sugarvalves [1963573] —
Original article
Huge secret organisation uncovered. Multi-jackpot winner outed? Logistics Firms raking it in. -R3x-'s lottery cleared of mischief. Is Green Stout beer? And which sub got the first 25k chain?
In these times of crisis there is one thing and one thing alone that is more important than groceries or medical aid. That thing is news, for without her blessed existence, how would we pass the time on the can? What would we share over the water cooler secretly filled with rakia? And what else would there be to distract us during these testing times?
Here for your lavatorial pleasure are a few story snippets we've investigated recently which you may or may not find of interest. If one bores you, feel free to skip to the next.
SECRET EXTORTION AGREEMENT UNCOVERED?
Earlier this month we reported that Relentless had pulled out of the racket extortion business entirely. They did so after a series of high-profile defeats meant they were no longer able to instil enough fear into lower-ranked factions to make them cack their shorts and give in.
And based on the screenshot below, it appears that Unrelenting have followed suit, as this faction mailout makes it clear ItsZahid's troops have also phased out their extortion tactics - something they did when they split from Relentless earlier this year.
But that's not all. In recent days, we have heard that Subversive Alliance's leadership also plan to end their own extortion schemes, they just haven't publicly announced it in the way that Relentless has. And the reasons why they are doing this are very interesting indeed.
First, Relentless has lost a lot of members recently, with the activity levels required by extortion causing burnout among their ranks. This is one reason why Relentless is no longer involved in the extortion industry, and SA would like to avoid falling into a similar trap. However, this change of tact may be too little too late, as SA's recent war against JFK merely added to their workload, causing them to shed members quicker than John Wayne Bobbit.
The second reason for Subversive Alliance pulling out is that Relentless has pulled out. That may seem like an odd thing to suggest given that R's departure gives SA more territories to extort. However, we have been told by several reliable sources of a secret agreement which existed between R, SA, and to a lesser extent 39th Street, to control the racket industry through a combination of extortion and fear.
It is alleged that misinformation was spread by these factions within the forums and in correspondence to this very newspaper in an attempt to make racket ownership look more dangerous and troublesome than it actually was. The purpose of this misdirection was to scare their rivals off participating in extortion themselves. We aim to report on this more in the coming weeks as further information is uncovered.
WHO ARE YOU?
And why do you appear ready to make me a sandwich?
THE MULTI-BILLIONAIRE?
On the 2nd of January Torn welcomed a player called Rasikh to our humble city. Apparently, he didn't like what he saw, as six days later he left, never to return. But in his short time in Torn, it appears that Rasikh was pleasured by an amputated rabbit's food wrapped in four-leaf clovers, as he enjoyed a rather large stroke of luck. White-Rabbit explains the story below.
"I'm not sure who's behind it but an account under the name of Rasikh [2456335] won the slots jackpot of $8,387,264,696 not too long ago. Now I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that account is a front for someone who really wanted to win the jackpot."
So what happened here? Was Rasikh really a multi? If so, where is all that jackpot money? Who owned his account? Why aren't they both in federal jail? Has Torn's staff failed in their duty to investigate such an obviously fraudulent situation? If so, how will we purchase pitchforks to shake ominously in their direction? All the stores are closed. We'd have to use regular forks. This is unacceptable. #sackbogie
Pictured: How to correctly stab a Community Manager with an ordinary piece of household silverware.
Now now, imaginary reader, hold your metaphorical horses and put down those forks. Because, as Bogie explains below, this situation is actually more innocent than the contents of Tom Hanks' hard drive.
"What basically happened here was a newbie won the jackpot, almost as if they didn't realise. Then just quit and left. And they were mugged by other newbies over the course of the next 2 weeks and lost everything. As it turns out one of said muggers was using a script to do so, so I banned them for that."
"I love it when I jail someone using a s****y script though and it still tries to make the same actions whilst the account is jailed. And then they still deny using scripts. It's like... 'mate... your account was literally trying to do crimes still whilst in fed jail...'."
"Nuhuh."
MMCP STOCKING UP
Further to our earlier reports that MMCP is going it alone in an attempt to become a major force in Torn City, we can reveal that the Myanmar-based outfit is currently on a recruitment drive.
