sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Find out why Monarch and IBB nearly went to war, which stock's market cap has risen over 300%, and what the members of Natural Selection have been doing for the environment in our Local News roundup.
Some news has happened. I cannot make it unhappen. Here, in no particular order, is that news.
MONARCH BACK DOWN?
In the last week of July, we received news that the newly-formed Monarch faction family was about to war against IBB and Aftermath. Aftermath is a 2.1m respect faction ranked 125th in the HoF, and while we have not seen anything to suggest they are allied to IBB, they do appear on more than friendly terms.
The following faction message from Aftermath's leader Ozarks proves that his side are happy to work with IBB, and that they were readying themselves this week for an imminent attack.
IBB, who occupies 17 territories in Sector 5 on the east side of the City, beat Natural Selection II in a closely fought termed war over at FBG and EBG in mid-July. The Bikinis looked in fine fettle during this conflict, and if Monarch were up for it, a fight between the 1st and 2nd ranked HoF factions is something many would like to see.
The prospect of such a clash seemed likely when Monarch was spotted to the west of IBB's territories, next to The UnLeashed Sykoz. With their butterfly nets at the ready, IBB and Aftermath friends began preparing for war.
This message confirms that both Aftermath and IBB were on alert and stacked ready to war against Torn's latest megafaction, Monarch, who were formed earlier this year when the members of Relentless and Mentos and Cola decided to merge. Monarch's faction profile seemed to confirm that they too were ready for battle, with their status marked as "War" - and it was in a big red box, so you know it was serious.
But war never came. On the 28th of July, a peace treaty was established between Monarch and IBB for 100 days. My source in IBB suggests that their leadership initially assumed that Monarch was coming for the Bikini boys and girls, and that threats may have been made, but any potential conflict was called off. IBB Leader MightyGoober confirmed this version of events in a brief interview with The Times:
"I didn't want a long drawn out expensive war. We could have put up walls and made it slow for over a month. We came to agreeable terms for both parties. Good luck to whoever is next."
Pictured: Lame
One eagle-eyed observer noted that Monarch Engineering, the faction built out of what used to be MnC, also briefly changed their profile description to War! This was soon changed after the Peace Treaty, though, and it now reads "Definitely not participating in any war." Meanwhile, Monarch's status is "Chaining", whereas Monarch Research says "Merger in Progress".
So what gives? Are Monarch's leaders playing silly f***ers? Or is there an actual plan at play here? In a leaked chat, Aftermath leader Ozarks expressed the opinion that Monarch's top dogs are trying to cause a distraction so that their true target is caught unawares when they eventually attack.
Aftermath and IBB appear to be the only factions in their area who didn't receive an offer from Monarch to keep their territories. The two factions understandably took this as a sign that their lands were under threat, but Ozarks seems to believe that Monarch's true target lies farther south, in the form of Natural Selection.
Evidence that seemed to back up Ozarks' theory came in the form of a message from an anonymous member of Medix n' Chill, a faction whose 15 territories are currently the only thing separating Monarch from Natural Selection 2 down at The Docks. This healer told us that a member of Monarch was seen in their faction on the 28th, but what they were doing there is anyone's guess.
Further rumours reached us on Wednesday and Thursday that Monarch Engineering would still be fighting IBB, with Monarch main set to square off against PT. An unnamed member of Monarch Engineering seemed to partially confirm and contradict these whisperings by saying that Monarch Engineering would be fighting PT at 4.30 TCT. Realistassasin then confirmed rumours of some kind of forthcoming war in the forums, when he replied to SA's Rockem suggesting that a fight against his faction would be a warmup.
Another development to this story came early on Friday when we were informed that a large number of players from both PT and Monarch were in South Africa. Nearly twenty members of both factions, including Monarch leader and friend of the newspaper Hank, were spotted in the country during World Tiger Day. But it appears many of these warriors have found it tough to leave since then, with both sides reportedly trading flight delays in an attempt to inconvenience their rivals.
