Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — Chedburn has threatened to unleash fire and fury upon those holding multiple identities in Torn City, with our Lord, saviour and sovereign seeking to assuage citizens' fears in light of the recent outbreaks of vigilante justice. Massively Underhand Loser Turdface Identity Simulators, or multis as they are commonly known, create several false personas in an attempt to circumvent the rules and acquire financial or karmic gains. These people threaten the very fabric of Torn society by undermining both our economic and societal structures, and as a result, they are hated with a passion equal to that of scammers, spammers and members of the AOW faction. Chedburn praise be unto him told the Torn City Times that a new multi detection system is imminent. He hopes that this new procedure for identifying multis will be ready within the next week and should eliminate around 10,000 multiple identities in one fell swoop. Any monies earned by these fraudulent personas w...

sugarvalves [1963573] — The city of Ciudad Juarez has been declared safe for Torn citizens to return after 36-hours of violence finally came to an end. Hundreds were left consigned to hospital during this period of instability, with JFA , JFA 2.0 and the wider JFA family later claiming responsibility for the outbreak of hostilities. However, with just seven JFA members present in Mexico at the time of writing, the threat of injury now seems to have surpassed. Forewarning of the events in Ciudad Juarez came via a forum post by Taco_Klitoris (a.k.a. Kapten_Klitoris), in which he advised Torn citizens to avoid travelling there due to the presence of a looming yet unspecified threat. At first, Senor Klitoris spoke as if he and his faction had no involvement in this brutal episode; and in lieu of an official statement, the public began to speculate wildly as to what was going on down in Murder City. Rumours of a dirty bomb or a zombie outbreak were soon quashed though, as it became cle...

sugarvalves [1963573] — When I first contacted L4suicide about compiling his Tornography, he responded by saying he wasn't interesting enough. I wholeheartedly disagree. The man whose history and thoughts we are about to hear has been here since the very beginning, having arrived in Torn City 4560 days ago on February 18th, 2005 - it was a Friday. In that time, L4suicide has racked up a list of achievements longer than the arm of one of those wacky waving inflatable flailing tube men. Among his notable honours is his collection of the most awards in Torn history with 429, his 21st-highest bazaar earnings of $294 billion, and his status as the fifth person to achieve level 100 back in 2013. L4suicide has also taken leadership of legendary faction 39th Street Killers for several successful years, in addition to becoming one of the top ten all-time slots players , consistently appearing in the top 50 rich-list and his transformation into the 2nd biggest junkie with 10,980 drugs ...

bogie [148747] — For years now most of Torn's elite have been living in exclusive private islands, but are we reaching a point of stagnation? How many more islands can this city support, and what of those who want something better? At the time of writing, over 23,000 people are living in private islands. Some are shared between spouses of course, but much more are abandoned and unlived in, either pending a new tenant or left permanently to rot away forgotten. By contrast, there are a little over 3,800 living on the mainland in castles, over 8,000 living in palaces and 12,000 in ranches. We don't start to see a more common type of home until we reach the mansions, with around 33,000 residents living in Torn's fifth-best property. However, I would bet there are a lot more than that currently left derelict. Some of these old mansions may be filled with squatters unable to afford better due to Duke 's never ending debts. Others may have belonged to long gone inactive citi...

sugarvalves [1963573] — For those of us not in possession of beauty, breasts or a secret cache of military equipment, winning the Mr and Ms Torn Competition is nothing but a pipe dream. Without some voting anomaly or a series of fortuitous bear attacks upon every other entrant, most of us cannot ever hope to know what it feels like to place in the top ten of a beauty competition, let alone wear the crown of victory upon our distinctly average heads. This situation, if it weren't bad enough already, is made worse by the doling out of fabulous prizes to those already gilded by God. It seems rather perverse that the winners, encumbered as they are with the burden of a lovely face, are given further glories in the form of points, ribbons and prestige. What of the hideous folks? What of those without a single creative bone in their wretchedly ugly bodies? Where is their trophy? Where's their parade? This is the question asked by local Casino employee Leslie Chanthavong , who seeks...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Kamical and Lucensa are your official Mr and Ms Torn 2017, bringing to an end the three weeks of backstabbing, perving and complaining which traditionally accompanies this pageant of beauty, creativity and unbridled nudity. 10,000 points and a crown item were awarded to the victors, with second-place Avacash and Bogie receiving 5,000 points, and third-placed Ruby and Frinzell taking 2,500. All those who participated have received the Allure honour plus a merit, but for those deemed too hideous, slovenly or forgettable to place highly, the following interviews may provide some hints as to how you can improve your efforts next year. RUBY - 3rd place Ms Torn Ruby's entry utilised a subtle splash of flesh to great effect, allowing focus to be drawn towards her delightful mush to score 6.22238 points with her boxing-themed composition. Her piece was inspired by her months working as a male stripper and the accomplishment of her defense goals, as well as t...