Will MMCP Jr overshadow their senior counterparts in the same way that S Club Juniors replaced S Club 7 in the hearts and minds of pop fans everywhere? We are One Step Closer to finding out.
A LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE?
As the rest of the world continues to worry about the impact of failing businesses in the midst of the coronavirus, one Torn citizen is more concerned about the runaway success of a new Torn company type. VitaGreta has contacted The Times on several occasions to express her fears that Logistics Companies are too profitable and popular.
In lieu of a restraining order, we have decided to finally publish her concerns.
"There are now more logistic companies than Detective Agency + Toy Shop + Theater + Gents Strip Club + Cyber cafe + Gas station + Amusement Park + Music store + Mining corp together that has ever been created (including inactive ones)."
At the time of writing, there were 369 active Logistics Companies in Torn City, with a total of 4,149 people employed within this industry. This company type has overtaken the Television Network as Torn's most popular firm, with 247 active TV's currently employing 3,488 people as of late March 2020.
VitaGreta quite rightly points out that since Logistics Companies were released back in May 2019 they have been set up at a rate of more than one per day - which is almost one a day, when you think about it. She went on to say that directors of these firms can earn $50 million every 24 hours, which translates to roughly $18 billion per year, or $1,800 billion every hundred years - that last statistic probably wasn't necessary.
The cost of starting an LC is six times less than creating an Oil Rig, and their chonging great income means they are able to attract players from any industry with huge salaries and still make large profits. VitaGreta continues her point-makery below.
"Many players I have talked to have abandoned opening TV companies, Oilrigs and other companies where they compete against same type of employee as Logistics. With this development everyone will in near future work for a logistic or direct one. If something is not done soon it will be very hard to do anything at all since too many will be involved and any change meet hard resistance and displeasure."
We have previously reported that several unpopular company types are currently undergoing a revamp aimed at improving their fortunes, with changes to Gas Stations and Music Stores having already been agreed, and alterations to Gents Strip Clubs and Meat Warehouses presently under discussion. However, there have been no in-depth conversations about the incredible success of Logistics Companies. What the hell are we doing?
I say we, because not only am I personally leading the company revamp project, I am also the moron who drew up the design for the Logistics Company in the first place. Can I help it if everything I create turns to pure gold? Yes, apparently so, given that I also created the template for Private Security Firms, and they're utter s***e.
Pictured: Everything I touch turns to gold or s**t. Just call me King Midass.
When I presented VitaGreta's concerns to Chedburn in February, I was informed that the mechanics of the company system should balance out the Logistics Company market eventually. As more companies sprout up, the profits on offer will be reduced, as they would in any real-life industry. And if this fails to happen, measures can be put in place to rectify the situation should Logistics Companies become a logistical nightmare ahahaha get it?
In the meantime, Oil Rig owners like VitaGreta will simply have to make their companies more attractive, perhaps by offering daycare facilities, formal shorts Thursdays, or free employee lunches for those who are left-handed.
4/20/2020
"At what point do we all realize that the whole month of April is 420????? 1/4/20, 2/4/20, 3/4/20, 4/4/20 . What are we going to do about it ?????? A once in a century event has to be celebrated, right? To whom do we need to speak?"
There are currently no plans to mark 4/20/2020 aside from the usual Cannabis Day event on the 20th of April. However, we may consider putting on a couple of extra 4/20 competitions during this month in Community Events. These will run alongside the traditional Easter-themed competitions which typically open up at the beginning of the month. Keep your eyes peeled and your hands washed!
-R3X- LOTTO SERVER SCAM?
Have you played -R3x-'s Discord lottery yet? According to some people, you shouldn't bother, as it is alleged that -R3x- isn't running this lottery entirely fairly, as the following wall of text implies.
"Hi ash please please do a piece on the corruption inside r3x lotto server I mean it's beyond ridiculous the guy wins most big lottos in his own server it's laughable his defence is how much he gives away yet his server records what's given away yet not what has been won lol if anyone speaks out he bans them and has his little butt kissers bounty them as I'm sure he gives them a cut of his I'll gained profits! I'm serious if u put out the feelers I bet u get so many people with comments! The other day alone he won 4 lottos out of 7 each over 200 entrants and rewards upwards of 600mil once his nw dived from 15bil to 100m lol it's a joke look at the stats I know your a clever dude."
