sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Are Leslie's wheels worth playing? Which factions have hit a 50k chain? And why have we made an anus mask? Find out all this and more by reading our round-up of a few stories you may have missed.
Torn's local news column is back after a brief hiatus. In these articles, we publish short stories sent in by our readers, along with a few snippets of gossip and information that are either too short or niche to warrant their own article. So if you'd like to know whether Leslie's wheels are a scam, which factions have achieved a 50k chain, which player is committed to taunting SA, and how to find out whether you're an official Black Friday seller, read on!
BLACK FRIDAY
First, a quick note about the upcoming Black Friday event on the 26th of November. If you have already registered as a seller then you can see which time we have given you by viewing the Black Friday spreadsheet. We will be sending out a generic reminder to all sellers with a link to the sheet next Wednesday. An article will follow on Thursday to serve as a second reminder, and this piece will also include details on when Torn's NPCs are selling.
If you have applied to be an official Black Friday seller and your name isn't on the linked sheet, it may be because you failed to follow my very simple instructions, smooth brain. If you're lucky, there might be one or two slots left on the spreadsheet at the time of writing. If you'd like to apply for one of the remaining slots, please re-read the Black Friday article and follow the instructions.
LESLIE'S LUCK
The merits of spinning Leslie's wheels have been debated ever since this game was released. Are they worthwhile? How often do they pay out Private Islands? Are they absolutely 100% f**king rigged? TDup is trying to find out.
"I've made a website, thanks to the "new" Log API, and I've gathered, with the help of 100+ players now, a decent database of Leslie wheels results. The biggest database about this specific thing in Torn. 56527 spins atm. The equivalent of spinning the 3 wheels every day for 51 years and half."
As of the 18th of November, TDup's data suggests that those who play the Wheel of Awesome have a 0.076% chance of receiving a Private Island. Honor Bars and Donator Packs are the next least likely outcomes, with percentage chances of 0.31% and 0.32% respectively.
Larger Link
The most common results are Casino Tokens and $250,000, which both come up roughly 10.8% of the time. 25 points, 5 points, and Lose are the next most common outcomes, and a quick look at the results for the Wheels of Mediocrity and Lame show that the Lose outcome is always less common than many of the mid-range prizes. Whodathunkit?
These figures are derived from player data provided by the API. You can improve the accuracy of TDup's results by submitting your own wheel spin results using one of your API keys. Thanks to the data submitted so far, we now know that your chances of being punched in the face (7.4%), placed in a chokehold (7.2%), or kicked in the throat (5%) after a wheel spin are mercifully low.
"Plenty of interesting information, but the most obvious one is: All wheels are profitable, and every player should spin them every day. Bottom line: Leslie is actually a nice dude."
MONARCH V SA
Were you involved in the war for the west? I'm currently in the process of writing up my summary of this epic conflict, so if you took part and you have anything you'd like to contribute anonymously or publicly, please send quotes, screenshots, and thinly-veiled threats to the Tell Your Story section.
Please keep your contributions brief and to the point, focusing on points of contention, scandalous allegations, and firm, respectable stats if you can. I'm sure your faction is "a great place to be" full of "active dedicated players" and your leaders "really look out for their own", but honestly, nobody wants to read that shit.
TOP CHAINS
Dystopia had the honour of completing the first official 50k chain earlier this month, and two more factions have joined them since. In Memory of the Fallen reached their target on the 12th of November after a marathon chain that lasted 17 days and 9 hours. But it's Bloodbath and Beyond who now holds the record for the fastest 50k, with their chain ending on the 14th of November after 9 days, 1 hour, and 27 minutes.
We also have a new entry into the top ten list for the fastest 25k chains too thanks to PT's first unofficial 50k. Their 2 day, 4 hour, 43 minute chain at the end of October is good enough for sixth in the all-time record books. PT-Family still holds the overall record thanks to the 1 day, 19 hour, 8 minute chain they achieved in February. Here are the current top 10 fastest 25k chains in order:
1.) PT-Family - 1:19:8
2.) PT-Calculated - 1:23:4
3.) PT-Family - 1:23:38
4.) Itsi Bitsi Bikini - 1:23:44
5.) Caledonia - 2:2:33
6.) PT-Family - 2:4:43
7.) Impulse - 2:6:2
8.) Monarch (as Relentless) - 2:7:32
9.) HT- - 2:8:0
10.) The UnLeashed Sykoz - 2:8:21
Note: Some chain links have expired like the mayonnaise in my fridge.
HALLOWEEN WINNERS
The winners of our Halloween Community events will be posted next week, as will those who won a prize in our Halloween Lucky Dip. In case you weren't already aware, the prize we're giving them is a Sandworm Mask. And before you say anything, no, it does not look like an anus.
Pictured: Not an anus.
