Torn City Times

sugarvalves [1963573] — 4th and 7th ranked HoF factions confirm formal alliance. Fear / admiration of Relentless were motivating factors say leaders. Full merger not considered according to Xanty and MeanMike. A leaked discord screenshot has revealed that PT-Family and Chain Reaction , two of Torn City's biggest factions, have formed an official alliance. The leaders of both factions have confirmed this union to the Torn City Times, with CR leader MeanMike describing the agreement as “a commitment to each other to face the coming days in Torn City side-by-side”. “Our alliance entails defending our region together. PT and CR and their conglomerates are happy in our little section of the map. Things are peaceful and good and we have been tight neighbors for quite some time now, making it an official alliance is just a formality as both factions learned long ago, we are lucky to have each other as neighbors and it doesn’t behoove either faction to have the other removed. I'll...

Larrystooge [2173171] — How do you face zero consequences, but still punish your enemies by placing 100's of bounties that won't ever be traced back to you? Welcome to Bounty Depot! If you don't have the stats but you do have the cash, Torn's bounty system offers players a way to take down their rivals without putting themselves in harm's way. But what if your foe requires some extra special attention? What if this person is so irritating, so worthy of punishment that the maximum ten bounties just wouldn't cut it? That's when you use a bulk bounty service. What is a Bulk Bounty Service? It's exactly what it sounds like. In exchange for a small fee, my team of bounty placers, Bounty Depot, will max out their own bounty limits to ensure that your target receives their fair share and more. Players simply come to us with the name of their target and the cash, and we do the rest. The best part of this system is that the number of bounties we can place is l...

sugarvalves [1963573] — How can you increase intelligence? Why should you give your boss a formal resignation letter? And how do you write for the Newspaper? Aunty Torn answers all this and more in her latest advice column Hello lovelies! Aunty Torn is back with more answers to your questions. This month, we've had some queer old queries indeed, with incessant gamblers, inept muggers, and low-intelligence numpties all seeking answers from Aunty. So let's waste no more time and find out what they've been asking and how I can help! Dear Auntie I lost 50% of my networth to poker and somehow I still go back and play it. Am I sick, Aunty? Handsomevincent Dear Vincent, Yes. But if you enjoy playing poker, then this is a sickness not worth fretting over. If you didn't gamble away your earnings, what else would you do with them? If you can think of a more worthwhile and enjoyable way to spend your money, then by all means do that. If not, don't beat yourself up over some...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Newly-updated electronics item intended for minor energy use. All existing consoles converted for your convenience and pleasure. Further electronic items to follow suit. Hundreds of pale-looking men with questionable hygiene and nothing better to do have been seen queuing up at the item market today for a chance to get their hands on the brand new Games Console. The Games Console is a generically named gaming device that has been imported from China, where unscrupulous engineers have cobbled together parts from various existing consoles to create a machine specifically suited to the needs of Torn citizens. Import restrictions imposed upon Torn in the early 2000s have meant that Torn’s gamer community has been unable to access the latest consoles for nearly two decades now, leaving them stuck with the original generations of the Playstation and Xbox. Back in 2018, one brave soul attempted to smuggle fifty PS4's into Torn, but was caught by US customs and f...

Bennyh [157211] — How do you progress as a member of staff? Are there things you can achieve like a normal player? Read on to find out how BennyH's journey as a Torn staff member took him from Helper to Officer There are many guides available that can teach you how to progress various aspects of your gameplay in Torn, from building battle stats and earning money through to earning merits and winning competitions. But one area of Torn that is almost never spoken about is the path of progression within the ranks of staff. How does someone move up from helper to moderator to officer? What must you prove to be considered for such an important behind-the-scenes role in Torn City? And what exactly do these roles entail? Let's find out by looking back on my personal journey from Helper to Officer. Applying To Be a Helper Everyone starts at the bottom. Grif’s guide covers in detail what a Helper's duties are, but in short, these particular staff members serve to answer player q...

