sugarvalves [1963573] —
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Find out who is allied with who, which team's secret plot was revealed over the weekend, why Dekloren was kicked from his own team's Discord, and more in our Elimination Gossip roundup.
ELIMINATION REDUCES FAT
The Heavyweights became the first team to be Eliminated on Sunday, with their final, greasy life being taken at 8.15pm. The general consensus was that Heavyweights could beat most teams 1v1, and a member of Seal Team Six confirmed that they and others were stacking against the big fat sods for this very reason.
But ST6 weren't bodyshamers from the beginning. According to Karma Farmers leader ZOMB13, Heavyweights were initially allied with his side along with Seal Team Six, Vikings and Pandemic. However, KF and ST6 betrayed Heavyweights out of fear they would double-cross them, and later, KF and ST6 even began hitting each other too.
The Heavyweights were clearly a contender if they could get their alliances right, but alas, they could not. And when their rivals started attacking them alongside their allies, our big-boned friends knew their fat fate was sealed. Bullzeye of Heavyweights comments on the situation below.
"Well I was part of mike and stretch alliance last year so I had a rough idea how they were gonna do it, stretch being a leader in seamen and mike being a leader in bankers was a guaranteed alliance, so they got 3 other factions at the time as part of there alliance as quickly as possible (before HW even had leaders) others being terror, VS and at first Vikings but were replaced by hornets. With that alliance they decided to target what they believed was the strongest team outside from their alliance."
The Heavyweights certainly did not deserve to be eliminated so early, and it is a testament to their strength and work-ethic that they were targeted quickly before they could do more damage. We've heard that some Heavyweights have continued fighting even after their exit, with trash_fish taking up arms against those who betrayed his team. This is something I wholeheartedly approve of.
Farewell, my big-boned friends. I wish the very best of luck to whoever must dig your massive graves.
CURRENT ALLIANCES
After a dramatic weekend of revelations and betrayal, the basic situation is this:
Sea Men / Victorious Secret / Total Bankers vs everyone else... for now.
A forum post by Champion revealed that Karma Farmers were originally involved in an alliance with Total Bankers, Victorious Secret, Sea Men. We now know that Murder Hornets, TerrorBytes and Vikings were also involved but not really - they were like that weird-smelling kid your mother forces you to invite to your birthday.
KF made overtures to this other group when they realised their own alliance was disorganised, and so they started speaking to Total Bankers co-leader Paul about a sweet lil hookup. After what Zomb13 described as "the most painful 3 hours conversation of my life", KF members were allowed into the alliance Discord. And it was here that they made a shocking discovery.
The redacted graphic above shows that MeanMike of Total Bankers, Stretch of Sea Men and four of Victorious Secret had hatched a plan to take the top three between themselves before Elimination had started. Quelle surprise, their alliance was a sham. Or at least that's what Karma Farmers have taken from this.
KF believe that Stretch and MeanMike only appeared to be going their separate ways this year, having co-led Lumberjacks to victory in 2019. But in reality, the two men were orchestrating the tournament to ensure they could face off against each other at the very end. If that was true, they're not doing it anymore!
Upon discovering this dastardly ruse, Karma Farmers have now allied with TerrorBytes in opposition to Total Bankers, Sea Men and Victorious Secret. It also appears that Murder Hornets, Pandemic, Seal Team Six, Vikings, Peasants and Toothpaste are in agreement that the VS, SM, TB alliance - which I'm calling Dirty Sexy Money - should be destroyed to allow Elimination to progress naturally. Zomb13 explains how this alliance came about.
"We convinced all 8 teams to join us however literally 2 minutes into the 'alliance' The_Boss ran to Meanmike to expose us but because he's such a dodgy little b***h mike didn't even believe him lmao. And then we got rid of that stupid p***k as soon as HW got eliminated."
"We knew we'd have to work to convince everyone to turn on them because it's no fun at all having a predetermined top 3 every single year with it usually being the exact same leaders and stacking their teams with hof members from their faction which pretty much ruins the fun for everyone. We waited until HW had about 4 lives left then got everyone on board and things just kicked off from there."
My anonymous Banker informant denies the existence of the three-way pact supposedly outed in the forums. He suggests that KF got it wrong and that both Murder Hornets and Vikings may have played both sides from the start. He proceeded to wish their rivals luck now that they've turned against them.