These masks are limited to just 250, of which roughly 100 will go to players who won our Community Events, Lucky Dip, and various Torn City Times puzzles. We're also going to sell 50 of them via NPC bazaars for $1 during Black Friday, and this figure may increase to 100 if we can't figure out how to give the rest of them away.
YOUNG SPECIALIST
In one of our previous local news reports, we covered the achievement of Ariston, a player who managed to hit 400 awards in just 671 days. He believed that this may have been a record at the time, but in September, Aaassh contacted The Times to announce that he had done even better.
"I did it, 507 days. "Can I get a mention in Sept local news for getting both Specialist and this?"
Yes, you can. Aaassh's incredible feat means he's shaved 164 days off Ariston's record. However, even this remarkable achievement may be under threat, as Aaassh pointed out that Joe_weezy has 365 awards at 427 days old. To beat Aaassh's time, Joe_weezy will need to gain 35 additional awards on or before the 5th of February 2022.
The Specialist achievement Aaassh mentions is awarded to players who gain 100% EXP on 25 different weapons. Aaassh nabbed this award in 491 days, and as ever we invite the Torn community to inform us of anyone else who may have achieved either this or the 400 award record within a lower timeframe. Because I bet that Prince Andrew isn't the only young specialist out there.
HALLOWEEN AUCTIONS
D3vl was the big winner in this year's Halloween Auctions, as he managed to grab himself a Welding Helmet from Fernando and a Devil Toy from Tiny during a rare break from complaining on the forums. The dark lord's winning bid for the Welding Helmet was $7.1bn, and he went on to pay $2.3bn for the Devil Toy too.
Pictured: Not to be confused with this little devil toy, which I sold to D3vl last week for $4.69.
Wendy also bought up two items, taking home both Jack-O-Lantern items for around $365m each. The Devil's Pitchfork was sold by Fernando for $350m to FormalSanction. And finally, Peanutdaking paid $150m to Tiny for his Golden Broomstick.
Torn's NPCs will be selling some premium items for $1 during Black Friday, but if you prefer the thrill of the auction house, we may have more items on offer for you over the Christmas period... if you're nice.
TOP TEN RAIDS
The record for the most destructive raid ever made against another faction has been extended by The Equalizer 3 United. This raid began in July 2020 with a Dirty Bomb strike against Subversive Alliance that took 475,336 respect and injured 488 citizens. Because this attack was part of a raid, E3U gained the record for the most destructive raid in history.
But if you thought this raid had ended, you would be wrong. Raids only finish when the attacking faction ends them, or one of the factions involved is destroyed. Bad_azz_Billy of E3U has no intention of ending his one-man war against SA, and he plans to continue harassing them for some time yet.
"Looks like I see no end to the Raid. I love the fact that they see it every time they look at the faction page. I'm sure it's not something Midknight enjoys seeing. He can continue wasting his energy while I continue to train my butt off.
Oh and I plan to continue to take away as much respect as I can during my remaining years here in Torn." - Bad_azz_Billy
Bad_azz_Billy has been hospitalised a few times since he reignited this raid, but you have to wonder how wise it is to provoke SA right now. SA is currently without territories following their defeat by Monarch, and it wouldn't surprise me to see a few of their members make it their personal mission to annihilate E3U and put this raid to an end. For context, here are the top ten all-time most destructive raids in Torn City history:
The Equalizer 3 United (490,871) v (26,886) Subversive Alliance
MMCP (109,769) v (363,934) Vinerri
SMTH ( 76,613) v (67,236) Vinerri
The Wolverines (122,045) v (9,041) PnB Rising
TheUnLeashed Sykoz (100,061) v (25,788) Catalysis
Ara Pacis (51,276) v (66,970) SMTH
JFK (106,395) v (38) Unrelenting
Buttgrass Inc (66,519) v (36,962) The Chimera's Den
MMCP (93,292) v (6,949) FLUX
Natural Selection II (48,854) v (47,186) Chain Reaction
GIANT CRAB
Back in July's Patch Notes article, I demonstrated how players could use the new multiple player search function.
Komir noticed my placeholder text and was immediately compelled to share the following image.
That's it. That's the story. A picture of a sexy giant crab.
HEAD IN THE CLOUDS
Lady_Face wrote into The Times in September after spotting what she thought was a potential easter egg ahead of spooky season.
"I found something odd. May I show you?"
"Reclining devil."
"Weird goblin."
"Gorilla face."
"Do these have anything to with the halloween event next month?"
They did not.
HALLOWEEN DANCE
And finally, what happens when two people with a severe lack of depth perception fight using chainsaws? el_Mirtho and JosephStalin found out this Halloween.
Larger Link
In a comment to The Times, el_Mirtho believes that they should receive a prize for best Halloween choreography, and if they didn't, then everything is wrong. I concur and have sent Donator Packs to both. Here is a brief clip from JosephStalin and el_Mirtho's "epic" chainsaw battle.
