Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — Untruthful Employee, REPENT! Smut peddler, REPENT! Faction usurper, REPENT! Mug-baiter, REPENT! Child corrupter, REPENT! Cuckoldress, REPENT! Greetings and salutations my flagitious flock. I, Pastor Williams, have returned to provide ye with the guidance ye so dearly deserve. I have received a number of interesting confessions over the past few months, and many dull ones too. Here is a selection of some of the most abhorrent sins that have passed my most holy desk this year, and my advice on how one should go about absolving them. "My company director didn't hire the maximum amount of people. I was about to tell them that they could hire people and that some people weren't in it for the pay, but I realized that he wouldn't be giving rotational trains as often. I decided to keep my mouth shut..." The Pastor's Response "Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive s...

Manuito [2225097] — Discover what Manuito's Torn companion app for mobile is all about, who should download it, and why it has received official backing from the developers! Public displays of affection are rare in Torn City - unless you're on a mission for Duke and he's making you kiss someone. But we're not here to talk about those types of PDA today. Instead, I'd like to draw your attention to Torn PDA, a mobile application created by me, Manuito, that is officially backed by Torn. What Is Torn PDA? Torn PDA is a mobile phone application, available for Android and iOS, which aims to make it easier for players to access key game data and sections as efficiently as possible. With Torn's official iOS app having been pulped to make Grindr Dark Mode removed from the Apple store , Torn PDA is currently the only Torn app available on Apple devices - our Google Play version remains available here . What Does Torn PDA Do? Torn PDA gives you easy access to most of ...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Two new specials added to Lingerie offerings. Company profits boosted. Revamped firm set to attract importers, nudists, and cheapskates. The Directors of Torn’s few remaining Lingerie Stores have received a boost today with the news that their companies have received a major upgrade. Lingerie Stores are currently the least popular company type to work for, with just 99 people content to make a living selling lacey underwear to women and sexually adventurous men. These 99 employees are spread across 39 Lingerie Stores in total, of which only 14 are active, making this the second-least popular company type to own after Theaters (11 active). Pictured: A proposal to combine the two as Lingerie Theaters was sadly scrapped. Of the 14 active Lingerie Stores, six of them are ten-star companies, with three rated at nine stars, and one each on eight, seven, four, three, and one-star - the one-star Sleeping Giants firm appears to be inactive. Lingerie stores make roughl...

ArttiIsGod [1954421] — Celebrate a half-century of Torn Crosswords with a bumper prize pool and a new and improved puzzle. Hello and welcome to the Torn City Times Crossword #50. Yes, that's right, we're celebrating our fiftieth edition today, and we're astonished that nobody tried to stop us after the first. To mark this occasion we'll be giving out some big prizes for this month's puzzle, but first, let's look back at the winners of Crossword #49. Crossword #49 The answer to Crossword #49 was " Leslie misses you, you never write! " The first person to answer correctly was: Aaassh . Our three random runner-ups were ngv , Firelord_Zuko , JackKelly . Congratulations! Your prizes will be sent shortly. SirBunny will also receive some Donator Packs, as he managed to make an eye-friendly crossword for us to use to display the results. Look at that penmanship. How does he manage that with his little bunny paws? Crossword #50 Our fiftieth crossword can b...

