sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Animal Kingdom reportedly on the verge of breaking up after defeat by SA/CR/IBB. Agreement between FTW and western alliance made as ex-AK factions begin to encroach. Relentless regroup in the north.
Only a few days ago we brought you a rundown of four major wars that had erupted across Torn City. Today, almost all of those wars have ended, with treaties signed, territories vacated, and a third thing beginning with t probably happening too. Toast? Yeah, why not.
But with the Valentine's Day event just a few short days away, many people have questions that require answers. How did these wars come to an end? Where will the displaced factions end up? What kind of house does a Wolverine live in? And is there more violence to come? Let's find out, as we report on the results of a period of warring that has drastically reshaped the faction landscape.
BEASTS IN THE EAST BANISHED
There was a time when animal cruelty was rife in Torn City, as citizens were allowed to feed, train and fight dogs against one another for fun. Lord Chedburn eventually banned this barbaric practice, but if we thought the days of creatures being cruelly tormented for pleasure were behind us, we were wrong.
The combined forces of Subversive Alliance, Chain Reaction, and Itsi Bitsi Bikini (aka The SCRIBBLE Alliance) decimated the Animal Kingdom earlier this week, driving eagles, badgers, and wolverines from their nests, sets, and whatever a wolverine lives in - Professor Xavier's mansion? No idea.
Anyway, with our city's most fearsome fauna now left scattered across the map, it appears that David Attenborough's nightmare has finally come true, as the Animal Kingdom has reportedly been destroyed... to shreds.
Pictured: An unattributed chat log sent to me by someone high up in the Animal Kingdom.
How S**t Went Down
Animal Kingdom began this battle in an optimistic mood, despite the odds being firmly stacked against them. Their members trusted their leadership teams explicitly, and spirits were high after AK's recent victory over IBB. One member of Desert Eagle noted that their only complaint was a lack of activity from factions on the front lines, as their walls were not being filled as fast as they should be.
But as the war unfolded like an origami sculpture made of meat (yeah, that'll do), it soon became clear that the Animal Kingdom was royally f**ked. Subversive Alliance's goal was to take some prime territories belonging to Destructive Anomaly and Dead or Alive situated down at the Docks. When AK objected to this, the likes of Chain Reaction, IBB, and SA One Punch were dispatched with orders to cull all animals on sight.
Pictured: A message sent out to Desert Eagle's members just before they attacked CR.
Shortly after our previous war article was published on Saturday, Subversive Alliance took HZG from PnB and KVG from Destructive Anomaly. SA One Punch also grabbed RUG from Kiss My..., but failed in an attack against PnB's IZG territory. Chain Reaction took VOE from PnB Penguins and GKE from Savage Plague - their fight for JKE ended with a treaty, as did CR's attacks against TWD from WarBirds and OLE from The Nest.
Sunday saw SA One Punch take TTG and VTG from Healing Wings Medical. Meanwhile, Chain Reaction battled Desert Eagle at XSD and WOE, and while both ended with peace treaties, it was clear who was going to emerge as the victor if these battles had been allowed to run their course, as one anonymous Eagle explains.
"DE had a wall up against CR... when it began to fail we abandoned that idea because we were just slutting for them. The idea was to split their forces somewhat. But other walls had failed by then and had been abandoned or ignored, it was just too much. SA CR and IBB. The swarm ran out of steam/energy. Basically what everyone expected happened."
IBB's battles with PnB, The Wolverines, and The Honey Badgers at ZZG, TZG, and EZG also ended in peace treaties. Itsi Bitsi Bikini won every wall bar one during this war, despite the fact that at one time they faced three factions at once, each of whom was assaulting their number one priority wall. MightyGoober of IBB explains how the one wall they dropped was a strategically acceptable loss.
"We decided to let the Vulples one go, as they attacked the racket which held no strategic advantage other than it being a racket. We knew we were on the path to winning, so we could grab it back later. All peace treaties/NAPs were at the end of the war for their surrender. We were winning/defending everything when they gave up."
It was around this time that the members of various AK factions received a message saying that they had lost the war - if this wasn't obvious enough already to those laying mangled and bloody on the battlefield.
Pictured: I don't know what animal this is from. A goose maybe?
Despite the war seemingly being over, the fighting continued into Monday, when SA took ZWG from Little Stompers, FYG from the Untouchables, and QUG from Kiss My... SA One Punch then took GZG from The Honey Badgers, and IBB's assault at Vulpes Vulpes' territory of SZG ended with a peace treaty. SA's against CVG held by Destructive Anomaly also ended with a peace treaty, as did their fights for YWG and RZG held by Little Stompers and The Untouchables.
Warbirds Graceful in Defeat
Heasleys4hemp of Warbirds commended SA and CR, describing them as beasts at this game - interestingly, he neglected to mention IBB in the same breath. He went on to say that SA and CR have earned their places in the top three and thanked both factions for bringing some fun into the game. However, on reflection, Heasleys feels that their defeat owed more to their opposition's power than any tactical nuance.
"There wasn't too much to SA and CR's strategy. They kinda just plowed through us lol. They were just extremely powerful. Facing up against 2 top 3 factions was essentially impossible for us to go against, but we at WarBirds were excited for a piece of action and were willing to put up a fight for our friends at DA."
MeanMike responded by saying that the war "went down exactly like I thought and said it would", adding that they achieved their objective to wreak havoc in the north and take the heat off Subversive Alliance. Mike made it clear to The Times that always planned to keep "whatever they took and then some", with their spoils of war including some "nifty rackets and terrs for our trouble."
MeanMike went on to tell me that despite their alliance, not one word was shared between IBB and CR during the entire war. This arrangement may seem odd to outsiders, but clearly, it worked, with SA communicating with both factions as if they were the child of two squabbling divorcees.
