sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Hear from the NS bomber. Find out who Fernando really is. Discover the Valentine's contest winners. And read our analysis into whether the latest revive changes have really led to more wars.
Would you like to read a whole bunch of stories that were interesting, but not so interesting that they deserved their own article? I sure hope so, otherwise what was the f**king point in writing all of this? In this issue of the Torn Local News, you can find out what the anonymous dirty bomber thinks, how a 55-day-old player made it into the HoF, whether territorial wars have increased, and much, much more.
DIRTY BOMBER SPEAKS OUT
Tornobyl was one of the defining events of 2019, a period of rampant nuclear warfare that shook the city to its dirty rotten core. And with four Dirty Bombs having now been detonated in just nine days, some people are wondering if we are heading for a repeat performance.
In case you're unaware, Tornobyl began on the 15th of September, 2019, when in the space of just 13 hours, three Dirty Bombs were set off in quick succession. Two more followed the next day, and the next day, with a triple strike taking place on the 18th. By the end of the year, 27 Dirty Bombs had been let off since that first nuclear three-way, with most of them detonated between the 15th of September and the 8th of October.
These attacks were triggered by a dispute between Relentless and the authorities over an issue related to the Bookies. This era was chronicled in the meme annals as Tornobyl, and the memories of this time have been reignited by the latest slew of Dirty Bomb attacks. So could there really be another months-long nuclear war brewing in Torn City?
Pictured: Time to bust out the radiation memes bois.
Probably not, but it's fun to speculate anyway. The first DB was let off by Hcom3 as a goodbye present to the city - we'll hear more from him later. Two of the recent DBs were let off by Bling_Bling and aimed towards Mentos & Cola. If you want to read his reasoning you can do so here, and here. I don't want to, but you can if you're at a loose end.
In between Bling_Bling's nukes there was another Dirty Bomb strike, a hit made upon Natural Selection for which nobody has yet claimed responsibility. As I have access to the official DB logs I am able to see who dropped this bomb, and the secret bomber agreed to provide me with the following anonymous quote:
"Having a lot of fun keeping these guys talking while I stand in silence... Let justice be served or the heavens will fall."
So will Natural Selection fight back soon? It seems so, as several people contacted me earlier this month to tell me that several members of NS' bomb faction had fallen ill with radiation poisoning recently.
EGG ADVICE
Bigger Image
HALL OF FAME AT 55 DAYS
LustyWildDexxy contacted The Times to share their achievement of getting to 250th place in the Hall of Fame defends table... at 55 days old! She managed to achieve this by chasing merits, being incorrectly labelled as a loss scammer, and through the purchase of losses that she funded with bought DPs and gambling profits.
Pictured: Many new players are defensive, but not in this way.
LWD created a loss buying thread in the attacking forum, and in doing so gained a regular cycle of players willing to lose to her. She soon found that her rank in the defends list had jumped considerably, and she soon had a 300 kill streak. At this point LWD contacted Wolfsharp, the leader of Supreme Losers, who have a large base of loss sellers at their disposal.
"I paid for 230 defends at 450k each. The attacks came extremely fast and I overshot the 500 killstreak mark, I was at about 3k defends now, so I thought, why not, I did 3k in 2 weeks, another 2 weeks and I would be in the top 250 with a nice honor bar."
LustyWildDexxxy's progress continued after she met two other loss selling groups and a few individual loss sellers too. She plans to continue buying losses in April at a slower pace, but LWD still believes she'll hit the top 20 before Christmas, and thus claim the title of the youngest account in the official HoF.
HE DID THE MATH(S)
SAVE THE DATE
Mr_Taylor and Littleboo are getting married in Torn on the 14th of April, and they're getting married for real on that date too! Isn't that lovely? Mr_Taylor explains how they met below.
"I'm currently 27, Littleboo is 34. We first met 10-11 years ago, through a family friend. she was pregnant with her 3rd child and I was a horny teenager. For me it was love instantly, she was smoking hot and the pregnancy didn't show. Haha unfortunately at the time I thought she was in a relationship with the child's father (they weren't but I overthink)."
