sugarvalves [1963573] —
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False Spy, Confess! Wife-Beater, Confess! Scam-Apologizer, Confess! Lady-Pretender, Confess! Relentless Trickster, Confess! Terrible Mother, Confess!
Liars, thieves, backstabbers, and whores. You people of Torn City have shown your true colours during Elimination. I, Pastor Williams, will be watching you closely for the foreseeable. A leopard cannot change its spots, but that matters not if it should be raked with gunfire.
Here, feast your eyes upon a slew of pathetic confessions from our city's sleepless sinners.
The Pastor's Response
"Treacherous people do not last, only memories of their treason last." - Amit Abraham
This little clever clogs has discovered a way to be paid twice for a single service. But your good fortune will not last you devious little worm, for soon, your spies will be trusted no more. And then what will you do? Sell your posterior for change down at The Docks? A wretched prospect indeed.
I hereby order you to cease this treachery and perform a more wholesome deed. You may continue to provide spies - legitimate ones, from now on - but you must also inform the target of your customer's identity free of charge.
Be partial to a little drama, my sneaky child.
The Pastor's Response
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
Good sir, your actions are foolish, for they mean that your real-life arguments are associated with further distress. This is not a good situation at all, and may only be remedied by introducing further drama to the equation.
To save your real marriage you must divorce your wife in Torn, before finding a new spouse - perhaps a young, up and coming starlet of the faction scene. Then, you must confess your sins to your real wife, at which point their impact will be lessened by the thought of you making hay with another Torn lady. In the eyes of the Church, assaulting one's spouse is a grave sin, whether digitally or otherwise. You must do all you can to prevent a reoccurence, even if it means buying your wife her own Private Island.
Be honest, my spousally abusive child.
The Pastor's Response
"The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it." - Bobby Heenan
It is a sin to deny your true self, and an even greater sin to be a teacher who instructs their pupils to "do as I say, not as I do." You built your career on scams, so you must now pass on this sacred knowledge to those who you teach.
And who better on whom to practice than your prosperous self, I ask? It is the edict of The Church that you must teach your pupils the way of the con artist, and allow them to scam you out of your own ill-gotten gains. Only then will you be free of sin. Only then will you have been true to your humble, disgraceful beginnings.
Be yourself, my two-faced child.
The Pastor's Response
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut
The first lesson you must learn is that if you wish to remain anonymous during your confession, it is unwise to include your username in the quote itself. The name of this confessor hints that they are a female with a particular interest, and while they may claim they have done this for monetary gain, I am not so certain that this is the truth.
My proposal is that for the next thirty days, you must dress in women's clothing, but inside and outside of Torn, to see if you quite like it. The flowing fabric of my priestly garments are quite freeing, and I myself have been tempted by a négligé on occasion. Do this deed, and commit yourself to a gender at the end of 30 days.
Be a lady, my masculine child.
The Pastor's Response
"Be Relentless and then you'll break through." - Julie Brown.
I see you are no longer a member of Relentless, my child, and for this, you should be praised. For while I honor those who pay heed to the scriptures, those who live by the script are doomed to be placed in Federal Jail.
That being said, you have nevertheless betrayed your faction, and to make amends for this, you must do as Relentless do - complain. It is my command that you must write an open letter somewhere in the Torn forums sharing your tale and how you long for the day that you are punished. You may do this in a quiet area of the forums, but it must be posted somewhere soon, or I shall reveal your identity to your former masters with the Lord's blessing.
Be swift with your posting, my precarious child.
The Pastor's Response
"Children learn more from what you are than what you teach." - W.E.B. DuBois.
Picture the scene. The year is 2044. Your child comes to your doorstep begging for aid. They have sunk all of their earnings into a virtual stool sampling game because they wished to level up faster. You are unable to help her as you yourself are still paying off that GTA speedboat which you bought on a credit card in 2021. With nowhere else to turn, your child sells her kidneys on the black market and spends the money on an Among Us loot-crate which lets her wear a leopard-print spacesuit.
This is your future if you do not act fast. You did not sell your Oculus Quest to your daughter, you gave it to her. She now has $400 invested in the bank of mom. You will inform her of this, while simultaneously revealing that her funds cannot be accessed until she is 45 years old. This is the Lord's will, for it shall ensure she retains her internal organs well into adulthood.
Be motherly, my child-bearing child.
FALSE SINNERS
There are four false sinners for you this week. Their insincere confessions can be read publicly by all below.
"Sometimes I don't recycle. Plastic bottles and beer cans go in to general trash. Dont tell anyone." - ArttiIsGod
"I gave the app a 1* review on Google play over maths being changed. That's about it I'm boring yk." - 6-6-6
"I've been holding a secret crush on another player. He's totally a sweet man and adorable. Tax_Man makes me sigh but it's a secret. He can't know how wonderful I think he is." - No1s_Lady
"My sins usually come in fives. The other day I watched a bunch of porn. It was that really good Armenian stuff. After I ran out of tissue I dropped some ecstasy because why not. Feeling like a million bucks, I decided to do some lifting down at the gym. Getting swole like I'm on parole. I also like to play some Russian roulette. I sometimes lose though. This didn't matter as I just track down the winner a minute later and re-appropriate my funds. I do regret sinning so much and I find praying after sinning is a weekly occurrence. Please have mercy on me, father!" - Vincentdagger
Those who wish to confess their sins for salvation and a Donator Pack may do so via the Torn City Times' Tell Your Story feature. Until next time, my children, be well, and behave. For the Lord is always watching.