Jazeejas [2389664] — After 8 weeks of races, we have reached the conclusion of the Spring edition of the Justice League Tournament. Read on for a recap of all the fun. After weeks of fierce competition, through seven rounds of qualifiers and an exciting Championship Week, we have reached the end of the Spring edition of the Justice League Tournament (JLT). This third iteration of JLT was bigger, faster, and better than ever, with over 800 participants of varying skill levels involved in the competition. The JLT's format is unique in that it gives every racer a chance to win great prizes. The tournament divides racers into one of seven leagues based upon their racing skill, with some leagues broken down even further based upon their number of participants. Each league runs seven weeks of qualifiers to determine the top three racers, each of whom progresses to Championship Week. During Championship Week, the qualifiers race on a different track each day, with daily points awar...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Police ask citizens to "be vigilant" and "stay the f**k inside" following reports of sledgehammer attacks across Torn City. Suspect described as "huge", "hyperactive", and "kinda French". Torn's citizens have been told to lock their doors and be on the lookout after a sledgehammer-wielding maniac was seen breaking into several properties across the city late on Monday night. Pictured: Or, he was attempting to deliver a hammer? Let's not judge the guy. Eyewitnesses described the man as muscular, hyperactive, and "twitching like a man possessed by ghosts or some s**t". In an interview with the Torn City Times, one woman revealed that the assailant took nothing of value from her home, and when confronted as to why he was on her property, he apparently started to ramble at her in French, before leaving shortly afterward. The woman, who did not want to be named, criticised the emergency services ...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Find out how much blood you could squeeze out during World Blood Donor Day under the new medical item mechanics. Blood is great, isn't it? Without blood, we'd have no way of getting oxygen to our brains, the nutrients we consume would never be absorbed, and you would have no way of knowing if someone has made a hole in your back with a box cutter. That happens more often than you'd think, given my line of work. But I have it on good authority that you, yes you, do not need all of your blood. Future you needs it more. And that's why you're going to pump out a few litres of the red stuff this weekend, as Torn City awaits the biggest World Blood Donor Day in history! HOW MAKE BLOOD GO SQUIRT To withdraw blood, citizens must first complete the BIO2127 Intravenous Therapy Education course. Once you've achieved this qualification, you'll need to head on over to the item market and purchase yourself some Empty Blood Bags - you cannot stor...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Find out the leaked details of the union between Relentless and Mentos and Cola. Read on to hear how one brave reporter was targeted as a result of his inquiries. Relentos Pepsi proposed as new name. The Torn City Times can confirm that the rumours of a merger between Relentless and Mentos and Cola are true. In an incredibly brief interview with Relentless' leader Hank, the Torn City Times was given the following comment: "It’s not over the line yet, once it is we will hype it via the newspaper." No, you won't. TIMES JOURNALIST TARGETED In a brutal act of journalistic oppression, Torn City Times reporter Aaassh has been slapped with a slew of bounties for simply asking the wrong questions. Earlier this week, I asked a number of my reporters to investigate the Relentless - MnC merger to see if any further information could be found. Their efforts were successful, and you will find details of the merger later on in this article. But given that...

sugarvalves [1963573] — Tag-collecting event moved to Spring 2022 in order to break up period of attacking competitions. New events to be considered in future. Player suggestions encouraged. Chedburn has confirmed that the 2021 Dog Tags tournament has been cancelled, with the tournament set to return next year with an earlier start date of May. The rescheduling of one of Torn's biggest attacking events had been mooted for some time, and our Community Manager bogie confirmed the news in response to Dog Tags' removal from the calendar in a thread last week . Pictured: The Torn Calendar for 2021. Chedburn has now double-confirmed the temporary absence of Dog Tags in his latest Patch List . When interviewed by the Torn City Times, the Torn supremo confirmed that Dog Tags was moved due to the community suffering from attack fatigue towards the end of the year. "Players expressed a desire to split up the attacking-related events to other months of the year, as previously ther...

sugarvalves [1963573] — PunKake takes $100 million prize. Three runner-ups receive $10 million. Read on to find out which rules and suggestions you must follow to have your comic accepted. PunKake has won the inaugural Economist's Comic Prize for May, with his outstanding effort nabbing the artist a cool $100 million. The Economist, aka Lt_Wolf, decided to offer this prize in an attempt to improve the level of comics submitted to the Torn City Times. "It was a tough choice between the Human Wall and the Bisected Pilot. I love how both highlight the subtle absurdity of life on Torn. Ultimately the art style of the Human Wall secured the win." Pictured: PunKake's winning entry. PunKake's illustrative style is both unique and highly refined, and this is precisely the kind of entry we want to see in the Torn City Times comic section. There were lots of good entries last month, and we hope this continues with the $100 million prize on offer once more in June. And in...

g_ho [1261819] — Is this your month to make plans or lie low? Should you be in the stock market or on the battlefields? Check in with your monthly Torn horoscope to see what the stars have in mind for you. GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUN 20) Grab that Xanax, because between Mercury being in retrograde, stressful Mars in your money zone, and hotheaded Pluto in your social zone, you’re starting out the month a little rough. Don’t overreact or pop your top, and certainly don’t throw a lot of your money at anything early in the month. Just take it easy and watch plans already in action do their thing. Then you’ll get your personal new year starting on the 10 th with an eclipse! This is when you should do something radical with your game, if you’d been thinking it at all. Lay your new path and think of ways to work smarter, not harder. CANCER (JUN 21 - JUL 22) In just a few short weeks you take center stage, but until then, it’s time to take stock of your year. Get rid of anything weighing you dow...