There's a lot going on there, and that's not even the half of it! Littleboo and Mr_Taylor have dated twice in the past, and the soon-to-be Mr Boo says it "didn't end very well" on both occasions - at one point, they didn't speak for four years. Let's hope that doesn't happen again when she finds out how much of their past Mr_Taylor has shared here!
"In those 4 years, I had my 1st child, got a good career as a cleaner at my local hospital, and got hooked on Torn. Meanwhile, Littleboo moved to the opposite side of the country, started riding a motorbike, and got signed to a modeling agency."
Who wants to be a motorbike riding model when you can play Torn in your underwear all day, am I right? No, I am completely wrong. I'm going to become a motorbike riding model this weekend. Anyway, Littleboo moved back into Mr_Taylor's area, they reconnected on DnD, and after a little persistence, he managed to force his paramour onto a more time-consuming endeavor - Torn City.
"We spoke of our future and decided after all that was said and done if we could still feel the same as we did it was time to make it forever. We are now due to marry on April 14th and that is the day I plan to marry her on here too. I'm sorry to my current OT spouse, we spoke and I hope he understands."
We at the Torn City Times would like to wish Mr_Taylor and Littleboo well in their forthcoming online and offline nuptials. I can imagine the wedding speeches will be quite the ride.
A "FUN" FACT
A NEW GOON IN TOWN
It appears that Duke Calabrese has added some South American flair to his operation through the recruitment of a ruthless yet sensual assassin known as Fingers Fernando.
Little is known about the Latin lothario who appears to have arrived in the city last Tuesday. What we do know is that his real name is Fernando Maria Fernandez, and while we are curious as to how he got the nickname "Fingers", the staff of the Torn City Times are too committed to their existing romantic relationships to try and find out.
Those who have fought Fernando have noticed that he has a tendency to wield a 9mm Uzi, Smoke Grenades, and a unique weapon that appears to be some kind of Poison Umbrella. In the pursuit of knowledge, this reporter attempted to engage with Mr Fernandez earlier this morning, and you will be glad to know my left hand is now crippled
Pictured: There are easier ways to achieve "the stranger" than sitting on your hand all day.
The Poison Umbrella appears to be capable of imparting multiple effects upon its victim, including the ability to cripple, weaken, slow, and wither them. No Torn citizens have managed to wrest the Poison Umbrella from Fernando's grasp as yet, with his drops thus far limited to Feathery Hotel Coupons and Bandit Masks - the ingredients for a sensual night if ever I heard them.
But it's surely a matter of time before someone takes Fernando's Poison Umbrella. And only then will we know just how powerful this weapon can be.
500 AWARDS EXACTLY
Last month, we speculated that the existence of the Honored award for achieving 500 awards may make it impossible for anyone to hold precisely 500 awards, given that its triggering would immediately bump you up to 501. BurningWinters thinks differently.
"I think there could be a way to be at exactly 500 awards, but not sure. Seeing how medals only trigger when you go and see them on the awards page, you could set it so that your award #500 is a medal and not an honor and maybe it triggers HONORED award without updating medal count, thus staying at 500 awards, but dunno, next guy getting to 500 should try it lol."
If you try this and succeed, let us know!
EDIT: Proxima has already done this. Let us know if you have too.
"My 500th honour was "souvenir", so I had exactly 500 awards till I landed."
TERRITORY WAR STATS
Chedburn released the final stage of the medical revamp this Tuesday with the addition of a new limitation applied to the Early Discharge mechanic. It's too early to say how this might affect territorial wars going forward, but we can look back over the past month's logs to see how the previous changes have affected things.
In last month's Local News article, we analysed territory war data from the 1st of December 2020 to the 19th of February 2021. Here's what we found out.
45.4% of territorial attacks were won
16.3% of territorial attacks failed
37.9% of territorial attacks ended in peace treaty
0.4% of territorial attacks ended in destruction
Looking at the data from the 23rd of February onwards, we find that these numbers have shifted massively in favour of peace treaties.
40% of territorial attacks were won
15.4% of territorial attacks failed
44.6% of territorial attacks ended in peace treaty
0% of territorial attacks ended in destruction
The average war length has dipped slightly from 1.24 days pre-changes to 1.17 days at present. The most common war length was and remains 0.6 days, with 25.3% lasting this long previously, and 24.3% of territorial wars doing so today. The second most common length was 3 days, with 17.8% of wars lasting the full duration. This remains the case, but the share of full, 3-day wars has fallen to 16.5%.