TELL YOUR STORY
As you can see, we really do publishany old shite some fascinating short stories in our local news columns. If you have an interesting tale to tell, or even if you don't, contact the Torn City Times and Tell Your Story. If your submission is deemed compelling enough to make it into the article, we'll send you a Donator Pack!
BLACK FRIDAY
First, a quick note about the upcoming Black Friday event on the 26th of November. If you have already registered as a seller then you can see which time we have given you by viewing the Black Friday spreadsheet. We will be sending out a generic reminder to all sellers with a link to the sheet next Wednesday. An article will follow on Thursday to serve as a second reminder, and this piece will also include details on when Torn's NPCs are selling.
If you have applied to be an official Black Friday seller and your name isn't on the linked sheet, it may be because you failed to follow my very simple instructions, smooth brain. If you're lucky, there might be one or two slots left on the spreadsheet at the time of writing. If you'd like to apply for one of the remaining slots, please re-read the Black Friday article and follow the instructions.
LESLIE'S LUCK
The merits of spinning Leslie's wheels have been debated ever since this game was released. Are they worthwhile? How often do they pay out Private Islands? Are they absolutely 100% f**king rigged? TDup is trying to find out.
"I've made a website, thanks to the "new" Log API, and I've gathered, with the help of 100+ players now, a decent database of Leslie wheels results. The biggest database about this specific thing in Torn. 56527 spins atm. The equivalent of spinning the 3 wheels every day for 51 years and half."
As of the 18th of November, TDup's data suggests that those who play the Wheel of Awesome have a 0.076% chance of receiving a Private Island. Honor Bars and Donator Packs are the next least likely outcomes, with percentage chances of 0.31% and 0.32% respectively.
Larger Link
The most common results are Casino Tokens and $250,000, which both come up roughly 10.8% of the time. 25 points, 5 points, and Lose are the next most common outcomes, and a quick look at the results for the Wheels of Mediocrity and Lame show that the Lose outcome is always less common than many of the mid-range prizes. Whodathunkit?
These figures are derived from player data provided by the API. You can improve the accuracy of TDup's results by submitting your own wheel spin results using one of your API keys. Thanks to the data submitted so far, we now know that your chances of being punched in the face (7.4%), placed in a chokehold (7.2%), or kicked in the throat (5%) after a wheel spin are mercifully low.
"Plenty of interesting information, but the most obvious one is: All wheels are profitable, and every player should spin them every day. Bottom line: Leslie is actually a nice dude."
MONARCH V SA
Were you involved in the war for the west? I'm currently in the process of writing up my summary of this epic conflict, so if you took part and you have anything you'd like to contribute anonymously or publicly, please send quotes, screenshots, and thinly-veiled threats to the Tell Your Story section.
Please keep your contributions brief and to the point, focusing on points of contention, scandalous allegations, and firm, respectable stats if you can. I'm sure your faction is "a great place to be" full of "active dedicated players" and your leaders "really look out for their own", but honestly, nobody wants to read that shit.
TOP CHAINS
Dystopia had the honour of completing the first official 50k chain earlier this month, and two more factions have joined them since. In Memory of the Fallen reached their target on the 12th of November after a marathon chain that lasted 17 days and 9 hours. But it's Bloodbath and Beyond who now holds the record for the fastest 50k, with their chain ending on the 14th of November after 9 days, 1 hour, and 27 minutes.
We also have a new entry into the top ten list for the fastest 25k chains too thanks to PT's first unofficial 50k. Their 2 day, 4 hour, 43 minute chain at the end of October is good enough for sixth in the all-time record books. PT-Family still holds the overall record thanks to the 1 day, 19 hour, 8 minute chain they achieved in February. Here are the current top 10 fastest 25k chains in order:
1.) PT-Family - 1:19:8
2.) PT-Calculated - 1:23:4
3.) PT-Family - 1:23:38
4.) Itsi Bitsi Bikini - 1:23:44
5.) Caledonia - 2:2:33
6.) PT-Family - 2:4:43
7.) Impulse - 2:6:2
8.) Monarch (as Relentless) - 2:7:32
9.) HT- - 2:8:0
10.) The UnLeashed Sykoz - 2:8:21
Note: Some chain links have expired like the mayonnaise in my fridge.
HALLOWEEN WINNERS
The winners of our Halloween Community events will be posted next week, as will those who won a prize in our Halloween Lucky Dip. In case you weren't already aware, the prize we're giving them is a Sandworm Mask. And before you say anything, no, it does not look like an anus.
Pictured: Not an anus.These masks are limited to just 250, of which roughly 100 will go to players who won our Community Events, Lucky Dip, and various Torn City Times puzzles. We're also going to sell 50 of them via NPC bazaars for $1 during Black Friday, and this figure may increase to 100 if we can't figure out how to give the rest of them away.
