sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Find out what went down during Elimination's final few hours, along with the truth behind the alliances, the top ten attackers, and how many hits you needed to get the maximum competition tokens.
Illuminati are the 2021 Elimination champions having defeated the Dongs at 4:15am this morning. Their win was something of an inevitability in the end after the anti-Illuminati alliance fell apart dramatically, but that doesn't mean they had it easy, as we're about to find out in our rundown of the final stages of Elimination 2021.
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The Keyboard Warriors were knocked out on Monday after their hopes were raised and then dashed by the introduction of a new member to their alliance. Just before our previous article was released, news broke that G.O.A.T. had finally flipped on their long-term allies, Illuminati. At this point, it looked like there was a 4v1 situation in place, with Illuminati seemingly on their way out.
Illuminati responded by making tens of thousands of attacks in retaliation over the course of the next 24 hours. It's highly likely that Illuminati was aware of G.O.A.T.s betrayal long before it was made public, but they delayed their assault in order to prioritise the elimination of the Keyboard Warriors. This happened much sooner than we expected due to yet another development - the unexpected flipping of the Dongs over to the side of the Illuminati.
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An anonymous source told me the reason the Dongs did this was that G.O.A.T. refused to allow any of their new chums to take tickets from them to strengthen their positions, and this made their allies nervous. KW leader Euphoria confirmed that she blames the Goats for their elimination.
"Nova allowed us to bleed once lettuce went out, whereas he should have flipped sooner so we could zero illu and begin to take their lives." - Euphoria
The Dongs had been wagging their little doggy dinguses anxiously for a while, as they already had suspicions about some of their other allies. These suspicions turned into full-blown paranoia over the weekend when Dong leadership received word that they were for the chop once Illuminati had been eliminated.
Pictured: The stench of betrayal.
KW leader Euphoria confirmed to the Times that their fear was justified.
"I flipped earlier so we could have goat choose who went out next, we assumed they would target by strength. So we could get lettuce out, then dongs, and then flip with bus for a 3v1 at end." - Euphoria
Based on this comment, it initially appears that the Dongs were right to betray their allies, as they could hope for nothing better than fourth unless they flipped. But the Dongs were hardly helping the alliance before this announcement, as the hit records show that Dongs were making nearly three times as many attacks against Short Bus than they were the Illuminati, and this is when they were supposed to be allies.
Dongs' primary focus at the time was G.O.A.T. even though the Keyboard Warriors were still in the competition and needed help. So at a time when all four teams should've been focused on weakening the Illuminati, only Short Bus and Keyboards were hitting them as their first choice. This fact apparently went unnoticed by both, leaving them shocked when the Dongs changed the course of the Elimination finalé in exchange for a second-place finish.
"Ya now Dongs flipped. Cause they have like 2 brain cells between all of their leaders. And would rather accept second than help nova." - Euphoria
Screenshots provided by Euphoria indicate that the presence of Nova on the G.O.A.T. leadership team was a major factor in Dongs' decision to flip. Euphoria predicted this would happen, and yet even though she feels KW could have worked out a deal that would've seen them brush off this setback and negotiate third or fourth, first was the only place they were ever interested in taking.
The Keyboard Warriors lost the last of their 100 lives at 07:30 am on the 20th. If you buy into Euphoria's viewpoint, it seems that they suffered due to the betrayal of others, and perhaps deserved to finish much higher than they did. But Paul of the Keyboard Warriors disagrees - he feels this is a reframing of what actually went down.
"Honestly, I was planning on keeping my comments to myself until I saw how our team pretty much set out on a defamation campaign against dongs with the goal of blaming them for our abject failure. The truth is, we dug our grave long before then. Our mortal wound was not something existential or out of our control. The fact is, we flipped to the anti-Illuminati alliance on an absolute whim." - Paul
Paul says that in the days leading up to the decision, promises were made in KW council that a flip absolutely would not happen. He revealed that there was even a joint Illuminati-Keyboards Discord where specific teams would be targeted during pushes. The partnership with Illuminati was a long-term strategy, and for the most part, it appears the majority of KW members supported it. So why the change?
"I have no earthly idea. Because on Monday (two days before we flipped), council was pleading with Euphoria to consider what we were saying - that a flip needed to be imminent and that we needed GOATs with us. We could not do it without them. I cannot remember a single piece of advice that council gave our leader that was actually acted on." - Paul
Paul pointed out that hitting your allies and then flipping over to them doesn't make any sense, and he's right, as by that time they were halfway dead. It's like burning your neighbour's house down and then asking if you can stay the night, or asking your lover to take a trip south after you've spent the evening feeding them Carolina Reapers. Shall I put a picture in here to illustrate that metaphor? Naa, best not to. Here's a quote instead.
"Why did we have zero heads up to prepare. We could've stacked. We could've at the very least let our Booster CDs drop. We did none of that. Our leader simply posted in discord a new target and then proceeded to log off for the rest of the night without any additional messaging, instructions, or directions." - Paul
The result of Keyboards' flip was to see Illuminati soar to new heights, whereas KW's ticket count plummeted. Whatever anyone thinks about alliances, flips, or the Illuminati's dominance, the results show that this was a terrible decision by the Keyboards. Interestingly, one anonymous KW member blames their leadership's personalities for their defeat more than the decision itself, revealing that MightyGoober was banned from the KW discord, while also claiming that Paul and Link- were the only leaders seen talking to members regularly.
"What I'm seeing is leadership and about 10 simps blindly following anything euph says, and about 60% of the team getting tired of the slow gameplay and want to actually make moves. Surprised they ever found the balls to flip on illumi tbh, we begged for it for years and response was "wE kNoW wHaT wE'rE dOiNg."
"Oh, and there's more pictures of foreskin in the KW discord than actual planning." - Anon
YOU'VE GOAT TO BE KIDDING?
With the Dongs now allied to Illuminati, the Elimination competition was effectively over with several days left to go. The only question remaining was whether Short Bus or G.O.A.T. would be able to stick it out long enough to grab third place. The Goats were confident that they could hang on, because as the following meme suggests, that's what they're good at, right? Hanging on?
The Goats were doing precisely that for a while, as after Keyboards were kicked we saw a constant back and forth take place between them and Short Bus. Then, at 11 am on Tuesday morning, that thing happened. You know when you're watching a nature documentary and you see a mountain goat halfway up a cliff and you're praying it doesn't slip? And then...
Pictured: The kind of drop that would make even David Attenborough squeal like a startled schoolgirl.
The Goats lost 59 lives in a row, leading to their elimination at 1:45 am on Wednesday. Nova explained that this happened because his side was "3v1ed and our onliners had their medical cooldowns maxed, that’s all." I can't comment on the med cooldowns, but the stats show that Illuminati made 5,000 attacks against G.O.A.T. over their final 24 hours, with 2,137 coming from Dongs and just 804 made by Short Bus.
Not that it matters, given that this was a fight for third place and nothing more. But could the Goats have done a little better than this? I haven't seen much criticism of Nova's leadership from within his own team, because G.O.A.T. looked as if they had played things perfectly right until the end. Cereal Killer leader Superior- even praised Nova for keeping everyone else guessing as to their loyalties.
"In our first alliance chat the best part of the comp was Nova messaging both sides with messages and we would be sharing to each other when he had no idea we knew what he was upto." - Superior-
The Torn City Times was also in the dark regarding the G.O.A.T. strategy for much of the tournament, unlike most other teams, who leaked like a pensioner in a paddling pool. An anonymous G.O.A.T. told me that their decisions were known only to leaders and councilors, and this limited sharing of information helped prevent spies and leaks from revealing their true intentions.
"Overall you can say it was a good information system on a need-to-know basis with the trust in the goat herder to point us in the right direction." - Anon GOAT
Pictured: Everyone else trying to figure out Nova's strategy.