Here, feast your eyes upon a slew of pathetic confessions from our city's sleepless sinners.
The Pastor's Response
"Treacherous people do not last, only memories of their treason last." - Amit Abraham
This little clever clogs has discovered a way to be paid twice for a single service. But your good fortune will not last you devious little worm, for soon, your spies will be trusted no more. And then what will you do? Sell your posterior for change down at The Docks? A wretched prospect indeed.
I hereby order you to cease this treachery and perform a more wholesome deed. You may continue to provide spies - legitimate ones, from now on - but you must also inform the target of your customer's identity free of charge.
Be partial to a little drama, my sneaky child.
The Pastor's Response
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
Good sir, your actions are foolish, for they mean that your real-life arguments are associated with further distress. This is not a good situation at all, and may only be remedied by introducing further drama to the equation.
To save your real marriage you must divorce your wife in Torn, before finding a new spouse - perhaps a young, up and coming starlet of the faction scene. Then, you must confess your sins to your real wife, at which point their impact will be lessened by the thought of you making hay with another Torn lady. In the eyes of the Church, assaulting one's spouse is a grave sin, whether digitally or otherwise. You must do all you can to prevent a reoccurence, even if it means buying your wife her own Private Island.
Be honest, my spousally abusive child.
The Pastor's Response
"The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it." - Bobby Heenan
It is a sin to deny your true self, and an even greater sin to be a teacher who instructs their pupils to "do as I say, not as I do." You built your career on scams, so you must now pass on this sacred knowledge to those who you teach.
And who better on whom to practice than your prosperous self, I ask? It is the edict of The Church that you must teach your pupils the way of the con artist, and allow them to scam you out of your own ill-gotten gains. Only then will you be free of sin. Only then will you have been true to your humble, disgraceful beginnings.
Be yourself, my two-faced child.
The Pastor's Response
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut
The first lesson you must learn is that if you wish to remain anonymous during your confession, it is unwise to include your username in the quote itself. The name of this confessor hints that they are a female with a particular interest, and while they may claim they have done this for monetary gain, I am not so certain that this is the truth.
My proposal is that for the next thirty days, you must dress in women's clothing, but inside and outside of Torn, to see if you quite like it. The flowing fabric of my priestly garments are quite freeing, and I myself have been tempted by a négligé on occasion. Do this deed, and commit yourself to a gender at the end of 30 days.
Be a lady, my masculine child.
The Pastor's Response
"Be Relentless and then you'll break through." - Julie Brown.
I see you are no longer a member of Relentless, my child, and for this, you should be praised. For while I honor those who pay heed to the scriptures, those who live by the script are doomed to be placed in Federal Jail.
That being said, you have nevertheless betrayed your faction, and to make amends for this, you must do as Relentless do - complain. It is my command that you must write an open letter somewhere in the Torn forums sharing your tale and how you long for the day that you are punished. You may do this in a quiet area of the forums, but it must be posted somewhere soon, or I shall reveal your identity to your former masters with the Lord's blessing.
Be swift with your posting, my precarious child.
The Pastor's Response
"Children learn more from what you are than what you teach." - W.E.B. DuBois.
Picture the scene. The year is 2044. Your child comes to your doorstep begging for aid. They have sunk all of their earnings into a virtual stool sampling game because they wished to level up faster. You are unable to help her as you yourself are still paying off that GTA speedboat which you bought on a credit card in 2021. With nowhere else to turn, your child sells her kidneys on the black market and spends the money on an Among Us loot-crate which lets her wear a leopard-print spacesuit.
This is your future if you do not act fast. You did not sell your Oculus Quest to your daughter, you gave it to her. She now has $400 invested in the bank of mom. You will inform her of this, while simultaneously revealing that her funds cannot be accessed until she is 45 years old. This is the Lord's will, for it shall ensure she retains her internal organs well into adulthood.
Be motherly, my child-bearing child.
FALSE SINNERS
There are four false sinners for you this week. Their insincere confessions can be read publicly by all below.
"Sometimes I don't recycle. Plastic bottles and beer cans go in to general trash. Dont tell anyone." - ArttiIsGod
"I gave the app a 1* review on Google play over maths being changed. That's about it I'm boring yk." - 6-6-6
"I've been holding a secret crush on another player. He's totally a sweet man and adorable. Tax_Man makes me sigh but it's a secret. He can't know how wonderful I think he is." - No1s_Lady
"My sins usually come in fives. The other day I watched a bunch of porn. It was that really good Armenian stuff. After I ran out of tissue I dropped some ecstasy because why not. Feeling like a million bucks, I decided to do some lifting down at the gym. Getting swole like I'm on parole. I also like to play some Russian roulette. I sometimes lose though. This didn't matter as I just track down the winner a minute later and re-appropriate my funds. I do regret sinning so much and I find praying after sinning is a weekly occurrence. Please have mercy on me, father!" - Vincentdagger
Those who wish to confess their sins for salvation and a Donator Pack may do so via the Torn City Times' Tell Your Story feature. Until next time, my children, be well, and behave. For the Lord is always watching.
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