"Unfortunately I don’t have many details as I wasn’t directly involved but faction chat saw a lot of people being flight delayed (RealistAssasin from Monarch organising them) during the tiger event so PT delayed a number of Monarch members in response - once it started it snowballed and they’ve been going back and forth all event." - Anon PT member.
Could it be that PT and Monarch have arranged a termed war that they're all desperate to get back to? Or are they just having a little fun with each other away from prying eyes in Johannesburg? We are as yet unsure. A battle between the two would certainly be interesting, especially as PT allied themselves with Chain Reaction towards the end of June.
"About Monarch, they are a recently merged HOF faction, I would not be surprised if they approach CRyPTo for a termed war to test their roster." - Xanty, PT Leader
However, having only pupated last month, I find it unlikely that Monarch would take on an alliance as fearsome as CRyPTo this early on. Thus far, these former caterpillars have limited themselves to foraging in the undergrowth looking for sustenance. Monarch Engineering were seen removing the Buttgrass Inc faction from several east-side territories towards the end of July. Monarch Research can be found to the west of the Race Track bothering no-one. And the main Monarch faction seems content with its territories north of The Docks - for now.
Pictured: I have no idea if this is relevant, but I liked it.
UPDATE: Monarch Research have updated their description.
DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?
A player called Pslewth contacted The Times looking for a player called Gux. He says this player was once a member of the Honey Badgers, but he has since lost track of him. Pslewth would like to find this person to wish him the best. Isn't that nice? Help a guy out, won't you?
STOCK MOVEMENTS
There have been some interesting movements in the stock market over the past month, but we're going to begin this short stocks round-up by looking at how the Munster stock has performed since its release on the 6th of July.
Having opened at a price of $424.12, MUN initially lost value and dipped below $400 a share on July 15th. However, Munster's stock has since recovered and is now valued at $431 at the time of writing. It currently has a market cap of $1.51 trillion, with 3.4 billion shares owned.
Munster's first month performance ranks it 24th out of 32 stocks in terms of its Market Cap. The Feathery Hotels Group retains its place at the top of the list with a $25.2 billion cap, up 2.84% since the 6th, with its price drop from $661 to $617 a share resulting in an increase in shareholders of 16.47%.
Pictured: FHG one-month share price.
Insured On Us has shot up from 12th to take 2nd in the rankings thanks to a 336.40% increase in shareholders. IOU fell by just $5.40 in price over the past month, and yet its Market Cap has rocketed by 310% to $18.8 trillion. IOU's dividend provides $12 million for every block owned, so either someone's crunched the numbers and realised the ROI is more favourable now, or these changes are simply the result of a few speculative investors. More shares are owned in IOU than any other company, with its 135 billion shares outstripping second-placed Yazoo by nearly 40 billion shares.
Pictured: Biggest share increases this month.
McSmoogle retains its place in third on the Market Cap list having increased its cap and share total by 32.2% and 39.6% respectively. This increase has been fuelled partly by a $63 drop in its share price, but we suspect it has also been driven by the imminent need of Torn's citizens for s**tloads of extra energy ahead of the year's attacking events.
Conversely, Big Al's has seen one of the biggest market cap drops this month, falling by 70.2% after its share price increased by 4.3%. We believe that this rise caused many to sell up, not because 4.3% is a particularly large gain, but because it seems that this stock won't be doing much else anytime soon. The biggest fall was seen by International School (IST), which lost 82.4% of its market cap after its share price rose by 11% this month.
Pictured: Biggest Market Cap decreases this month.
You can see a full table of these numbers by accessing my Stocks 3.0 Google Sheet and clicking the Monthlies tab at the bottom.
MORE MANIPULATION?
We're going to be doing an article on the beer manipulation scandal ahead of International Beer Day next month, so please get in contact with the TCT if you have any info on this corrupt trading behaviour. Alternatively, why not tell us how you'll be using the 5x boost to nerve on Beer Day. A donator pack will be paid out for any interesting stories used in our article.
NS DOWN BY 12
One anonymous player who definitely isn't trying to deflect attention from their own faction pointed out that Natural Selection II's membership has fallen recently.