Nova's headstrong nature and unpredictability worked in his team's favour. To many, G.O.A.T. was seen as a soft ally of Illuminati, but one that could and would be flipped eventually, when the time was right. This status certainly played a part in helping them reach the final stage of Elimination, but some believe that G.O.A.T.'s mistake was that they flipped too late. Nova disagrees.
"I flipped at the perfect time under the assumption that everyone would play for 1st and not let silly personal issues held by 5% of their team (Dongs) impact the other 95% of their team." - Nova
Nova is referring to the apparent hatred for him which persisted among the Dong leadership. Their dislike of the G.O.A.T. leader was compounded when the Dongs discovered he was part of the tripartite pact hatched with KW and SB to eliminate them if and when Illuminati could be beaten. Nova confirms the existence of this plan but denies that it ever have stood a chance of working.
"Illuminati and KW would have ended up eliminating each other and that would have given Dongs a very viable chance at coming 1st. That was ‘the plan’ but it never would have been possible and I always knew that. I was prepared in reality to face a 2v1 against Dongs and Bus." - Nova
In one final comment, Nova reaffirmed his belief that he made the right decisions when it came to flipping. He knows that Illuminati could've been removed if they had changed sides earlier, but believes this would have led to G.O.A.T. being eliminated soon after. I fear he was right. Every team has to do what is in its own best interests, it just so happens that those interests conspired to give Illuminati exactly what it wanted.
Addendum:
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Pictured: A lovely image of a Goat eating a Dong courtesy of Mysteria.
SHORT BUS STOPS
Short Bus' members should be pleased with their third-place finish given they were predicted to end up in fifth based on their stats. But in the tournament's final moments, it looked like they could've had so much more.
If the KW/SB/GOAT plan to take out Illuminati had succeeded, the Dongs were next for the chopping block. At this point, the Keyboards were weakened and could have been the next to go after the Dongs, leaving SB in a 1v1 versus the Goats in the final. This obviously didn't happen, and it's not just because the Dongs didn't want to work with Nova.
As we reported earlier this month, there were tensions between Short Bus and the Dongs after SB leader Shady69 reportedly made threats towards the Dongs. When I asked one of SB's leadership team about this report, their lack of response was rather revealing.
"Am not answering that x." - Kalaya
Despite this apparent hostility between the two teams, it appears that both SB and the Dongs knew that they needed to work together for the greater good - for a time, at least. Short Bus was originally allied to the Illuminati in the earliest days of the competition, but all of that changed when Project X was formed. Obviously, this didn't work out, and Kalaya blames those who failed to commit from the beginning.
"We needed more teams dedicated to taking Illuminati from the start, people allying with Illuminati for most of the early/mid game I guess meant that they ended up with the win." - Kalaya
Kalaya is right in that Illuminati's stranglehold on the competition could've been ended early on, but there were plenty of chances to stop it in the late game too. The moment when G.O.A.T. joined up with Short Bus, Dongs, and Keyboard Warriors was the most precarious period of the whole tournament for Illuminati, but then it all fell apart.
"Goat and Dongs wouldn't have worked together lol. And KW wouldn't have survived past Illuminati in the pushes. So by that point even if we did group on them 4 v 1, it would have turned into a 3v1 etc etc." - Kalaya
Maybe Kalaya was right, but perhaps there was one more opportunity to turn things around before the competition ended. Illuminati was hitting Short Bus hard on Tuesday, making over 5,300 attacks of their own. At this point, there was a chance for Short Bus to join up with Illuminati and Dongs to set up a 3v2 against KW and G.O.A.T. Would they take it?
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If Short Bus could've allied themselves with Dongs and Illuminati, then at least they'd have a fighting chance in a final 2v1 if they both turned on the tournament's strongest side - not a great chance, but a chance nonetheless. But it looks like this offer expired pretty quickly, as even though the Dongs required an ally to stand any hope of winning the competition, Illuminati had no such need.
They proved this by smashing G.O.A.T. with nearly 10,000 attacks in 24 hours. Meanwhile, Short Bus focused on the Illuminati, making over 5,000 attacks against them in a vain attempt to stay in the competition. G.O.A.T. decided to go after Short Bus, making nearly 6,000 attacks against them over the course of a day. The crayon eaters held out valiantly, though, and the Short Bus came to a halt at 9:45 on Wednesday morning, just a few hours after the Goats had been culled.
Pictured: Goat tries, to headbutt Short Bus... fails.
You could hardly have blamed Short Bus for downing tools after they had secured third place, but they did no such thing, making 1,640 attacks against Illuminati overnight, alongside another 1,000 that were split between Dongs and G.O.A.T.s. Short Bus refused to go down without a fight, and that alone is impressive.
My sources tell me that Short Bus leaders have been rather demanding of their own team and that this might be why their members persisted to the very end. Some newbies and low levels have complained that they were bountied due to their lack of hits, and have received numerous messages telling them to leave the competition.
"SB are locking more players into one channel, called "what-the-hell-guys" Where there's no help and no guidance and no supplies. Basically freeze us out of the discussion." - Anon SB
Another anonymous player told me that some of those who stayed were mistreated, and accused SB leaders of a "total mismanagement of new players". Short Bus leadership denies this accusation, although they do admit that some players were persuaded to leave.
"I mean it was the council who mostly did the persuading and that. And probably? But I mean we didn't get far cause we persuaded the slackers to leave, we got far cause all the active people on the bus did amazing." - Kalaya
Kicking inactive and weak players is a solid strategy, so I don't think Short Bus should be judged for that - if these accusations are even true. In the end, the biggest factor in Short Bus' defeat was the collapse of the alliance when the Dongs left. I don't know who started their decline when they invited G.O.A.T., but whoever it was may be regretting their decision right now.
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A DONG OF ICE AND FIRE
Dongs and Keyboard Warriors both seemed doomed over the weekend, with the pair fighting it out at the bottom in a desperate bid to avoid losing lives. Then, when the Dongs flipped because they hate Nova, everything changed.
As of 1 pm on Tuesday, the Dongs' life losses had been stemmed, with their link-up with Illuminati paying off massively as Short Bus and G.O.A.T. fought it out at the bottom to avoid being the next team to be eliminated. Between 1 pm on the 20th and the 21st, the Dongs received roughly 2,000 attacks each from Short Bus and G.O.A.T., but they also suffered 1,300 attacks from the Illuminati.
Were the Dongs being softened up so they couldn't provide stiff competition in the final 1v1 battle with Illuminati? Probably, although the Dongs could've been sat on 10,000 tickets and they'd still have lost, as would anyone in their position. Nevertheless, it appears that a flip was the Dongs' best chance of a high placement given the circumstances, as Whis reveals.
"I fully believe we would have been next out after illuminati if we had stuck with our previous alliance. So I believe flipping was the best choice possible for our team." - Whis
Many were critical of the Dongs decision, but I think more criticism should be reserved for those who hatched the plan to dispatch the Dongs before Illuminati had even been weakened. When this was leaked, only a fool would've turned down the chance of a guaranteed second place for an equally guaranteed fourth. So the question is who forced the Dongs into their betrayal?
"Hmm I don't think it would have been SB. Since in reality we were the only team they'd have a chance of beating 1v1, but I think if everyone else turned on us they probably would have went along. I'd probably say goats. Since it's pretty obvious nova was gunning for us basically the entire comp. So once we weren't helpful (aka illu being out) we likely would have been his first target." - Whis
Pictured: Dong leadership making the call to end Elimination 2021.
Euphoria of Keyboard Warriors believes that the Dongs are lying, and claims to have been told by an Illuminati leader that the Dongs had flipped long before they admitted to doing so.