LARGE LINK
Of course, the main reason for these changes was a desire to see the number of wars increase in Torn City. The total number of wars occurring per day has gone up from 13.09 pre-change to 16.45 post-change. These calculations are based on the wars from 1st Dec 2020 - 23 Feb 2021 and 23 Feb 2021 - 19th March 2021. We will continue to report on these statistics as the year goes on, but at this early stage, it appears that the medical revamp is working as intended.
If you would like to investigate this data further, you may do so using the territorial logs found below. Give me a nudge to update them if you need me to.
TERRITORIAL LOGS
A BOUNTY ON MY HEAD
Numerous players have sent this message to my inbox to forewarn me of a threat against my life. I have my suspicions as to who my anonymous foe is, but anyone who can prove their identity will be rewarded with a gift from my personal inventory, and nudes from my personal Yahoo Geocities website - which I assume is still running.
FREEVIVES FLOURISH
CelestialKiller contacted The Times to share some interesting things they noticed about revivers during their recent war.
"Well first of all with the new system some revives are getting failed(obvi) but this is becoming a waste of energy for the revivers, and freevives just to earn higher skill level is becoming commonplace now. This is not necessarily bad but still, the introduction of skill levels might prevent the entry of newer people to the reviving business, and I can already see the reviving prices going up for premium revives which gets you 100%."
It was also noted that revivers seemingly need to have a skill level of 75+ to be involved in a revive contract. Even so, new revivers reportedly still do have their place in revive factions, even if they are having to grind freevives to increase their abilities. The charge for a failed revive appears to be $300k, with a Xanax paid for success. And in a 1v1 war, only 30-40 revivers are needed, as opposed to the 100 or so that were often employed previously.
CelestialKiller went on to describe how their recent war was decided mostly by stats, rather than activity or outside help. He added that it took his faction just 15 hours to lose their territory, and he would like to see some kind of faction cooldown applied whereby factions are barred from attacking the same side again too quickly. Yet despite his concerns, CK feels positive about the future under the new system.
"We have to adapt to the new changes not write them off as such and yes we can also think of what to add to make it better who knows this might open up a newer face of torn City we never would have seen coming. Peace out."
CREATIVE WRITING COMPETITION
Are the voices in your head compelling you to write? Don't let the doctor shoo them away with fancy-pants medication. Instead, why not enter your brain-noises to TonyCream's Creative Writing Competition for the chance to win fabulous prizes?
The brief is to write a 500-750 word short story based around the themes of misdirection, deception, and subterfuge. The stories have to be in English and must be set in Torn City. Entries should be posted in response to the Competition Thread by midnight on April 1st. This is not an official Torn event, so there are no ribbons and prizes available, but the Torn City Times has agreed to donate some prizes - because we're nice like that.
"The comp is currently doing well and we've received some great submissions as of now. I've had a good amount of messages to tell me that people are enjoying reading the content too." - TonyCream
ANOTHER COMPETITION
Are you full of time and Torn knowledge? Then enter nomoretime's speed quiz that takes place on the 26th of March. There is no fee and no need to sign up to take part. All you need to do is visit the forum link we've posted above and wait for nomoretime to post the first quiz at midnight on the 26th.
There will be four rounds of questions running at 00:00, 05:15, 10:15, and 15:15. Players will have a limited amount of time to submit their answers via mail to nomoretime after they have been posted. Whoever gets the highest score will win the round, with time to be used as a tiebreaker in the event of two people having the same score.
Once more, this competition is not an official Torn event, but we will be donating some items to be given away as prizes - because honestly, we have loads of DPs. I just gave one to the alligator penis guy.
VALENTINE'S VICTORS
We picked the winners of the Valentine's competition last week, and the stench of love must have still been in the air, as hardly anyone complained about our decisions for once!
The Torn Love Hearts competition was won by Alicia-Ohera, with Jonicorn in second, and Heretic in third. We judged this on a combination of artistic merit, amusing love heart slogans, and brevity - because you can't fit a whole f**king essay on 2cm candy.