"May be worth mentioning that NS2 is down 12 members since the IBB war. Did folks leave? Were they kicked? Hmmmm."
Do you know why NS II has lost members? Are you one of those who left? Let us know.
UPDATE: Rhino of NS II kindly offered us the following information.
"2 left for Monarch, all provided notice before the war. 3 are in NS3 and 7 were kicked. There was also one guy you missed that ragequit after someone pointed out his performance wasn't brilliant."
Legion also told us that they had left NS II to guest in another faction, but they feel that some of those who left were examples of the faction trimming the fat after the termed war with IBB.
ELIMINATION MERCS
Remember when we did that article on LarryStooge's Bounty Depot, the best and only bounty service in Torn City? It was so well received, wasn't it? We received so many messages thanking us for our work, so we thought we'd do a little follow-up. Because we've just heard from one of the workers at BD that they're planning to interfere in Elimination this year, in an attempt to earn a little extra summer cash.
"The infamous bounty depot has expanded its business and opened doors to mercenary work. With no care for elims alliances we are willing to attack anyone for the right price. Always open to weird contracts." - Anon Bounty Depot Worker
Are you a rich player planning to hire mercs to help your team win Elimination? Or maybe you're the owner of a rival bounty firm too stupid and/or lazy to get in touch with us. Why don't you get in touch with us? And we'll advertise your services in exchange forpictures of your big toes crushing grapes absolutely nothing.
NS STEP UP CONSERVATION EFFORTS
World Tiger Day was almost over when this article was being written, with thousands of people having flown to South Africa to claim the rewards on offer for hunting several rare creatures. Whereas the regular assortment of beasts available to hunt will net you 4-5 figures for each carcass, the corpses of the Addax, Pangolin, and Cape Vulture will net you between 6 and 7 figures if you manage to track them down.
These poor creatures are all under threat of extinction in the real world, but in Torn City, they have the benefit of armed protection. SirJJ contacted us to reveal that he'd seen members of Natural Selection stepping in to protect these rare beasts from harm.
"A few faction members decided to fly to SA, not for hunting but to hospitalize other players in an attempt to protect the endangered animals. Mostly from Natural Selection family that I know of maybe a few others as well. When I left slightly over an hour into it there was 130 in the hospital."
"There were about 1200 people in SA not sure how many were there for hunting and how many were there to protect the animals."
OH, NEVER MIND
Just before we published this article, Pslewth got in touch with the Torn City Times to tell us that they no longer need our help to track down their missing friend.
"The good news is that he is an expectant father and has no time for the game a short-term."
Pslewth didn't add any bad news, but he didn't have to. Children are bad news. RIP to your friend's stats.
STAT ENHANCER SCAM?
Resurrector00 wants to draw your attention to a potential scam being run in the Fun and Games forum.
"There is a new game called "Stat Enhancers Weekly Giveaway" hosted by Fendi. All you got to do is bounty him to be in with a chance of winning! As soon as the thread was created there was a winner, today the second winner was announced. It all seemed sus to me so I clicked on the profiles of the winners and their in the same faction, I then clicked on Fendi and he is too apart of the same faction."
Ressurector00 believes that Fendi is sending these stat enhancers to his factionmates, and they are likely being sent back to him. Meanwhile, the competition's entrants are being scammed out of money for a prize they won't win, just to give the scammers free defends and merits. Have you entered this competition? Are you one of the organisers and you'd like to defend yourselves? Contact the Torn City Times today.
ELIMINATION VOTES CONTINUE TO INSPIRE
Have you been following our Elimination team polls in General Discussion? If not, you've missed out on the chance to vote in some of your favourite Elimination teams, and complain about the fact that we're not making any new ones! What an offer.
