, she'd use it to force guys who share other people's nudes to quit. I have a feeling she'd also like to use it on Traderboos, who sent her the following message mid-competition.
"You don’t know what your missing. I’m getting on a plane, I’ll so [sic] you how nice it is to sneak sex behind his back. You know that 50% of people do it, it’s just human."
Whereas Traderboos' brain has been programmed to be a gross incel lech, Vikipedia's picture was optimised for mobile and its use of frame space, which she believes helped her to rank highly this year. This was Vikipedia's fifth attempt at Ms Torn, so her achievement of second-place is phenomenal, given she had only ever finished in the top 15 once before.
"Never really thought top 3 was attainable, for me. Guess the voters this year proved me wrong. There’s really no meaningful experience to be had here. I’m just glad so many people liked the artistry of the piece."
Sterling was the runner-up in the men's event thanks to his Archer-themed portrait which he calls "Dammit Lana", which depicts the result of a week-long bender with the aforementioned Ms Lana Kane. When asked to provide an Archer quote that summed up his real-life persona, Sterling suggested the following:
"I'm not slurring my words, I'm talking in cursive."
Sterling feels that his entry did well due to effort, as without it, you simply don't win. The hard work he put into his makeup even had one player ask him if his bruises were real, to which he replied that they were. He went on to congratulate Toro_Loco for his victory and thank everyone for voting for him, adding that he has never won anything before, so this meant a lot.
Finally, when asked what he'd change in Torn, Sterling said he would like to see better alcohol in Torn City, and less narcotic use.
"Don't do drugs. Or if you do, don't."
Hypochris took third place for the men, scoring 5.28 with his recreation of the Torn battle screen. He calls it "I hope my friends never find this", and says it portrays "one of the many impulsive decisions which I'm sure I will regret once the prize money runs out!" Chris thinks his moustache was the key factor in his victory and believes he could've made first if he hadn't have shaved that morning.
Hypochris says that his achievement of third-place is merely another step in his journey to Torn domination and that the cash will help him in his goal to surpass his wife's networth. The only change he would make to Torn is to add more stars to his company, which he says is currently hiring. But I fear that Hypochris' Adult Novelties firm may suffer a downturn in future if too much of his time is taken up with his new side hustle.
"This guy wanted to know if I was on OnlyFans, which I wasn't, but I will be soon, watch this space!"
Cuddly_Goblin came in third in the women's category with a score of 6.09. However, because she didn't reply to my message, I'll have to make something up here instead. Cuddly_Goblin says that she regrets getting her name and player number tattooed on her leg for the Ms Torn competition and that it will soon be covered up with a large confederate flag, or the ANTIFA logo, depending on how she feels on the day.
I asked Cuddly_Goblin why she owned so many threatening-looking firearms and knives, and whether she was something of a gun nut. In the imaginary reply I made up in my head, CG told me not to worry because all of those guns are cakes.
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