Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — With the activation of Dirty Bombs now just days away, we ask an important question: Who has a dirty bomb, and what are their plans? The release of Dirty Bombs is imminent. During a clandestine meeting with Chedburn on New Year's Eve, this reporter was informed of the date of activation under oath of secrecy. All citizens and factions must prepare for a Dirty Bomb detonation immediately, for those who do not will soon come to regret it. Pictured: A graphically pleasing interpretation of what mass human casualties may look like. The authorities have informed me that there are currently 66 Dirty Bombs ready to blow in Torn City. Of these, four are in the hands of just one player, with a further three apiece each held by three more citizens. To protect their rights to anonymity, I cannot name either the individual players or factions who hold Dirty Bombs. What I can reveal is that the two sides of the forthcoming war both hold an alarming number of nuclear d...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Torn Medical robbed, LONDON drama and how to make billions from millions in our latest roundup of the past month's local news. Christmas is dead. We are now in a period known as the festive perineum, it being the boring bit of skin between the bursting package on the 25th and the gaping cavity of filth known as New Year's Eve. But the past month in Torn City has been anything but dull, as you're about to find out by reading our recap of December's local news. TORN MEDICAL ROBBED? Torn Medical has been in the spotlight a lot lately, having found itself caught up in the political strife which emerged after the Insurgency Alliance was declared. Various leaders have been given control of this reviving faction since then, but former leader Frostyboy seems to have taken his expulsion as badly as a teenager who got socks for Christmas, having made a series of damaging accusations against the faction ever since his sudden dismissal. In his most rece...

Stewie [1494547] — Let's look through all the changes and fixes which have been made throughout the week as listed in Wednesday's Patch list, and what they mean for you. Updates, Changes, and Additions - [CT] Reduced Grinch speed in the "Snowball Shooter" mini-game in CT Ahab reported here that the Grinch in "Snowball Shooter" (87,52) was too fast, and hard to hit. nikitad marked this as Fixed, and confirmed that the developers had decreased the Grinch's speed. - [CT] Changed "Pot high scores" to "Recent pot wins" and "Score" to "Items" in the result table in Pot Arrow reported here that the list of winners for the "Pot" (104,68) game was displaying the Recent Winners, and Scores columns as "Pot high scores" and "Scores"--as Pot isn't score based, Catherine changed these columns to "Recent pot wins", and "Items" respectively. - Fixed donation page donations...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Further giveaway to take place this Wednesday. Read on to find a hint as to the secret cash code required. As his 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway event comes to a close, Duke Calabrese is set to hand out even more free crap to ungrateful bastards this coming Wednesday, with his vast inventory of parcels, Christmas presents and birthday gifts made available to the public once more - in return for a small fee. Duke's first parcel giveaway took place on October 31st when citizens who wished to receive a parcel were required to send him a secret cash amount, one that was appropriate given the date. The number was soon revealed to be $666, the number of the beast, which was chosen because the event took place on Hallowe'en. 5,009 people guessed this figure correctly - or found the right number in the forums - and each of those who sent Duke $666 received a parcel containing one of a range of gifts, including Erotic DVDs, Trenchcoats, Snowboards, Laptops an...

Bainz [2101476] — Emotions are high after a brief but intense war raged. Read on to find out what started it, how it ended, and when tensions might flare up again. By now, most of Torn will be aware of the short yet intense war that took place only a few days ago. But do you know the real reason it began? And are you aware of just how many factions were involved? If not, allow us to bring you up to speed. In our article on the topic earlier this week, we explained how the triumvirate of Subversive Alliance, We Are Rising and One Punch had mercilessly assaulted some territories held by Mentos and Cola. At the time, we didn't know exactly why this SA-led attack on MnC had taken place, but we did know that it heavily inconvenienced Chain Reaction - SA's allies - who were using MnC as chain sluts. Since then, we've learned that this altercation started for the same reason many fights break out in Torn City: greed. MnC wanted some territories from WAR and so they took one. W...