Pictured: Someone else write the faction names on this image because I honestly cannot be arsed.
MightyGoober didn't seem bothered, as his side's only goal was to finally get past the Animal Kingdom to gain some land for themselves. A quick look at the map shows they achieved this, as IBB is now sitting pretty just beneath the military base, with two rackets in their possession at the time of writing. However, before this war broke out, IBB was positioned beside the jail until Chain Reaction removed them from the area.
"We moved beside SA for like a week. Both SA and us dropped from that spot to hit AK. The jail was our long term spot, but we had a temp one before the war. I see the CR assault on us by the jail as business. It made sense for them to want the area & rackets. I hold no grudges to them for that. If they have a problem with us, we are extending an olive branch to fix that."
I have a feeling that MeanMike may suggest a rectal use for that olive branch, but we shall see. Regardless, IBB has a lot to be proud of, as their diversionary attacks against PnB factions helped to draw other AK factions towards them, spread the animal alliance more thinly, like a tiny amount of lard on a cracker.
"Our task in the war became drawing fire. When 3 factions sector'ed themselves just to hit us... it was apparent we successfully took their eye off the prize. I would fire whoever came up with that as a plan."
That being said, IBB had no choice but to fight the PnB factions due to the territorial war mechanics preventing them from assaulting territories they had invaded just a few days prior.
Pictured: The Wolverines were a protected species, for a time.
Penguins Stand Proud
PnB Penguinsleader member Matzkops contacted The Times to make it clear that his side had stood their ground well during this war. He admitted their defeat had been a learning experience, but they were nevertheless excited to have fought with AK in a move he described as "AK standing up to big corporate in favor of the little man."
PnB Penguins also had to deal with additional attention from RIOT, who joined the war after MeanMike invited them over to gain some land for themselves. At first, PnB wasn't sure that RIOT was seriously assaulting them, but after losing a lot of points and a territory early on, they soon realised they were deadly serious. Morale dropped in the PnB camp, but Matzkops rallied his side in spite of the difficulty of the task ahead.
"During the second wall, I was pretty angry myself, and I decided we wouldn't give up that easily. So I started sending messages in discord, setting a time and organizing revivers. I sent a message to every single factionmate. I contacted a lot of single revivers, because I thought there's no way that I could find a revive faction without contract."
There was a known shortage of revivers during this war, but soon a miracle appeared and PnB were offered 150 revives. Sadly, these revivers bailed shortly before PnB's counterattack, only for two more revivers to turn up readily stacked with 150 refills. The attack was back on, and PnB waged war against RIOT over at WCD, only for the attack to fail. It seemed that RIOT somehow knew the assault was coming.
It later transpired that one of PnB's revivers had posted their revive request in their faction's chat, and another member passed this on to RIOT. PnB's Matzkops refused to name the revive faction but pledged that his side would speak only to their leaders in future. It is sad that PnB's efforts were undermined in this way, but as the following graphic shows, their fight against RIOT was still incredibly even.
Pictured: Important numbers in two delicious flavours.
This graphic was provided to me by Riot, leader of RIOT, who praised his opponents for giving it their all.
"To say we took them apart is to do them an injustice. Both sides fought hard but also had a large amount of external hits coming in. I compiled the three wall reports we took before they surrendered and de-sectored themselves (see below). As you can see, it was a very even match. We had Catalysis and a few CR clearing for us and they had AK doing the same for them."
Wheels Set in Motion
Sadly, the leaking of war plans wasn't the only betrayal to befall the Animal Kingdom during this war. One anonymous member of AK told The Times that their alliance also felt swindled by Perpetual Motion, who reportedly stuffed their animal friends and mounted them on the mantlepiece by doing a deal with their enemies after the war had finished. MolonLabe of PM admitted to holding post-war negotiations in an interview with The Times.
"After the war concluded, we were approached by CR with a deal to grab more land and rackets that were left vacant. We decided after giving all of our blood sweat and tears to the alliance we decided it was time to part ways. Ultimately, yes we grew tired of the lack of coordination inside AK leadership, but at the end of the day we needed a change and took it once we were offered a deal."
MolonLabe explained that his side had fought three major wars during their year with AK, during which they gave "the full extent of our energy, time, and money." He notes that MP agreed to fight wars where they were out-statted, always paid their fair share of the revive bill, and agreed to forgo many good territories for the good of the alliance.
But in the end, it's clear that MolonLabe felt that there was no more progress to be made within AK after a year of membership within this alliance. And Heasleys4hemp of WarBirds seemingly agrees with this assessment.
"We at WarBirds are still exploring our options, but we're ready to fly from the rest of the flock and be on our own for a while. This war has taught us a lot about what areas we need to work on in this game. We're excited and hopeful for the future."
Pictured: It's so sad when they grow up and fly the nest.
Territorial Shifts
This war ended with Subversive Alliance gaining their desired territories down by the Docks, where they are now joined by SA One Punch to their west, and IBB to their east. Some former AK members still remain in the area, with Evolution, Wolverines, Savage Plague, Honey Badgers, and PnB factions situated to SA's north and northwest. There might be others, I'm too tired to look.
It is a different story for WarBirds, The Nest, Destructive Anomaly, and Little Stompers, who were shunted out east after their territories were reassigned to their conquerors following the war. There were rumours that some AK factions would move west to try and claim territory from the so-called Proxy Alliance, and that seems to be the case given that Little Stompers are currently attacking FUB, which is held by In Memory of the Fallen.
Pictured: The red lines means a bad thing happen done of a happen.
Some of the factions in this area will tell you they aren't anyone's proxy, but Subversive Alliance is known to have a major interest in this area, as they either extort, have proxied, or are in full alliance with most of the group known as The Proxy Alliance. If this is true, we may see the former Animal Kingdom factions forced to square off with SA once more, so keep an eye out for their troops on the walls of these conflicts. Or don't, you do you babes.