"So Hemi acting like anyone flipping late ruined the alliance is bullshit. They weren't loyal from the getgo, and kw flipped when cereal were still alive." - Euphoria.
It really doesn't matter who is telling the truth, as the anti-Illuminati alliance was a complete s**tshow towards the end, with every member suspicious of each other, and few pulling in the right direction. Illuminati knew this, but I doubt they cared much, as by this point they knew they had already won. We know this because they told the Dongs to form an alliance with Short Bus, despite knowing it would result in a 2v1 against them.
"They're quite confident, as they should be. Since they likely would be able to beat us 2v1. Once we flipped to illu we immediately tried to get SB on board to flip as well. Unfortunately, they didn't want to do so immediately. Insisting they wait until KW is out. So we decided to put pressure on them and drop them to zero. At which point they flipped over to us. Then once KW was out, SB bled 20-something lives before we got Goats down. So at that point, a 2v1 was even less likely." - Whis
Before their Elimination, a member of the Dongs reached out to Illuminati leader Lilith with one last request. The Dongs wanted to end the competition with a 69 ticket finish. Team Illuminati voted 125 to 30 in favour of allowing this, but sadly, the decision was vetoed by leadership.
ILLUMINATI WRAP UP
The Dongs' final life went at 4:15 am this morning, resulting in Illuminati being crowned the Elimination champions. The ease at which they achieved this final victory means you could be forgiven for thinking that Illuminati had an easy ride during this competition, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
The biggest and strongest teams always have a target on their back from day one, and Illuminati was no exception. Leader LTJELLOMAN knew that his side would have to face off against several teams at once, and when the first flip against them happened he used this to inspire the Illuminati troops to push themselves harder.
"It was the very first one that put us 8v3. Sadly it got deleted but it was shared between some of the leaders. I told the team as expected we would be targeted by the majority because with us still in the game no other team would have a chance. I told them as long as they put their confidence in my hands I would never give up on them and promised them we would have a chance to win. I'm very happy to have fulfilled the promise to the team." - LTJELLOMAN
Illuminati's strategy was to avoid looking as if they were in charge of an alliance, as they felt it would make more teams willing to focus their efforts on them. LTJELLOMAN and Lilith also agreed upon a policy whereby they would never flip or backstab anyone unless they had a reason to do so, but this strategy wouldn't be enough to obtain victory.
If Illuminati was to overcome the might of several other teams all focused on destroying them, they would need an alliance of their own.
"I knew that initially, GOAT would be the second strongest team given they were almost full while the other teams were not. Given I led with Nova last year on Total Bankers, an alliance was easily made. If we went out first, they would go second and they knew that. We later pulled in Zuni with Lettuce and Euphoria with Keyboard warriors to give us a pretty strong block to start the competition off with." - Lilith
Illuminati then expanded their alliance, with Dongs, Short Bus, and Sea Men pulled in to create a 7v5 in their favour. Things were looking good for this team, especially given Nova's presence in the rival alliance's Discord and G.O.A.T.'s spreading of their attacks made it seem like they were helping the opposition. Then the warmup began, and Illuminati started to worry that they were being conspired against.
"Swatsicle told me there were big things on the move against us and that was the start of our paranoia. Initially, we planned on taking out pandemic first, but by majority vote our first target was Victorious Secret. This was later explained by the fact that Dongs/Bus/Sea Men was planning a flip on us at that time." - Lilith
Illuminati managed to re-flip Short Bus back onto their side, but they soon turned back to the small team alliance. Thankfully, the Sea Men then reversed their decision to leave and rejoined Illuminati to make it a 5v7, enabling the 5 teams to eliminate the Cereal Killers and Chicken Nuggets. Lilith says that it was around this time that the Dongs made contact with Illuminati to give them some important news.
"They warned us of a potential KW/GOAT flip around this time. This resulted in a Non-Aggression Pact between our 2 teams and a promise that they would flip when GOAT flipped." - Lilith
This confirms what Euphoria said earlier about the Dongs betraying the small-team alliance long before they turned, which justifies the secret agreement between the other teams against them. But the Dongs didn't switch over officially until late in the game, whereas Keyboards and Lettuce Win did, giving us a 3v5 situation whereby the Illuminati had only the Goats and Sea Men as their allies.
This flip resulted in Illuminati being zeroed for the first and only time in the competition, and they responded in style by inflicting the same ticket drop upon Keyboard Warriors. Lilith says that Illuminati did this to take some pressure off the Sea Men, who at this point were their only true allies.
"We knew Nova and Euph were still in contact, so we ended up pretty much locked into this alliance with no escape, succumbing to the mercy of Nova’s plans. Afterwards, we lost Sea Men in the fight against Lettuce, despite taking a good amount of lives off them."
Illuminati now found themselves with just one official ally left, G.O.A.T., an ally they knew planned to betray them. At this point, the Dongs and Illuminati were secretly complaining to each other about being trapped in alliances they did not like. This makes them sound like a couple of married people having an affair whining about how their partners just don't get them.
Illuminati reduced Keyboard Warriors' lives and managed to raise their own ticket count substantially, both of which appeared to irritate Nova. But Illum couldn't afford to annoy him too much too early, as if the Goats flipped now the Illuminati would face an unbeatable 5v1. Then Nova showed his hand. And it was f***ing massive.
"Nova woke up and 0'd lettuce to give KW a buffer, this proved my theory KW flipped to the other side to control the enemy alliance and be the last team standing on that side to guarantee final 3 with illum/goats/keyboard, so they could attempt to 2v1 us to win." - LTJELLOMAN
This didn't happen. Illuminati held firm and helped to Eliminate Lettuce win, before turning their attention to Keyboard Warriors once more. Meanwhile, G.O.A.T. was trying to pin the Dongs down, as they suspected that they may be in league with the Illuminati. But the Goats couldn't hit the Dongs as hard as Illuminati could smash the Keyboards, and when this became obvious, the Goats flipped.
Pictured: I just wanted to use this gif one last time.
Despite facing a 4v1 pile-on, the Illuminati managed to grow their own ticket count consistently in the late-game phase due to sheer persistence and hard work. Illuminati passed the 10k ticket mark late on Monday evening, and although they were reduced to 8,000 tickets by Tuesday night, they were still 5,000 ahead of their nearest rival.
"It looked to be our worst nightmare for a while, especially after losing more and more lives to KW. We still had the better ratio, but we were not necessarily having fun. Well, as leaders then, the team was singing karaoke in chat. We knew we had Dongs on standby though, but they wanted to wait a bit because we could possible get Bus on board." - Lilith
Lilith says that fourteen hours of negotiations were had with Short Bus, but they refused to flip, so Illuminati zeroed them before Keyboard Warriors were eliminated. Short Bus then agreed to help Illuminati zero the G.O.A.T.s to get third place, but it took the intervention of Beer_Bear of the Dongs before this happened, as he realised they needed to permahosp Goat onliners to allow Short Bus to gain third.
LTJELLOMAN says there was never any real threat that the Dongs' leadership would ally themselves with G.O.A.T. late on due to the hostility between the two sides. But a team is made up of more than its leaders, and we'd already seen some teams change course against the wishes of those in charge. Would this happen again?
"I was pretty confident it wouldn't happen, the hard part was their council didn't know or didn't want to work with us. My only real fear was their council changing orders while whis and hemi were sleeping." - LTJELLOMAN
It didn't happen. G.O.A.T. was eliminated, and Short Bus followed with the help of the Dongs. The Dongs themselves were dispatched a few hours later, and one of their leaders believes that the Illuminati were simply unstoppable in this situation, even if things had worked out differently between them and the Goats.