"It was 6v1 which turned 7v1 then 8v1 etc bc they saw that their teams were losing lives in pursuit of keeping the HW alliance together. Karma saw they were in a s**t alliance so they turned against HW with us. Now they're turning against us with TB, so good luck to TB."
"Bankers and Seamen beat any team on tie-breaker, and have the most hits, so GL to those teams working with them that are bleeding tickets, someone will flip eventually... Can Zomb13 be trusted? He flipped that easily against HW. Then against Bankers. Won't be surprised if he does so again."
Of course, our Total Banker is correct. The eight-way pact against Dirty Sexy Money will collapse soon enough - it might have done so already.
This screenshot from Seal Team Six's Discord shows Peasants are being left for dead, and while Victorious Secretaren't being targeted are on ST6's list, it appears they aren't actively being targeted as a priority (updated for clarity). Could ST6 team up with VS soon? Possibly, but VS are being hit by several other teams right now, so they may not last long enough. If VS are brought back into the fold, they might join up with Murder Hornets, TerrorBytes, Toothpaste versus everyone else, for reasons we'll explain shortly.
The Peasants look like they're done for regardless, and so do Pandemic, who are supposedly allied with Vikings and Toothpaste. The chances of Karma Farmers joining with Peasants are now looking low given Zomb13's comments about The_Boss. Then again, KF's strongest alliance is believed to be with TerrorBytes, and it may be that faction loyalties determine the makeup of the final three.
We've also heard that Total Bankers have promised almost every team a victory pact if they ally with them. I have a feeling that someone will take them up on this lucrative offer very soon indeed.
NATURAL LEADERS
An anonymous reader contacted us to point out that members of Natural Selection are involved in the leadership of no fewer than six teams. NS has leaders in both Toothpaste and Karma Farmers, with Einstein and Zomb13 / Hcom3 taking up the top jobs in their respective sides. Elsewhere, Stretch is sailing with the Sea Men, Penicillin is flying with the Murder Hornets, Big_Rico is terrorising with TerrorBytes, and the pages of the Victorious Secret catalogue flop open on a suspiciously glossy image of their leader, four.
This is why we think Victorious Secret might side with their fellow NS led teams, Murder Hornets, Toothpaste, and TerrorBytes, if they survive their current predicament. The Vikings look like they'll be shafted by everyone due to their repeated switching of allegiances, and Karma Farmers don't appear to have a good relationship with Victorious Secret at present.
Of course, we could be wrong about this. One anonymous player in Total Bankers claims that NS' leaders were afraid of the other teams turning against them if they were seen to collude in public.
"All of these teams with NS leaderships are playing to win. I’ve spoken to all of them and they are aware that if they work together, it’ll be obvious and they’ll likely all be targeted very quickly. If anything, they are all pretty intimidated by each others teams and are actively pursuing plans to take each other out. Does this mean one of them will be the first to go? Unlikely. They’re all very strong and that’d require a lot of coordination. But hey, anything can happen."
It has also been noted that many team leaders are Chain Reaction players too, which kinda pi**es on our chips a little. I was told that Nihar of Heavyweights complained about this dominance by CR and NS, to which one player responded with the following graphic.
WHAT A DEKHEAD
In news that will surprise absolutely no-one, Dekloren has been spreading false alliance news in the Sea Men chat. It's gotten to the point where others are having to install a chat mute script to keep him quiet, and he's also been booted from the Sea Men Discord - his pleas to Stretch to restore his status fell on deaf ears.
But that's not all. As this attack log shows, Dekloren has also been attacking his teammates too, which he apparently did last year as well. We can only conclude that Dekloren must love the taste of his own Sea Men.
SEAMEN SPILLED
An anonymous Sea Man contacted The Times early in the tournament to inform us that their team was building a supposedly legal tool to help them win.
"They have someone in the process of making a by the books API call plugin to notify the team of players on the opposing teams. Nothing major but it would be strictly in seaman discord."
We've also heard that a member of Sea Men has paid $600m to a reviver to do non-stop heals on enemy teams to cause them to bleed tickets. This player intends on continuing to do this for the foreseeable future, with players under level 30 specifically targeted.
CLUTCHING AT STRAWS
What would it take for you to betray your Elimination team? $1bn? $2bn? $50bn? One former Murder Hornet had a much lower price.