Each poll contains a list of between six and seven Elimination team names for you to choose from. You may choose only one team in each round, and at the end of each 48-hour poll, the top three go through to the next round. Our sixth of eight initial polls opened on Thursday, with two more to go before we make our final choice. Here are the teams that have made it through so far:
Short Bus, Spartans, Lettuce Win
Keyboard Warriors, Field Mice, Total Bankers
Dongs, Cereal Killers, Victorious Secret
Pandemic, Nasty Surprise, Knitting Circle
Chicken Nuggets, Original Gangsters, Snowflakes
Once all eight polls are done we will have 24 teams left. Because neither you nor I can be bothered with these votes anymore, we're going to Brando the f***er and give you one big 24-team poll to end this s**tshow. This poll will run from the 4th to the 8th, and because I don't like any of you whatsoever, you'll get just one vote to allocate to one of the 24 teams available. After 96 hours of voting, the top 12 will be the teams we use in this year's Elimination event.
MR AND MS TORN
The Mr and Ms Torn Stat Dump thread posted by KingLouisCLXXII was fascinating, so thanks to them for sharing that, and to CRLF for providing much of the data used in the report. We've got a few stats of our own to add to that, if you're interested in that sort of thing! If you aren't, what the f**k are you doing here in the first place?
The first stat that really stands out to me is that of the 3,974,445 votes cast during Mr and Ms Torn, 58% (2,309,787) were made on Mr Torn entries, compared to 42% (1,664,658) on Ms Torn entries. There were a hell of a lot more Mr Torn entries than Ms Torn entries, however, with 884 Mr Torns compared to 229 Ms Torns, resulting in percentages of 79% and 21% out of the total 1,113 entries made.
It appears, therefore, that Ms Torn attracted a hugely disproportionate share of the votes, which is almost entirely due to the sheer number of perverts, shut-ins, and puritanical fishwives residing in Torn City.
The winner of Mr Torn, QuietSilence, received 3,850 votes in total, which was 0.16% of all votes cast in the male category. Second and third took 2,879 and 4,117 votes respectively, but out of the top 15, it was 4th-placed Heasleys4hemp who received the most attention, with 4,246 votes cast his way.
Ms Torn was won by _Krysis_ and she took 0.53% of the ladies' vote, with 8,925 people rating her image. The second and third-placed players in Ms Torn received 9,968 and 7,621 votes, but it was Helzwar007 whose entry received the most out of the top 15, as her image was voted on 10,090 times.
If you wanted to finish in the top 10% of the entries in order to receive the maximum 10 competition tokens, you needed to score a minimum of 4.13 as Mr Torn and 5.44 as Ms Torn.
PT ACQUIRE SHADOWRAZERS
It has already been announced that the PT faction family as taken on Shadowrazers as a sub, but if you didn't know that, then yes, they have. Here's a screenshot I was leaked regarding the announcement.
Xanty, PT's leader, had the following to say about their recruitment of Shadowrazers.
"The thinking behind the acquisition of Shadowrazers is quite simple, Trex is a dear PT friend and we've been working together for a couple of years and with Trex looking for a way to continue pushing his faction forward, he saw PT as a natural successor to the excellent work he's done at SR. We aren't looking to buy factions, we bought Shadowrazers to keep them within the family, however, if a good opportunity shows up might happen."
FRAGILE WINGS?
We began with a story about Monarch, so let's end with another one. Are the delicate wings of the Monarch butterfly starting to crumble already? It appears so, based on one insider's observations of the newly-formed faction family.
"From a leadership perspective I can see it's only MD and old MnC members keeping the factions alive. Hank treats everyone like a bot, realist puts in a lot of work tho and that seems to pay off in terms of recruitment, but I wouldn't be surprised if Monarch fails hard in a year or 2."
"They have minions here especially Anis and DrVoid who are decent but it's clear that they don't like how things work, very subtly I can see they almost hate the faction. I'm guessing it has to do with the name, Monarch has been very hard for everyone here to identify it with, it isn't very brandable per se."
UPDATE: DrVoid denies the claims made by my anonymous source.
"I know that you are paid for salt mining in this game through the articles. But the information, at least this time, is 2000% wrong. Before writing that up you should have seen my profile picture. I was the one who made it. I wouldn't do that if I were to hate the name of my faction. And I doubt there are many factions out there which work on the principles they were agreed upon like Monarch does." - DrVoid
In related news, I was leaked the Monarch Family rules via a Google Doc some time ago. Sadly, it appears my suggested addition to Rule 6 was rejected by their wise and powerful leadership. Feel free to add your own suggestions via the link above.