"After we flipped they legit said it's okay if you and SB wanna 2v1 us in final 3. That's when I realized we likely had no chance at 2v1'ing them. I think if prepared, they prob could have 2v1'ed any team in the comp. They're kinda insane. Not just in raw strength, but in organization as well. Their team was VERY well run by their leaders." - Whis
But who WERE the Illuminati leaders? Midway through the event, I received word that multiple Elimination champion and former team leader Stretch was working behind the scenes to orchestrate Illuminati's victory from the shadows, with MeanMike also helping out. Stretch denies this entirely and says he was merely a grunt who helped out with advice whenever he could.
"I answered questions here and there, did my best cheerleader impersonation, but overall just beat stuff up, then went on vacation and still kept trying to attack some while waiting in lines at Disney. Ltjello/lilith/tipsy/dalzador did a great job managing all the hurdles, even with all the flip-flopping of teams."
It's hard to disagree. Illuminati faced a number of obstacles en route to victory, but the skill of their leaders in dealing with an array of different teams led by disparate personalities saw them take home a well-deserved victory. It is not enough to have the most members, or the strongest, because you need a team to knit these things together with a coherent strategy.
That's exactly what LTJELLOMAN, Lilith, Tipsy, and Dalzadar did. Congratulations to the Illuminati!
Addendum: Did you know that the Illuminati had a genuine member of the Masonic order among their ranks? Say hello toColonel Sanders' brother real-life Freemason, MasterFreeMason!
STATISTICS
Here are some numbers from this year's Elimination, along with my picks for the standout young players from each team.
Victorious Secret
Predicted: 6th
Result: 12th
Top Scorer: Manannan - 288
ImTheSteve impressed me, with this 84-day-old player making 181 attacks at level 29 to end up near the top of his team's second page. Gem also performed well, becoming her side's second-top scorer at 445 days old and level 69.
Pandemic
Predicted: 11th
Result: 11th
Top Scorer: Evil-Duck - 514
The presence of level 15 JaFosteHaha on Pandemic's first page may draw the attention, but this 2,000-day-old player is most certainly a level holder. Level 69 Zync did well, making 255 attacks at less than two years old. But Roberto was my stand-out newbie, making 242 attacks at level 52 before they've even celebrated their first year in Torn.
Snowflakes
Predicted: 12th
Result: 10th
Top Scorer: HT-Supermikk - 557
Another potential level-holder was present on the first page of this team, with level 29 Sh99er ranking third on the Snowflakes. Their profile shows they are clearly an Elimination veteran though, unlike Singaporean, who managed a fantastic 422 attacks at only 131 days old. Espinoza was another impressive youngster present on Snowflakes' first page, with this level 17 player making 386 attacks at 500 days old.
Cereal Killers
Predicted: 10th
Result: 9th
Top Scorer: Soaresol - 460
QingShanKing put in a great effort to come in 9th among Cereal Killers' hitters, making 367 attacks at 434 days old. Snoop_Poop and WantSomeJD also did well, with these 500ish day players making more than 300 attacks for their team and ending up on the first page. Level 19 Quincey also deserves a mention for making 309 attacks at 448 days old.
Chicken Nuggets
Predicted: 9th
Result: 8th
Top Scorer: Minokawa - 666
Anomalousman and Mattynob were the best young players from Nuggets' first page, with this pair making 481 attacks each at age 522 and 424. The marvellously named SHITLORD also performed well, with this level 66 player making 459 attacks aged 444. But it was Axa on page three who caught my eye, with 304 attacks made by a player who is just 66 days old.
Sea Men
Predicted: 8th
Result: 7th
Top Scorer: RogueSubmarine - 875
Bobtep23 contributed 548 attacks and was the Sea Men's 6th top scorer, despite being under two years of age. Notorious cake-faker JACKO must also be commended for making 526 attacks at only 311 days, putting him 8th. Mucho is only slightly older, and he scored 505 attacks. Further back, Daedalus and DrIcabodias caught my eye, with these two first-year players making nearly 300 attacks each.
Lettuce Win
Predicted: 7th
Result: 6th
Top Scorer: Austral - 965
Lettuce Win's first page contained a number of players who are barely a year old. ScocoS was the pick of the bunch, making 657 attacks at level 27 aged 397. Rukozhopus also did well, with this level 16 player hitting 656 times during the event. Yeala impressed me too, as they scraped onto the front page with 645 attacks despite only being a shade over 400 days old.
Keyboard Warriors
Predicted: 3rd
Result: 5th
Top Scorer: Alyssia - 1,083
Link- may be a level 93, but considering they are under two years old their haul of 1,000 attacks is still incredibly good, especially as it made them the KW's second-top scorer. Stoon was the pick of the young players though, as they finished fifth with 791 at exactly one year old. Skmoonlight was another first-year player who put in an excellent performance, making 719 attacks to land a spot on KW's first page.
G.O.A.T.
Predicted: 2nd
Result: 4th
Top Scorer: Dakoolnoob - 1,042
Joe_Weezy was the youngest player on G.O.A.T.'s first page at just 370 days old, making their haul of 793 attacks incredibly impressive. As an aside, it was also great to see a veteran like -Yeti take part, with their 773 attacks made at the tender age of over 6,000 days. On page 3, Duntat showed their quality and much promise for the future by making 640 attacks at 246 days old.
Short Bus
Predicted: 5th
Result: 3rd
Top Scorer: Jokur - 1,111
p0z0 was Short Bus' third-top scorer this year, making 888 attacks at 443 days old. Lady-Warly-Woo also did well to come in fifth with 859 attacks at just a few days older, as did 390-day-old Darmok in sixth with 847 attacks. Further down the list, Travesty performed above and beyond all expectations by making 823 attacks aged 308 days, with PaperTown and SideSaladLego also doing well by making it to page two.
Dongs
Predicted: 4th
Result: 2nd
Top Scorer: Green_Revolver - 1,243
565-day-old Tais performed excellently to make 909 attacks and become their team's 8th top-scorer. Gabbar_Dude is also due a mention, making it to page two at 528 days with 836 attacks. Sjarel_Grace did well too, being a level 50 of 396 days who made 798 attacks. But my pick of the Dongs was Moleyt, a 232-day-old player who made it onto page 3 with 569 attacks.
Illuminati
Predicted: 1st
Result: 1st
Top Scorer: Drieke - 1,500
0rganicMechanic is relatively new to Torn, as you'd know if you read Evaline's recent TornCon roundup. But that didn't stop him making an impression in this year's competition, as this 570-day-old player made 1,090 attacks to hit his team's first page. Andyish was even younger still, with this 281-day-old player reaching page two with 941 attacks.
If you'd like to know how many attacks you needed to make to achieve the full complement of five tokens, here are the full stats for each Elimination team.
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I hope those who entered this year's Elimination have made enough hits and don't regret their decision. One player who definitely doesn't is Black_Beard69, who made their choice after following the stars.
"I joined 2021 elims at 350k total stats choose illuminati manually and all because sept horoscope told me that I'd be on winning team if I joined elims. Made over 300 hits."
And speaking of hits here are this year's top ten Elimination attackers. Drieke was our top scorer yet again, but he was unable to beat his record set in 2020 of 1,676 attacks.
Drieke - Illuminati - 1,500
Madmiketyson - Illuminati - 1,355
Green - Illuminati - 1,355
Watermark - Illuminati - 1,273
Green_Revolver - Dongs - 1,243
MJ_Cookie - Dongs - 1,229
ChristmasBazaar - Illuminati - 1,212
RebelOnline - Dongs - 1,203
Big_Rico - Illuminati - 1,197
MeanMike - Illuminati - 1,175
Finally, I'd like to personally thank everyone who leaked information during this year's tournament. I've never had so many screenshots, quotes, and anonymous leaks sent to me before, and while I now need to lie down in a dark room to decompress, I am grateful to all of those who took the time to betray hundreds of their teammates in exchange for a $25 million Donator Pack.