"We at Pandemic had managed to bribe one of murder hornets members to provide detailed screenshots of their #warplans channel and any other worthwhile information they could provide during the first 4 days of the competition before thy spy left the team out of boredom."
"Our bribes? thousands of crazy straws. The spy was apparently a collector and was able to be bribed with a couple million bucks in crazy straws. It was amusing to be able to sneak into their discord with a couple thousand useless items, and I hope this makes the next news story!"
It has indeed. Here is what their straw-obsessed hornet provided them with.
YOU TRIED
Beerstein was so desperate to rig Elimination this year that he anonymously mass messaged hundreds of people, including yours truly and bogie, to try and spread word of his ingenious scheme. Surely if you were going to rig a tournament, you'd rig it in your favour, wouldn't you? Alas, given the early exit of the predicament of the Heavyweights, it seems his efforts were not only in vain, but they caused almost every team in the competition to turn against his side.
MOTHER MARY
Before the Elimination teams were revealed, Mary, a member of Terrorbytes, pretended to be part of Pandemic and wangled herself a Discord admin position. She then attempted to sell access to Pandemic's Discord, before changing her mind and setting them up with allies - alliances she later claimed were fake. Before her shenanigans were discovered, Mary was briefly in contention for a leadership position in Pandemic, until her fellow Terrorbyte DUDE outed her.
Pandemic's members apparently took this news with good grace and even managed to use it to their advantage, as with their attention now drawn to their Discord's roster, they discovered at least ten suspicious accounts that were subsequently removed.
KARMA FARMERS MANTRA
FidelCashflow's leadership bid for the Karma Farmers was based on the following promises.
One player seemingly unhappy with Karma Farmers' leadership is Honey-Badger. I'd heard rumours of him venting his frustrations already, and he contacted me recently with his version of events.
PEASANTS TOO POOR FOR DISCORD
According to this video by Slickers, the Peasants have given up already, having deleted their own Discord server. It's been reported that another has been set up to replace it, but the future doesn't look good for this team of low-born serfs.
DUDE BEING DUDE
Speaking of DUDE, it appears that he's at it again and was banned from his team's Discord. Andyman, who is part of Terrorbytes leadership team, told The Times that he and Big_Rico had to make a decision early on about DUDE, due to the effects of his presence being felt already.
"...as virtually every player over 500 days old knows, the cognitive dissonance, gas lighting, false flags, and empty threats/promises that DUDE spreads make him more radioactive to an Elimination team than Cesium-137. We felt it best to just straight-up excommunicate him to decrease the likelihood of DUDE giving our team cancer and making us less attractive from an alliance standpoint."
Last time we checked, pressure was being put on DUDE's colleagues and employer to make him leave TerrorBytes. But in a move that has shocked me to my very core, DUDE has already fulfilled part of a challenge set by his leader, Andyman, by gaining an impressive 346 attacks!
It pains me to say it, but well done DUDE. All he has to do now is avoid f**king up until TerrorBytes are eliminated and his leader will get to enjoy a nutritious napkin lunch.
SNIPPETS
Our source in Karma Farmers says that their side is using Yata to find targets.
Stretch is reportedly desperate to finish above Karma Farmers.
Some Murder Hornets members bountied their leaders to protest their leadership, but the mutineers failed and were cast out.
Other Murder Hornets have been accidentally leaking information to other teams, causing their attacks to fail as their enemies were prepared.
Pandora of the Peasants is "pulling a Dekloren" and attacking members of their own team for unknown reasons.
Runekill163, a member of Heavyweights, apparently refused to make hits unless she was paid. I was sent this gif as a representation of her attitude.
An anonymous player told us that Victorious Secret's massive recent ticket drop was planned, and was "nothing to worry about."
A TerrorByte member says their recent drop was also planned and claims it came not long after they reduced the ticket totals of Heavyweights, Seal Team Six, and Total Bankers.
Vikings are bountying their own non-active members to prevent them being farmed for tickets.
Members of Seal Team Six were told to leave immediately if they cannot make hail mary hits, and even paid $1 million and above to leave the competition.
XanderBawss was revenge mugged and his on-hand cash was somehow put into minus figures.