When someone calls me a clever dude the least I can do is make a half-assed attempt to investigate their claims, even if they have an irrational hatred of full stops. -R3x-'s Discord lottery started in July 2018, having previously existed in another form on IRC. There have been a few forum threads accusing -R3x- of rigging these lotteries over the past couple of years, but the community hasn't responded well to them.
As of March 2020 there are over 260 pages of posts detailing player winnings, and having read every single one (I absolutely haven't done that) it appears there are far more positive interactions with -R3x-'s lottery than negative ones - he certainly does not win most of the big lottos. A screenshot of -R3x-'s networth showed that if he is scamming people via the lottery, he is isn't very good at it.
Pictured: -R3x- with his ill-gottenbillions billion?
These accusations of shenanigans within the shenanigans Discord appear to be entirely without merit, and we can prove this by showing you a snippet of code from the Discord bot responsible for choosing the lottery winners. This code grab was provided by Torn's trusted staff member Stewie, who is also responsible for writing the code itself.
"No, the lotteries in R3x's Discord server are not rigged. Firstly, the code was entirely created by me. And is something I would never code in. I don't even let R3x touch it, and anything he does do I go over it to change whatever I don't like. What that does there is figure out if there's any remaining entries to be announced, and if not — pick a winner at random from the list." - Stewie
I feel I am in no way overstepping the mark when I say that the entire staff of the Torn City Times would trust Stewie with their lives, their children's lives and the lives of our children's children. We therefore believe that -R3x-'s Discord lottery is entirely legitimate, and we hope this report will end any rumours to the contrary. But why have people spread this scurrilous tittle-tattle in the first place? -R3x- thinks he knows why.
"Human nature being what it is, however, there are always players who feel a false sense of entitlement. They seem to believe that they have a right to win a random draw, and so they throw a tantrum when their entry isn’t the one that the bot selects. A few of them get so bitter about not winning a free lottery that they convince themselves it must be a deliberate conspiracy against them. Then they try to convince others in order to bolster and justify themselves. It never works, of course. There are, thankfully, a lot more sensible and logical people than there are tinfoil hat wearers."
TORN TESTS POSITIVE, FOR FEEDBACK
SECTOR 6 WAR AVERTED?
We have heard rumours that a large war was supposed to take place in Sector 6 around now, but it was cancelled at the last moment due to one faction stepping back. My anonymous source tells the story below:
"THC(Trap House Corporation) was chasing a faction, said faction was pulling them toward a trap with allies, until the faction that was being chased backing out and forfeited all territories they had and fell off the map so the trap fell through. I heard of 3 other factions that were going to attack all every territory THC had at the same time to kick them off the map."
My source was unwilling to name the other faction involved, but they did tell me that they likely pulled out of the fight because of miscommunication between the leadership and members, which caused one of the leaders to back out.
FIRST SUB CHAIN?
"DOA, sub-faction of DA, got a 25k chain. Quite possibly the first sub-faction ever to get a 25k chain, and most likely lowest respect faction with a 25k as well." - WinglessBRD
Is this true? We checked the record books to find out. DOA achieved their 25k chain back on the 15th of January, and while we weren't able to see their ranking at the time - we were too busy unknowingly smearing viruses on every crevice and cornice - they are presently 48th in the Hall of Fame for respect. So could DOA have been the first sub-faction to grab a 25k chain?
Sorry to burst your balloon full of hopeful human breath, but the answer appears to be no. Helvete is listed as the fifth faction to achieve a 25k chain back in March 2018, however, while they appear to exist as a Relentless groupie faction today, they were riding fully solo when the chain was completed.
Pictured: Your hopes.
Honey Badgers Gone Wild was actually the first sub-faction to have completed a 25k chainon the 20th of July 2019 over Valentine's Day 2019 when they were known as Honey Badgers 2.0. We do not know what ranking they held at the time, but they are currently 35th in the table. So DOA wasn't the first sub-faction to crack 25k, but were they the lowest respect faction?
There's a chance they were back then, but it looks likely that a couple of factions have beaten their record since. While we can't see where certain factions were ranked at in the past, we do know that The Igloo hit 25k on the 15th of February, and their present-day ranking of 76th hints they were much lower than DOA when they cracked their 25,000th skull in a row.