MONARCH BACK DOWN?
In the last week of July, we received news that the newly-formed Monarch faction family was about to war against IBB and Aftermath. Aftermath is a 2.1m respect faction ranked 125th in the HoF, and while we have not seen anything to suggest they are allied to IBB, they do appear on more than friendly terms.
The following faction message from Aftermath's leader Ozarks proves that his side are happy to work with IBB, and that they were readying themselves this week for an imminent attack.
IBB, who occupies 17 territories in Sector 5 on the east side of the City, beat Natural Selection II in a closely fought termed war over at FBG and EBG in mid-July. The Bikinis looked in fine fettle during this conflict, and if Monarch were up for it, a fight between the 1st and 2nd ranked HoF factions is something many would like to see.
The prospect of such a clash seemed likely when Monarch was spotted to the west of IBB's territories, next to The UnLeashed Sykoz. With their butterfly nets at the ready, IBB and Aftermath friends began preparing for war.
This message confirms that both Aftermath and IBB were on alert and stacked ready to war against Torn's latest megafaction, Monarch, who were formed earlier this year when the members of Relentless and Mentos and Cola decided to merge. Monarch's faction profile seemed to confirm that they too were ready for battle, with their status marked as "War" - and it was in a big red box, so you know it was serious.
But war never came. On the 28th of July, a peace treaty was established between Monarch and IBB for 100 days. My source in IBB suggests that their leadership initially assumed that Monarch was coming for the Bikini boys and girls, and that threats may have been made, but any potential conflict was called off. IBB Leader MightyGoober confirmed this version of events in a brief interview with The Times:
"I didn't want a long drawn out expensive war. We could have put up walls and made it slow for over a month. We came to agreeable terms for both parties. Good luck to whoever is next."
Pictured: Lame
One eagle-eyed observer noted that Monarch Engineering, the faction built out of what used to be MnC, also briefly changed their profile description to War! This was soon changed after the Peace Treaty, though, and it now reads "Definitely not participating in any war." Meanwhile, Monarch's status is "Chaining", whereas Monarch Research says "Merger in Progress".
So what gives? Are Monarch's leaders playing silly f***ers? Or is there an actual plan at play here? In a leaked chat, Aftermath leader Ozarks expressed the opinion that Monarch's top dogs are trying to cause a distraction so that their true target is caught unawares when they eventually attack.
Aftermath and IBB appear to be the only factions in their area who didn't receive an offer from Monarch to keep their territories. The two factions understandably took this as a sign that their lands were under threat, but Ozarks seems to believe that Monarch's true target lies farther south, in the form of Natural Selection.
Evidence that seemed to back up Ozarks' theory came in the form of a message from an anonymous member of Medix n' Chill, a faction whose 15 territories are currently the only thing separating Monarch from Natural Selection 2 down at The Docks. This healer told us that a member of Monarch was seen in their faction on the 28th, but what they were doing there is anyone's guess.
Further rumours reached us on Wednesday and Thursday that Monarch Engineering would still be fighting IBB, with Monarch main set to square off against PT. An unnamed member of Monarch Engineering seemed to partially confirm and contradict these whisperings by saying that Monarch Engineering would be fighting PT at 4.30 TCT. Realistassasin then confirmed rumours of some kind of forthcoming war in the forums, when he replied to SA's Rockem suggesting that a fight against his faction would be a warmup.
Another development to this story came early on Friday when we were informed that a large number of players from both PT and Monarch were in South Africa. Nearly twenty members of both factions, including Monarch leader and friend of the newspaper Hank, were spotted in the country during World Tiger Day. But it appears many of these warriors have found it tough to leave since then, with both sides reportedly trading flight delays in an attempt to inconvenience their rivals.
"Unfortunately I don’t have many details as I wasn’t directly involved but faction chat saw a lot of people being flight delayed (RealistAssasin from Monarch organising them) during the tiger event so PT delayed a number of Monarch members in response - once it started it snowballed and they’ve been going back and forth all event." - Anon PT member.