ArttiIsGod [1954421] — More presents for you, dear citizens, than you could ever possibly dream of. And a few leftovers too! Hello and welcome to the Torn City Times Christmas Crossword Edition. This year you don't have to learn a poem to get your presents, it is enough to solve this mighty crossword for your gift receiving satisfaction. And what a gift it is too, for we have stolen a limited edition Cheesus from Duke to give to the winner, as well as £250 million dollars for pudding. How's about that then, you greedy boys and girls. But before we begin, you're going to listen to me tell you how Christmas always reminds me of this scene from a movie with a Grinch. He is standing on top of a mountain yelling names from the phone book: " Albert, you are stupid! " he shouts, to which a distant voice responds " ... you are stupid. " The Grinch is confused, but continues with the next name: " Arthur, you are stupid! " And again, a distant voice a...

Proxima [1879587] — Let's look through all the changes and fixes which have been made throughout the week as listed in Tuesday's Patch list, and what they mean for you. Updates, Changes and Additions - Releasing Christmas Town 2018 (Staged release in progress today) Christmas Town 2018 was officially released yesterday after an accidental opening at the beginning of the month. Players may wander around collecting cans, candies and other items, play a selection mini-games and explore the mini-christmasverse in full. Santa may also give you a little gift if you can find him every day! - Added event for 12th December 'Universal Health Care Day': 75% hospital time reduction On the 12th of December, users will find that any time they spend in hospital will be quartered. Amusingly this reduction is applied to the final summed hospital time, meaning that for example if a user were to attempt to stack SEDs , they would find it incredibly difficult to build up a long hospital...

Bainz [2101476] — Is Insurgency crumbling already? Will Chain Reaction be forced to ditch Mentos n Cola as a wall slut? Or have the actions of Subversive Alliance revealed a hidden truth? Early on Sunday afternoon, just before the ass crack of the evening sun fell down on Torn City, an everyday respect wall chain turned ugly, putting a strain on the recently announced Insurgency Alliance between Subversive Alliance , Relentless , Chain Reaction and Forged Through War . It was approximately 3:00 PM TCT on Sunday, December 16th, 2018 when the aforementioned incident occurred. Mentos and Cola (MnC) were participating as wall sluts for Chain Reaction 's (CR) five-wall chain when out of nowhere Subversive Alliance (SA) decided MnC needed a hug. Shortly after, We Are Rising (WAR) and One Punch (OP) decided a group hug would be best and elected to join in the fun as well. For those of you new to wall wars, wall slutting is when a faction declares a territory war for the purpose of...

sugarvalves [1963573] — What does Aunty think about the forthcoming war? What do you do when you're on a mugger's blacklist? And what is the point of a Poison Mistletoe? Aunty Torn answers all these and more! Hello dearies. Aunty here. Now then, before I get to your letters I'm going to make myself an early-morning eggnog Martini. I decided I may as well indulge seeing as we'll all be dead from war soon enough. It seems t here are lots of young, aspiring whipper-snappers around right now who are hoping to give themselves a leg-up in Torn's hierarchy. I suppose we will see if their energy and zeal can propel them to the top... or if their recklessness gets them put in time out. I asked around the old folks home what they thought of the upcoming war... It took a bit to wake them from their naps and stop them from rambling about the good ole days, but they seem a bit fired up. I even saw Grandpa Gonzo sharpening his walking stick! They've had many years to grow ...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Tens of billions of dollars' worth of items set to be dumped or handed out by city loan shark. Poison Mistletoe, Welding Helmets and several new items among those offered. The annual Twelve Days of Christmas Giveaway competition run by Duke Calabrese has begun today with the release of a thousand Poison Mistletoe items into the city dump. Citizens who are interested in acquiring this rare item are therefore encouraged to visit the Torn landfill site at various times during Friday, as our city's loan shark has promised to continue dumping Poison Mistletoes throughout the day. Pictured: Enjoy For those of you who are averse to the idea of smelling like fried excrement and expired mayonnaise, Poison Mistletoes can also be acquired by visiting Duke's Day One forum thread and responding to his request for pictures of you kissing someone or something you love. Duke will be posting another of these challenges each day to mark the dumping of a new item, ...