Congratulations once more to the Illuminati, our 2021 Elimination champions!
CTRL ALT DELETE
The Keyboard Warriors were knocked out on Monday after their hopes were raised and then dashed by the introduction of a new member to their alliance. Just before our previous article was released, news broke that G.O.A.T. had finally flipped on their long-term allies, Illuminati. At this point, it looked like there was a 4v1 situation in place, with Illuminati seemingly on their way out.
Illuminati responded by making tens of thousands of attacks in retaliation over the course of the next 24 hours. It's highly likely that Illuminati was aware of G.O.A.T.s betrayal long before it was made public, but they delayed their assault in order to prioritise the elimination of the Keyboard Warriors. This happened much sooner than we expected due to yet another development - the unexpected flipping of the Dongs over to the side of the Illuminati.
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An anonymous source told me the reason the Dongs did this was that G.O.A.T. refused to allow any of their new chums to take tickets from them to strengthen their positions, and this made their allies nervous. KW leader Euphoria confirmed that she blames the Goats for their elimination.
"Nova allowed us to bleed once lettuce went out, whereas he should have flipped sooner so we could zero illu and begin to take their lives." - Euphoria
The Dongs had been wagging their little doggy dinguses anxiously for a while, as they already had suspicions about some of their other allies. These suspicions turned into full-blown paranoia over the weekend when Dong leadership received word that they were for the chop once Illuminati had been eliminated.
Pictured: The stench of betrayal.
KW leader Euphoria confirmed to the Times that their fear was justified.
"I flipped earlier so we could have goat choose who went out next, we assumed they would target by strength. So we could get lettuce out, then dongs, and then flip with bus for a 3v1 at end." - Euphoria
Based on this comment, it initially appears that the Dongs were right to betray their allies, as they could hope for nothing better than fourth unless they flipped. But the Dongs were hardly helping the alliance before this announcement, as the hit records show that Dongs were making nearly three times as many attacks against Short Bus than they were the Illuminati, and this is when they were supposed to be allies.
Dongs' primary focus at the time was G.O.A.T. even though the Keyboard Warriors were still in the competition and needed help. So at a time when all four teams should've been focused on weakening the Illuminati, only Short Bus and Keyboards were hitting them as their first choice. This fact apparently went unnoticed by both, leaving them shocked when the Dongs changed the course of the Elimination finalé in exchange for a second-place finish.
"Ya now Dongs flipped. Cause they have like 2 brain cells between all of their leaders. And would rather accept second than help nova." - Euphoria
Screenshots provided by Euphoria indicate that the presence of Nova on the G.O.A.T. leadership team was a major factor in Dongs' decision to flip. Euphoria predicted this would happen, and yet even though she feels KW could have worked out a deal that would've seen them brush off this setback and negotiate third or fourth, first was the only place they were ever interested in taking.
The Keyboard Warriors lost the last of their 100 lives at 07:30 am on the 20th. If you buy into Euphoria's viewpoint, it seems that they suffered due to the betrayal of others, and perhaps deserved to finish much higher than they did. But Paul of the Keyboard Warriors disagrees - he feels this is a reframing of what actually went down.
"Honestly, I was planning on keeping my comments to myself until I saw how our team pretty much set out on a defamation campaign against dongs with the goal of blaming them for our abject failure. The truth is, we dug our grave long before then. Our mortal wound was not something existential or out of our control. The fact is, we flipped to the anti-Illuminati alliance on an absolute whim." - Paul
Paul says that in the days leading up to the decision, promises were made in KW council that a flip absolutely would not happen. He revealed that there was even a joint Illuminati-Keyboards Discord where specific teams would be targeted during pushes. The partnership with Illuminati was a long-term strategy, and for the most part, it appears the majority of KW members supported it. So why the change?
"I have no earthly idea. Because on Monday (two days before we flipped), council was pleading with Euphoria to consider what we were saying - that a flip needed to be imminent and that we needed GOATs with us. We could not do it without them. I cannot remember a single piece of advice that council gave our leader that was actually acted on." - Paul
Paul pointed out that hitting your allies and then flipping over to them doesn't make any sense, and he's right, as by that time they were halfway dead. It's like burning your neighbour's house down and then asking if you can stay the night, or asking your lover to take a trip south after you've spent the evening feeding them Carolina Reapers. Shall I put a picture in here to illustrate that metaphor? Naa, best not to. Here's a quote instead.
"Why did we have zero heads up to prepare. We could've stacked. We could've at the very least let our Booster CDs drop. We did none of that. Our leader simply posted in discord a new target and then proceeded to log off for the rest of the night without any additional messaging, instructions, or directions." - Paul
The result of Keyboards' flip was to see Illuminati soar to new heights, whereas KW's ticket count plummeted. Whatever anyone thinks about alliances, flips, or the Illuminati's dominance, the results show that this was a terrible decision by the Keyboards. Interestingly, one anonymous KW member blames their leadership's personalities for their defeat more than the decision itself, revealing that MightyGoober was banned from the KW discord, while also claiming that Paul and Link- were the only leaders seen talking to members regularly.
"What I'm seeing is leadership and about 10 simps blindly following anything euph says, and about 60% of the team getting tired of the slow gameplay and want to actually make moves. Surprised they ever found the balls to flip on illumi tbh, we begged for it for years and response was "wE kNoW wHaT wE'rE dOiNg."
"Oh, and there's more pictures of foreskin in the KW discord than actual planning." - Anon
YOU'VE GOAT TO BE KIDDING?
With the Dongs now allied to Illuminati, the Elimination competition was effectively over with several days left to go. The only question remaining was whether Short Bus or G.O.A.T. would be able to stick it out long enough to grab third place. The Goats were confident that they could hang on, because as the following meme suggests, that's what they're good at, right? Hanging on?
The Goats were doing precisely that for a while, as after Keyboards were kicked we saw a constant back and forth take place between them and Short Bus. Then, at 11 am on Tuesday morning, that thing happened. You know when you're watching a nature documentary and you see a mountain goat halfway up a cliff and you're praying it doesn't slip? And then...
Pictured: The kind of drop that would make even David Attenborough squeal like a startled schoolgirl.
The Goats lost 59 lives in a row, leading to their elimination at 1:45 am on Wednesday. Nova explained that this happened because his side was "3v1ed and our onliners had their medical cooldowns maxed, that’s all." I can't comment on the med cooldowns, but the stats show that Illuminati made 5,000 attacks against G.O.A.T. over their final 24 hours, with 2,137 coming from Dongs and just 804 made by Short Bus.
Not that it matters, given that this was a fight for third place and nothing more. But could the Goats have done a little better than this? I haven't seen much criticism of Nova's leadership from within his own team, because G.O.A.T. looked as if they had played things perfectly right until the end. Cereal Killer leader Superior- even praised Nova for keeping everyone else guessing as to their loyalties.
"In our first alliance chat the best part of the comp was Nova messaging both sides with messages and we would be sharing to each other when he had no idea we knew what he was upto." - Superior-
The Torn City Times was also in the dark regarding the G.O.A.T. strategy for much of the tournament, unlike most other teams, who leaked like a pensioner in a paddling pool. An anonymous G.O.A.T. told me that their decisions were known only to leaders and councilors, and this limited sharing of information helped prevent spies and leaks from revealing their true intentions.
"Overall you can say it was a good information system on a need-to-know basis with the trust in the goat herder to point us in the right direction." - Anon GOAT
Pictured: Everyone else trying to figure out Nova's strategy.