Could it be that PT and Monarch have arranged a termed war that they're all desperate to get back to? Or are they just having a little fun with each other away from prying eyes in Johannesburg? We are as yet unsure. A battle between the two would certainly be interesting, especially as PT allied themselves with Chain Reaction towards the end of June.
"About Monarch, they are a recently merged HOF faction, I would not be surprised if they approach CRyPTo for a termed war to test their roster." - Xanty, PT Leader
However, having only pupated last month, I find it unlikely that Monarch would take on an alliance as fearsome as CRyPTo this early on. Thus far, these former caterpillars have limited themselves to foraging in the undergrowth looking for sustenance. Monarch Engineering were seen removing the Buttgrass Inc faction from several east-side territories towards the end of July. Monarch Research can be found to the west of the Race Track bothering no-one. And the main Monarch faction seems content with its territories north of The Docks - for now.
Pictured: I have no idea if this is relevant, but I liked it.
UPDATE: Monarch Research have updated their description.
DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?
A player called Pslewth contacted The Times looking for a player called Gux. He says this player was once a member of the Honey Badgers, but he has since lost track of him. Pslewth would like to find this person to wish him the best. Isn't that nice? Help a guy out, won't you?
STOCK MOVEMENTS
There have been some interesting movements in the stock market over the past month, but we're going to begin this short stocks round-up by looking at how the Munster stock has performed since its release on the 6th of July.
Having opened at a price of $424.12, MUN initially lost value and dipped below $400 a share on July 15th. However, Munster's stock has since recovered and is now valued at $431 at the time of writing. It currently has a market cap of $1.51 trillion, with 3.4 billion shares owned.
Munster's first month performance ranks it 24th out of 32 stocks in terms of its Market Cap. The Feathery Hotels Group retains its place at the top of the list with a $25.2 billion cap, up 2.84% since the 6th, with its price drop from $661 to $617 a share resulting in an increase in shareholders of 16.47%.
Pictured: FHG one-month share price.
Insured On Us has shot up from 12th to take 2nd in the rankings thanks to a 336.40% increase in shareholders. IOU fell by just $5.40 in price over the past month, and yet its Market Cap has rocketed by 310% to $18.8 trillion. IOU's dividend provides $12 million for every block owned, so either someone's crunched the numbers and realised the ROI is more favourable now, or these changes are simply the result of a few speculative investors. More shares are owned in IOU than any other company, with its 135 billion shares outstripping second-placed Yazoo by nearly 40 billion shares.
Pictured: Biggest share increases this month.
McSmoogle retains its place in third on the Market Cap list having increased its cap and share total by 32.2% and 39.6% respectively. This increase has been fuelled partly by a $63 drop in its share price, but we suspect it has also been driven by the imminent need of Torn's citizens for s**tloads of extra energy ahead of the year's attacking events.
Conversely, Big Al's has seen one of the biggest market cap drops this month, falling by 70.2% after its share price increased by 4.3%. We believe that this rise caused many to sell up, not because 4.3% is a particularly large gain, but because it seems that this stock won't be doing much else anytime soon. The biggest fall was seen by International School (IST), which lost 82.4% of its market cap after its share price rose by 11% this month.
Pictured: Biggest Market Cap decreases this month.
You can see a full table of these numbers by accessing my Stocks 3.0 Google Sheet and clicking the Monthlies tab at the bottom.
MORE MANIPULATION?
We're going to be doing an article on the beer manipulation scandal ahead of International Beer Day next month, so please get in contact with the TCT if you have any info on this corrupt trading behaviour. Alternatively, why not tell us how you'll be using the 5x boost to nerve on Beer Day. A donator pack will be paid out for any interesting stories used in our article.
NS DOWN BY 12
One anonymous player who definitely isn't trying to deflect attention from their own faction pointed out that Natural Selection II's membership has fallen recently.
"May be worth mentioning that NS2 is down 12 members since the IBB war. Did folks leave? Were they kicked? Hmmmm."
