Torn City Times

Hcom3 [2003693] — Thanks to a series of nerfs, mugging people isn't as profitable as it once was. So why has this happened, what was it like in the past, and what is Chedburn planning to do about it? On the 17th of June, a change was made to Russian Roulette which prevented games in progress from being visible to those outside the table. This may seem like a useful and innocuous alteration on the surface, but it had a huge impact upon one group in particular - muggers. The problem stemmed from the fact that the identity of the person who started a game of RR could be seen, whereas their opponents remained anonymous. Ever since this loophole was discovered, experienced muggers have stalked Russian roulette games in search of high stakes matches. When said match was found, the muggers would wait in the shadows while the game played out. If the anonymous player won then they could exit the game safely. However, if the winner was the player who started the game, they would be immedi...

ArttiIsGod [1954421] — Here is a crossword for your mouth, eyes, ears and any other senses you may or may not possess. Hello and welcome to Torn City Times crossword number fourteen. This one is a little late because we were fully enjoying our summer holidays full of sandy women, sexy ice creams in bikinis, and the delicious taste of a freshly licked beach. But finally here we are. First, we must apologise for an error in last week's crossword. We didn't make a mistake in the wording, we simply overestimated the ability of our readers - you've really disappointed us, we thought you were smart. I received several desperate pleas for assistance regarding the clue "Article written by George". If you had looked hard enough, you'd have deduced that the answer was "Article on Crime", as seen below. A devious clue indeed, since I'll wager many of you browsed through the newspaper looking for a reporter called George. We do like to toy with you ever s...

sugarvalves [1963573] — What to do about bullies? Where should you store your cash? What happens when a faction goes too far? And is romance dead in Torn City? Aunty Torn answers all. Welcome to the first edition of Ask Aunty Torn, our new regular feature where an anonymous player of considerable years and fine moral standing answers your questions. Aunty has spent the past week sifting through your responses and noting those who spammed the newspaper with multiple entries as a joke. Aunty is quite protective over her inbox - she rarely lets anyone inside - so this was a most distressing experience for the old biddy. I hope you're all happy with yourselves. Our first submission comes from an anonymous individual who has endured attention from a level 65 veteran. The bully, who shall herein be known as Tough Jerk, attacked our reader throughout August, having begun with a random assault which was responded to with a bounty.  ...Now with the hindsight, they [the bounties] may have...

Tolshortte [648554] — Find out how low-statted players can be useful to factions in chaining, territories and general combat thanks to the way Torn City has evolved in recent years. As a player of over ten years, I've seen many new faces arrive in Torn City. Some of these people prosper and go on to achieve great things. Many do not, with a common complaint being that it is hard for newcomers to establish themselves in a game where only those with high stats and fat stacks are deemed useful. But even if that were ever true, it certainly isn't today.  Thanks to the changes made to chaining and warring, newer and younger players are now extremely important. The problem is, most newcomers aren't aware of their own value, and nor are the factions who could be making use of them. It is time for that to change.   In the past, Torn was ruled by battle stats. New players were often a liability to their factions with their lowly attributes, and there was no real way for them t...

sugarvalves [1963573] — As yet another well-known faction falls into obscurity, we ask who is really to blame for the death of the Dropbears; their leader, their factionbase, or Chedburn. The Dropbears faction was sold by its leader Shak  last week to DeaLeR for a reported fee of $16.5billion, with the outfit now expected to become a subfaction to Nuclear Blast  after the purchase was orchestrated by their leader Stockboy . This means that within the space of a few weeks yet another famous Torn faction has changed hands, as Dropbears' sale took place not long after Tascon unloaded Memento Mori to Saitoma . News of Dropbears' availability was first announced at the end of July via a forum post made by Shak advertising its sale . An opening price of $20billion proved a stumbling block at first, with the fee reduced to $18billion and eventually $16.5billion in an attempt to find a buyer.  This relatively low fee indicates that all was not well within the faction at th...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Would you like a paper bag to wear over your head and or face? Too late idiots, because all ten have now been snaffled by the winners of Leslie's competition. Come look, it's gross. The results of the second annual I Hate Mr and Ms Torn contest were published on Monday, with Estelle emerging as the overall winner thanks to her elegant depiction of a dishevelled woman leaking out fluids from both ends. "If I could sum up my intentions here into a word it would be 'grotesque'...Though it cannot be seen in the picture, I had used make up to make my face look as horrible as possible. Then I tried to replicate dog poop (though I don't think it turned out very well) using peanut butter and mulch and smeared that on my temple." Estelle also smeared oatmeal around her mouth and created a realistic patch of vomit using water-soaked sesame sticks and green curry sauce. She then claims to have sat in water to make it look like she'd p...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Anonymous bragging by a member of Champagne Killers has led to renewed hostilities between themselves and The War Rig - and neither faction's leader is too happy. Last week the Torn City Times published news of a surprise territories victory in our Local News roundup. The battle to which we referred took place between The War Rig and the Champagne Killers , with an anonymous member of the victorious latter having prompted our report through a submission to our Tell Your Story section. Earlier this week I received another tip-off from a separate source telling me that hostilities had broken out once more, and my enquiries revealed this was caused in no small part by the triumphant tone displayed in the aforementioned article. My latest anonymous tipster is also member of Champagne Killers, and they told me that their leader Charbon had ordered his troops to prepare for war, since a territorial assault from The War Rig was considered likely. This proved ...