Torn Romantic Dinner was another weird competition with criteria that attracted some interesting entries. And by interesting, I mean s**t. We asked for players to photograph some nice-looking meals that they would serve to a Torn character, and then set this meal on the table opposite them. Most people just took pictures of their lunch, and DonPedroSelecta's entry depressed the judges beyond tablets, but in the end, despite our fragile mental state, we were forced to choose some winners.
Vladar won, with JACKO in second, and Absinthian in third. But the judges were the real winners here, and by winners, I mean we all need therapy.
Pictured: I don't know why this image is now sideways, but it is.
The Valentine's Card competition was a welcome reminder of what people can actually achieve if they have talent and put some effort in. There are many great artists in Torn, and we are eternally grateful that they continue to waste their time and abilities on our silly little competitions. Fluffy-Kitten won, with Poussky and MJH in joint-second, and Daisyj and Mysteria in joint third.
The Tornonovella Contest was our final Valentine's-themed competition. In this event, we asked players to record a one-minute radio Telenovella set in Torn City. We actually received some good entries into this competition, many of which were littered with mildly racist accents - accents which we thoroughly enjoyed. The winner was Mgvel with his entry "Tornhibited Love". JackTheWolf and SamuelKulb came in second, and Jigsarnak and Featheather finished in third.
Tornhibited Love - LISTEN NOW
You can expect the Easter Community Events to open up sometime around the beginning of April. The judges are already excited at the prospect of looking at hundreds of badly-painted eggs and dogs wearing bunny ears.
HCOM3'S GOODBYE
Hcom3 said goodbye to Torn in the most explosive way possible earlier this month, when he launched a nuke at Subversive Alliance on the 10th of March. Oran interviewed Hcom3 before he left, and if you'd like to read the thoughts of a departing player, you can do so by following this link.
TORN CITY TIMES SUBMISSIONS
Many of the stories you've read today were informed by news snippets sent in via the Torn City Times Tell Your Story page. If I think your story is interesting enough, and I remember to send you a Donator Pack, you will receive a Donator Pack in return for your story... if I remember, and you're not a d**k about it.
We take all kinds of gossip at the TCT, from war stories and faction drama through to interesting observations and predictions. We are also currently accepting item market tips for our next Market Report, which is due to be published early in April. And if you disagree with any of the things we've published in today's article, feel free to contact us and set the record straight by Telling Your Story.
DIRTY BOMBER SPEAKS OUT
Tornobyl was one of the defining events of 2019, a period of rampant nuclear warfare that shook the city to its dirty rotten core. And with four Dirty Bombs having now been detonated in just nine days, some people are wondering if we are heading for a repeat performance.
In case you're unaware, Tornobyl began on the 15th of September, 2019, when in the space of just 13 hours, three Dirty Bombs were set off in quick succession. Two more followed the next day, and the next day, with a triple strike taking place on the 18th. By the end of the year, 27 Dirty Bombs had been let off since that first nuclear three-way, with most of them detonated between the 15th of September and the 8th of October.
These attacks were triggered by a dispute between Relentless and the authorities over an issue related to the Bookies. This era was chronicled in the meme annals as Tornobyl, and the memories of this time have been reignited by the latest slew of Dirty Bomb attacks. So could there really be another months-long nuclear war brewing in Torn City?
Pictured: Time to bust out the radiation memes bois.
Probably not, but it's fun to speculate anyway. The first DB was let off by Hcom3 as a goodbye present to the city - we'll hear more from him later. Two of the recent DBs were let off by Bling_Bling and aimed towards Mentos & Cola. If you want to read his reasoning you can do so here, and here. I don't want to, but you can if you're at a loose end.
In between Bling_Bling's nukes there was another Dirty Bomb strike, a hit made upon Natural Selection for which nobody has yet claimed responsibility. As I have access to the official DB logs I am able to see who dropped this bomb, and the secret bomber agreed to provide me with the following anonymous quote:
"Having a lot of fun keeping these guys talking while I stand in silence... Let justice be served or the heavens will fall."
So will Natural Selection fight back soon? It seems so, as several people contacted me earlier this month to tell me that several members of NS' bomb faction had fallen ill with radiation poisoning recently.