The Next Level also took 25k on the 19th of February, and their current position of 73rd means they also stand a chance of being the lowest-ranked faction to do so. Nevertheless, while DOA may not have been the first sub-faction or the lowest-ranked faction to gain a 25k chain, they are still one of the first and one of the lowest, which makes their achievement all the more impressive.
TORN 4 MOMS
It was Mother's Day in the UK on Sunday, but you'd have to seriously despise the woman who pushed you out of her nether regions to go and visit her in these dangerously infectious times. However, that doesn't mean you can't give her a gift and hang out with her... in Torn City! Because there are plenty of mothers here in Torn, as Anna91 demonstrates.
"I have been on Torn City for over 10 years. I will say, I'm addicted to it in a good way. Every time I check My Phone. I automatically check Torn. I'm a woman and a Mother, and I will add that moms can play Torn City."
"The thing I like most of Torn city, I always discover something new about it. I like to do crime, find items in the city, be in the gym and attack people. Do mission and do honor and award is the best. Amazing game. Hopefully you enjoyed reading this."
"Let me hear from you soon and comment. Thanx."
So there you have it. Moms play Torn too, so why not sign up yours today? You could even give her an in-game Erotic DVD as a present.
TORN IS BOOMING
We expect to have more players visiting Torn than usual during the Coronavirus outbreak, with our already-increasing population set to swell like a set of pus-filled buboes while everyone's stuck inside. Yet we were distressed to discover that Torn City is actually for "loosers", as Fayelisa explains.
Given that all those who play Torn are now officially boomers, does that mean we get free houses and university tuition? Sweet!
MENTOS LICK THEIR WOUNDS
Mentos and Cola had their asses handed to them by Forged Through War recently, so one could be forgiven for wondering why they bothered to declare on them in the first place. MnC's realistassassin told me that the conflict sprang from a rivalry between her factionmate Abdullah and Forged Through War's Kelsie.
"Abdullah started to delay Kelsie + FTW as his way of fun. That was really the start of everything... More recently, I decided to have my fun with FTW, (this included probs over billions mugged + flight delays). Me and Abdullah are close mates and when he got f**ked with negative NW, I decided I should carry on."
FTW members then started sitting on realistassassin, and this was followed by a mini-war with Evolution, which FTW was dragged into - they were chaining at the time. FTW then attacked Animal Kingdom, of which MnC is a member, during their war against R, Helvete and MMCP. But when MnC's AW duties were done and the main course of this war ended, they decided they needed a 1v1 for dessert.
"MNC decided after the war, we may as well have one last fight as we are on war specs. we decided to go for FTW within 11hr's after the war. We assaulted 2 FTW walls and won with no real fight back, this was our highest activity probably throughout the whole war."
"Then, FTW started hitting midway through the 3rd wall which was a failed assault and we lost a defence from an assault from FTW shortly after. The 4th wall was an assault from FTW, at 4am. We had no leaders on, and was very smart on FTW's move."
Realistassassin feels that MnC made mistakes in this war, citing "the 7 wall with para + BB, and a faction with x3 our stats probably" as one of the deciding battles, while also noting that "our activity was poor when they fought back." However, she appears proud of her side's efforts, pointing out that MnC were once a sub-faction, whereas FTW used to go toe-to-toe with JFK and SA in the past.
"I don't see it as a total embarrassment. It was clear that FTW was most likely going to beat MNC, but we are fac which will war - win or lose. Overall, I feel MNC were the only fac who can wake up FTW, and motivate them like this, as it was more or a personal 1 v 1 more than anything. FTW fought hard, their activity levels were pretty surprising for a "dead HOF fac" too. We will come again, but with a better plan and more organised."
IS GREEN STOUT BEER?
MonChoon contacted me directly last week to ask the following question:
"Hey. Does the Green Stout count as a beer item for the beer day in August?"
In real life, Stout is indeed referred to as a dark beer, therefore it is not illogical to expect it to be included in August's Beer Day event. This date sees beer items provide five times as much nerve as usual, but said buff only applies to bottles and glasses of beer at present. I asked Chedburn whether we could extend this bonus to the five nerve Green Stout item.
Spoilsport.