A considerable number of Vikings players are planning to change their names to variations of the name Bogie, who is, of course, our beloved Community Manager. We do not know why they are planning to do this, but it would be funny.
Murder Hornets' top hitters are currently low on energy after yesterday's attack.
And finally, I asked Champion what he thought would happen after the 8-way alliance eventually take out Dirty Sexy Money.
The Heavyweights became the first team to be Eliminated on Sunday, with their final, greasy life being taken at 8.15pm. The general consensus was that Heavyweights could beat most teams 1v1, and a member of Seal Team Six confirmed that they and others were stacking against the big fat sods for this very reason.
But ST6 weren't bodyshamers from the beginning. According to Karma Farmers leader ZOMB13, Heavyweights were initially allied with his side along with Seal Team Six, Vikings and Pandemic. However, KF and ST6 betrayed Heavyweights out of fear they would double-cross them, and later, KF and ST6 even began hitting each other too.
The Heavyweights were clearly a contender if they could get their alliances right, but alas, they could not. And when their rivals started attacking them alongside their allies, our big-boned friends knew their fat fate was sealed. Bullzeye of Heavyweights comments on the situation below.
"Well I was part of mike and stretch alliance last year so I had a rough idea how they were gonna do it, stretch being a leader in seamen and mike being a leader in bankers was a guaranteed alliance, so they got 3 other factions at the time as part of there alliance as quickly as possible (before HW even had leaders) others being terror, VS and at first Vikings but were replaced by hornets. With that alliance they decided to target what they believed was the strongest team outside from their alliance."
The Heavyweights certainly did not deserve to be eliminated so early, and it is a testament to their strength and work-ethic that they were targeted quickly before they could do more damage. We've heard that some Heavyweights have continued fighting even after their exit, with trash_fish taking up arms against those who betrayed his team. This is something I wholeheartedly approve of.
Farewell, my big-boned friends. I wish the very best of luck to whoever must dig your massive graves.
CURRENT ALLIANCES
After a dramatic weekend of revelations and betrayal, the basic situation is this:
Sea Men / Victorious Secret / Total Bankers vs everyone else... for now.
A forum post by Champion revealed that Karma Farmers were originally involved in an alliance with Total Bankers, Victorious Secret, Sea Men. We now know that Murder Hornets, TerrorBytes and Vikings were also involved but not really - they were like that weird-smelling kid your mother forces you to invite to your birthday.
KF made overtures to this other group when they realised their own alliance was disorganised, and so they started speaking to Total Bankers co-leader Paul about a sweet lil hookup. After what Zomb13 described as "the most painful 3 hours conversation of my life", KF members were allowed into the alliance Discord. And it was here that they made a shocking discovery.
The redacted graphic above shows that MeanMike of Total Bankers, Stretch of Sea Men and four of Victorious Secret had hatched a plan to take the top three between themselves before Elimination had started. Quelle surprise, their alliance was a sham. Or at least that's what Karma Farmers have taken from this.
KF believe that Stretch and MeanMike only appeared to be going their separate ways this year, having co-led Lumberjacks to victory in 2019. But in reality, the two men were orchestrating the tournament to ensure they could face off against each other at the very end. If that was true, they're not doing it anymore!
Upon discovering this dastardly ruse, Karma Farmers have now allied with TerrorBytes in opposition to Total Bankers, Sea Men and Victorious Secret. It also appears that Murder Hornets, Pandemic, Seal Team Six, Vikings, Peasants and Toothpaste are in agreement that the VS, SM, TB alliance - which I'm calling Dirty Sexy Money - should be destroyed to allow Elimination to progress naturally. Zomb13 explains how this alliance came about.
"We convinced all 8 teams to join us however literally 2 minutes into the 'alliance' The_Boss ran to Meanmike to expose us but because he's such a dodgy little b***h mike didn't even believe him lmao. And then we got rid of that stupid p***k as soon as HW got eliminated."
"We knew we'd have to work to convince everyone to turn on them because it's no fun at all having a predetermined top 3 every single year with it usually being the exact same leaders and stacking their teams with hof members from their faction which pretty much ruins the fun for everyone. We waited until HW had about 4 lives left then got everyone on board and things just kicked off from there."
My anonymous Banker informant denies the existence of the three-way pact supposedly outed in the forums. He suggests that KF got it wrong and that both Murder Hornets and Vikings may have played both sides from the start. He proceeded to wish their rivals luck now that they've turned against them.