EGG ADVICE
Bigger Image
HALL OF FAME AT 55 DAYS
LustyWildDexxy contacted The Times to share their achievement of getting to 250th place in the Hall of Fame defends table... at 55 days old! She managed to achieve this by chasing merits, being incorrectly labelled as a loss scammer, and through the purchase of losses that she funded with bought DPs and gambling profits.
Pictured: Many new players are defensive, but not in this way.
LWD created a loss buying thread in the attacking forum, and in doing so gained a regular cycle of players willing to lose to her. She soon found that her rank in the defends list had jumped considerably, and she soon had a 300 kill streak. At this point LWD contacted Wolfsharp, the leader of Supreme Losers, who have a large base of loss sellers at their disposal.
"I paid for 230 defends at 450k each. The attacks came extremely fast and I overshot the 500 killstreak mark, I was at about 3k defends now, so I thought, why not, I did 3k in 2 weeks, another 2 weeks and I would be in the top 250 with a nice honor bar."
LustyWildDexxxy's progress continued after she met two other loss selling groups and a few individual loss sellers too. She plans to continue buying losses in April at a slower pace, but LWD still believes she'll hit the top 20 before Christmas, and thus claim the title of the youngest account in the official HoF.
HE DID THE MATH(S)
SAVE THE DATE
Mr_Taylor and Littleboo are getting married in Torn on the 14th of April, and they're getting married for real on that date too! Isn't that lovely? Mr_Taylor explains how they met below.
"I'm currently 27, Littleboo is 34. We first met 10-11 years ago, through a family friend. she was pregnant with her 3rd child and I was a horny teenager. For me it was love instantly, she was smoking hot and the pregnancy didn't show. Haha unfortunately at the time I thought she was in a relationship with the child's father (they weren't but I overthink)."
There's a lot going on there, and that's not even the half of it! Littleboo and Mr_Taylor have dated twice in the past, and the soon-to-be Mr Boo says it "didn't end very well" on both occasions - at one point, they didn't speak for four years. Let's hope that doesn't happen again when she finds out how much of their past Mr_Taylor has shared here!
"In those 4 years, I had my 1st child, got a good career as a cleaner at my local hospital, and got hooked on Torn. Meanwhile, Littleboo moved to the opposite side of the country, started riding a motorbike, and got signed to a modeling agency."
Who wants to be a motorbike riding model when you can play Torn in your underwear all day, am I right? No, I am completely wrong. I'm going to become a motorbike riding model this weekend. Anyway, Littleboo moved back into Mr_Taylor's area, they reconnected on DnD, and after a little persistence, he managed to force his paramour onto a more time-consuming endeavor - Torn City.
"We spoke of our future and decided after all that was said and done if we could still feel the same as we did it was time to make it forever. We are now due to marry on April 14th and that is the day I plan to marry her on here too. I'm sorry to my current OT spouse, we spoke and I hope he understands."
We at the Torn City Times would like to wish Mr_Taylor and Littleboo well in their forthcoming online and offline nuptials. I can imagine the wedding speeches will be quite the ride.
A "FUN" FACT
A NEW GOON IN TOWN
It appears that Duke Calabrese has added some South American flair to his operation through the recruitment of a ruthless yet sensual assassin known as Fingers Fernando.
Little is known about the Latin lothario who appears to have arrived in the city last Tuesday. What we do know is that his real name is Fernando Maria Fernandez, and while we are curious as to how he got the nickname "Fingers", the staff of the Torn City Times are too committed to their existing romantic relationships to try and find out.
Those who have fought Fernando have noticed that he has a tendency to wield a 9mm Uzi, Smoke Grenades, and a unique weapon that appears to be some kind of Poison Umbrella. In the pursuit of knowledge, this reporter attempted to engage with Mr Fernandez earlier this morning, and you will be glad to know my left hand is now crippled
Pictured: There are easier ways to achieve "the stranger" than sitting on your hand all day.
The Poison Umbrella appears to be capable of imparting multiple effects upon its victim, including the ability to cripple, weaken, slow, and wither them. No Torn citizens have managed to wrest the Poison Umbrella from Fernando's grasp as yet, with his drops thus far limited to Feathery Hotel Coupons and Bandit Masks - the ingredients for a sensual night if ever I heard them.
