sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Seal Team Six clubbed after betraying alliance. Terror Bytes suffer fatal exception error. Karma Farmers enter Nirvana. Hornets allow themselves to be swatted. Read our final Elimination gossip column
There are now just three teams remaining in Elimination 2020. Let's waste none of our precious damntime in finding out what happened, who it happened to, and which team is going to win Elimination 2020.
FATE IS SEALED
When last we checked our six remaining teams were split four to two, with the long-standing alliance of Sea Men and Victorious Secret facing off against Murder Hornets, Karma Farmers, TerrorBytes and Seal Team Six. But that soon changed when ST6 realised they were being clubbed into submission, and David Attenborough was nowhere to be seen.
IceBlueFire sent us this graphic which shows just how few Seals were out of the hospital during this incident - their member count was 620 at the time.
Bringing the threat of extinction upon the Seals was yet another impressive feat from the remaining members of Dirty Sexy Money. An alliance of three teams versus eight should never have stood a chance, but a lack of coordination and loyalty in their rivals combined with sheer will and determination in their own ranks has seen DSM dispatch three teams while only losing one themselves, the Total Bankers.
With ST6's Elimination looking likely as their allies dwindled to just three, the seals had no choice but to flip for a treat. MightyGoober agreed to bathe himself in Sea Men when he approached Stretch to switch sides, which he only did when he realised that the Murder Hornets had already flipped too. This meant that MH had to swiftly change their attack plans to avoid hitting their old allies, who were now their new allies, in a different alliance. Got it? Good.
The Hornets' motivation for switching was twofold. First, they believed that Seal Team Six had been guaranteed top three by their alliance ahead of them. Secondly, the Hornets were being stung and losing tickets fast. Penicillin, the Hornets' leader, says if they didn't flip, they would've gone out in sixth. However, an anonymous member of ST6 suggested that Murder Hornets only had themselves to blame for their low ticket count.
"Honestly, we (st6) went all out to help MH today while focusing on Total Bankers. We gave up farming tickets and was only hitting Wa**ers on lifeloss timers, to make sure they were always at 0. The problem was, Murder Hornets were not hitting at the right time and bled so many lives for no reason."
TerrorBytes became the main target of this new four-way alliance, and before long, their attack page began to resemble that of Seal Team Six a few hours earlier.
Karma Farmer leader Hcom3 was understandably unhappy at this turn of events, but the TerrorFarmers alliance quickly refocused and directed their peaceful robot ire towards the Murder Hornets. Stretch's orders to the Sea Men remained the same, with the ejaculation of TerrorBytes their main priority.
In the midst of battle, some Murder Hornets tried to muddy the waters by posing as Karma Farmers and messaging their members with false attack instructions. The impersonation of an enemy combatant through use of their insignia is an explicitly prohibited Ruse de guerre under article 23 of the Hague Convention of 1907. But thankfully, the international rules of engagement do not apply to Torn City, so Alexis will not be executed for war crimes just yet.
So with the battlelines redrawn and allies betrayed, we once more had a four versus two situation on our hands. Victorious Secret and Sea Men looked to be the strongest teams remaining in the event, and with Murder Hornets and Seal Team Six on their side, surely that meant that one of Karma Farmers or TerrorBytes would be heading out next?
SEALS SKINNED
The Seals had an enviable ticket total at the midway point of the competition, but their tally of over 3,000 was rendered down like hot seal fat in the final hours of the 16th. MightyGoober's side quickly rallied as their alliances were rearranged, and they briefly managed to climb to 1,200 tickets early on Saturday morning. But due to the strength of the competition, this wasn't enough to keep them alive, and the final blow of a Canadian hunter's baseball bat would soon land upon their fragile little skulls.
When ST6 still lost a life at 3am despite having 1,286 tickets - a 2020 record until Murder Hornets broke it at 5pm today - I fear the Seals also lost their will to live. They were eliminated eight hours later at 11am. For some, the writing had been on the wall ever since their allegiance had changed earlier in the week.
ST6 leader MightyGoober stands by his decision to switch sides, as he felt that in the alternative 3v3 situation, the trio of Sea Men, Victorious Secret and Murder Hornets would've seen them eliminated in sixth. Of course, that happened anyway, but if it hadn't, and the alliance had stuck together, the Sea Men were reportedly their next target for elimination.
