Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — On the 2nd of April, the Night Racers will pay tribute to one of the finest racing drivers in the history of Torn with a brand new competition dedicated to the late, great Wuggington . "Wuggington is one of the greatest racers in the history of torn. Even years after his death he is still on the record boards for top times. I feel lucky to have had him as a friend and had his advice early on in my racing career. I have tried to pass on the same advice to new racers." Guy_Smiley Prior to his tragic passing just over two years ago, Wuggington was the dominant force on the Torn City racing scene. His records on Uptown and Mudpit stood for years, with his times only being surpassed in recent months. To this day he remains on the global record leaderboards for five tracks, with Wuggington's 4th best times on Uptown and Sewage joined by 5th best times on Mudpit, Meltdown and Speedway. It is for this reason that competition organiser Guy_Smiley has cho...

sugarvalves [1963573] — The Torn City Times can exclusively reveal that the long-awaited Detective Agency company will be made available tomorrow. And with an incredibly powerful special unlocked at just three stars, the lives of Torn's criminal community could be about to change forever-ever-ever-ever. The Detective Agency, which costs $12million to set up, offers as standard the ability to acquire the history of any player's involvement in both factions and businesses. This special will allow both faction leaders and directors the chance to vet their potential recruits by leafing through their prior affiliations. If, for example, you are a player well-known for stealing billions from your faction's vault, changing your name will no longer be sufficient to disguise your identity. Your prospective faction leader will be able to see who you've served and contact your former factionmates - who will be no doubt keen to attest to your crimes. Pictured: "And then he t...

ArttiIsGod [1954421] — Hello and welcome to the first ever Torn City Times crossword challenge, a brand new feature which will be published every Sunday for the rest of all time; except when it isn't, which may be quite frequent depending on how busy or drunk we are. Once you have completed the crossword using the clues below, you will discover a secret word spelt out by the pink-numbered boxes starting from 1 to 20. Answers can be sent to ArttilsGod until 23.59 TCT, 30th of March. Please include the answer in the title of the mail. The first person to solve the crossword will win a Feathery Hotel Coupon. Three runners-up will be selected randomly from the pool of correct answers and will win six Xanax Happy solving! ACROSS 2 - Script from the Quran 8 - Slashing weapon sold in China 9 - A location in the city 11 - Stock which provides free travel 13 - Color of the easter egg reward 14 - Education bachelor 17 - Color of the nerve alcohol 18 - Travel destination 20 - Needed for cr...

megalomaniacal [1542618] — There are many paths for one to take in this great city. Some work to amass a fortune by buying and selling goods. Others spend every last dollar raising battle stats. And a select few dolts thrive on eating alphabet spaghettios and vomiting the results all over the forums. Then there are those, such as yours truly, who concentrate on hunting for merits. Yes, I am a merit hunter. This is my story. The motivation for playing Torn differs greatly from person to person. For me, Torn has served as a respite from the real world. It has helped me escape from the stress of obtaining two college degrees, starting a family, studying for and taking (and passing, yay me) a state licensing exam, struggling to find a job I was not overqualified for and everything else life has thrown at me. With all this chaos going on in the background, tasks as menial as training and performing crimes were quite cathartic. But this relief is only temporary, and it was merit hunting wh...

sugarvalves [1963573] — On the 18th of March, JFA member Hildegarde announced that he had hit 1 billion stats in just 370 days . Torn City does not record data regarding how fast a player achieves their battle stats, so we cannot confirm whether this is indeed a record, but it seems to be commonly accepted among the people that Hildegarde has indeed beaten the previous figure of 450+ days. Pictured: Hildegarde's sweet graphs. Having browsed the statistics of players who are just slightly younger than Hildegarde, I can confirm that this record will stand for some time at least, since his nearest challenger joined our city in July 2017 and holds a paltry 173million in battle stats. What a pathetic, weak b***ard. So how exactly did Hildegarde achieve such a feat? How could a complete novice develop a stat-boosting regime that would make most players chew their own lips off with envy? The answer to this is deceptively simple. Hildegarde is a restart. "I was previously UrumiKan...

sugarvalves [1963573] — The Torn City Council has finally revealed its plans to mark the very first St Relentless Day, with the festivities on offer set to make St Patrick's Day look like a toddler's tea party by comparison. As previously discussed in this newspaper , the people of Torn will be treated to a brand new alcoholic drink known as Green Stout, which may be found tomorrow secreted at various locations around City Hall. Those who are lucky enough to grab themselves a bottle of this bizarre concoction will enjoy what is said to be the most potent, nerve-boosting alcoholic beverage Torn City has ever seen. And unlike Love Juice, its effects will not be limited to the March 17th holiday alone. There will be additional supplies given out as prizes to those who place highly in the St Patrick's Regrets and St Relentless' Day Artwork contests, and further shipments of Green Stout will be provided every St Patrick's Day / St Relentless' Day for the foreseea...

sugarvalves [1963573] — In January of this year, the Torn City Times published its first-ever stocks report. This article proved to be one of the most popular articles in recent months, and with many of our predictions proving reasonable accurate we have decided to make this a regular feature. So without further ado, here is our rundown of the stock market activity of the past two months. TCSE 2 Month Low: $12,964 2 Month High: $13,873 The TCSE's price is at its highest since August 15, with the market in good health and experiencing high demand overall - making it the exact opposite of that famous person who is dying who you really don't care for. All of this comes despite concerns aired in January regarding suspicious activity around some notable firms, concerns which were later swatted aside by an award-winning article in this very paper.. Mc Smoogle Corp 2 Month Low: $1,152 2 Month High: $1,420 This stock has been growing like a big boy full of milk over the past five mon...