But it's surely a matter of time before someone takes Fernando's Poison Umbrella. And only then will we know just how powerful this weapon can be.
500 AWARDS EXACTLY
Last month, we speculated that the existence of the Honored award for achieving 500 awards may make it impossible for anyone to hold precisely 500 awards, given that its triggering would immediately bump you up to 501. BurningWinters thinks differently.
"I think there could be a way to be at exactly 500 awards, but not sure. Seeing how medals only trigger when you go and see them on the awards page, you could set it so that your award #500 is a medal and not an honor and maybe it triggers HONORED award without updating medal count, thus staying at 500 awards, but dunno, next guy getting to 500 should try it lol."
If you try this and succeed, let us know!
EDIT: Proxima has already done this. Let us know if you have too.
"My 500th honour was "souvenir", so I had exactly 500 awards till I landed."
TERRITORY WAR STATS
Chedburn released the final stage of the medical revamp this Tuesday with the addition of a new limitation applied to the Early Discharge mechanic. It's too early to say how this might affect territorial wars going forward, but we can look back over the past month's logs to see how the previous changes have affected things.
In last month's Local News article, we analysed territory war data from the 1st of December 2020 to the 19th of February 2021. Here's what we found out.
45.4% of territorial attacks were won
16.3% of territorial attacks failed
37.9% of territorial attacks ended in peace treaty
0.4% of territorial attacks ended in destruction
Looking at the data from the 23rd of February onwards, we find that these numbers have shifted massively in favour of peace treaties.
40% of territorial attacks were won
15.4% of territorial attacks failed
44.6% of territorial attacks ended in peace treaty
0% of territorial attacks ended in destruction
The average war length has dipped slightly from 1.24 days pre-changes to 1.17 days at present. The most common war length was and remains 0.6 days, with 25.3% lasting this long previously, and 24.3% of territorial wars doing so today. The second most common length was 3 days, with 17.8% of wars lasting the full duration. This remains the case, but the share of full, 3-day wars has fallen to 16.5%.
LARGE LINK
Of course, the main reason for these changes was a desire to see the number of wars increase in Torn City. The total number of wars occurring per day has gone up from 13.09 pre-change to 16.45 post-change. These calculations are based on the wars from 1st Dec 2020 - 23 Feb 2021 and 23 Feb 2021 - 19th March 2021. We will continue to report on these statistics as the year goes on, but at this early stage, it appears that the medical revamp is working as intended.
If you would like to investigate this data further, you may do so using the territorial logs found below. Give me a nudge to update them if you need me to.
TERRITORIAL LOGS
A BOUNTY ON MY HEAD
Numerous players have sent this message to my inbox to forewarn me of a threat against my life. I have my suspicions as to who my anonymous foe is, but anyone who can prove their identity will be rewarded with a gift from my personal inventory, and nudes from my personal Yahoo Geocities website - which I assume is still running.
FREEVIVES FLOURISH
CelestialKiller contacted The Times to share some interesting things they noticed about revivers during their recent war.
"Well first of all with the new system some revives are getting failed(obvi) but this is becoming a waste of energy for the revivers, and freevives just to earn higher skill level is becoming commonplace now. This is not necessarily bad but still, the introduction of skill levels might prevent the entry of newer people to the reviving business, and I can already see the reviving prices going up for premium revives which gets you 100%."
It was also noted that revivers seemingly need to have a skill level of 75+ to be involved in a revive contract. Even so, new revivers reportedly still do have their place in revive factions, even if they are having to grind freevives to increase their abilities. The charge for a failed revive appears to be $300k, with a Xanax paid for success. And in a 1v1 war, only 30-40 revivers are needed, as opposed to the 100 or so that were often employed previously.
CelestialKiller went on to describe how their recent war was decided mostly by stats, rather than activity or outside help. He added that it took his faction just 15 hours to lose their territory, and he would like to see some kind of faction cooldown applied whereby factions are barred from attacking the same side again too quickly. Yet despite his concerns, CK feels positive about the future under the new system.
"We have to adapt to the new changes not write them off as such and yes we can also think of what to add to make it better who knows this might open up a newer face of torn City we never would have seen coming. Peace out."