"The problem was that MH did the math and noticed they were the next sacrificial lamb for the alliance. Even if we got SM out before they died, they also had to run down over 90 lives of VS. They flipped at the moment ST6 started to lose lives. We lost 2 lives while we internally talked and tried to see if we could keep this alliance together. Hornets would not budge."
Goober maintains this was the best decision for the team, as otherwise, he felt he would've been running the Seals into a suicide mission. In our previous article, we revealed that MightyGoober had admitted to Nova and MeanMike he would sacrifice his team's chances of top three for even the slimmest opportunity to get the top spot. MG claims these messages were made in good fun and not to be taken seriously.
"They were obviously not switching at the time, and I said it to them because of the countless attempts they made to switch us and our allies."
In his defence, several members of ST6 contacted us to praise MightyGoober's leadership of ST6. KingLouisCLXXII said that he had "saved us from the clutches of elimination countless times", describing him as their MVP, having helped them to hit quickly and accurately when required. Papa_Lich added to these sentiments by saying that their team was in this together, despite what he described as "attempts at division without and within our own ranks."
MightyGoober asked us to reveal him as the source of the graphic we released earlier in the competition which exposed the large number of Elimination leaders who belonged to Natural Selection. As one of the teams without NS leadership, he felt ST6 may benefit from the suspicion this information would cause among others. Goober also hoped it would flush out any pre-existing alliances, but this info only ever led to an anti-NS partnership with HeavyWeights, who he described as "a strong shield".
Despite his release of the NS document and the exposure of their members' secret plan, Natural Selection held leadership posts in all of the five remaining teams. But would this have any bearing on the final standings?
TERRORBYTES THE DUST
Despite the loss of ST6, the partnership of Sea Men, Victorious Secret and Murder Hornets still looked capable of claiming the top three for themselves. This new alliance, which I've decided to call Cystitis (because they sting after sex) was easily capable of taking down either one of TerrorBytes or Karma Farmers individually. What I didn't realise is they could also zero them both at once.
The Terror Bytes were the only team to have avoided a life loss when their first was taken at 3.15 on Saturday. And in an impressive show of force from their rivals, their 100th and final life was pulled from their robot hands at 21:15 the next day, just 42 hours later. Heretic of Total Bankers produced a delightful gif to celebrate Terror Bytes fall, accompanied by a lovely exchange between herself and Muckamuck to illustrate the friendly rivalry between the two sides.
A screenshot from Discord shows that Terror Bytes leadership realised they were done for as soon as Seal Team Six and Murder Hornets jumped ship. Their leaders should be commended for rousing their members to fight for fifth place as well as they did, despite knowing they couldn't finish much higher.
Terror's leader Andyman says he wouldn't have done anything differently despite everything, and feels they played the hand they were dealt the best they could have. Unsurprisingly, MeanMike wasn't complimentary about how Andyman performed in this year's tournament after he turned down his advances to switch sides.
"He should have stuck it out, but he's too much of a rookie to know that first day, end game deals NEVER last with the 6, he had plenty of time to see which way the wind was blowing and work something out for the end but when you join an alliance created by betrayal, you've placed yourself in a snake pit, just a matter of time before you get bit."
Pictured: If the 5th place leader was a rookie, the 7th place leader must be something that rhymes with that.
The Terror Bytes elimination may have been earlier than they would've wanted, but it did mark the end of a successful campaign for DUDE, who confounded expectations by making 733 attacks for his side. In doing so, he rose to the challenge set by his leader, Andyman, to make 100 attacks and avoid letting his team down.
DUDE's reward was to see Andyman consume a full-sized napkin in honour of his efforts. Congratulations and well-done DUDE. You've earned this, and our respect.
UPDATE: ORAN points out that Andyman appears to spit out the napkin at 0:18. Andyman is a fraud confirmed. MeanMike was right all along.
KARMA ENTER NIRVANA
The Karma Farmers were clearly going to be targeted as soon as Terror Bytes were out, and this was proven true as their crops of tranquil wellness were devastated overnight. Early on Monday morning, it appeared as though Karma leader Hcom3 had already accepted his side's fate, and that of the Murder Hornets, as he held a vote to determine which of Sea Men or Victorious Secret they wanted to help the most.
If KF could weaken Victorious Secret enough before they were eliminated, The Sea Men might decide to bump the Murder Hornets up to second and team up to finish VS off. But at the time of Karma Farmers' elimination at 16:45, the ticket gap between Sea Men and Victorious Secret wasn't particularly large, so if KF did attack VS, they didn't do a very good job of it.