SEND ME YOUR STORIES
Everyone whose stories made it into this month's edition of Local News will receive a Donator Pack shortly. If you'd like to contribute some salacious gossip, tasteful nudes, or a theory you have on the link between the emergence of Coronavirus and the rising popularity of Almond Butter, please contact us through the Torn City Times' Tell Your Story link.
You can also use this link to tell me why one of these stories is wrong, so long as you are polite, use the words "Fake News" no fewer than eight times, and you tell me the actual truth so I have something to publish.
Here for your lavatorial pleasure are a few story snippets we've investigated recently which you may or may not find of interest. If one bores you, feel free to skip to the next.
SECRET EXTORTION AGREEMENT UNCOVERED?
Earlier this month we reported that Relentless had pulled out of the racket extortion business entirely. They did so after a series of high-profile defeats meant they were no longer able to instil enough fear into lower-ranked factions to make them cack their shorts and give in.
And based on the screenshot below, it appears that Unrelenting have followed suit, as this faction mailout makes it clear ItsZahid's troops have also phased out their extortion tactics - something they did when they split from Relentless earlier this year.
But that's not all. In recent days, we have heard that Subversive Alliance's leadership also plan to end their own extortion schemes, they just haven't publicly announced it in the way that Relentless has. And the reasons why they are doing this are very interesting indeed.
First, Relentless has lost a lot of members recently, with the activity levels required by extortion causing burnout among their ranks. This is one reason why Relentless is no longer involved in the extortion industry, and SA would like to avoid falling into a similar trap. However, this change of tact may be too little too late, as SA's recent war against JFK merely added to their workload, causing them to shed members quicker than John Wayne Bobbit.
The second reason for Subversive Alliance pulling out is that Relentless has pulled out. That may seem like an odd thing to suggest given that R's departure gives SA more territories to extort. However, we have been told by several reliable sources of a secret agreement which existed between R, SA, and to a lesser extent 39th Street, to control the racket industry through a combination of extortion and fear.
It is alleged that misinformation was spread by these factions within the forums and in correspondence to this very newspaper in an attempt to make racket ownership look more dangerous and troublesome than it actually was. The purpose of this misdirection was to scare their rivals off participating in extortion themselves. We aim to report on this more in the coming weeks as further information is uncovered.
WHO ARE YOU?
And why do you appear ready to make me a sandwich?
THE MULTI-BILLIONAIRE?
On the 2nd of January Torn welcomed a player called Rasikh to our humble city. Apparently, he didn't like what he saw, as six days later he left, never to return. But in his short time in Torn, it appears that Rasikh was pleasured by an amputated rabbit's food wrapped in four-leaf clovers, as he enjoyed a rather large stroke of luck. White-Rabbit explains the story below.
"I'm not sure who's behind it but an account under the name of Rasikh [2456335] won the slots jackpot of $8,387,264,696 not too long ago. Now I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that account is a front for someone who really wanted to win the jackpot."
So what happened here? Was Rasikh really a multi? If so, where is all that jackpot money? Who owned his account? Why aren't they both in federal jail? Has Torn's staff failed in their duty to investigate such an obviously fraudulent situation? If so, how will we purchase pitchforks to shake ominously in their direction? All the stores are closed. We'd have to use regular forks. This is unacceptable. #sackbogie
Pictured: How to correctly stab a Community Manager with an ordinary piece of household silverware.
Now now, imaginary reader, hold your metaphorical horses and put down those forks. Because, as Bogie explains below, this situation is actually more innocent than the contents of Tom Hanks' hard drive.
"What basically happened here was a newbie won the jackpot, almost as if they didn't realise. Then just quit and left. And they were mugged by other newbies over the course of the next 2 weeks and lost everything. As it turns out one of said muggers was using a script to do so, so I banned them for that."
"I love it when I jail someone using a s****y script though and it still tries to make the same actions whilst the account is jailed. And then they still deny using scripts. It's like... 'mate... your account was literally trying to do crimes still whilst in fed jail...'."
"Nuhuh."
MMCP STOCKING UP
Further to our earlier reports that MMCP is going it alone in an attempt to become a major force in Torn City, we can reveal that the Myanmar-based outfit is currently on a recruitment drive.
Will MMCP Jr overshadow their senior counterparts in the same way that S Club Juniors replaced S Club 7 in the hearts and minds of pop fans everywhere? We are One Step Closer to finding out.
A LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE?