Nova's headstrong nature and unpredictability worked in his team's favour. To many, G.O.A.T. was seen as a soft ally of Illuminati, but one that could and would be flipped eventually, when the time was right. This status certainly played a part in helping them reach the final stage of Elimination, but some believe that G.O.A.T.'s mistake was that they flipped too late. Nova disagrees.
"I flipped at the perfect time under the assumption that everyone would play for 1st and not let silly personal issues held by 5% of their team (Dongs) impact the other 95% of their team." - Nova
Nova is referring to the apparent hatred for him which persisted among the Dong leadership. Their dislike of the G.O.A.T. leader was compounded when the Dongs discovered he was part of the tripartite pact hatched with KW and SB to eliminate them if and when Illuminati could be beaten. Nova confirms the existence of this plan but denies that it ever have stood a chance of working.
"Illuminati and KW would have ended up eliminating each other and that would have given Dongs a very viable chance at coming 1st. That was ‘the plan’ but it never would have been possible and I always knew that. I was prepared in reality to face a 2v1 against Dongs and Bus." - Nova
In one final comment, Nova reaffirmed his belief that he made the right decisions when it came to flipping. He knows that Illuminati could've been removed if they had changed sides earlier, but believes this would have led to G.O.A.T. being eliminated soon after. I fear he was right. Every team has to do what is in its own best interests, it just so happens that those interests conspired to give Illuminati exactly what it wanted.
Addendum:
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Pictured: A lovely image of a Goat eating a Dong courtesy of Mysteria.
SHORT BUS STOPS
Short Bus' members should be pleased with their third-place finish given they were predicted to end up in fifth based on their stats. But in the tournament's final moments, it looked like they could've had so much more.
If the KW/SB/GOAT plan to take out Illuminati had succeeded, the Dongs were next for the chopping block. At this point, the Keyboards were weakened and could have been the next to go after the Dongs, leaving SB in a 1v1 versus the Goats in the final. This obviously didn't happen, and it's not just because the Dongs didn't want to work with Nova.
As we reported earlier this month, there were tensions between Short Bus and the Dongs after SB leader Shady69 reportedly made threats towards the Dongs. When I asked one of SB's leadership team about this report, their lack of response was rather revealing.
"Am not answering that x." - Kalaya
Despite this apparent hostility between the two teams, it appears that both SB and the Dongs knew that they needed to work together for the greater good - for a time, at least. Short Bus was originally allied to the Illuminati in the earliest days of the competition, but all of that changed when Project X was formed. Obviously, this didn't work out, and Kalaya blames those who failed to commit from the beginning.
"We needed more teams dedicated to taking Illuminati from the start, people allying with Illuminati for most of the early/mid game I guess meant that they ended up with the win." - Kalaya
Kalaya is right in that Illuminati's stranglehold on the competition could've been ended early on, but there were plenty of chances to stop it in the late game too. The moment when G.O.A.T. joined up with Short Bus, Dongs, and Keyboard Warriors was the most precarious period of the whole tournament for Illuminati, but then it all fell apart.
"Goat and Dongs wouldn't have worked together lol. And KW wouldn't have survived past Illuminati in the pushes. So by that point even if we did group on them 4 v 1, it would have turned into a 3v1 etc etc." - Kalaya
Maybe Kalaya was right, but perhaps there was one more opportunity to turn things around before the competition ended. Illuminati was hitting Short Bus hard on Tuesday, making over 5,300 attacks of their own. At this point, there was a chance for Short Bus to join up with Illuminati and Dongs to set up a 3v2 against KW and G.O.A.T. Would they take it?
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If Short Bus could've allied themselves with Dongs and Illuminati, then at least they'd have a fighting chance in a final 2v1 if they both turned on the tournament's strongest side - not a great chance, but a chance nonetheless. But it looks like this offer expired pretty quickly, as even though the Dongs required an ally to stand any hope of winning the competition, Illuminati had no such need.
They proved this by smashing G.O.A.T. with nearly 10,000 attacks in 24 hours. Meanwhile, Short Bus focused on the Illuminati, making over 5,000 attacks against them in a vain attempt to stay in the competition. G.O.A.T. decided to go after Short Bus, making nearly 6,000 attacks against them over the course of a day. The crayon eaters held out valiantly, though, and the Short Bus came to a halt at 9:45 on Wednesday morning, just a few hours after the Goats had been culled.
Pictured: Goat tries, to headbutt Short Bus... fails.
You could hardly have blamed Short Bus for downing tools after they had secured third place, but they did no such thing, making 1,640 attacks against Illuminati overnight, alongside another 1,000 that were split between Dongs and G.O.A.T.s. Short Bus refused to go down without a fight, and that alone is impressive.
My sources tell me that Short Bus leaders have been rather demanding of their own team and that this might be why their members persisted to the very end. Some newbies and low levels have complained that they were bountied due to their lack of hits, and have received numerous messages telling them to leave the competition.
"SB are locking more players into one channel, called "what-the-hell-guys" Where there's no help and no guidance and no supplies. Basically freeze us out of the discussion." - Anon SB
Another anonymous player told me that some of those who stayed were mistreated, and accused SB leaders of a "total mismanagement of new players". Short Bus leadership denies this accusation, although they do admit that some players were persuaded to leave.
"I mean it was the council who mostly did the persuading and that. And probably? But I mean we didn't get far cause we persuaded the slackers to leave, we got far cause all the active people on the bus did amazing." - Kalaya
Kicking inactive and weak players is a solid strategy, so I don't think Short Bus should be judged for that - if these accusations are even true. In the end, the biggest factor in Short Bus' defeat was the collapse of the alliance when the Dongs left. I don't know who started their decline when they invited G.O.A.T., but whoever it was may be regretting their decision right now.
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A DONG OF ICE AND FIRE
Dongs and Keyboard Warriors both seemed doomed over the weekend, with the pair fighting it out at the bottom in a desperate bid to avoid losing lives. Then, when the Dongs flipped because they hate Nova, everything changed.
As of 1 pm on Tuesday, the Dongs' life losses had been stemmed, with their link-up with Illuminati paying off massively as Short Bus and G.O.A.T. fought it out at the bottom to avoid being the next team to be eliminated. Between 1 pm on the 20th and the 21st, the Dongs received roughly 2,000 attacks each from Short Bus and G.O.A.T., but they also suffered 1,300 attacks from the Illuminati.
Were the Dongs being softened up so they couldn't provide stiff competition in the final 1v1 battle with Illuminati? Probably, although the Dongs could've been sat on 10,000 tickets and they'd still have lost, as would anyone in their position. Nevertheless, it appears that a flip was the Dongs' best chance of a high placement given the circumstances, as Whis reveals.
"I fully believe we would have been next out after illuminati if we had stuck with our previous alliance. So I believe flipping was the best choice possible for our team." - Whis
Many were critical of the Dongs decision, but I think more criticism should be reserved for those who hatched the plan to dispatch the Dongs before Illuminati had even been weakened. When this was leaked, only a fool would've turned down the chance of a guaranteed second place for an equally guaranteed fourth. So the question is who forced the Dongs into their betrayal?
"Hmm I don't think it would have been SB. Since in reality we were the only team they'd have a chance of beating 1v1, but I think if everyone else turned on us they probably would have went along. I'd probably say goats. Since it's pretty obvious nova was gunning for us basically the entire comp. So once we weren't helpful (aka illu being out) we likely would have been his first target." - Whis
Pictured: Dong leadership making the call to end Elimination 2021.
Euphoria of Keyboard Warriors believes that the Dongs are lying, and claims to have been told by an Illuminati leader that the Dongs had flipped long before they admitted to doing so.
"So Hemi acting like anyone flipping late ruined the alliance is bullshit. They weren't loyal from the getgo, and kw flipped when cereal were still alive." - Euphoria.