Do you know why NS II has lost members? Are you one of those who left? Let us know.
UPDATE: Rhino of NS II kindly offered us the following information.
"2 left for Monarch, all provided notice before the war. 3 are in NS3 and 7 were kicked. There was also one guy you missed that ragequit after someone pointed out his performance wasn't brilliant."
Legion also told us that they had left NS II to guest in another faction, but they feel that some of those who left were examples of the faction trimming the fat after the termed war with IBB.
ELIMINATION MERCS
Remember when we did that article on LarryStooge's Bounty Depot, the best and only bounty service in Torn City? It was so well received, wasn't it? We received so many messages thanking us for our work, so we thought we'd do a little follow-up. Because we've just heard from one of the workers at BD that they're planning to interfere in Elimination this year, in an attempt to earn a little extra summer cash.
"The infamous bounty depot has expanded its business and opened doors to mercenary work. With no care for elims alliances we are willing to attack anyone for the right price. Always open to weird contracts." - Anon Bounty Depot Worker
Are you a rich player planning to hire mercs to help your team win Elimination? Or maybe you're the owner of a rival bounty firm too stupid and/or lazy to get in touch with us. Why don't you get in touch with us? And we'll advertise your services in exchange for
NS STEP UP CONSERVATION EFFORTS
World Tiger Day was almost over when this article was being written, with thousands of people having flown to South Africa to claim the rewards on offer for hunting several rare creatures. Whereas the regular assortment of beasts available to hunt will net you 4-5 figures for each carcass, the corpses of the Addax, Pangolin, and Cape Vulture will net you between 6 and 7 figures if you manage to track them down.
These poor creatures are all under threat of extinction in the real world, but in Torn City, they have the benefit of armed protection. SirJJ contacted us to reveal that he'd seen members of Natural Selection stepping in to protect these rare beasts from harm.
"A few faction members decided to fly to SA, not for hunting but to hospitalize other players in an attempt to protect the endangered animals. Mostly from Natural Selection family that I know of maybe a few others as well. When I left slightly over an hour into it there was 130 in the hospital."
"There were about 1200 people in SA not sure how many were there for hunting and how many were there to protect the animals."
OH, NEVER MIND
Just before we published this article, Pslewth got in touch with the Torn City Times to tell us that they no longer need our help to track down their missing friend.
"The good news is that he is an expectant father and has no time for the game a short-term."
Pslewth didn't add any bad news, but he didn't have to. Children are bad news. RIP to your friend's stats.
STAT ENHANCER SCAM?
Resurrector00 wants to draw your attention to a potential scam being run in the Fun and Games forum.
"There is a new game called "Stat Enhancers Weekly Giveaway" hosted by Fendi. All you got to do is bounty him to be in with a chance of winning! As soon as the thread was created there was a winner, today the second winner was announced. It all seemed sus to me so I clicked on the profiles of the winners and their in the same faction, I then clicked on Fendi and he is too apart of the same faction."
Ressurector00 believes that Fendi is sending these stat enhancers to his factionmates, and they are likely being sent back to him. Meanwhile, the competition's entrants are being scammed out of money for a prize they won't win, just to give the scammers free defends and merits. Have you entered this competition? Are you one of the organisers and you'd like to defend yourselves? Contact the Torn City Times today.
ELIMINATION VOTES CONTINUE TO INSPIRE
Have you been following our Elimination team polls in General Discussion? If not, you've missed out on the chance to vote in some of your favourite Elimination teams, and complain about the fact that we're not making any new ones! What an offer.
Each poll contains a list of between six and seven Elimination team names for you to choose from. You may choose only one team in each round, and at the end of each 48-hour poll, the top three go through to the next round. Our sixth of eight initial polls opened on Thursday, with two more to go before we make our final choice. Here are the teams that have made it through so far:
Short Bus, Spartans, Lettuce Win
Keyboard Warriors, Field Mice, Total Bankers
Dongs, Cereal Killers, Victorious Secret
Pandemic, Nasty Surprise, Knitting Circle
Chicken Nuggets, Original Gangsters, Snowflakes
Once all eight polls are done we will have 24 teams left. Because neither you nor I can be bothered with these votes anymore, we're going to Brando the f***er and give you one big 24-team poll to end this s**tshow. This poll will run from the 4th to the 8th, and because I don't like any of you whatsoever, you'll get just one vote to allocate to one of the 24 teams available. After 96 hours of voting, the top 12 will be the teams we use in this year's Elimination event.