"It was 6v1 which turned 7v1 then 8v1 etc bc they saw that their teams were losing lives in pursuit of keeping the HW alliance together. Karma saw they were in a s**t alliance so they turned against HW with us. Now they're turning against us with TB, so good luck to TB."
"Bankers and Seamen beat any team on tie-breaker, and have the most hits, so GL to those teams working with them that are bleeding tickets, someone will flip eventually... Can Zomb13 be trusted? He flipped that easily against HW. Then against Bankers. Won't be surprised if he does so again."
Of course, our Total Banker is correct. The eight-way pact against Dirty Sexy Money will collapse soon enough - it might have done so already.
This screenshot from Seal Team Six's Discord shows Peasants are being left for dead, and while Victorious Secret
The Peasants look like they're done for regardless, and so do Pandemic, who are supposedly allied with Vikings and Toothpaste. The chances of Karma Farmers joining with Peasants are now looking low given Zomb13's comments about The_Boss. Then again, KF's strongest alliance is believed to be with TerrorBytes, and it may be that faction loyalties determine the makeup of the final three.
We've also heard that Total Bankers have promised almost every team a victory pact if they ally with them. I have a feeling that someone will take them up on this lucrative offer very soon indeed.
NATURAL LEADERS
An anonymous reader contacted us to point out that members of Natural Selection are involved in the leadership of no fewer than six teams. NS has leaders in both Toothpaste and Karma Farmers, with Einstein and Zomb13 / Hcom3 taking up the top jobs in their respective sides. Elsewhere, Stretch is sailing with the Sea Men, Penicillin is flying with the Murder Hornets, Big_Rico is terrorising with TerrorBytes, and the pages of the Victorious Secret catalogue flop open on a suspiciously glossy image of their leader, four.
This is why we think Victorious Secret might side with their fellow NS led teams, Murder Hornets, Toothpaste, and TerrorBytes, if they survive their current predicament. The Vikings look like they'll be shafted by everyone due to their repeated switching of allegiances, and Karma Farmers don't appear to have a good relationship with Victorious Secret at present.
Of course, we could be wrong about this. One anonymous player in Total Bankers claims that NS' leaders were afraid of the other teams turning against them if they were seen to collude in public.
"All of these teams with NS leaderships are playing to win. I’ve spoken to all of them and they are aware that if they work together, it’ll be obvious and they’ll likely all be targeted very quickly. If anything, they are all pretty intimidated by each others teams and are actively pursuing plans to take each other out. Does this mean one of them will be the first to go? Unlikely. They’re all very strong and that’d require a lot of coordination. But hey, anything can happen."
It has also been noted that many team leaders are Chain Reaction players too, which kinda pi**es on our chips a little. I was told that Nihar of Heavyweights complained about this dominance by CR and NS, to which one player responded with the following graphic.
WHAT A DEKHEAD
In news that will surprise absolutely no-one, Dekloren has been spreading false alliance news in the Sea Men chat. It's gotten to the point where others are having to install a chat mute script to keep him quiet, and he's also been booted from the Sea Men Discord - his pleas to Stretch to restore his status fell on deaf ears.
But that's not all. As this attack log shows, Dekloren has also been attacking his teammates too, which he apparently did last year as well. We can only conclude that Dekloren must love the taste of his own Sea Men.
SEAMEN SPILLED
An anonymous Sea Man contacted The Times early in the tournament to inform us that their team was building a supposedly legal tool to help them win.
"They have someone in the process of making a by the books API call plugin to notify the team of players on the opposing teams. Nothing major but it would be strictly in seaman discord."
We've also heard that a member of Sea Men has paid $600m to a reviver to do non-stop heals on enemy teams to cause them to bleed tickets. This player intends on continuing to do this for the foreseeable future, with players under level 30 specifically targeted.
CLUTCHING AT STRAWS
What would it take for you to betray your Elimination team? $1bn? $2bn? $50bn? One former Murder Hornet had a much lower price.
"We at Pandemic had managed to bribe one of murder hornets members to provide detailed screenshots of their #warplans channel and any other worthwhile information they could provide during the first 4 days of the competition before thy spy left the team out of boredom."