It really doesn't matter who is telling the truth, as the anti-Illuminati alliance was a complete s**tshow towards the end, with every member suspicious of each other, and few pulling in the right direction. Illuminati knew this, but I doubt they cared much, as by this point they knew they had already won. We know this because they told the Dongs to form an alliance with Short Bus, despite knowing it would result in a 2v1 against them.
"They're quite confident, as they should be. Since they likely would be able to beat us 2v1. Once we flipped to illu we immediately tried to get SB on board to flip as well. Unfortunately, they didn't want to do so immediately. Insisting they wait until KW is out. So we decided to put pressure on them and drop them to zero. At which point they flipped over to us. Then once KW was out, SB bled 20-something lives before we got Goats down. So at that point, a 2v1 was even less likely." - Whis
Before their Elimination, a member of the Dongs reached out to Illuminati leader Lilith with one last request. The Dongs wanted to end the competition with a 69 ticket finish. Team Illuminati voted 125 to 30 in favour of allowing this, but sadly, the decision was vetoed by leadership.
ILLUMINATI WRAP UP
The Dongs' final life went at 4:15 am this morning, resulting in Illuminati being crowned the Elimination champions. The ease at which they achieved this final victory means you could be forgiven for thinking that Illuminati had an easy ride during this competition, but that couldn't be further from the truth.
The biggest and strongest teams always have a target on their back from day one, and Illuminati was no exception. Leader LTJELLOMAN knew that his side would have to face off against several teams at once, and when the first flip against them happened he used this to inspire the Illuminati troops to push themselves harder.
"It was the very first one that put us 8v3. Sadly it got deleted but it was shared between some of the leaders. I told the team as expected we would be targeted by the majority because with us still in the game no other team would have a chance. I told them as long as they put their confidence in my hands I would never give up on them and promised them we would have a chance to win. I'm very happy to have fulfilled the promise to the team." - LTJELLOMAN
Illuminati's strategy was to avoid looking as if they were in charge of an alliance, as they felt it would make more teams willing to focus their efforts on them. LTJELLOMAN and Lilith also agreed upon a policy whereby they would never flip or backstab anyone unless they had a reason to do so, but this strategy wouldn't be enough to obtain victory.
If Illuminati was to overcome the might of several other teams all focused on destroying them, they would need an alliance of their own.
"I knew that initially, GOAT would be the second strongest team given they were almost full while the other teams were not. Given I led with Nova last year on Total Bankers, an alliance was easily made. If we went out first, they would go second and they knew that. We later pulled in Zuni with Lettuce and Euphoria with Keyboard warriors to give us a pretty strong block to start the competition off with." - Lilith
Illuminati then expanded their alliance, with Dongs, Short Bus, and Sea Men pulled in to create a 7v5 in their favour. Things were looking good for this team, especially given Nova's presence in the rival alliance's Discord and G.O.A.T.'s spreading of their attacks made it seem like they were helping the opposition. Then the warmup began, and Illuminati started to worry that they were being conspired against.
"Swatsicle told me there were big things on the move against us and that was the start of our paranoia. Initially, we planned on taking out pandemic first, but by majority vote our first target was Victorious Secret. This was later explained by the fact that Dongs/Bus/Sea Men was planning a flip on us at that time." - Lilith
Illuminati managed to re-flip Short Bus back onto their side, but they soon turned back to the small team alliance. Thankfully, the Sea Men then reversed their decision to leave and rejoined Illuminati to make it a 5v7, enabling the 5 teams to eliminate the Cereal Killers and Chicken Nuggets. Lilith says that it was around this time that the Dongs made contact with Illuminati to give them some important news.
"They warned us of a potential KW/GOAT flip around this time. This resulted in a Non-Aggression Pact between our 2 teams and a promise that they would flip when GOAT flipped." - Lilith
This confirms what Euphoria said earlier about the Dongs betraying the small-team alliance long before they turned, which justifies the secret agreement between the other teams against them. But the Dongs didn't switch over officially until late in the game, whereas Keyboards and Lettuce Win did, giving us a 3v5 situation whereby the Illuminati had only the Goats and Sea Men as their allies.
This flip resulted in Illuminati being zeroed for the first and only time in the competition, and they responded in style by inflicting the same ticket drop upon Keyboard Warriors. Lilith says that Illuminati did this to take some pressure off the Sea Men, who at this point were their only true allies.
"We knew Nova and Euph were still in contact, so we ended up pretty much locked into this alliance with no escape, succumbing to the mercy of Nova’s plans. Afterwards, we lost Sea Men in the fight against Lettuce, despite taking a good amount of lives off them."
Illuminati now found themselves with just one official ally left, G.O.A.T., an ally they knew planned to betray them. At this point, the Dongs and Illuminati were secretly complaining to each other about being trapped in alliances they did not like. This makes them sound like a couple of married people having an affair whining about how their partners just don't get them.
Illuminati reduced Keyboard Warriors' lives and managed to raise their own ticket count substantially, both of which appeared to irritate Nova. But Illum couldn't afford to annoy him too much too early, as if the Goats flipped now the Illuminati would face an unbeatable 5v1. Then Nova showed his hand. And it was f***ing massive.
"Nova woke up and 0'd lettuce to give KW a buffer, this proved my theory KW flipped to the other side to control the enemy alliance and be the last team standing on that side to guarantee final 3 with illum/goats/keyboard, so they could attempt to 2v1 us to win." - LTJELLOMAN
This didn't happen. Illuminati held firm and helped to Eliminate Lettuce win, before turning their attention to Keyboard Warriors once more. Meanwhile, G.O.A.T. was trying to pin the Dongs down, as they suspected that they may be in league with the Illuminati. But the Goats couldn't hit the Dongs as hard as Illuminati could smash the Keyboards, and when this became obvious, the Goats flipped.
Pictured: I just wanted to use this gif one last time.
Despite facing a 4v1 pile-on, the Illuminati managed to grow their own ticket count consistently in the late-game phase due to sheer persistence and hard work. Illuminati passed the 10k ticket mark late on Monday evening, and although they were reduced to 8,000 tickets by Tuesday night, they were still 5,000 ahead of their nearest rival.
"It looked to be our worst nightmare for a while, especially after losing more and more lives to KW. We still had the better ratio, but we were not necessarily having fun. Well, as leaders then, the team was singing karaoke in chat. We knew we had Dongs on standby though, but they wanted to wait a bit because we could possible get Bus on board." - Lilith
Lilith says that fourteen hours of negotiations were had with Short Bus, but they refused to flip, so Illuminati zeroed them before Keyboard Warriors were eliminated. Short Bus then agreed to help Illuminati zero the G.O.A.T.s to get third place, but it took the intervention of Beer_Bear of the Dongs before this happened, as he realised they needed to permahosp Goat onliners to allow Short Bus to gain third.
LTJELLOMAN says there was never any real threat that the Dongs' leadership would ally themselves with G.O.A.T. late on due to the hostility between the two sides. But a team is made up of more than its leaders, and we'd already seen some teams change course against the wishes of those in charge. Would this happen again?
"I was pretty confident it wouldn't happen, the hard part was their council didn't know or didn't want to work with us. My only real fear was their council changing orders while whis and hemi were sleeping." - LTJELLOMAN
It didn't happen. G.O.A.T. was eliminated, and Short Bus followed with the help of the Dongs. The Dongs themselves were dispatched a few hours later, and one of their leaders believes that the Illuminati were simply unstoppable in this situation, even if things had worked out differently between them and the Goats.