Lexa [1556957] — You read tragic stories in the newspapers and never think one day they could happen to you. In this edition of Torn IRL, we hear how strangers helped Meanmike through the worst tragedy of his life. A few weeks ago a gentleman called  MeanMike got in touch to tell me about a recent tragedy which struck his family, and the kindness shown to him by Torn City strangers in the aftermath.  But before we hear Mike's real-life story, let's get a sense of who he is in Torn City. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?  "I'm a stand up comic from Daytona Beach, Fla USA; I've been playing for over 3 and half years. I lead the faction Chain Reaction and enjoy this game immensely." How did you first come across Torn? Did you have any real life friends that played? "I came from Pimpwar, where a friend there suggested this game to me and brought me in." Have you ever met up with anyone from Torn? "Yes, Kinzove came to  stay with me ...

sugarvalves [1963573] — As one of Torn's oldest factions looks set to crumble after being sold to Saitoma, the Torn City Times presents this early obituary for the late, great, Memento Mori. Earlier this month one of Torn City's oldest factions, Memento Mori , was sold by its leader Tascon for a fee of $62.5billion TCD. The news was broken  in  a thread posted by Harley  which exposed the buyer as Saitoma , aka Seraphim, aka Egypt.  In the discourse which followed, Harley  inferred that Memento Mori's members may be about to be purged, as Saitoma reportedly has a long history of clearing factions out before selling them on for a profit. Many MM members have already left the faction in anticipation of such a move, but  Saitoma claims such fears are unfounded, and he made the following comments to the TCT: " I contacted top factions owners / leaders till I got 2 replies from  Memento Mori and another faction both showed willingness to sell for th...

ArttiIsGod [1954421] — A delightful activity for idlers or casual readers who appreciate newspaper content they can draw on. Hello and welcome to the 13th crossword from the Torn City Times. We are still healthy and nobody has wanted to shoot us in our smooth, hairless bodies...yet. Before we continue with the results we would like to give a shout out to last week's runner-up Silentg_001 , who dedicated a comic for us, which was published in the comic section of the newspaper. Bravo! The answer for the last crossword was " Chickens and Nuclear Physics ". The first person to slip the correct answer into my underwear along with a $10 note was  BotaJ . He will receive two Donator Packs and two Six Packs of Energy Drinks. Congratulations, luckily you cannot overdose on energy...yet.  The runners-up were IsThisKaii , Freyja , Axeray , who will each receive two FHC's and one Six Pack of Energy Drink each.  Prizes will be sent out shortly after the publication of the cro...

Bainz [2101476] — Did you know that Real Money Trading is often linked to multi accounts, money laundering and real criminal activites? Are you at risk? Read on to find out. Pictured: Mmmmm, Gun P*rn It all started during a game of Russian-foot Roulette. There I was, $800,000,000 in with two shots left. If I made it past the next chamber, I was buying an FHG BB. Aaaand I'm toast. The good news was, I only owed Duke a small portion of it. The bad news, I hadn't paid upkeep on my PI in a while and the lease was up in 2 days. Having recently liquidated my extra properties to free up my cash, I was heading for a shack. I need cash. What do I do? Some people will try to go legit, sell their stuff, slut themselves out or just give up. Other, more unscrupulous citizens will attempt to buy their way out of trouble using real-world cash. This is known as Real Money Trading (RMT). And it is just about the stupidest thing you can do. Pictured: A more profitable way of using money, beca...