As the rest of the world continues to worry about the impact of failing businesses in the midst of the coronavirus, one Torn citizen is more concerned about the runaway success of a new Torn company type. VitaGreta has contacted The Times on several occasions to express her fears that Logistics Companies are too profitable and popular.
In lieu of a restraining order, we have decided to finally publish her concerns.
"There are now more logistic companies than Detective Agency + Toy Shop + Theater + Gents Strip Club + Cyber cafe + Gas station + Amusement Park + Music store + Mining corp together that has ever been created (including inactive ones)."
At the time of writing, there were 369 active Logistics Companies in Torn City, with a total of 4,149 people employed within this industry. This company type has overtaken the Television Network as Torn's most popular firm, with 247 active TV's currently employing 3,488 people as of late March 2020.
VitaGreta quite rightly points out that since Logistics Companies were released back in May 2019 they have been set up at a rate of more than one per day - which is almost one a day, when you think about it. She went on to say that directors of these firms can earn $50 million every 24 hours, which translates to roughly $18 billion per year, or $1,800 billion every hundred years - that last statistic probably wasn't necessary.
The cost of starting an LC is six times less than creating an Oil Rig, and their chonging great income means they are able to attract players from any industry with huge salaries and still make large profits. VitaGreta continues her point-makery below.
"Many players I have talked to have abandoned opening TV companies, Oilrigs and other companies where they compete against same type of employee as Logistics. With this development everyone will in near future work for a logistic or direct one. If something is not done soon it will be very hard to do anything at all since too many will be involved and any change meet hard resistance and displeasure."
We have previously reported that several unpopular company types are currently undergoing a revamp aimed at improving their fortunes, with changes to Gas Stations and Music Stores having already been agreed, and alterations to Gents Strip Clubs and Meat Warehouses presently under discussion. However, there have been no in-depth conversations about the incredible success of Logistics Companies. What the hell are we doing?
I say we, because not only am I personally leading the company revamp project, I am also the moron who drew up the design for the Logistics Company in the first place. Can I help it if everything I create turns to pure gold? Yes, apparently so, given that I also created the template for Private Security Firms, and they're utter s***e.
Pictured: Everything I touch turns to gold or s**t. Just call me King Midass.
When I presented VitaGreta's concerns to Chedburn in February, I was informed that the mechanics of the company system should balance out the Logistics Company market eventually. As more companies sprout up, the profits on offer will be reduced, as they would in any real-life industry. And if this fails to happen, measures can be put in place to rectify the situation should Logistics Companies become a logistical nightmare ahahaha get it?
In the meantime, Oil Rig owners like VitaGreta will simply have to make their companies more attractive, perhaps by offering daycare facilities, formal shorts Thursdays, or free employee lunches for those who are left-handed.
4/20/2020
"At what point do we all realize that the whole month of April is 420????? 1/4/20, 2/4/20, 3/4/20, 4/4/20 . What are we going to do about it ?????? A once in a century event has to be celebrated, right? To whom do we need to speak?"
There are currently no plans to mark 4/20/2020 aside from the usual Cannabis Day event on the 20th of April. However, we may consider putting on a couple of extra 4/20 competitions during this month in Community Events. These will run alongside the traditional Easter-themed competitions which typically open up at the beginning of the month. Keep your eyes peeled and your hands washed!
-R3X- LOTTO SERVER SCAM?
Have you played -R3x-'s Discord lottery yet? According to some people, you shouldn't bother, as it is alleged that -R3x- isn't running this lottery entirely fairly, as the following wall of text implies.
"Hi ash please please do a piece on the corruption inside r3x lotto server I mean it's beyond ridiculous the guy wins most big lottos in his own server it's laughable his defence is how much he gives away yet his server records what's given away yet not what has been won lol if anyone speaks out he bans them and has his little butt kissers bounty them as I'm sure he gives them a cut of his I'll gained profits! I'm serious if u put out the feelers I bet u get so many people with comments! The other day alone he won 4 lottos out of 7 each over 200 entrants and rewards upwards of 600mil once his nw dived from 15bil to 100m lol it's a joke look at the stats I know your a clever dude."