"After we flipped they legit said it's okay if you and SB wanna 2v1 us in final 3. That's when I realized we likely had no chance at 2v1'ing them. I think if prepared, they prob could have 2v1'ed any team in the comp. They're kinda insane. Not just in raw strength, but in organization as well. Their team was VERY well run by their leaders." - Whis
But who WERE the Illuminati leaders? Midway through the event, I received word that multiple Elimination champion and former team leader Stretch was working behind the scenes to orchestrate Illuminati's victory from the shadows, with MeanMike also helping out. Stretch denies this entirely and says he was merely a grunt who helped out with advice whenever he could.
"I answered questions here and there, did my best cheerleader impersonation, but overall just beat stuff up, then went on vacation and still kept trying to attack some while waiting in lines at Disney. Ltjello/lilith/tipsy/dalzador did a great job managing all the hurdles, even with all the flip-flopping of teams."
It's hard to disagree. Illuminati faced a number of obstacles en route to victory, but the skill of their leaders in dealing with an array of different teams led by disparate personalities saw them take home a well-deserved victory. It is not enough to have the most members, or the strongest, because you need a team to knit these things together with a coherent strategy.
That's exactly what LTJELLOMAN, Lilith, Tipsy, and Dalzadar did. Congratulations to the Illuminati!
Addendum: Did you know that the Illuminati had a genuine member of the Masonic order among their ranks? Say hello to
STATISTICS
Here are some numbers from this year's Elimination, along with my picks for the standout young players from each team.
Victorious Secret
Predicted: 6th
Result: 12th
Top Scorer: Manannan - 288
ImTheSteve impressed me, with this 84-day-old player making 181 attacks at level 29 to end up near the top of his team's second page. Gem also performed well, becoming her side's second-top scorer at 445 days old and level 69.
Pandemic
Predicted: 11th
Result: 11th
Top Scorer: Evil-Duck - 514
The presence of level 15 JaFosteHaha on Pandemic's first page may draw the attention, but this 2,000-day-old player is most certainly a level holder. Level 69 Zync did well, making 255 attacks at less than two years old. But Roberto was my stand-out newbie, making 242 attacks at level 52 before they've even celebrated their first year in Torn.
Snowflakes
Predicted: 12th
Result: 10th
Top Scorer: HT-Supermikk - 557
Another potential level-holder was present on the first page of this team, with level 29 Sh99er ranking third on the Snowflakes. Their profile shows they are clearly an Elimination veteran though, unlike Singaporean, who managed a fantastic 422 attacks at only 131 days old. Espinoza was another impressive youngster present on Snowflakes' first page, with this level 17 player making 386 attacks at 500 days old.
Cereal Killers
Predicted: 10th
Result: 9th
Top Scorer: Soaresol - 460
QingShanKing put in a great effort to come in 9th among Cereal Killers' hitters, making 367 attacks at 434 days old. Snoop_Poop and WantSomeJD also did well, with these 500ish day players making more than 300 attacks for their team and ending up on the first page. Level 19 Quincey also deserves a mention for making 309 attacks at 448 days old.
Chicken Nuggets
Predicted: 9th
Result: 8th
Top Scorer: Minokawa - 666
Anomalousman and Mattynob were the best young players from Nuggets' first page, with this pair making 481 attacks each at age 522 and 424. The marvellously named SHITLORD also performed well, with this level 66 player making 459 attacks aged 444. But it was Axa on page three who caught my eye, with 304 attacks made by a player who is just 66 days old.
Sea Men
Predicted: 8th
Result: 7th
Top Scorer: RogueSubmarine - 875
Bobtep23 contributed 548 attacks and was the Sea Men's 6th top scorer, despite being under two years of age. Notorious cake-faker JACKO must also be commended for making 526 attacks at only 311 days, putting him 8th. Mucho is only slightly older, and he scored 505 attacks. Further back, Daedalus and DrIcabodias caught my eye, with these two first-year players making nearly 300 attacks each.
Lettuce Win
Predicted: 7th
Result: 6th
Top Scorer: Austral - 965
Lettuce Win's first page contained a number of players who are barely a year old. ScocoS was the pick of the bunch, making 657 attacks at level 27 aged 397. Rukozhopus also did well, with this level 16 player hitting 656 times during the event. Yeala impressed me too, as they scraped onto the front page with 645 attacks despite only being a shade over 400 days old.
Keyboard Warriors
Predicted: 3rd
Result: 5th
Top Scorer: Alyssia - 1,083
Link- may be a level 93, but considering they are under two years old their haul of 1,000 attacks is still incredibly good, especially as it made them the KW's second-top scorer. Stoon was the pick of the young players though, as they finished fifth with 791 at exactly one year old. Skmoonlight was another first-year player who put in an excellent performance, making 719 attacks to land a spot on KW's first page.
G.O.A.T.
Predicted: 2nd
Result: 4th
Top Scorer: Dakoolnoob - 1,042
Joe_Weezy was the youngest player on G.O.A.T.'s first page at just 370 days old, making their haul of 793 attacks incredibly impressive. As an aside, it was also great to see a veteran like -Yeti take part, with their 773 attacks made at the tender age of over 6,000 days. On page 3, Duntat showed their quality and much promise for the future by making 640 attacks at 246 days old.
Short Bus
Predicted: 5th
Result: 3rd
Top Scorer: Jokur - 1,111
p0z0 was Short Bus' third-top scorer this year, making 888 attacks at 443 days old. Lady-Warly-Woo also did well to come in fifth with 859 attacks at just a few days older, as did 390-day-old Darmok in sixth with 847 attacks. Further down the list, Travesty performed above and beyond all expectations by making 823 attacks aged 308 days, with PaperTown and SideSaladLego also doing well by making it to page two.
Dongs
Predicted: 4th
Result: 2nd
Top Scorer: Green_Revolver - 1,243
565-day-old Tais performed excellently to make 909 attacks and become their team's 8th top-scorer. Gabbar_Dude is also due a mention, making it to page two at 528 days with 836 attacks. Sjarel_Grace did well too, being a level 50 of 396 days who made 798 attacks. But my pick of the Dongs was Moleyt, a 232-day-old player who made it onto page 3 with 569 attacks.
Illuminati
Predicted: 1st
Result: 1st
Top Scorer: Drieke - 1,500
0rganicMechanic is relatively new to Torn, as you'd know if you read Evaline's recent TornCon roundup. But that didn't stop him making an impression in this year's competition, as this 570-day-old player made 1,090 attacks to hit his team's first page. Andyish was even younger still, with this 281-day-old player reaching page two with 941 attacks.
If you'd like to know how many attacks you needed to make to achieve the full complement of five tokens, here are the full stats for each Elimination team.
Larger Link
I hope those who entered this year's Elimination have made enough hits and don't regret their decision. One player who definitely doesn't is Black_Beard69, who made their choice after following the stars.
"I joined 2021 elims at 350k total stats choose illuminati manually and all because sept horoscope told me that I'd be on winning team if I joined elims. Made over 300 hits."
And speaking of hits here are this year's top ten Elimination attackers. Drieke was our top scorer yet again, but he was unable to beat his record set in 2020 of 1,676 attacks.
Drieke - Illuminati - 1,500
Madmiketyson - Illuminati - 1,355
Green - Illuminati - 1,355
Watermark - Illuminati - 1,273
Green_Revolver - Dongs - 1,243
MJ_Cookie - Dongs - 1,229
ChristmasBazaar - Illuminati - 1,212
RebelOnline - Dongs - 1,203
Big_Rico - Illuminati - 1,197
MeanMike - Illuminati - 1,175
Finally, I'd like to personally thank everyone who leaked information during this year's tournament. I've never had so many screenshots, quotes, and anonymous leaks sent to me before, and while I now need to lie down in a dark room to decompress, I am grateful to all of those who took the time to betray hundreds of their teammates in exchange for a $25 million Donator Pack.
Congratulations once more to the Illuminati, our 2021 Elimination champions!
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