"Our bribes? thousands of crazy straws. The spy was apparently a collector and was able to be bribed with a couple million bucks in crazy straws. It was amusing to be able to sneak into their discord with a couple thousand useless items, and I hope this makes the next news story!"
It has indeed. Here is what their straw-obsessed hornet provided them with.
YOU TRIED
Beerstein was so desperate to rig Elimination this year that he anonymously mass messaged hundreds of people, including yours truly and bogie, to try and spread word of his ingenious scheme. Surely if you were going to rig a tournament, you'd rig it in your favour, wouldn't you? Alas, given the early exit of the predicament of the Heavyweights, it seems his efforts were not only in vain, but they caused almost every team in the competition to turn against his side.
MOTHER MARY
Before the Elimination teams were revealed, Mary, a member of Terrorbytes, pretended to be part of Pandemic and wangled herself a Discord admin position. She then attempted to sell access to Pandemic's Discord, before changing her mind and setting them up with allies - alliances she later claimed were fake. Before her shenanigans were discovered, Mary was briefly in contention for a leadership position in Pandemic, until her fellow Terrorbyte DUDE outed her.
Pandemic's members apparently took this news with good grace and even managed to use it to their advantage, as with their attention now drawn to their Discord's roster, they discovered at least ten suspicious accounts that were subsequently removed.
KARMA FARMERS MANTRA
FidelCashflow's leadership bid for the Karma Farmers was based on the following promises.
One player seemingly unhappy with Karma Farmers' leadership is Honey-Badger. I'd heard rumours of him venting his frustrations already, and he contacted me recently with his version of events.
PEASANTS TOO POOR FOR DISCORD
According to this video by Slickers, the Peasants have given up already, having deleted their own Discord server. It's been reported that another has been set up to replace it, but the future doesn't look good for this team of low-born serfs.
DUDE BEING DUDE
Speaking of DUDE, it appears that he's at it again and was banned from his team's Discord. Andyman, who is part of Terrorbytes leadership team, told The Times that he and Big_Rico had to make a decision early on about DUDE, due to the effects of his presence being felt already.
"...as virtually every player over 500 days old knows, the cognitive dissonance, gas lighting, false flags, and empty threats/promises that DUDE spreads make him more radioactive to an Elimination team than Cesium-137. We felt it best to just straight-up excommunicate him to decrease the likelihood of DUDE giving our team cancer and making us less attractive from an alliance standpoint."
Last time we checked, pressure was being put on DUDE's colleagues and employer to make him leave TerrorBytes. But in a move that has shocked me to my very core, DUDE has already fulfilled part of a challenge set by his leader, Andyman, by gaining an impressive 346 attacks!
It pains me to say it, but well done DUDE. All he has to do now is avoid f**king up until TerrorBytes are eliminated and his leader will get to enjoy a nutritious napkin lunch.
SNIPPETS
Our source in Karma Farmers says that their side is using Yata to find targets.
Stretch is reportedly desperate to finish above Karma Farmers.
Some Murder Hornets members bountied their leaders to protest their leadership, but the mutineers failed and were cast out.
Other Murder Hornets have been accidentally leaking information to other teams, causing their attacks to fail as their enemies were prepared.
Pandora of the Peasants is "pulling a Dekloren" and attacking members of their own team for unknown reasons.
Runekill163, a member of Heavyweights, apparently refused to make hits unless she was paid. I was sent this gif as a representation of her attitude.
An anonymous player told us that Victorious Secret's massive recent ticket drop was planned, and was "nothing to worry about."
A TerrorByte member says their recent drop was also planned and claims it came not long after they reduced the ticket totals of Heavyweights, Seal Team Six, and Total Bankers.
Vikings are bountying their own non-active members to prevent them being farmed for tickets.
Members of Seal Team Six were told to leave immediately if they cannot make hail mary hits, and even paid $1 million and above to leave the competition.
XanderBawss was revenge mugged and his on-hand cash was somehow put into minus figures.
A considerable number of Vikings players are planning to change their names to variations of the name Bogie, who is, of course, our beloved Community Manager. We do not know why they are planning to do this, but it would be funny.
Murder Hornets' top hitters are currently low on energy after yesterday's attack.
And finally, I asked Champion what he thought would happen after the 8-way alliance eventually take out Dirty Sexy Money.
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