But even if SA doesn't get involved, there are plenty of capable factions in this area already. It may be that the remnants of the Animal Kingdom have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, which raises the delicious prospect of some kind of little destructive birds nest soup. Yum yum.
UPDATE: A member of Savage Plague denies that Animal Kingdom will split. It may be that only Warbirds are leaving, in addition to Perpetual Motion who already left.
RIDE OR DIE
Forged Through War's fight against the so-called Proxy Alliance ended earlier this week with an agreement that allows FTW to remain in the area. This was confirmed to me by Blasted, co-leader of the wonderfully named Onion Smugglers.
"The war with FTW is ended and we're hammering out negotiations now. We've decided that they can settle here for now. We've also heard AK was looking here but they're gonna go through the same thing they went through at the hands of SA because at the end of the day, SA is still part of this alliance."
"FTW is not a part of the alliance, YET."
This final comment is interesting, but not entirely unexpected. After our previous report, Forged Through War took BMB on Sunday, and then defended five territories from various members of the proxy alliance. The alliance did well against FTW initially, but at the weekend, when attacks were made on five different fronts, all of them failed.
Based on recent events, it is therefore unsurprising that Forged Through War might buddy up with The Proxy Alliance, especially if SA is involved, as the two factions were former allies themselves. Para confirmed to me that an arrangement has been made with the alliance, but stopped short of saying whether or not they would go official and hold hands in public.
"The Proxy Alliance is known as Ride or Die (RoD). We've reached an agreement, they will give us passage east and give us 17 territories. We will become a Vatican city, surrounded by the alliance."
"Terms for our nonaggression are they will stop blocking us and give us passage and land on the east edge of their territory. We'll stop raiding and not be mean to them from henceforth. We'll also not take any faction with us to our territories.The Masters peace treaty was to end the raid. They are one of the core leadership that sits under SA."
Pictured: Forged Through War's current beachfront location.
Para confirmed that their present territories on the southwestern coast were handed to them by the Ride or Die / Proxy Alliance / Damp Little Boys' Club, however, they are still looking to move elsewhere. This is good news for the alliance - who I've just heard has been together for over a year now - as not everyone in their ranks is happy with the terms agreed with FTW. One anonymous member suggested that many feel that giving in to FTW was a kick in the teeth, given how hard their side fought to resist them.
"On one hand giving those factions SA just wiped out a new home is kinda sweet...on the other hand letting your f**kin fifty faction alliance fight for weeks and then just decide that it is time to let ftw + other factions in now is kinda f ..surprising hahaha."
I asked Steven, leader of The Masters, for comment on this matter and the rest of the war. While most faction leaders have been forthcoming with comment, Steven, it appears, is a weapons-grade c**t.
"Lol, I ain't telling you shit. Find a new hobby."
Gnarkills of The Masters then contacted The Times to apologise for his leaders' outburst, and then proceeded to give us an incredibly long and insane response to our enquiries. There was something about a temple, two popes, and copulation too. You can read it all here if you like, but don't feel obliged to do so. I f***ing didn't. I honestly preferred Steven's response.
Blasted of Onion Smugglers was more helpful, as he told The Times that it isn't a given that former AK members will be allowed to settle in the west in the same way FTW has. Blasted says that negotiations are underway to see precisely what these factions want before a decision is made on how to respond. We aren't sure who else is involved in these negotiations as we still don't know which factions make up the alliance in the west. Para feels that everyone in this area bar MMCP, JFK, and IA are part of this cabal, whether they like it or not.
"I've heard a lot of the north of the map also. 39th are sat on the fence, paying a racket to one and bowing to another. Those that say they aren't a part of it will soon be told otherwise once a racket spawns on their territory."
I suppose the best way to find out who is truly a member of this group, and whether Subversive Alliance actually cares about this area, is to dive right in and attack it. I'd therefore like to thank Little Stompers, Destructive Anomaly, and the other ex-AK factions in the area for risking their necks to find out. You're doing the Lord's work lads!
RELENTLESS BEATEN
The long-awaited war between Relentless and JFK started on Saturday, and by Tuesday it had ended. What a f**king washout. On Sunday, JFK recorded their first win of many, taking the EWE territory from Relentless main. Later that evening, JFK also took Helvete's territory of UWE, followed by another win at HFE versus Relentless.
On Monday SWE of Helvete fell to JFK, with PGD of R falling soon after. Early on Tuesday, JFK and JFK 2.1 were fighting Relentless and Helvete at RWE, WWE, and DWE, with all three of these fights ending in peace treaties. Relentless had been well and truly beaten, but surprisingly, Z_junior of JFK says that his side lost in their own way too.
"Of course we lost as well. We lost energy, time, money, sleep and we lost an assaulting wall that Relentless successfully defended but the effort from the whole family was worth it because we improved both individually and as a group. This fight was between 2 families and JFK as a family came better prepared and better armed to the conflict. The Relentless family put an incredible fight up which is never easy when you face a real war and they earned our full and utmost respect for being warriors, no matter what the odds."
Pictured: Steve & Lenka Thomson after losing with 9 of their 10 lottery tickets.
Paul of JFK told The Times that it was clear Relentless would not even attempt to fight the main JFK wall, instead looking to divert their attention to defending 2.1's holding at DWE. He noted that this was a significant challenge for JFK 2.1 as they hadn't been involved in a territory war for around a year.
"Despite this, a strong fight ensued on the DWE wall with outside attacks from JFK main against the members of R* on the wall and group attacks coming in from Helvete against the 2.1 members on the wall. Of note (no pun intended): the action led to the resurrection of BS HoF and JFK legend, Nota, who would go on several solo runs clearing the entire R* wall during the early hours of the night."