CREATIVE WRITING COMPETITION
Are the voices in your head compelling you to write? Don't let the doctor shoo them away with fancy-pants medication. Instead, why not enter your brain-noises to TonyCream's Creative Writing Competition for the chance to win fabulous prizes?
The brief is to write a 500-750 word short story based around the themes of misdirection, deception, and subterfuge. The stories have to be in English and must be set in Torn City. Entries should be posted in response to the Competition Thread by midnight on April 1st. This is not an official Torn event, so there are no ribbons and prizes available, but the Torn City Times has agreed to donate some prizes - because we're nice like that.
"The comp is currently doing well and we've received some great submissions as of now. I've had a good amount of messages to tell me that people are enjoying reading the content too." - TonyCream
ANOTHER COMPETITION
Are you full of time and Torn knowledge? Then enter nomoretime's speed quiz that takes place on the 26th of March. There is no fee and no need to sign up to take part. All you need to do is visit the forum link we've posted above and wait for nomoretime to post the first quiz at midnight on the 26th.
There will be four rounds of questions running at 00:00, 05:15, 10:15, and 15:15. Players will have a limited amount of time to submit their answers via mail to nomoretime after they have been posted. Whoever gets the highest score will win the round, with time to be used as a tiebreaker in the event of two people having the same score.
Once more, this competition is not an official Torn event, but we will be donating some items to be given away as prizes - because honestly, we have loads of DPs. I just gave one to the alligator penis guy.
VALENTINE'S VICTORS
We picked the winners of the Valentine's competition last week, and the stench of love must have still been in the air, as hardly anyone complained about our decisions for once!
The Torn Love Hearts competition was won by Alicia-Ohera, with Jonicorn in second, and Heretic in third. We judged this on a combination of artistic merit, amusing love heart slogans, and brevity - because you can't fit a whole f**king essay on 2cm candy.
Torn Romantic Dinner was another weird competition with criteria that attracted some interesting entries. And by interesting, I mean s**t. We asked for players to photograph some nice-looking meals that they would serve to a Torn character, and then set this meal on the table opposite them. Most people just took pictures of their lunch, and DonPedroSelecta's entry depressed the judges beyond tablets, but in the end, despite our fragile mental state, we were forced to choose some winners.
Vladar won, with JACKO in second, and Absinthian in third. But the judges were the real winners here, and by winners, I mean we all need therapy.
Pictured: I don't know why this image is now sideways, but it is.
The Valentine's Card competition was a welcome reminder of what people can actually achieve if they have talent and put some effort in. There are many great artists in Torn, and we are eternally grateful that they continue to waste their time and abilities on our silly little competitions. Fluffy-Kitten won, with Poussky and MJH in joint-second, and Daisyj and Mysteria in joint third.
The Tornonovella Contest was our final Valentine's-themed competition. In this event, we asked players to record a one-minute radio Telenovella set in Torn City. We actually received some good entries into this competition, many of which were littered with mildly racist accents - accents which we thoroughly enjoyed. The winner was Mgvel with his entry "Tornhibited Love". JackTheWolf and SamuelKulb came in second, and Jigsarnak and Featheather finished in third.
Tornhibited Love - LISTEN NOW
You can expect the Easter Community Events to open up sometime around the beginning of April. The judges are already excited at the prospect of looking at hundreds of badly-painted eggs and dogs wearing bunny ears.
HCOM3'S GOODBYE
Hcom3 said goodbye to Torn in the most explosive way possible earlier this month, when he launched a nuke at Subversive Alliance on the 10th of March. Oran interviewed Hcom3 before he left, and if you'd like to read the thoughts of a departing player, you can do so by following this link.
TORN CITY TIMES SUBMISSIONS
Many of the stories you've read today were informed by news snippets sent in via the Torn City Times Tell Your Story page. If I think your story is interesting enough, and I remember to send you a Donator Pack, you will receive a Donator Pack in return for your story... if I remember, and you're not a d**k about it.
We take all kinds of gossip at the TCT, from war stories and faction drama through to interesting observations and predictions. We are also currently accepting item market tips for our next Market Report, which is due to be published early in April. And if you disagree with any of the things we've published in today's article, feel free to contact us and set the record straight by Telling Your Story.
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