According to screenshots I've seen, Karma Farmers' members did not take their demise well, with many angry at how Murder Hornets and Seal Team Six betrayed their alliance for their own good.
The Karma Farmers may wish to turn their ire towards themselves, though, given the healthy lead their alliance had at one point. I've been led to believe that KF were the leaders of the eight-team alliance - or at least one of its main driving forces - so the responsibility for its destruction very much lies with them.
Dirty Sexy Money were a strong collection of teams for sure, but the rival alliance should've been able to do better than they did, even after the Vikings were defeated, let alone when the Peasants and Pandemic were eliminated. Karma really does bite you on the ass sometimes, doesn't it?
THE FINAL THREE
Our final three is now confirmed as Sea Men, Victorious Secret, and Murder Hornets. Given that the latter two have been allied from the start, you could be forgiven for thinking that the final two is a foregone conclusion. And you would be right to think that, based on this Discord screenshot from earlier today.
Victorious Secret have been running a donation drive today, and their members were told to avoid hitting anyone for much of the day, even the Karma Farmers, in order to save energy. Victorious Secret and Sea Men are now laying waste to the Hornets' nest, and if everything goes as planned, a showdown between the two allies should kick off in roughly twelve hours time, at 5am TCT. That's if my maths is correct, which is probably isn't, as I got a D in my A-Levels.
In a congratulatory post to his troops, four confirmed what we knew already, that this tournament had been rigged by himself, Stretch, and MeanMike from the start. The sad thing is that despite everyone being well aware of this, their opponent's forces were simply nowhere near good or organised enough to counter the aspirations of Dirty Sexy Money.
But will both VS and Sea Men hold their nerve and wait for a fair fight? Or might one team crack and try to surprise attack the other by teaming up with Hornets before they are eliminated? I find such a scenario improbable, but not entirely implausible. Indeed, some VS members were getting very nervous about the gap between the two teams just before the defeat of Karma Farmers was confirmed.
However, a scenario where one of Sea Men or Victorious Secret teamed up with the Hornets would require MH to at least put up some kind of fight. This is not something they are prepared to do.
This means that the only thing left to be decided is who will win in a straight fight between Sea Men and Victorious Secret. Andyman pointed out that VS haven't really been tested yet, so we're not 100% sure what they're capable of. Sea Men have fewer lives and fewer members, and CRLF's analysis ranked them higher too. But Sea Men are more active and have a greater share of top players than VS, and if they can use them properly, perhaps they may be able to redress the balance.
All I know is that in twelve hours time, Torn City is going to be littered with blood, Sea Men, dead insects, and torn ladies' underwear. It's like my birthday all over again.
Good luck everyone!
GOSSIP SNIPPETS
SALTY SECRETS
In a leak which may change the course of the Elimination finalé, I can exclusively reveal that part of the Sea Men's success is based on their use of a technique which involves the auto leave feature.
Players can be automatically locked from a post hit leave screen through several actions, including selecting a leave option, timing out, or being hit and left. This last one is key. During an elimination period where tickets are in play, a ticket is not gained until a leave of some sort has occurred.
This means that a team can hold hits on another team's timer if they wish. As soon as they are hit they gain a ticket for a brief moment while the game processes and then lose it afterwards, causing a brief jump in your ticket count at the last second of a life tick. When used properly, a team can cause alliances to hurt themselves by upwardly siphoning tickets.
For example, if the Hornets hit and hold on the Bankers, and Sea Men hits those Hornet holders, the Hornets get an auto leave ticket from the Bankers. Then, after the processing time, Sea Men gets a ticket from Hornets, causing Hornets to jump up in tickets and Sea Man to jump up. In this situation, Bankers either lose 1 or stay at 0 depending on their standing at the time of the process. If used properly, the only way to stop this is to not push.
DONATION THEFT
Indubitably has been accused of keeping supplies donated to Seal Team Six by their members, with their networth graph supposedly demonstrating as much.
The player's networth has now reportedly returned to normal, so we will keep an eye on this story to see if the items in question are ever returned. MightyGoober told The Times that the ST6 Discord was deleted recently, which may explain why the items haven't yet been returned to their donators.
Keep your pitchforks down for now folks.
REVIVER MOGUL REVEALED
XAsukaX of Sea Men has paid $1.3bn in revive bills so far and reportedly had a contract running with his side until the sixth team died. At least some of this money was used to revive farm members of Terror Bytes before they left.