sugarvalves [1963573] — How many points were earned on Museum Day? Who has the biggest bank investment profit? And why should you avoid playing poker this week? Find out all this and more in our Local News Roundup If I were to round up some news for you, would that be something you would enjoy? Good, because like the faithful current affairs sheepdog that I am, I've gone and done it. POINT BREAK? Did Museum Day almost crash the points market into smithereens? Let's find out with the help of Torn's resident Economist, Lt_Wolf . " There are no plans to reduce the Pawn Shop offer. " Uh, okay. End of story then I guess. Or not, because Museum Day was still rather interesting. A quick look at the point market price graph shows that prices dropped as low as $45,379 per point on the 18th of May, which is just $400 above the $45k price offered by Felix at the pawn shop. The price of points had been close to the pawn price in early 2021, but as we approached Museum Day,...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Torn Hospital chief hits out at citizens' use of "immoral" life extension techniques. Loanshark, croupier, human rabbit man seen leaving controversial clinic. City responds with larger loot limit. The head of the Torn City Hospital has called on the authorities to shut down a controversial east-side clinic after a number of high-profile citizens were seen attending the facility for treatment. Witnesses reported that the likes of Duke Calabrese, Fingers Fernando, and the Easter Bunny were spotted leaving the Ravenscroft Center this weekend, but TCH boss Erich Hoffman urged people to avoid the clinic, claiming the life-extending treatments on offer are immoral and ungodly. “The Ravenscroft Center claims to offer a range of life-extending treatments to its customers. I have seen the results of these therapies, and the science behind them is sound. What I disagree with profoundly is their use of stem cells harvested from children. Stem cells are usu...

sugarvalves [1963573] — 10% more points on offer for item and set exchanges at the Museum from 17th - 19th. Find out how other citizens are using the Museum Day event to earn big! The 2006 documentary film "Night at the Museum" tells the tragic story of a drug-addled nightwatchman who loses his grip on reality and proceeds to molest as many wax Neanderthals as he can before being taken out by a police sniper. But if one were to spend a night at the Torn Museum this week, you would never get away with such escapades, as our city's cultural epicentre will be choc-a-bloc with real Neanderthals thanks to the arrival of Museum Day. From noon on Monday the 17th, Torn City's world-renowned slightly s**t Museum will pay out 10% more points than usual in exchange for various items of intrigue. Museum Day lasts until noon TCT on the 19th of May, and will no doubt cause a huge haul of points, plushies, and pretty flowers to be parted with before the event is over. Pictured:...

LosGoobos [2239140] — Introducing a trust-based passive income strategy that could change the way you invest money in Torn City. Losgoobos shares his insights and calculations regarding the practice known as Buddy Banking. One of the fundamental principles of finance is that money makes money. The more money you have, the more you can make. This is also true in Torn City, but to a lesser extent than in the real world, as in order to keep the game balanced, the authorities have to impose limits on how much money you can invest. What if I told you there was a way to surpass these limits in a completely legal way? What if you could potentially invest an unlimited amount of excess funds in return for significant passive gain? That's something you'd be interested in, right? Of course you would, so let me explain to you the system of Buddy Banking. Buddy Banking Let me begin by saying that despite the corny name, Buddy Banking is a legitimate way to make good money in Torn. I woul...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Find out how Torn's new minimum turn length will affect attacks, scripts, muggings, and major competitions. An announcement by Chedburn on today's Patch List has just confirmed that each attacking turn will now take a minimum of one second. This lower limit has been applied uniformly to all attacks for all players, regardless of their internet connection, finger speed, or scripts that are in use. This change should be barely noticeable before long, but will nevertheless serve to solve a number of issues related to fairness and balancing. If you’d like to see what an agonising one-second delay looks like, take a look at this example gif here: Pictured: Thanks to Untouchable for posting this embedded version in the Committee. As you can see, a one-second turn doesn’t impact greatly on the flow of a fight and will not provide an advantage that was not there before. Players who attack roughly once every second can still do so if they're quick enough,...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Find out who won what in our Easter Community Events and raffle. Hint: if you haven't heard from us already, it wasn't you. The Easter Community events have now been judged - although you may have realised this already thanks to a thread made by the ever-gracious _Don_Corleone_. Everyone who has been awarded a prize or a special mention should have now received their items and honor bars. We've also finished running our Easter Mega-raffle too, with the random number generator used to assign prizes ranging from wonderful to absolutely f***ing woeful. Read on to find out who won what, how they won it, and where you can complain if you feel we made the wrong choice. EASTER ART COMPETITION The Easter Art contest asked players to draw the Easter Bunny NPC going about his little bunny adventures in Torn City, and as usual with these kinds of events, we received a stupidly high number of excellent entries. I think it bears repeating that the standard of...