sugarvalves [1963573] —
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Newly-updated electronics item intended for minor energy use. All existing consoles converted for your convenience and pleasure. Further electronic items to follow suit.
Hundreds of pale-looking men with questionable hygiene and nothing better to do have been seen queuing up at the item market today for a chance to get their hands on the brand new Games Console. The Games Console is a generically named gaming device that has been imported from China, where unscrupulous engineers have cobbled together parts from various existing consoles to create a machine specifically suited to the needs of Torn citizens.
Import restrictions imposed upon Torn in the early 2000s have meant that Torn’s gamer community has been unable to access the latest consoles for nearly two decades now, leaving them stuck with the original generations of the Playstation and Xbox. Back in 2018, one brave soul attempted to smuggle fifty PS4's into Torn, but was caught by US customs and forced to drink eight litres of gamer-girl bathwater as punishment. He remains in a fugue state to this day.
Torn’s original consoles were limited in their usage, as they provided 8-15 happiness in return for 5 energy. The new Games Console is different, as it allows players to choose whether to use 1, 3, or 5 energy in return for varying amounts of happiness. While the Games Console won't be of great use to everyone, it does provide an outlet for those with surplus energy that cannot be used elsewhere. The use of lower-tier energy drinks and faction specials can result in players being left with energy values that are non-multiples of 5 - a real bitch for anyone with OCD.
Players who previously owned a Playstation, Xbox, or Xbox 360 have already had their devices replaced and upgraded by a specialist team of Console Home Invaders who have accessed your property without your knowledge or permission. If you had one of these consoles in your display case, your new console can be found in your inventory instead. You're welcome.
If you don't already own a Games Console, then you may have to find one via the City Map if you wish to avoid the price gougers. Item Market sellers were offering Xboxes and Playstations for between $50-90,000 this morning. As soon as news broke that the Games Console upgrade was coming, many consoles were repriced to between $400,000 and $2 million. Don't you just f***ing hate console scalpers?
Games Consoles can be found in the Electronics section of the Item Market. But if you'd prefer to avoid the crowds, or you'd like to indulge in some price gouging yourself, then why not start buying up all of the Big Screen TVs, CD Players, and MP3 players? These items are useless at present, but from next week, they too will provide happiness for energy in the same way that the Games Console does.
At the time of writing, MP3 players were going for $450 a pop, with CD Players selling for $970, and Big Screen TVs on offer for $1,500. If the general public believes our previous statement about these items, you can expect their value to skyrocket in line with Games Consoles. But if you're one of those people who thinks that the Torn City Times peddles "Fake News" whenever we quote a player saying something you disagree with, then maybe you won't believe us, and the remaining electronics won't rise by that much after all.
What I can confirm for certain is that DVD players will remain useless for the foreseeable future, as, sadly, will microwaves - unless someone starts a Microwave suggestion thread that gets 250 upvotes and forces Chedburn into warm, rotating submission.
"You watch the microwave go round and round for five minutes as it partially cooks your Trout - meh, it's better than staring at a blank wall. You receive 38 happiness for 1 energy."
Import restrictions imposed upon Torn in the early 2000s have meant that Torn’s gamer community has been unable to access the latest consoles for nearly two decades now, leaving them stuck with the original generations of the Playstation and Xbox. Back in 2018, one brave soul attempted to smuggle fifty PS4's into Torn, but was caught by US customs and forced to drink eight litres of gamer-girl bathwater as punishment. He remains in a fugue state to this day.
Torn’s original consoles were limited in their usage, as they provided 8-15 happiness in return for 5 energy. The new Games Console is different, as it allows players to choose whether to use 1, 3, or 5 energy in return for varying amounts of happiness. While the Games Console won't be of great use to everyone, it does provide an outlet for those with surplus energy that cannot be used elsewhere. The use of lower-tier energy drinks and faction specials can result in players being left with energy values that are non-multiples of 5 - a real bitch for anyone with OCD.
Players who previously owned a Playstation, Xbox, or Xbox 360 have already had their devices replaced and upgraded by a specialist team of Console Home Invaders who have accessed your property without your knowledge or permission. If you had one of these consoles in your display case, your new console can be found in your inventory instead. You're welcome.
If you don't already own a Games Console, then you may have to find one via the City Map if you wish to avoid the price gougers. Item Market sellers were offering Xboxes and Playstations for between $50-90,000 this morning. As soon as news broke that the Games Console upgrade was coming, many consoles were repriced to between $400,000 and $2 million. Don't you just f***ing hate console scalpers?
Games Consoles can be found in the Electronics section of the Item Market. But if you'd prefer to avoid the crowds, or you'd like to indulge in some price gouging yourself, then why not start buying up all of the Big Screen TVs, CD Players, and MP3 players? These items are useless at present, but from next week, they too will provide happiness for energy in the same way that the Games Console does.
At the time of writing, MP3 players were going for $450 a pop, with CD Players selling for $970, and Big Screen TVs on offer for $1,500. If the general public believes our previous statement about these items, you can expect their value to skyrocket in line with Games Consoles. But if you're one of those people who thinks that the Torn City Times peddles "Fake News" whenever we quote a player saying something you disagree with, then maybe you won't believe us, and the remaining electronics won't rise by that much after all.
What I can confirm for certain is that DVD players will remain useless for the foreseeable future, as, sadly, will microwaves - unless someone starts a Microwave suggestion thread that gets 250 upvotes and forces Chedburn into warm, rotating submission.
"You watch the microwave go round and round for five minutes as it partially cooks your Trout - meh, it's better than staring at a blank wall. You receive 38 happiness for 1 energy."
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