A TANGY SURPRISE
It is commonly believed that the consumption of pineapple can make a gentleman's romantic emissions taste rather tangy. Perhaps this is why the members of Sea Men disagree so aggressively about the fruit's inclusion on a slice of pizza.
VIKINGS HARASSED
In our previous article, we shared screenshots which exposed the Viking leader themainman as having tried to secure a price for his side's loyalty from Total Bankers' MeanMike. themainmain claims that he was merely trying to see how desperate Mike was, given that he had repeatedly spammed him with flip requests during the competition.
Sadly, themainman provided no evidence of this accusation, save for eleven pages of screenshots. This was what he woke up to from MeanMike one morning, which he followed up with a request for cash, which Mike rejected. This next screenshot contains a profanity, and also a rather insulting comment from Mike about his co-leader, which he follows up by deploying his now-famous catchphrase that he "has told one lie in 4 years of playing this comp."
Further conversations were had between the two men, during which Mike continued trying to persuade themainman, told him he was giving up if he didn't join them, said some more things, became melodramatic, and used a smiley face emoticon.
PAUL RESPONDS
Total Bankers' co-leader Paul hit back against the attack on his person by themainman with the following comments of his own.
"Themainman? Who’s that? Oh the leader of the first team to backstab my team during my first elimination as leader? Of course he didn’t want to work with me. 12 hours after that happened, we organized a late night raid on the several thousand tickets they had. They plummeted to zero in minutes. It was great for team moral."
"I think the real reason why teams didn't want to work with me is because they saw how strong our team was. Mike is a strong, cunning, and proven leader who is tough to go against. I'm a first time leader who bore the blunt of a discord script that revealed a final 3 alliance on day 2 of the competition. I became the scapegoat for this as a result."
As for MeanMike's comments against him, Paul said that they were made at a tough time for the team when the failure of their pre-push strategy meant there was a great deal of internal turmoil. He admitted that leadership and council were upset at how things were going, and Paul took full responsibility for the original 6 alliance turning on them.
Nevertheless, Mike's lack of support for Paul during alliance negotiations leave a sour taste in the mouth. It's one thing to throw your allies under the bus, but it's quite another to denounce your own co-leader. Paul seems to be taking the brunt of the blame for Total Bankers defeat, when perhaps MeanMike should be in the firing line, having lifted his skirt and flashed at every team in the competition when Total Bankers were desperate.
Pictured: This is not the first time I've invoked disturbing imagery when thinking of MeanMike. I think I need help.
Paul confirmed to us that the original alliance they were involved in consisted of Dirty Sexy Money plus Murder Hornets, Terror Bytes and Vikings. It is therefore no surprise that Murder Hornets flipped later in the competition, but perhaps if Mike had restricted his admiring glances to members of their original alliance, he may have made them feel a little more special, rather than one more name in his little black book.
WITNESS SILENCED
Why yes, I would like to see those pictures, if you wouldn't mind sending them to m...
Ffs.
COSTLY MISTAKE
This is a thing that happened, apparently.
"I don't know the whole story, but she [member of bankers] told me that someone in total bankers started attacking people that were allied with total bankers so those alliances started to fray."
PROOF THAT MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
THE IMPERSONAL TOUCH
B_A, formerly Barry Allen, was not impressed with MightyGoober's post-defeat forum post and feels that he should've made more of an effort to thank his team.
A CRUEL TRICK
In our previous article, we shared a screenshot showing how wisetherumgone had convinced someone to leave a team by offering to pay them, only to rescind the offer once the cash had been sent. Lenin used this same technique in reverse to deal with one of his side's chat trolls.
"Happened on our final day fighting as peasants, and really brightning up our lives, still laughing about it and in high spirits even we were finally eliminated. it's the little victories, yknow."
NICE TRY
A member of a rival team, most likely a Karma Farmer, has tried to cause a last-minute rift between Sea Men and Victorious Secret by pretending to be the former and putting a bounty on the latter. This attempt was about as believable as Prince Andrew when he claimed he couldn't possibly have been a damp paedo because he cannot physically sweat.
STRETCHED NEGOTIATIONS
And finally, JotDe of the Sea Men contacted us to pay tribute to their leader, who is now recovering after a period of intense negotiations left him feeling rough.