Z_junior praised Relentless' strategy, describing it as a smart move to hold back the 2.1 advance and push back with main against the remaining forces. He admits that the way this war played out was not how JFK had originally planned it when they discussed strategy, but they had prepared themselves for such a scenario.
"...on the off chance R1 engages against 2.1 we decided to have 2.1 assault a big block as well which forced R1 to dedicate much more resources to that wall than it normally would and it ultimately deprived them of the ability to fight another big block. Massive effort on both sides, massive fight on that wall, that's where the surprise came, that's where both sides held their lines, drained each other out and ultimately decided the war."
When JFK main successfully claimed three enemy territories, Relentless capitulated, abandoning their land and offering a 30-day ceasefire in return for peace. Paul noted that revive bills were beginning to increase exponentially during this fight, which may be why both sides were keen to call it quits so quickly. Nevertheless, the hunger for blood remains unquenched in the JFK ranks, if Sky's comments are anything to go by.
"I have to admit vengeance for insurgency lingers in my mind, a grudge I still hold against R* (and CR to some extent)... to be honest, this war didn't satisfy my thirst for revenge. It was a massive yawn fest since R* wouldn't hit JFK main at all... Alas, I suppose our main goal wasn't to 1 vs 1 Relentless but the 'what if' is still lingering in my mind. Perhaps ranked warring will provide another opportunity to satisfy my lust vengeance and to stain Baroness (my GAK) with the blood of her enemies."
Pictured: If you spill red blood on your carpet you should smear white blood into it or it will stain.
The result of this war saw an increase in applications to the JFK family, with members of ex-AK factions and some Relentless warriors reportedly looking for a new challenge. There were also big changes afoot within Relentless, with Hank admitting that they have now officially left the Insurgency Alliance in the wake of their defeat to JFK.
"We simply felt a change was needed in order to spark new challenge for our group and we didn't want to feel anchored by map politics that would have been the case if we stayed. Whilst we still wish to remain friends with SA, CR, and FTW we also want to make some new friendships to help take Relentless forward to a stronger position."
It will be interesting to see which metaphorical direction Relentless decides to take now they have left Insurgency. We know for sure which physical direction they've taken, as R has started attacking territories in Sector 3 to the north of the Race Track.
Pictured: The location of Relentless' current territories.
As you can see, Relentless is in close proximity to territories held by PT-Family, with a few ex-AK members scattered about to the south of the race track too. Is this deliberate? Could these groups be set to align themselves against their old Insurgency chums? Hank was giving nothing away, except to say that they may move down the map as time goes on.
"As you can see by our position we have started our assaults north of the map and will move south, claiming rackets as we move through. Whilst there is no destination known at this stage we are just wanting to have a bit of fun and make the most of the challenges that Torn has to offer."
THE NEXT CHAPTER
With the Animal Kingdom divided, Forged Through War turning into the Holy See, and Relentless shunted out to the north, you may be forgiven for thinking that there won't be much warring come Valentine's Day. But if rumours are to be believed, that could not be further from the truth, according to Paul of JFK.
"The result of this war caused the forums to sound off on the proposed ranks of the top 5 factions. From this, there was a widespread call for two wars that the Torn community wanted to see most: SA vs. NS to settle the score of who is #1 and who is #2, and CR vs JFK to settle #3 vs #4."
Paul believes that these wars won't happen until all four factions' leaders have a common understanding with each other. He also feels that the cost of warring means that the big dogs won't start a ruckus until changes are made to the medical system - changes that have been promised in the weekly Patch Notes. Rumours of an imminent SA / NS war are also undermined by the fact that Natural Selection is planning to blockade Switzerland tonight.
Pictured: Not anymore you're not.
However, since this blockade will only last until midnight on the 12th, there is a small chance that this war could still happen. Thanks to a broad network of contacts that makes Varys look like a billy no-mates, I have heard from revivers in several different revive factions that orders for a significant number of revives have been made in recent days, with contracts already arranged to cover the next few weeks of action.
"I have a feeling there is more war to come... Factions already ask for contracts for wars which might happen in a week or even later. Seems like they wanna make sure now that revivers are not all booked again already."
The reviver who told me this was part of a faction who were reviving Proxy Alliance members recently, indicating that either they are gearing up for a fight against the AK interlopers, or that Subversive Alliance is ready to tussle with Natural Selection. The former seems more likely than the latter, but we can live in hope!
In the meantime, we may get to watch JFK vs Chain Reaction fight on the undercard. This is the opinion of one reviver who was recently involved in helping JFK defeat Relentless. I was told that their contract with JFK extends far beyond their win over R, which hints that JFK may be preparing for a tussle with Chain Reaction soon. MeanMike of CR doesn't expect this fight to happen this weekend, but he is confident we won't have to wait too long either.
"Nah, I don't see much going on this week, but I think that the wars may have given a group or two some confidence and we might finally see some of the wars that the community has been clamoring for (bats eyelashes at Z_Junior)"
Pictured: Stop it Mike, you're making me blush in my downstairs parts.
MeanMike praised Z_junior for bringing JFK back to the top of the rankings, calling it a great recovery. He notes that JFK have "a pep in their step now", and that Z has them feeling like they could win. Mike added that it would be a truly great war if JFK and CR were to face off, regardless of the result, and that it needs to happen so that a clear #3 ranked faction can be established in Torn.
So will this war happen? Will MeanMike's outrageous flirtations mean he gets his man? I shall end this article with Z_junior's response, which was bullish, to say the least.
"JFK has never been afraid of any fight. Anyone who wants to come here and challenge our 20 moonshine racket is welcome to try. Especially when the potential enemy holds lands full of riches and offers billions in prizes. The days of trying to make the fight fair, the days of equipping cricket bats, chainsaws and other termed wars are long gone."
