Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — Last week the Torn City Times announced the imminent introduction of a news ticker as a means of delivering delicious nuggets of news directly to your brain. Today, we're offering you a glimpse of this future with our very first bulletin column - The Weak in News. TWIN contains a selection of short bulletins which will eventually be linked via the news feed and form the majority of the paper's output, although longer features and player articles will still be published where appropriate. The content of these bulletins will be dictated by the rumours our reporting team has heard alongside snippets sent in by you, the unwashed public. If you've got a shady secret up your sleeve or a repugnant rumour stuffed down your trousers, tell the TCT team, and it may just appear in these very pages. So without further ado, let's find out who's been battering who to death in Torn City lately: This is The Weak in News. A DEHT Paid in Blood Following Cham...

Franky [1529693] — Four months ago I began to build a Dirty Bomb. In two weeks, I expect a knock on my door from the feds just for writing that very sentence. For those of you who don't know, a Dirty Bomb is an item which can only be produced by a faction. When one is deployed against another faction, it injures their members and removes a large amount of respect - sometimes obliterating them entirely - as well as causing waves of hospitalizations across Torn City. The chance to build a Dirty Bomb is rare indeed, requiring amongst other things, the cash flow to afford the necessary items (cesium, hazmat suit) and a position of leadership in a competent faction - something which most players may never come to possess. With that in mind, as the first person to successfully build a bomb after faction trees were released, I put together this little article with some interesting info intended to illuminate those who have never experienced the warm glow of radioactive success. Despite ...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Several weeks ago it was revealed via the weekly Patch List that something called a news ticker was currently in development. I can confirm that this is indeed the case - my name is right there next to it - however, since this news came during the run-up to Elimination, the announcement went largely unheralded. If only we'd had some way of promoting this story. A news ticker perhaps? Today, I can exclusively reveal further information about this forthcoming feature, and I will also explain how you, yes you, can help contribute to its success. But first, let me feed you the juicy details regarding the biggest shake-up in Torn's media since a very small decrease was made to Television Company profits. The news ticker aims to provide Torn citizens with 24/7 access to the latest breaking stories. Upon its release, the ticker will appear in the grey striped bar beneath the links and search box which was previously used to display major announcements and tr...

Wollongong [12833] — In recent weeks there has been a noticeable increase in cases of alleged bullying. I use the word alleged because, in a city where the entire economic fabric is based on crimes and wrong-doing, anti-social behaviour is something to be expected. Still, even among criminals, there are ethics to consider. While the Code of Thieves has proven to be somewhat mythical, it cannot be denied that even the worst criminals are human beings inside. To verify this, I visited the jail and asked the inmate with the longest penalty (almost 10 hours) if he was human. The answer was that, indeed, he was. Yet, despite the humanity of us all, some of us are still singled out and grouped upon. Claims have been made against both staff and players in the past 24 hours alone, with all of this coming hot on the heels of the Pink Power 204 controversy. But in Torn City, where bountying and repeated hospitalisations are considered the norm, where players can lose a year's earnings in...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Two weeks ago a post by TV Director Pascal revealed that the next company type authorised to operate in Torn would be a mining corporation . The permit to found such a firm will cost $4.5billion, it will begin with a maximum of eight employees until upgraded, and the entry requirements for any vacancies will be high enough to prevent our city's stupidest, laziest and non-limber from ever gaining a position. This news will undoubtedly prove distressing to those of us who are not bodybuilders, brainiacs or ballerinas, and it remains to be seen whether people with lesser abilities may be allowed to apply in future. After all, if a man with the intellectual ability of a cat turd can become the leader of the free world, how could any of us be judged unqualified to dig rocks out of the ground? And for anyone offended by that comment due to their political allegiance, I should warn you that your expressions of saltiness are soon to become heavily devalued. Sinc...

sugarvalves [1963573] — To the uninitiated, Torn's forums can be an unforgiving beast - I certainly thought so when I first arrived here. My initial impression was that the message boards were a place where many people reckoned something, but few knew much of anything worth knowing. Some would argue that this remains the case today. I would argue that. I would argue that until my face was so blue I looked like a throttled smurf. However, soon I began to notice that among the few level-headed people out there, one in particular often had the right take on almost every topic: Sweeney Todd . Every one of his comments was 100k retweet worthy; whether it was a line on the federal jailing of an errant faction leader or his musings on a forthcoming update, Sweeney seemed to have this knack of being able to cut straight to the point and offer an impartial view on the major happenings in Torn City. (Honestly, I reckon he could sort this business out in an afternoon) And I'm not the o...

lickdapoo [1827223] — Political Assassinations- The holy grail of organised crime? Torn is a city plagued by crime and carnage. A place where burning warehouses and bomb flashes illuminate the evening sky; as if trying to compete with the fading light of the setting sun against the skyline of this forsaken settlement. This is a place where crime isn't so much a questionable career choice; it is the bread and butter of a whole population. Hijackings, bombings and robberies are part and parcel of living in a big city according to our leader Chedburn, yet this is a situation no other place on Earth would tolerate. The countless murders committed here every day make Ciudad Juarez feel like a welcoming family resort. But even amongst all this carnage, there is one startling statistic which somehow manages to stand head and shoulders above all others. In the past twelve months, there have been 2658 attempted Political Assassinations. 1959 were successful. To investigate the grotesque p...

sugarvalves [1963573] — In the wake of his embarrassing attempt to manipulate the course of the Elimination competition, you may have thought The Duke would be keen to avoid the limelight while his considerable ego recovers from the thrashing inflicted upon it by Pink Power's legions of ladies and ladyboys. But to expect such an act of self-chastisement from someone like Shirley Prima Dante Calabrese is a forlorn hope indeed. Pictured: In the left hand, a small quantity of hope. In the right, an abundance of excrement. On the 29th of September The Duke posted a thread announcing the start of the 'Dead Guy Lottery' , the aim of which was to call in unpaid loans with the help of Torn's perpetually greedy and ever-feral general public. Duke started by directing people's attention towards Egypt and tie_dyed1 ; both of whom are known clients of his. Then, Duke instructed his army of loyal sycophants to attack these indebted individuals without mercy until their fees...