"Hi sugarvalves, one of our c*m captains told me that Stretch had a lot of work to do to get us where we are. I was able to sneak a picture of the secret meetings."
Pictured: I don't know what this means. I am an innocent young boy.
FATE IS SEALED
When last we checked our six remaining teams were split four to two, with the long-standing alliance of Sea Men and Victorious Secret facing off against Murder Hornets, Karma Farmers, TerrorBytes and Seal Team Six. But that soon changed when ST6 realised they were being clubbed into submission, and David Attenborough was nowhere to be seen.
IceBlueFire sent us this graphic which shows just how few Seals were out of the hospital during this incident - their member count was 620 at the time.
Bringing the threat of extinction upon the Seals was yet another impressive feat from the remaining members of Dirty Sexy Money. An alliance of three teams versus eight should never have stood a chance, but a lack of coordination and loyalty in their rivals combined with sheer will and determination in their own ranks has seen DSM dispatch three teams while only losing one themselves, the Total Bankers.
With ST6's Elimination looking likely as their allies dwindled to just three, the seals had no choice but to flip for a treat. MightyGoober agreed to bathe himself in Sea Men when he approached Stretch to switch sides, which he only did when he realised that the Murder Hornets had already flipped too. This meant that MH had to swiftly change their attack plans to avoid hitting their old allies, who were now their new allies, in a different alliance. Got it? Good.
The Hornets' motivation for switching was twofold. First, they believed that Seal Team Six had been guaranteed top three by their alliance ahead of them. Secondly, the Hornets were being stung and losing tickets fast. Penicillin, the Hornets' leader, says if they didn't flip, they would've gone out in sixth. However, an anonymous member of ST6 suggested that Murder Hornets only had themselves to blame for their low ticket count.
"Honestly, we (st6) went all out to help MH today while focusing on Total Bankers. We gave up farming tickets and was only hitting Wa**ers on lifeloss timers, to make sure they were always at 0. The problem was, Murder Hornets were not hitting at the right time and bled so many lives for no reason."
TerrorBytes became the main target of this new four-way alliance, and before long, their attack page began to resemble that of Seal Team Six a few hours earlier.
Karma Farmer leader Hcom3 was understandably unhappy at this turn of events, but the TerrorFarmers alliance quickly refocused and directed their peaceful robot ire towards the Murder Hornets. Stretch's orders to the Sea Men remained the same, with the ejaculation of TerrorBytes their main priority.
In the midst of battle, some Murder Hornets tried to muddy the waters by posing as Karma Farmers and messaging their members with false attack instructions. The impersonation of an enemy combatant through use of their insignia is an explicitly prohibited Ruse de guerre under article 23 of the Hague Convention of 1907. But thankfully, the international rules of engagement do not apply to Torn City, so Alexis will not be executed for war crimes just yet.
So with the battlelines redrawn and allies betrayed, we once more had a four versus two situation on our hands. Victorious Secret and Sea Men looked to be the strongest teams remaining in the event, and with Murder Hornets and Seal Team Six on their side, surely that meant that one of Karma Farmers or TerrorBytes would be heading out next?
SEALS SKINNED
The Seals had an enviable ticket total at the midway point of the competition, but their tally of over 3,000 was rendered down like hot seal fat in the final hours of the 16th. MightyGoober's side quickly rallied as their alliances were rearranged, and they briefly managed to climb to 1,200 tickets early on Saturday morning. But due to the strength of the competition, this wasn't enough to keep them alive, and the final blow of a Canadian hunter's baseball bat would soon land upon their fragile little skulls.
When ST6 still lost a life at 3am despite having 1,286 tickets - a 2020 record until Murder Hornets broke it at 5pm today - I fear the Seals also lost their will to live. They were eliminated eight hours later at 11am. For some, the writing had been on the wall ever since their allegiance had changed earlier in the week.
ST6 leader MightyGoober stands by his decision to switch sides, as he felt that in the alternative 3v3 situation, the trio of Sea Men, Victorious Secret and Murder Hornets would've seen them eliminated in sixth. Of course, that happened anyway, but if it hadn't, and the alliance had stuck together, the Sea Men were reportedly their next target for elimination.
"The problem was that MH did the math and noticed they were the next sacrificial lamb for the alliance. Even if we got SM out before they died, they also had to run down over 90 lives of VS. They flipped at the moment ST6 started to lose lives. We lost 2 lives while we internally talked and tried to see if we could keep this alliance together. Hornets would not budge."