"We saw it in NS1&2 assaulting Relentless. We saw it in CR1&2 assaulting IBB. We saw it in SA family assaulting AK... Both the past and the present teach us that when it comes to real wars, only victory matters, and to the victor goes the spoils. So to those who want it, we say come and try."
But with the Valentine's Day event just a few short days away, many people have questions that require answers. How did these wars come to an end? Where will the displaced factions end up? What kind of house does a Wolverine live in? And is there more violence to come? Let's find out, as we report on the results of a period of warring that has drastically reshaped the faction landscape.
BEASTS IN THE EAST BANISHED
There was a time when animal cruelty was rife in Torn City, as citizens were allowed to feed, train and fight dogs against one another for fun. Lord Chedburn eventually banned this barbaric practice, but if we thought the days of creatures being cruelly tormented for pleasure were behind us, we were wrong.
The combined forces of Subversive Alliance, Chain Reaction, and Itsi Bitsi Bikini (aka The SCRIBBLE Alliance) decimated the Animal Kingdom earlier this week, driving eagles, badgers, and wolverines from their nests, sets, and whatever a wolverine lives in - Professor Xavier's mansion? No idea.
Anyway, with our city's most fearsome fauna now left scattered across the map, it appears that David Attenborough's nightmare has finally come true, as the Animal Kingdom has reportedly been destroyed... to shreds.
Pictured: An unattributed chat log sent to me by someone high up in the Animal Kingdom.
How S**t Went Down
Animal Kingdom began this battle in an optimistic mood, despite the odds being firmly stacked against them. Their members trusted their leadership teams explicitly, and spirits were high after AK's recent victory over IBB. One member of Desert Eagle noted that their only complaint was a lack of activity from factions on the front lines, as their walls were not being filled as fast as they should be.
But as the war unfolded like an origami sculpture made of meat (yeah, that'll do), it soon became clear that the Animal Kingdom was royally f**ked. Subversive Alliance's goal was to take some prime territories belonging to Destructive Anomaly and Dead or Alive situated down at the Docks. When AK objected to this, the likes of Chain Reaction, IBB, and SA One Punch were dispatched with orders to cull all animals on sight.
Pictured: A message sent out to Desert Eagle's members just before they attacked CR.
Shortly after our previous war article was published on Saturday, Subversive Alliance took HZG from PnB and KVG from Destructive Anomaly. SA One Punch also grabbed RUG from Kiss My..., but failed in an attack against PnB's IZG territory. Chain Reaction took VOE from PnB Penguins and GKE from Savage Plague - their fight for JKE ended with a treaty, as did CR's attacks against TWD from WarBirds and OLE from The Nest.
Sunday saw SA One Punch take TTG and VTG from Healing Wings Medical. Meanwhile, Chain Reaction battled Desert Eagle at XSD and WOE, and while both ended with peace treaties, it was clear who was going to emerge as the victor if these battles had been allowed to run their course, as one anonymous Eagle explains.
"DE had a wall up against CR... when it began to fail we abandoned that idea because we were just slutting for them. The idea was to split their forces somewhat. But other walls had failed by then and had been abandoned or ignored, it was just too much. SA CR and IBB. The swarm ran out of steam/energy. Basically what everyone expected happened."
IBB's battles with PnB, The Wolverines, and The Honey Badgers at ZZG, TZG, and EZG also ended in peace treaties. Itsi Bitsi Bikini won every wall bar one during this war, despite the fact that at one time they faced three factions at once, each of whom was assaulting their number one priority wall. MightyGoober of IBB explains how the one wall they dropped was a strategically acceptable loss.
"We decided to let the Vulples one go, as they attacked the racket which held no strategic advantage other than it being a racket. We knew we were on the path to winning, so we could grab it back later. All peace treaties/NAPs were at the end of the war for their surrender. We were winning/defending everything when they gave up."
It was around this time that the members of various AK factions received a message saying that they had lost the war - if this wasn't obvious enough already to those laying mangled and bloody on the battlefield.
Pictured: I don't know what animal this is from. A goose maybe?
Despite the war seemingly being over, the fighting continued into Monday, when SA took ZWG from Little Stompers, FYG from the Untouchables, and QUG from Kiss My... SA One Punch then took GZG from The Honey Badgers, and IBB's assault at Vulpes Vulpes' territory of SZG ended with a peace treaty. SA's against CVG held by Destructive Anomaly also ended with a peace treaty, as did their fights for YWG and RZG held by Little Stompers and The Untouchables.
Warbirds Graceful in Defeat
Heasleys4hemp of Warbirds commended SA and CR, describing them as beasts at this game - interestingly, he neglected to mention IBB in the same breath. He went on to say that SA and CR have earned their places in the top three and thanked both factions for bringing some fun into the game. However, on reflection, Heasleys feels that their defeat owed more to their opposition's power than any tactical nuance.
"There wasn't too much to SA and CR's strategy. They kinda just plowed through us lol. They were just extremely powerful. Facing up against 2 top 3 factions was essentially impossible for us to go against, but we at WarBirds were excited for a piece of action and were willing to put up a fight for our friends at DA."
MeanMike responded by saying that the war "went down exactly like I thought and said it would", adding that they achieved their objective to wreak havoc in the north and take the heat off Subversive Alliance. Mike made it clear to The Times that always planned to keep "whatever they took and then some", with their spoils of war including some "nifty rackets and terrs for our trouble."
MeanMike went on to tell me that despite their alliance, not one word was shared between IBB and CR during the entire war. This arrangement may seem odd to outsiders, but clearly, it worked, with SA communicating with both factions as if they were the child of two squabbling divorcees.
Pictured: Someone else write the faction names on this image because I honestly cannot be arsed.