YOUNG SPECIALIST
In one of our previous local news reports, we covered the achievement of Ariston, a player who managed to hit 400 awards in just 671 days. He believed that this may have been a record at the time, but in September, Aaassh contacted The Times to announce that he had done even better.
"I did it, 507 days. "Can I get a mention in Sept local news for getting both Specialist and this?"
Yes, you can. Aaassh's incredible feat means he's shaved 164 days off Ariston's record. However, even this remarkable achievement may be under threat, as Aaassh pointed out that Joe_weezy has 365 awards at 427 days old. To beat Aaassh's time, Joe_weezy will need to gain 35 additional awards on or before the 5th of February 2022.
The Specialist achievement Aaassh mentions is awarded to players who gain 100% EXP on 25 different weapons. Aaassh nabbed this award in 491 days, and as ever we invite the Torn community to inform us of anyone else who may have achieved either this or the 400 award record within a lower timeframe. Because I bet that Prince Andrew isn't the only young specialist out there.
HALLOWEEN AUCTIONS
D3vl was the big winner in this year's Halloween Auctions, as he managed to grab himself a Welding Helmet from Fernando and a Devil Toy from Tiny during a rare break from complaining on the forums. The dark lord's winning bid for the Welding Helmet was $7.1bn, and he went on to pay $2.3bn for the Devil Toy too.
Pictured: Not to be confused with this little devil toy, which I sold to D3vl last week for $4.69.
Wendy also bought up two items, taking home both Jack-O-Lantern items for around $365m each. The Devil's Pitchfork was sold by Fernando for $350m to FormalSanction. And finally, Peanutdaking paid $150m to Tiny for his Golden Broomstick.
Torn's NPCs will be selling some premium items for $1 during Black Friday, but if you prefer the thrill of the auction house, we may have more items on offer for you over the Christmas period... if you're nice.
TOP TEN RAIDS
The record for the most destructive raid ever made against another faction has been extended by The Equalizer 3 United. This raid began in July 2020 with a Dirty Bomb strike against Subversive Alliance that took 475,336 respect and injured 488 citizens. Because this attack was part of a raid, E3U gained the record for the most destructive raid in history.
But if you thought this raid had ended, you would be wrong. Raids only finish when the attacking faction ends them, or one of the factions involved is destroyed. Bad_azz_Billy of E3U has no intention of ending his one-man war against SA, and he plans to continue harassing them for some time yet.
"Looks like I see no end to the Raid. I love the fact that they see it every time they look at the faction page. I'm sure it's not something Midknight enjoys seeing. He can continue wasting his energy while I continue to train my butt off.
Oh and I plan to continue to take away as much respect as I can during my remaining years here in Torn." - Bad_azz_Billy
Bad_azz_Billy has been hospitalised a few times since he reignited this raid, but you have to wonder how wise it is to provoke SA right now. SA is currently without territories following their defeat by Monarch, and it wouldn't surprise me to see a few of their members make it their personal mission to annihilate E3U and put this raid to an end. For context, here are the top ten all-time most destructive raids in Torn City history:
The Equalizer 3 United (490,871) v (26,886) Subversive Alliance
MMCP (109,769) v (363,934) Vinerri
SMTH ( 76,613) v (67,236) Vinerri
The Wolverines (122,045) v (9,041) PnB Rising
TheUnLeashed Sykoz (100,061) v (25,788) Catalysis
Ara Pacis (51,276) v (66,970) SMTH
JFK (106,395) v (38) Unrelenting
Buttgrass Inc (66,519) v (36,962) The Chimera's Den
MMCP (93,292) v (6,949) FLUX
Natural Selection II (48,854) v (47,186) Chain Reaction
GIANT CRAB
Back in July's Patch Notes article, I demonstrated how players could use the new multiple player search function.
Komir noticed my placeholder text and was immediately compelled to share the following image.
That's it. That's the story. A picture of a sexy giant crab.
HEAD IN THE CLOUDS
Lady_Face wrote into The Times in September after spotting what she thought was a potential easter egg ahead of spooky season.
"I found something odd. May I show you?"
"Reclining devil."
"Weird goblin."
"Gorilla face."
"Do these have anything to with the halloween event next month?"
They did not.
HALLOWEEN DANCE
And finally, what happens when two people with a severe lack of depth perception fight using chainsaws? el_Mirtho and JosephStalin found out this Halloween.
Larger Link
In a comment to The Times, el_Mirtho believes that they should receive a prize for best Halloween choreography, and if they didn't, then everything is wrong. I concur and have sent Donator Packs to both. Here is a brief clip from JosephStalin and el_Mirtho's "epic" chainsaw battle.
TELL YOUR STORY
As you can see, we really do publish
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