MR AND MS TORN
The Mr and Ms Torn Stat Dump thread posted by KingLouisCLXXII was fascinating, so thanks to them for sharing that, and to CRLF for providing much of the data used in the report. We've got a few stats of our own to add to that, if you're interested in that sort of thing! If you aren't, what the f**k are you doing here in the first place?
The first stat that really stands out to me is that of the 3,974,445 votes cast during Mr and Ms Torn, 58% (2,309,787) were made on Mr Torn entries, compared to 42% (1,664,658) on Ms Torn entries. There were a hell of a lot more Mr Torn entries than Ms Torn entries, however, with 884 Mr Torns compared to 229 Ms Torns, resulting in percentages of 79% and 21% out of the total 1,113 entries made.
It appears, therefore, that Ms Torn attracted a hugely disproportionate share of the votes, which is almost entirely due to the sheer number of perverts, shut-ins, and puritanical fishwives residing in Torn City.
The winner of Mr Torn, QuietSilence, received 3,850 votes in total, which was 0.16% of all votes cast in the male category. Second and third took 2,879 and 4,117 votes respectively, but out of the top 15, it was 4th-placed Heasleys4hemp who received the most attention, with 4,246 votes cast his way.
Ms Torn was won by _Krysis_ and she took 0.53% of the ladies' vote, with 8,925 people rating her image. The second and third-placed players in Ms Torn received 9,968 and 7,621 votes, but it was Helzwar007 whose entry received the most out of the top 15, as her image was voted on 10,090 times.
If you wanted to finish in the top 10% of the entries in order to receive the maximum 10 competition tokens, you needed to score a minimum of 4.13 as Mr Torn and 5.44 as Ms Torn.
PT ACQUIRE SHADOWRAZERS
It has already been announced that the PT faction family as taken on Shadowrazers as a sub, but if you didn't know that, then yes, they have. Here's a screenshot I was leaked regarding the announcement.
Xanty, PT's leader, had the following to say about their recruitment of Shadowrazers.
"The thinking behind the acquisition of Shadowrazers is quite simple, Trex is a dear PT friend and we've been working together for a couple of years and with Trex looking for a way to continue pushing his faction forward, he saw PT as a natural successor to the excellent work he's done at SR. We aren't looking to buy factions, we bought Shadowrazers to keep them within the family, however, if a good opportunity shows up might happen."
FRAGILE WINGS?
We began with a story about Monarch, so let's end with another one. Are the delicate wings of the Monarch butterfly starting to crumble already? It appears so, based on one insider's observations of the newly-formed faction family.
"From a leadership perspective I can see it's only MD and old MnC members keeping the factions alive. Hank treats everyone like a bot, realist puts in a lot of work tho and that seems to pay off in terms of recruitment, but I wouldn't be surprised if Monarch fails hard in a year or 2."
"They have minions here especially Anis and DrVoid who are decent but it's clear that they don't like how things work, very subtly I can see they almost hate the faction. I'm guessing it has to do with the name, Monarch has been very hard for everyone here to identify it with, it isn't very brandable per se."
UPDATE: DrVoid denies the claims made by my anonymous source.
"I know that you are paid for salt mining in this game through the articles. But the information, at least this time, is 2000% wrong. Before writing that up you should have seen my profile picture. I was the one who made it. I wouldn't do that if I were to hate the name of my faction. And I doubt there are many factions out there which work on the principles they were agreed upon like Monarch does." - DrVoid
In related news, I was leaked the Monarch Family rules via a Google Doc some time ago. Sadly, it appears my suggested addition to Rule 6 was rejected by their wise and powerful leadership. Feel free to add your own suggestions via the link above.
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