MightyGoober didn't seem bothered, as his side's only goal was to finally get past the Animal Kingdom to gain some land for themselves. A quick look at the map shows they achieved this, as IBB is now sitting pretty just beneath the military base, with two rackets in their possession at the time of writing. However, before this war broke out, IBB was positioned beside the jail until Chain Reaction removed them from the area.
"We moved beside SA for like a week. Both SA and us dropped from that spot to hit AK. The jail was our long term spot, but we had a temp one before the war. I see the CR assault on us by the jail as business. It made sense for them to want the area & rackets. I hold no grudges to them for that. If they have a problem with us, we are extending an olive branch to fix that."
I have a feeling that MeanMike may suggest a rectal use for that olive branch, but we shall see. Regardless, IBB has a lot to be proud of, as their diversionary attacks against PnB factions helped to draw other AK factions towards them, spread the animal alliance more thinly, like a tiny amount of lard on a cracker.
"Our task in the war became drawing fire. When 3 factions sector'ed themselves just to hit us... it was apparent we successfully took their eye off the prize. I would fire whoever came up with that as a plan."
That being said, IBB had no choice but to fight the PnB factions due to the territorial war mechanics preventing them from assaulting territories they had invaded just a few days prior.
Pictured: The Wolverines were a protected species, for a time.
Penguins Stand Proud
PnB Penguins
PnB Penguins also had to deal with additional attention from RIOT, who joined the war after MeanMike invited them over to gain some land for themselves. At first, PnB wasn't sure that RIOT was seriously assaulting them, but after losing a lot of points and a territory early on, they soon realised they were deadly serious. Morale dropped in the PnB camp, but Matzkops rallied his side in spite of the difficulty of the task ahead.
"During the second wall, I was pretty angry myself, and I decided we wouldn't give up that easily. So I started sending messages in discord, setting a time and organizing revivers. I sent a message to every single factionmate. I contacted a lot of single revivers, because I thought there's no way that I could find a revive faction without contract."
There was a known shortage of revivers during this war, but soon a miracle appeared and PnB were offered 150 revives. Sadly, these revivers bailed shortly before PnB's counterattack, only for two more revivers to turn up readily stacked with 150 refills. The attack was back on, and PnB waged war against RIOT over at WCD, only for the attack to fail. It seemed that RIOT somehow knew the assault was coming.
It later transpired that one of PnB's revivers had posted their revive request in their faction's chat, and another member passed this on to RIOT. PnB's Matzkops refused to name the revive faction but pledged that his side would speak only to their leaders in future. It is sad that PnB's efforts were undermined in this way, but as the following graphic shows, their fight against RIOT was still incredibly even.
Pictured: Important numbers in two delicious flavours.
This graphic was provided to me by Riot, leader of RIOT, who praised his opponents for giving it their all.
"To say we took them apart is to do them an injustice. Both sides fought hard but also had a large amount of external hits coming in. I compiled the three wall reports we took before they surrendered and de-sectored themselves (see below). As you can see, it was a very even match. We had Catalysis and a few CR clearing for us and they had AK doing the same for them."
Wheels Set in Motion
Sadly, the leaking of war plans wasn't the only betrayal to befall the Animal Kingdom during this war. One anonymous member of AK told The Times that their alliance also felt swindled by Perpetual Motion, who reportedly stuffed their animal friends and mounted them on the mantlepiece by doing a deal with their enemies after the war had finished. MolonLabe of PM admitted to holding post-war negotiations in an interview with The Times.
"After the war concluded, we were approached by CR with a deal to grab more land and rackets that were left vacant. We decided after giving all of our blood sweat and tears to the alliance we decided it was time to part ways. Ultimately, yes we grew tired of the lack of coordination inside AK leadership, but at the end of the day we needed a change and took it once we were offered a deal."
MolonLabe explained that his side had fought three major wars during their year with AK, during which they gave "the full extent of our energy, time, and money." He notes that MP agreed to fight wars where they were out-statted, always paid their fair share of the revive bill, and agreed to forgo many good territories for the good of the alliance.
But in the end, it's clear that MolonLabe felt that there was no more progress to be made within AK after a year of membership within this alliance. And Heasleys4hemp of WarBirds seemingly agrees with this assessment.
"We at WarBirds are still exploring our options, but we're ready to fly from the rest of the flock and be on our own for a while. This war has taught us a lot about what areas we need to work on in this game. We're excited and hopeful for the future."
Pictured: It's so sad when they grow up and fly the nest.
Territorial Shifts
This war ended with Subversive Alliance gaining their desired territories down by the Docks, where they are now joined by SA One Punch to their west, and IBB to their east. Some former AK members still remain in the area, with Evolution, Wolverines, Savage Plague, Honey Badgers, and PnB factions situated to SA's north and northwest. There might be others, I'm too tired to look.
It is a different story for WarBirds, The Nest, Destructive Anomaly, and Little Stompers, who were shunted out east after their territories were reassigned to their conquerors following the war. There were rumours that some AK factions would move west to try and claim territory from the so-called Proxy Alliance, and that seems to be the case given that Little Stompers are currently attacking FUB, which is held by In Memory of the Fallen.
Pictured: The red lines means a bad thing happen done of a happen.
Some of the factions in this area will tell you they aren't anyone's proxy, but Subversive Alliance is known to have a major interest in this area, as they either extort, have proxied, or are in full alliance with most of the group known as The Proxy Alliance. If this is true, we may see the former Animal Kingdom factions forced to square off with SA once more, so keep an eye out for their troops on the walls of these conflicts. Or don't, you do you babes.
But even if SA doesn't get involved, there are plenty of capable factions in this area already. It may be that the remnants of the Animal Kingdom have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, which raises the delicious prospect of some kind of little destructive birds nest soup. Yum yum.