When someone calls me a clever dude the least I can do is make a half-assed attempt to investigate their claims, even if they have an irrational hatred of full stops. -R3x-'s Discord lottery started in July 2018, having previously existed in another form on IRC. There have been a few forum threads accusing -R3x- of rigging these lotteries over the past couple of years, but the community hasn't responded well to them.
As of March 2020 there are over 260 pages of posts detailing player winnings, and having read every single one (I absolutely haven't done that) it appears there are far more positive interactions with -R3x-'s lottery than negative ones - he certainly does not win most of the big lottos. A screenshot of -R3x-'s networth showed that if he is scamming people via the lottery, he is isn't very good at it.
Pictured: -R3x- with his ill-gotten
These accusations of shenanigans within the shenanigans Discord appear to be entirely without merit, and we can prove this by showing you a snippet of code from the Discord bot responsible for choosing the lottery winners. This code grab was provided by Torn's trusted staff member Stewie, who is also responsible for writing the code itself.
"No, the lotteries in R3x's Discord server are not rigged. Firstly, the code was entirely created by me. And is something I would never code in. I don't even let R3x touch it, and anything he does do I go over it to change whatever I don't like. What that does there is figure out if there's any remaining entries to be announced, and if not — pick a winner at random from the list." - Stewie
I feel I am in no way overstepping the mark when I say that the entire staff of the Torn City Times would trust Stewie with their lives, their children's lives and the lives of our children's children. We therefore believe that -R3x-'s Discord lottery is entirely legitimate, and we hope this report will end any rumours to the contrary. But why have people spread this scurrilous tittle-tattle in the first place? -R3x- thinks he knows why.
"Human nature being what it is, however, there are always players who feel a false sense of entitlement. They seem to believe that they have a right to win a random draw, and so they throw a tantrum when their entry isn’t the one that the bot selects. A few of them get so bitter about not winning a free lottery that they convince themselves it must be a deliberate conspiracy against them. Then they try to convince others in order to bolster and justify themselves. It never works, of course. There are, thankfully, a lot more sensible and logical people than there are tinfoil hat wearers."
TORN TESTS POSITIVE, FOR FEEDBACK
SECTOR 6 WAR AVERTED?
We have heard rumours that a large war was supposed to take place in Sector 6 around now, but it was cancelled at the last moment due to one faction stepping back. My anonymous source tells the story below:
"THC(Trap House Corporation) was chasing a faction, said faction was pulling them toward a trap with allies, until the faction that was being chased backing out and forfeited all territories they had and fell off the map so the trap fell through. I heard of 3 other factions that were going to attack all every territory THC had at the same time to kick them off the map."
My source was unwilling to name the other faction involved, but they did tell me that they likely pulled out of the fight because of miscommunication between the leadership and members, which caused one of the leaders to back out.
FIRST SUB CHAIN?
"DOA, sub-faction of DA, got a 25k chain. Quite possibly the first sub-faction ever to get a 25k chain, and most likely lowest respect faction with a 25k as well." - WinglessBRD
Is this true? We checked the record books to find out. DOA achieved their 25k chain back on the 15th of January, and while we weren't able to see their ranking at the time - we were too busy unknowingly smearing viruses on every crevice and cornice - they are presently 48th in the Hall of Fame for respect. So could DOA have been the first sub-faction to grab a 25k chain?
Sorry to burst your balloon full of hopeful human breath, but the answer appears to be no. Helvete is listed as the fifth faction to achieve a 25k chain back in March 2018, however, while they appear to exist as a Relentless groupie faction today, they were riding fully solo when the chain was completed.
Pictured: Your hopes.
Honey Badgers Gone Wild was actually the first sub-faction to have completed a 25k chain
There's a chance they were back then, but it looks likely that a couple of factions have beaten their record since. While we can't see where certain factions were ranked at in the past, we do know that The Igloo hit 25k on the 15th of February, and their present-day ranking of 76th hints they were much lower than DOA when they cracked their 25,000th skull in a row.
The Next Level also took 25k on the 19th of February, and their current position of 73rd means they also stand a chance of being the lowest-ranked faction to do so. Nevertheless, while DOA may not have been the first sub-faction or the lowest-ranked faction to gain a 25k chain, they are still one of the first and one of the lowest, which makes their achievement all the more impressive.