Goober maintains this was the best decision for the team, as otherwise, he felt he would've been running the Seals into a suicide mission. In our previous article, we revealed that MightyGoober had admitted to Nova and MeanMike he would sacrifice his team's chances of top three for even the slimmest opportunity to get the top spot. MG claims these messages were made in good fun and not to be taken seriously.
"They were obviously not switching at the time, and I said it to them because of the countless attempts they made to switch us and our allies."
In his defence, several members of ST6 contacted us to praise MightyGoober's leadership of ST6. KingLouisCLXXII said that he had "saved us from the clutches of elimination countless times", describing him as their MVP, having helped them to hit quickly and accurately when required. Papa_Lich added to these sentiments by saying that their team was in this together, despite what he described as "attempts at division without and within our own ranks."
MightyGoober asked us to reveal him as the source of the graphic we released earlier in the competition which exposed the large number of Elimination leaders who belonged to Natural Selection. As one of the teams without NS leadership, he felt ST6 may benefit from the suspicion this information would cause among others. Goober also hoped it would flush out any pre-existing alliances, but this info only ever led to an anti-NS partnership with HeavyWeights, who he described as "a strong shield".
Despite his release of the NS document and the exposure of their members' secret plan, Natural Selection held leadership posts in all of the five remaining teams. But would this have any bearing on the final standings?
TERRORBYTES THE DUST
Despite the loss of ST6, the partnership of Sea Men, Victorious Secret and Murder Hornets still looked capable of claiming the top three for themselves. This new alliance, which I've decided to call Cystitis (because they sting after sex) was easily capable of taking down either one of TerrorBytes or Karma Farmers individually. What I didn't realise is they could also zero them both at once.
The Terror Bytes were the only team to have avoided a life loss when their first was taken at 3.15 on Saturday. And in an impressive show of force from their rivals, their 100th and final life was pulled from their robot hands at 21:15 the next day, just 42 hours later. Heretic of Total Bankers produced a delightful gif to celebrate Terror Bytes fall, accompanied by a lovely exchange between herself and Muckamuck to illustrate the friendly rivalry between the two sides.
A screenshot from Discord shows that Terror Bytes leadership realised they were done for as soon as Seal Team Six and Murder Hornets jumped ship. Their leaders should be commended for rousing their members to fight for fifth place as well as they did, despite knowing they couldn't finish much higher.
Terror's leader Andyman says he wouldn't have done anything differently despite everything, and feels they played the hand they were dealt the best they could have. Unsurprisingly, MeanMike wasn't complimentary about how Andyman performed in this year's tournament after he turned down his advances to switch sides.
"He should have stuck it out, but he's too much of a rookie to know that first day, end game deals NEVER last with the 6, he had plenty of time to see which way the wind was blowing and work something out for the end but when you join an alliance created by betrayal, you've placed yourself in a snake pit, just a matter of time before you get bit."
Pictured: If the 5th place leader was a rookie, the 7th place leader must be something that rhymes with that.
The Terror Bytes elimination may have been earlier than they would've wanted, but it did mark the end of a successful campaign for DUDE, who confounded expectations by making 733 attacks for his side. In doing so, he rose to the challenge set by his leader, Andyman, to make 100 attacks and avoid letting his team down.
DUDE's reward was to see Andyman consume a full-sized napkin in honour of his efforts. Congratulations and well-done DUDE. You've earned this, and our respect.
UPDATE: ORAN points out that Andyman appears to spit out the napkin at 0:18. Andyman is a fraud confirmed. MeanMike was right all along.
KARMA ENTER NIRVANA
The Karma Farmers were clearly going to be targeted as soon as Terror Bytes were out, and this was proven true as their crops of tranquil wellness were devastated overnight. Early on Monday morning, it appeared as though Karma leader Hcom3 had already accepted his side's fate, and that of the Murder Hornets, as he held a vote to determine which of Sea Men or Victorious Secret they wanted to help the most.
If KF could weaken Victorious Secret enough before they were eliminated, The Sea Men might decide to bump the Murder Hornets up to second and team up to finish VS off. But at the time of Karma Farmers' elimination at 16:45, the ticket gap between Sea Men and Victorious Secret wasn't particularly large, so if KF did attack VS, they didn't do a very good job of it.
According to screenshots I've seen, Karma Farmers' members did not take their demise well, with many angry at how Murder Hornets and Seal Team Six betrayed their alliance for their own good.