UPDATE: A member of Savage Plague denies that Animal Kingdom will split. It may be that only Warbirds are leaving, in addition to Perpetual Motion who already left.
RIDE OR DIE
Forged Through War's fight against the so-called Proxy Alliance ended earlier this week with an agreement that allows FTW to remain in the area. This was confirmed to me by Blasted, co-leader of the wonderfully named Onion Smugglers.
"The war with FTW is ended and we're hammering out negotiations now. We've decided that they can settle here for now. We've also heard AK was looking here but they're gonna go through the same thing they went through at the hands of SA because at the end of the day, SA is still part of this alliance."
"FTW is not a part of the alliance, YET."
This final comment is interesting, but not entirely unexpected. After our previous report, Forged Through War took BMB on Sunday, and then defended five territories from various members of the proxy alliance. The alliance did well against FTW initially, but at the weekend, when attacks were made on five different fronts, all of them failed.
Based on recent events, it is therefore unsurprising that Forged Through War might buddy up with The Proxy Alliance, especially if SA is involved, as the two factions were former allies themselves. Para confirmed to me that an arrangement has been made with the alliance, but stopped short of saying whether or not they would go official and hold hands in public.
"The Proxy Alliance is known as Ride or Die (RoD). We've reached an agreement, they will give us passage east and give us 17 territories. We will become a Vatican city, surrounded by the alliance."
"Terms for our nonaggression are they will stop blocking us and give us passage and land on the east edge of their territory. We'll stop raiding and not be mean to them from henceforth. We'll also not take any faction with us to our territories.The Masters peace treaty was to end the raid. They are one of the core leadership that sits under SA."
Pictured: Forged Through War's current beachfront location.
Para confirmed that their present territories on the southwestern coast were handed to them by the Ride or Die / Proxy Alliance / Damp Little Boys' Club, however, they are still looking to move elsewhere. This is good news for the alliance - who I've just heard has been together for over a year now - as not everyone in their ranks is happy with the terms agreed with FTW. One anonymous member suggested that many feel that giving in to FTW was a kick in the teeth, given how hard their side fought to resist them.
"On one hand giving those factions SA just wiped out a new home is kinda sweet...on the other hand letting your f**kin fifty faction alliance fight for weeks and then just decide that it is time to let ftw + other factions in now is kinda f ..surprising hahaha."
I asked Steven, leader of The Masters, for comment on this matter and the rest of the war. While most faction leaders have been forthcoming with comment, Steven, it appears, is a weapons-grade c**t.
"Lol, I ain't telling you shit. Find a new hobby."
Gnarkills of The Masters then contacted The Times to apologise for his leaders' outburst, and then proceeded to give us an incredibly long and insane response to our enquiries. There was something about a temple, two popes, and copulation too. You can read it all here if you like, but don't feel obliged to do so. I f***ing didn't. I honestly preferred Steven's response.
Blasted of Onion Smugglers was more helpful, as he told The Times that it isn't a given that former AK members will be allowed to settle in the west in the same way FTW has. Blasted says that negotiations are underway to see precisely what these factions want before a decision is made on how to respond. We aren't sure who else is involved in these negotiations as we still don't know which factions make up the alliance in the west. Para feels that everyone in this area bar MMCP, JFK, and IA are part of this cabal, whether they like it or not.
"I've heard a lot of the north of the map also. 39th are sat on the fence, paying a racket to one and bowing to another. Those that say they aren't a part of it will soon be told otherwise once a racket spawns on their territory."
I suppose the best way to find out who is truly a member of this group, and whether Subversive Alliance actually cares about this area, is to dive right in and attack it. I'd therefore like to thank Little Stompers, Destructive Anomaly, and the other ex-AK factions in the area for risking their necks to find out. You're doing the Lord's work lads!
RELENTLESS BEATEN
The long-awaited war between Relentless and JFK started on Saturday, and by Tuesday it had ended. What a f**king washout. On Sunday, JFK recorded their first win of many, taking the EWE territory from Relentless main. Later that evening, JFK also took Helvete's territory of UWE, followed by another win at HFE versus Relentless.
On Monday SWE of Helvete fell to JFK, with PGD of R falling soon after. Early on Tuesday, JFK and JFK 2.1 were fighting Relentless and Helvete at RWE, WWE, and DWE, with all three of these fights ending in peace treaties. Relentless had been well and truly beaten, but surprisingly, Z_junior of JFK says that his side lost in their own way too.
"Of course we lost as well. We lost energy, time, money, sleep and we lost an assaulting wall that Relentless successfully defended but the effort from the whole family was worth it because we improved both individually and as a group. This fight was between 2 families and JFK as a family came better prepared and better armed to the conflict. The Relentless family put an incredible fight up which is never easy when you face a real war and they earned our full and utmost respect for being warriors, no matter what the odds."
Pictured: Steve & Lenka Thomson after losing with 9 of their 10 lottery tickets.
Paul of JFK told The Times that it was clear Relentless would not even attempt to fight the main JFK wall, instead looking to divert their attention to defending 2.1's holding at DWE. He noted that this was a significant challenge for JFK 2.1 as they hadn't been involved in a territory war for around a year.
"Despite this, a strong fight ensued on the DWE wall with outside attacks from JFK main against the members of R* on the wall and group attacks coming in from Helvete against the 2.1 members on the wall. Of note (no pun intended): the action led to the resurrection of BS HoF and JFK legend, Nota, who would go on several solo runs clearing the entire R* wall during the early hours of the night."
Z_junior praised Relentless' strategy, describing it as a smart move to hold back the 2.1 advance and push back with main against the remaining forces. He admits that the way this war played out was not how JFK had originally planned it when they discussed strategy, but they had prepared themselves for such a scenario.