TORN 4 MOMS
It was Mother's Day in the UK on Sunday, but you'd have to seriously despise the woman who pushed you out of her nether regions to go and visit her in these dangerously infectious times. However, that doesn't mean you can't give her a gift and hang out with her... in Torn City! Because there are plenty of mothers here in Torn, as Anna91 demonstrates.
"I have been on Torn City for over 10 years. I will say, I'm addicted to it in a good way. Every time I check My Phone. I automatically check Torn. I'm a woman and a Mother, and I will add that moms can play Torn City."
"The thing I like most of Torn city, I always discover something new about it. I like to do crime, find items in the city, be in the gym and attack people. Do mission and do honor and award is the best. Amazing game. Hopefully you enjoyed reading this."
"Let me hear from you soon and comment. Thanx."
So there you have it. Moms play Torn too, so why not sign up yours today? You could even give her an in-game Erotic DVD as a present.
TORN IS BOOMING
We expect to have more players visiting Torn than usual during the Coronavirus outbreak, with our already-increasing population set to swell like a set of pus-filled buboes while everyone's stuck inside. Yet we were distressed to discover that Torn City is actually for "loosers", as Fayelisa explains.
Given that all those who play Torn are now officially boomers, does that mean we get free houses and university tuition? Sweet!
MENTOS LICK THEIR WOUNDS
Mentos and Cola had their asses handed to them by Forged Through War recently, so one could be forgiven for wondering why they bothered to declare on them in the first place. MnC's realistassassin told me that the conflict sprang from a rivalry between her factionmate Abdullah and Forged Through War's Kelsie.
"Abdullah started to delay Kelsie + FTW as his way of fun. That was really the start of everything... More recently, I decided to have my fun with FTW, (this included probs over billions mugged + flight delays). Me and Abdullah are close mates and when he got f**ked with negative NW, I decided I should carry on."
FTW members then started sitting on realistassassin, and this was followed by a mini-war with Evolution, which FTW was dragged into - they were chaining at the time. FTW then attacked Animal Kingdom, of which MnC is a member, during their war against R, Helvete and MMCP. But when MnC's AW duties were done and the main course of this war ended, they decided they needed a 1v1 for dessert.
"MNC decided after the war, we may as well have one last fight as we are on war specs. we decided to go for FTW within 11hr's after the war. We assaulted 2 FTW walls and won with no real fight back, this was our highest activity probably throughout the whole war."
"Then, FTW started hitting midway through the 3rd wall which was a failed assault and we lost a defence from an assault from FTW shortly after. The 4th wall was an assault from FTW, at 4am. We had no leaders on, and was very smart on FTW's move."
Realistassassin feels that MnC made mistakes in this war, citing "the 7 wall with para + BB, and a faction with x3 our stats probably" as one of the deciding battles, while also noting that "our activity was poor when they fought back." However, she appears proud of her side's efforts, pointing out that MnC were once a sub-faction, whereas FTW used to go toe-to-toe with JFK and SA in the past.
"I don't see it as a total embarrassment. It was clear that FTW was most likely going to beat MNC, but we are fac which will war - win or lose. Overall, I feel MNC were the only fac who can wake up FTW, and motivate them like this, as it was more or a personal 1 v 1 more than anything. FTW fought hard, their activity levels were pretty surprising for a "dead HOF fac" too. We will come again, but with a better plan and more organised."
IS GREEN STOUT BEER?
MonChoon contacted me directly last week to ask the following question:
"Hey. Does the Green Stout count as a beer item for the beer day in August?"
In real life, Stout is indeed referred to as a dark beer, therefore it is not illogical to expect it to be included in August's Beer Day event. This date sees beer items provide five times as much nerve as usual, but said buff only applies to bottles and glasses of beer at present. I asked Chedburn whether we could extend this bonus to the five nerve Green Stout item.
Spoilsport.
SEND ME YOUR STORIES
Everyone whose stories made it into this month's edition of Local News will receive a Donator Pack shortly. If you'd like to contribute some salacious gossip, tasteful nudes, or a theory you have on the link between the emergence of Coronavirus and the rising popularity of Almond Butter, please contact us through the Torn City Times' Tell Your Story link.
You can also use this link to tell me why one of these stories is wrong, so long as you are polite, use the words "Fake News" no fewer than eight times, and you tell me the actual truth so I have something to publish.
Original article
Comments
Post a Comment