The Karma Farmers may wish to turn their ire towards themselves, though, given the healthy lead their alliance had at one point. I've been led to believe that KF were the leaders of the eight-team alliance - or at least one of its main driving forces - so the responsibility for its destruction very much lies with them.
Dirty Sexy Money were a strong collection of teams for sure, but the rival alliance should've been able to do better than they did, even after the Vikings were defeated, let alone when the Peasants and Pandemic were eliminated. Karma really does bite you on the ass sometimes, doesn't it?
THE FINAL THREE
Our final three is now confirmed as Sea Men, Victorious Secret, and Murder Hornets. Given that the latter two have been allied from the start, you could be forgiven for thinking that the final two is a foregone conclusion. And you would be right to think that, based on this Discord screenshot from earlier today.
Victorious Secret have been running a donation drive today, and their members were told to avoid hitting anyone for much of the day, even the Karma Farmers, in order to save energy. Victorious Secret and Sea Men are now laying waste to the Hornets' nest, and if everything goes as planned, a showdown between the two allies should kick off in roughly twelve hours time, at 5am TCT. That's if my maths is correct, which is probably isn't, as I got a D in my A-Levels.
In a congratulatory post to his troops, four confirmed what we knew already, that this tournament had been rigged by himself, Stretch, and MeanMike from the start. The sad thing is that despite everyone being well aware of this, their opponent's forces were simply nowhere near good or organised enough to counter the aspirations of Dirty Sexy Money.
But will both VS and Sea Men hold their nerve and wait for a fair fight? Or might one team crack and try to surprise attack the other by teaming up with Hornets before they are eliminated? I find such a scenario improbable, but not entirely implausible. Indeed, some VS members were getting very nervous about the gap between the two teams just before the defeat of Karma Farmers was confirmed.
However, a scenario where one of Sea Men or Victorious Secret teamed up with the Hornets would require MH to at least put up some kind of fight. This is not something they are prepared to do.
This means that the only thing left to be decided is who will win in a straight fight between Sea Men and Victorious Secret. Andyman pointed out that VS haven't really been tested yet, so we're not 100% sure what they're capable of. Sea Men have fewer lives and fewer members, and CRLF's analysis ranked them higher too. But Sea Men are more active and have a greater share of top players than VS, and if they can use them properly, perhaps they may be able to redress the balance.
All I know is that in twelve hours time, Torn City is going to be littered with blood, Sea Men, dead insects, and torn ladies' underwear. It's like my birthday all over again.
Good luck everyone!
GOSSIP SNIPPETS
SALTY SECRETS
In a leak which may change the course of the Elimination finalé, I can exclusively reveal that part of the Sea Men's success is based on their use of a technique which involves the auto leave feature.
Players can be automatically locked from a post hit leave screen through several actions, including selecting a leave option, timing out, or being hit and left. This last one is key. During an elimination period where tickets are in play, a ticket is not gained until a leave of some sort has occurred.
This means that a team can hold hits on another team's timer if they wish. As soon as they are hit they gain a ticket for a brief moment while the game processes and then lose it afterwards, causing a brief jump in your ticket count at the last second of a life tick. When used properly, a team can cause alliances to hurt themselves by upwardly siphoning tickets.
For example, if the Hornets hit and hold on the Bankers, and Sea Men hits those Hornet holders, the Hornets get an auto leave ticket from the Bankers. Then, after the processing time, Sea Men gets a ticket from Hornets, causing Hornets to jump up in tickets and Sea Man to jump up. In this situation, Bankers either lose 1 or stay at 0 depending on their standing at the time of the process. If used properly, the only way to stop this is to not push.
DONATION THEFT
Indubitably has been accused of keeping supplies donated to Seal Team Six by their members, with their networth graph supposedly demonstrating as much.
The player's networth has now reportedly returned to normal, so we will keep an eye on this story to see if the items in question are ever returned. MightyGoober told The Times that the ST6 Discord was deleted recently, which may explain why the items haven't yet been returned to their donators.
Keep your pitchforks down for now folks.
REVIVER MOGUL REVEALED
XAsukaX of Sea Men has paid $1.3bn in revive bills so far and reportedly had a contract running with his side until the sixth team died. At least some of this money was used to revive farm members of Terror Bytes before they left.