"...on the off chance R1 engages against 2.1 we decided to have 2.1 assault a big block as well which forced R1 to dedicate much more resources to that wall than it normally would and it ultimately deprived them of the ability to fight another big block. Massive effort on both sides, massive fight on that wall, that's where the surprise came, that's where both sides held their lines, drained each other out and ultimately decided the war."
When JFK main successfully claimed three enemy territories, Relentless capitulated, abandoning their land and offering a 30-day ceasefire in return for peace. Paul noted that revive bills were beginning to increase exponentially during this fight, which may be why both sides were keen to call it quits so quickly. Nevertheless, the hunger for blood remains unquenched in the JFK ranks, if Sky's comments are anything to go by.
"I have to admit vengeance for insurgency lingers in my mind, a grudge I still hold against R* (and CR to some extent)... to be honest, this war didn't satisfy my thirst for revenge. It was a massive yawn fest since R* wouldn't hit JFK main at all... Alas, I suppose our main goal wasn't to 1 vs 1 Relentless but the 'what if' is still lingering in my mind. Perhaps ranked warring will provide another opportunity to satisfy my lust vengeance and to stain Baroness (my GAK) with the blood of her enemies."
Pictured: If you spill red blood on your carpet you should smear white blood into it or it will stain.
The result of this war saw an increase in applications to the JFK family, with members of ex-AK factions and some Relentless warriors reportedly looking for a new challenge. There were also big changes afoot within Relentless, with Hank admitting that they have now officially left the Insurgency Alliance in the wake of their defeat to JFK.
"We simply felt a change was needed in order to spark new challenge for our group and we didn't want to feel anchored by map politics that would have been the case if we stayed. Whilst we still wish to remain friends with SA, CR, and FTW we also want to make some new friendships to help take Relentless forward to a stronger position."
It will be interesting to see which metaphorical direction Relentless decides to take now they have left Insurgency. We know for sure which physical direction they've taken, as R has started attacking territories in Sector 3 to the north of the Race Track.
Pictured: The location of Relentless' current territories.
As you can see, Relentless is in close proximity to territories held by PT-Family, with a few ex-AK members scattered about to the south of the race track too. Is this deliberate? Could these groups be set to align themselves against their old Insurgency chums? Hank was giving nothing away, except to say that they may move down the map as time goes on.
"As you can see by our position we have started our assaults north of the map and will move south, claiming rackets as we move through. Whilst there is no destination known at this stage we are just wanting to have a bit of fun and make the most of the challenges that Torn has to offer."
THE NEXT CHAPTER
With the Animal Kingdom divided, Forged Through War turning into the Holy See, and Relentless shunted out to the north, you may be forgiven for thinking that there won't be much warring come Valentine's Day. But if rumours are to be believed, that could not be further from the truth, according to Paul of JFK.
"The result of this war caused the forums to sound off on the proposed ranks of the top 5 factions. From this, there was a widespread call for two wars that the Torn community wanted to see most: SA vs. NS to settle the score of who is #1 and who is #2, and CR vs JFK to settle #3 vs #4."
Paul believes that these wars won't happen until all four factions' leaders have a common understanding with each other. He also feels that the cost of warring means that the big dogs won't start a ruckus until changes are made to the medical system - changes that have been promised in the weekly Patch Notes. Rumours of an imminent SA / NS war are also undermined by the fact that Natural Selection is planning to blockade Switzerland tonight.
Pictured: Not anymore you're not.
However, since this blockade will only last until midnight on the 12th, there is a small chance that this war could still happen. Thanks to a broad network of contacts that makes Varys look like a billy no-mates, I have heard from revivers in several different revive factions that orders for a significant number of revives have been made in recent days, with contracts already arranged to cover the next few weeks of action.
"I have a feeling there is more war to come... Factions already ask for contracts for wars which might happen in a week or even later. Seems like they wanna make sure now that revivers are not all booked again already."
The reviver who told me this was part of a faction who were reviving Proxy Alliance members recently, indicating that either they are gearing up for a fight against the AK interlopers, or that Subversive Alliance is ready to tussle with Natural Selection. The former seems more likely than the latter, but we can live in hope!
In the meantime, we may get to watch JFK vs Chain Reaction fight on the undercard. This is the opinion of one reviver who was recently involved in helping JFK defeat Relentless. I was told that their contract with JFK extends far beyond their win over R, which hints that JFK may be preparing for a tussle with Chain Reaction soon. MeanMike of CR doesn't expect this fight to happen this weekend, but he is confident we won't have to wait too long either.
"Nah, I don't see much going on this week, but I think that the wars may have given a group or two some confidence and we might finally see some of the wars that the community has been clamoring for (bats eyelashes at Z_Junior)"
Pictured: Stop it Mike, you're making me blush in my downstairs parts.
MeanMike praised Z_junior for bringing JFK back to the top of the rankings, calling it a great recovery. He notes that JFK have "a pep in their step now", and that Z has them feeling like they could win. Mike added that it would be a truly great war if JFK and CR were to face off, regardless of the result, and that it needs to happen so that a clear #3 ranked faction can be established in Torn.
So will this war happen? Will MeanMike's outrageous flirtations mean he gets his man? I shall end this article with Z_junior's response, which was bullish, to say the least.
"JFK has never been afraid of any fight. Anyone who wants to come here and challenge our 20 moonshine racket is welcome to try. Especially when the potential enemy holds lands full of riches and offers billions in prizes. The days of trying to make the fight fair, the days of equipping cricket bats, chainsaws and other termed wars are long gone."
"We saw it in NS1&2 assaulting Relentless. We saw it in CR1&2 assaulting IBB. We saw it in SA family assaulting AK... Both the past and the present teach us that when it comes to real wars, only victory matters, and to the victor goes the spoils. So to those who want it, we say come and try."
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