A TANGY SURPRISE
It is commonly believed that the consumption of pineapple can make a gentleman's romantic emissions taste rather tangy. Perhaps this is why the members of Sea Men disagree so aggressively about the fruit's inclusion on a slice of pizza.
VIKINGS HARASSED
In our previous article, we shared screenshots which exposed the Viking leader themainman as having tried to secure a price for his side's loyalty from Total Bankers' MeanMike. themainmain claims that he was merely trying to see how desperate Mike was, given that he had repeatedly spammed him with flip requests during the competition.
Sadly, themainman provided no evidence of this accusation, save for eleven pages of screenshots. This was what he woke up to from MeanMike one morning, which he followed up with a request for cash, which Mike rejected. This next screenshot contains a profanity, and also a rather insulting comment from Mike about his co-leader, which he follows up by deploying his now-famous catchphrase that he "has told one lie in 4 years of playing this comp."
Further conversations were had between the two men, during which Mike continued trying to persuade themainman, told him he was giving up if he didn't join them, said some more things, became melodramatic, and used a smiley face emoticon.
PAUL RESPONDS
Total Bankers' co-leader Paul hit back against the attack on his person by themainman with the following comments of his own.
"Themainman? Who’s that? Oh the leader of the first team to backstab my team during my first elimination as leader? Of course he didn’t want to work with me. 12 hours after that happened, we organized a late night raid on the several thousand tickets they had. They plummeted to zero in minutes. It was great for team moral."
"I think the real reason why teams didn't want to work with me is because they saw how strong our team was. Mike is a strong, cunning, and proven leader who is tough to go against. I'm a first time leader who bore the blunt of a discord script that revealed a final 3 alliance on day 2 of the competition. I became the scapegoat for this as a result."
As for MeanMike's comments against him, Paul said that they were made at a tough time for the team when the failure of their pre-push strategy meant there was a great deal of internal turmoil. He admitted that leadership and council were upset at how things were going, and Paul took full responsibility for the original 6 alliance turning on them.
Nevertheless, Mike's lack of support for Paul during alliance negotiations leave a sour taste in the mouth. It's one thing to throw your allies under the bus, but it's quite another to denounce your own co-leader. Paul seems to be taking the brunt of the blame for Total Bankers defeat, when perhaps MeanMike should be in the firing line, having lifted his skirt and flashed at every team in the competition when Total Bankers were desperate.
Pictured: This is not the first time I've invoked disturbing imagery when thinking of MeanMike. I think I need help.
Paul confirmed to us that the original alliance they were involved in consisted of Dirty Sexy Money plus Murder Hornets, Terror Bytes and Vikings. It is therefore no surprise that Murder Hornets flipped later in the competition, but perhaps if Mike had restricted his admiring glances to members of their original alliance, he may have made them feel a little more special, rather than one more name in his little black book.
WITNESS SILENCED
Why yes, I would like to see those pictures, if you wouldn't mind sending them to m...
Ffs.
COSTLY MISTAKE
This is a thing that happened, apparently.
"I don't know the whole story, but she [member of bankers] told me that someone in total bankers started attacking people that were allied with total bankers so those alliances started to fray."
PROOF THAT MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
THE IMPERSONAL TOUCH
B_A, formerly Barry Allen, was not impressed with MightyGoober's post-defeat forum post and feels that he should've made more of an effort to thank his team.
A CRUEL TRICK
In our previous article, we shared a screenshot showing how wisetherumgone had convinced someone to leave a team by offering to pay them, only to rescind the offer once the cash had been sent. Lenin used this same technique in reverse to deal with one of his side's chat trolls.
"Happened on our final day fighting as peasants, and really brightning up our lives, still laughing about it and in high spirits even we were finally eliminated. it's the little victories, yknow."
NICE TRY
A member of a rival team, most likely a Karma Farmer, has tried to cause a last-minute rift between Sea Men and Victorious Secret by pretending to be the former and putting a bounty on the latter. This attempt was about as believable as Prince Andrew when he claimed he couldn't possibly have been a damp paedo because he cannot physically sweat.
STRETCHED NEGOTIATIONS
And finally, JotDe of the Sea Men contacted us to pay tribute to their leader, who is now recovering after a period of intense negotiations left him feeling rough.
"Hi sugarvalves, one of our c*m captains told me that Stretch had a lot of work to do to get us where we are. I was able to sneak a picture of the secret meetings."
Pictured: I don't know what this means. I am an innocent young boy.
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